Should I really feel bad if I don't want to breastfeed ??...................................................

[bubsylocket]

I am 14 weeks pg today and have had the meeting with MW who insists that I breastfeed !!! I didn't with my DD1 and really enjoyed the fact that DH could help out but now I am having second thoughts about breastfeeding - should I feel bad if I don't ????

beckybrastraps, learning to breastfeed in hospital is often nigh on impossible - midwives often don't want to know you're struggling (mine didn't, despite repeated requests for help - they were too busy taking babies away from their second and third-time mums to bottlefeed them so the mums could get some rest ).

I knew I'd do far better at home, so once DS had been checked by the evil paediatrician, I left. Nobody said I couldn't go until he'd fed. And if they had, I'd have lied and said he was feeding well anyway.

Oh, and often midwives know feck all about bfeeding anyway.

It's a confidence/power thing. Hospitals ( and antenatal care providers generally ) use the wrong language and insinuate that they are in charge and you have to do as they say. New mothers are often vulnerable, lack confidence and do not question what the hospital is telling them. I was the same with my first baby. Now onto my third, I would for a start tell the insistant MW that I am informed of the facts of breastfeeding being best, but that it is my baby, my body and my choice, and I would ask her not to talk to me about it again. I would also discharge myself from hospital ( if I wasn't having a homebirth ). Actually - I breastfed dd for 18 months, yet for a variety of reasons I think I am going to bottle feed this next baby. Stick you chin up and don't let them bully you.

Yep, in the hospital I had four different MW's telling me four different things!

Don't feel bad at all. You make up your own mind. I tried to BF dd for about 10 days and it was the worst time of my life. I too like you enjoyed that dh could help out and he bonded better with the child too.
nobody should tell you what to do. You tell them.

In fact I don't think that breast is always best. I have 2 friends whose children were both breastfed untilt he ages of nearly 2 and both children have more allergies and illnesses here and there than anyone I know.

Becky, I think this policy is not only entirely unreasonable but also bullying and totally misguided. Tell women they will have to rot in hospital until breastfeeding is 'established' (er, I don't think I would have said it was 'established' with dd for a few weeks!) or give a bottle and many women will immediately choose the bottle. Also, they can't stop you leaving! They are hospital employees, not bloody warders. Think this is outrageous.

You need to do what feels right for you, of course.

I've agonised over whether or not to post on here because I fear I'll be jumped on by others in the mistaken belief that I'm smug or judgemental.

I have to say though, I have thouroughly enjoyed breastfeeding all of my kids. It has given me untold pleasure and confidence, not to mention practical benefits. I'd love it if more women and babies could share these positive experiences, so I would urge any woman, from the bottom of my heart, to give it a go.

I would point out too, breastfeeding prompts your body to produce love hormones (can't remember the name of them) but I've found this to be just another of the three thousand and one magnificent bonuses.

When I had DS I was made to feel like a total alien because I didn't breast feed him. He was born in Denmark and everyone, without exception it seems, breast feeds, but I couldn't. I did try because I wanted to but after 2 weeks DS had lost so much weight that I switched to bottle feeding. For me, and DS of course, it was so much better, and DH could join in too which really helped in the bonding process. Despite my HV being insistant on breast feeding I got no support what so ever and eventually had to lie to her and tell her that I was breast feeding him. I lived in terror of her asking for a demonstation when she visted but all she said was how well he was doing and that he was thriving. So, to answer your Q, don't feel bad, do what YOU want, not what SHE wants. DS/DD is your baby, enjoy, relax and do what is right for you and the baby.

That's awful that you had to lie to her albert. You shouldn't have been treated like that.

aloha, I'm with you on this. I was very lucky in that all three DD's b'fed like fiends from birth, however I know of at least two mums who were 'kept' in hospital when IMO they would have established b'feeding much more easily and quickly in their own homes. Makes me mad that intelligent adult women can be treated in this way

It made a huge difference to me to get home to my own home, my own bed and have my dh with me. It went from nightmare to really easy almost overnight. It also helped not having horrible agency midwives telling me I was 'starving' my baby. You should have seen the fat little blighter!

No-do what you feel is right.I bf DD2 for 9wks & bottle fed both dd's & can never understand why people say that bottles are a 'hassle'.I'm with fruitful on this one & have never gotten up in the night to make up bottles or had to use bottle warmers.

Good luck whatever you decide to do.

do what you feel comfortable with. when i had my first daughter, i had midwives grabbing my boobs and twisting my nipples etc. trying to get me to feed. at the end of the day, a paediatrician said my daughter was crying cos she was starving!!! i never looked back after that...bottle every time!

I agree with everyone it's your choice - however I just wanted to let you know I didn't want to breastfeed but I thought I'd give it a go and see how it went. I love it.

I've had to introduce formula in bottles once or twice a day as ds may need to go to nursery sooner than I thought and I can't express for some strange reason and I nearly cried when he had his first bottle from my mum .... I love the times when I feed him as they're special to me.

I'm still not putting any pressure on me for how long I will feed for - I'll just see how it goes one day at a time but I am so glad I tried!

i didn't want to breastfeed

i didn't breastfeed

one happy momma, one happy baby

good luck, whatever you decide

ps ready made formula is fabulous in the middleof the night

I've just had a baby and have been through the MW nazi ritual of ' you MUST breastfeed and you're a crap mother if you don't etc etc - no, I don't care that your nipples are cracked and bleeding - you're just not latching him on properly et cetc'. Well, I came home and have been giving him some formula bottles and have just bought a breast pump and have been expressing some breast milk to give to him via a bottle. The MW came round today to give my nipples the obilgatory tweak and has suggested that I try nipple shields as my nips are on the flat side. I'll give these a go and will continue to express and give in bottles if I need to. I felt incredibly guilty that I can't take the pain of having my DS on the breast - and MY GOD it's painful- but at least if I express he will be getting some breast milk. I don't think there is a huge problem with him having a little bit of formula from time to time to supplement this. As long as he gets food! I hope the nipple shields will work and I'll be able to feed DS on the breast - but only because sterlising bottles can be a bit of a faff! But if I have to give via the bottle I will! And I won;t let any MW or other mums make me feel bad about it. The stress of having a razor blades slashing at your nipples is too much to contemplate - I think a happy mum leads to a happy baby and that's what most important.

I know I'm out of date here, but I've just logged on again. There seem to be two polarised arguments here - evil midwives forcing reluctant mothers to breastfeed against their will, and evil midwives forcing reluctant mothers to bottle feed by chaining them to their hospital beds. Maybe I've just been lucky with my very pragmatic midwives! It's great that all you breastfeeding mothers are confident enough to go home and sort things out there, but I wasn't. When ds was small, nothing enraged me more than being told that I knew what was best, because I DIDN'T. I wanted the support and advice of the hospital staff, and they were great. There is no way that I would have been confident to take my baby home without being sure he was actually getting what he needed. In fact, that would have made me start bottle feeding, as I could then at least see what was going in. I never felt under any pressure to bottle feed, and I say again that it is not unreasonable for midwives to want to be confident about the feeding before you leave. Wonderful if you have every need catered for by doting relatives at home. Not everyone has that. I have never been so unsure about anything as I was about looking after my first baby. If I had been left to sort out latching on and all that mullarkey by myself, I can guarantee that I would have bottle fed.

Bubsylocket

I bottlefeed my ds, but I'm really really glad I got some of my colostrum into him over the first few