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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

Original poster

Should I really feel bad if I don't want to breastfeed ??...................................................

121 replies

bubsylocket · 19/09/2005 10:12

I am 14 weeks pg today and have had the meeting with MW who insists that I breastfeed !!! I didn't with my DD1 and really enjoyed the fact that DH could help out but now I am having second thoughts about breastfeeding - should I feel bad if I don't ????

OP posts:
NomDePlume · 19/09/2005 14:40

You should not feel bad about not wanting to breastfeed. How you feed your baby is nobody elses business but yours (and DH/DP).

That said, I do think that 14 weeks pregnant is a bit early to be making final decisions about how you wish to rear your child.

harpsichordcarrier · 19/09/2005 14:56

lol at fruitful
I think it is far to early to make any decisions at this stage. boooo, hisssss to the insisting midwife. practice what you will say to her next time e.g. I'm not sure, I need to think about it, have you got a leaflet (they like to give you leaflets...)

All you can do now is think about why you are having "second thoughts" - talk about it with dh, your friends, even people on MN. No-one has the right to make you feel bad about this.

give it some thought - there's ages yet....

Mojomummy · 19/09/2005 14:57

Hi, is there a reason you don't want to breastfeed ? Don't want to get into breast v bottle debate, just curious about your reasons

hunkermunker · 19/09/2005 14:58

Yes, just to add to the too early posts - the midwife asked me at 13 weeks how I'd feed the baby when pg with DS. I said, "Through the placenta for a good while yet, I hope!"

Try a bit of good-natured sarcasm. It often works

Aragon · 19/09/2005 15:01

Don't feel bad. Just enjoy your baby and feed him/her in any way you want. I wanted to breastfeed and it didn't work out for me - nearly 3 years later I have a happy and healthy son. Okay - so I know there are good reasons to breastfeed but also there are good reasons not to. One of them being "I'd rather not..."

paolosgirl · 19/09/2005 15:03

She actually insisted?? Crikey, are you going to complain?

madmarchhare · 19/09/2005 15:04

Aragon.

Spoo · 19/09/2005 15:35

Never feel guilty for any choices you make!

Shoot me - but I never fancied the idea of breastfeeding. I did try but because 'it didn't come easy' I opted for the bottle. I am pregnant with the second and I do not regret my decision and will probably give a bottle to my second. Call me selfish but I wanted my body back after 9 months of carrying the baby. I also think it helped my DH bond better.

No one has the right to tell you how to bring up your own children. You make the best decisions based on your feelings and your situation!

Iklboo · 19/09/2005 15:43

Yes - you are evil!

NO!! Only joking. Of course you shouldn't feel bad. It's your baby, your body. You do what makes you feel comfortable.
I've been adamant from day one that I WILL breastfeed, but that's personal choice - and I've no idea if it will be succesful.
Enjoy your pregnancy - and you can always ask to change your MW if you think she's being too pushy/unsupportive.

Elf1981 · 19/09/2005 15:44

Bubsylocket - it's totally your decision and dont let anybody make you feel guilty for what you choose.
I'm nearly 37 weeks pregnant and am going to give breastfeeding a try. TBH before I got pregnant I did not want to even think about breastfeeding, but my DH really wanted me to give it a go. So we made a deal... I'd give breastfeeding a try if he sold his motorbike which I always considered a death trap! I'm being open minded, just going to see how it all goes. Bizarrely my mum tried to talk me out of breastfeeding!
You could give it a go and see how you feel. If you know right away it's not for you, then stop. I've told DH that if I am struggling / finding it too hard then we'll go to bottles and he's happy with that.

berolina · 19/09/2005 15:52

PMSL fruitful!

Bubsylocket - no, don't feel bad! It's entirely up to you how you feed. But why not give bf a try? As hunkermunker wisely said, it's 1,000,000 times easier to change to bottlefeeding than to breastfeeding. Aside from the health benefits, there's the sheer convenience of it and the money-saving factor!
If you do decide to try and find it difficult at the beginning, there is support you can get (not least on MN! ).
DH can help out in so many other ways - bathing, nappy-changing, comforting, dressing, playing... If he really wants to feed, you can, as dinosaur says, give ebm in a bottle after bf is established.
Good luck with the pg

roosmum · 19/09/2005 15:53

no, of course not!

but have to agree with those that say give it a go & see what you think then?? fwiw i've bf now for 7.5 mths & think it's great...& you know all abt the benefits to baby.

BUT it's totally up to you.

roosmum · 19/09/2005 15:54

fruitful

Original poster
bubsylocket · 19/09/2005 17:33

Thanks again for support ladies. I think because when I had DD1, there was a lady in the next bed and after she said she wanted to try bf and her baby didn't take to it at all - she was not allowed home until he'she latched on so to be honest it is scaring the life out of me now. With DD1 I was adamant that I would bottle feed and my MW was very understanding, now I have a different MW who insists breat is best and it's driving me mad ........................... I would love to try it but hate the thought that once you try and baby doesn't latch on then you are in for a rough ride from the Nurses !!!!!

OP posts:
Original poster
bubsylocket · 19/09/2005 17:34

Thanks again for support ladies. I think because when I had DD1, there was a lady in the next bed and after she said she wanted to try bf and her baby didn't take to it at all - she was not allowed home until he/she latched on so to be honest it is scaring the life out of me now. With DD1 I was adamant that I would bottle feed and my MW was very understanding, now I have a different MW who insists breast is best and it's driving me mad ........................... I would love to try it but hate the thought that once you try and baby doesn't latch on then you are in for a rough ride from the Nurses !!!!!

OP posts:
aloha · 19/09/2005 17:57

Bubsylocket, what rubbish about 'not being allowed out' - I'm sorry that this was the impression you were given, but it's simply not possible for them to say that to you. It's a hospital, not a prison and you can leave any time you like. As for being given a hard time, I seriously doubt it. Most people don't breastfeed, after all.
However, why not try it? You might hate it, but you might like it and it might come very easily to you.

Spoo · 19/09/2005 17:58

The HV who visited me in hospital after two days of trying was incredibly supportive and chatted to me for over an hour. She even told me I would not be a failure if I gave up trying to breast feed. They would only let me out once I had established 'feeding'. I really would not worry as this midwife most likely won't be there when you are trying to bf. Alternatively, could you ask for a change in midwife?

fruitful · 19/09/2005 18:44

When dd was having trouble feeding, they said they wanted me to stay in hospital until she'd fed exclusively from the breast for 24hrs (rather than nasal tube feeds). But they said if I'd been willing to bottle-feed I could go home as soon as the baby had successfully had one bottle-feed.

Obviously their language was wrong - they couldn't stop me going. But I'd have been nuts to leave with a baby that couldn't feed in some form or other.

The point being that if you try bf'ing, it doesn't work, and you switch to bottle feeding in hospital, they've no excuse to ask you to stay in.

Hazellnut · 19/09/2005 18:51

Bubsylocket - Those I know who had trouble establishing bf in hospital were allowed out if they gave a bottle (me included). So it wouldn't be that you would have to establish bf, just feeding of some sort and then you can go home and try to get it sorted at home where there is less stress and pressure. That said, dd never latched on so I expressed for 7 weeks and mixed fed then went solely to formula at 7 weeks and absolutely no regrets. Just do what makes you feel comfortable.

I have never found bottle feeding difficult although I would say that in hospital, if you are kept in for any time, I would imagine it is much easier to bf if you can as you dont' keep having to ring to get the mw to bring bottles of formula !

Hazellnut · 19/09/2005 18:52

Didn't see your post fruitful before I posted !

aloha · 19/09/2005 19:12

This is absolutely shocking. This means women are being actively forced to bottle feed even when they don't intend to. I am genuinely horrified. I just walked out of hospital with ds1 when my milk hadn't even come in. I just told them I was going home! Same with dd (only much quicker that time). It's HOSPITAL, not PRISON. Christ, what do they threaten home-birthers with then?

fruitful · 19/09/2005 19:24

Aloha, in my case, I was feeding expressed milk through a nasal feeding tube. They didn't want me to go home until dd/ds didn't need the tube, since I couldn't put it back in if she/he pulled it out. My town wasn't covered by the on-call baby-tube-putting-back team.

I think dd would have bf'd properly quicker if they'd never put the darn tube in and I'm still a bit cross about that. But ds was 6 weeks prem and would be dead without the tube, and the lovely ebm-bank. I did take him home sooner than they wanted me to, cos I was more confident second time around.

beckybrastraps · 19/09/2005 19:24

Have I got hold of the wrong end of the stick? When ds was born, I had problems establishing breastfeeding. The midwife didn't want me to leave hospital until I had. What's wrong with that? In hospital, you have someone on hand to help when needed. At home, you don't. Of course they want to be sure the baby will be fed before it leaves. I guess if I'd wanted to bottle feed I might have been able to leave sooner, but I didn't. It was my choice. I really don't think it's an unreasonable position for the hospital to take, especially with a first baby.

frannyf · 19/09/2005 19:48

I also was told I couldn't leave until I had established feeding. I quickly realised a) that I was never going to establish feeding when I was completely stressed and uncomfortable in hospital, and b) they couldn't stop me leaving.

Discharged myself, went home, relaxed, all was well. I agree hospitals have an interest in making sure you and the baby are ok before you leave, but this sort of policy does encourage mums to give a bottle or other substitute. I think breastfeeding is much better learnt at home, in your own bed, with a cup of tea and doting relatives on hand to cater to your every whim.

Hazellnut · 19/09/2005 19:52

Aloha - I don't think it was a case of having to bottlefeed - you could have stayed in until you had established bf-ing, or as you say, discharged yourself but not sure how many first time mums would have the confidence to do that (think I would a second time around though). Once out though, there was a lot of support available to establish bf-ing had I not been put off by the bf-ing counsellor in the hospital but that's a whole other story and think this thread might be digressing !!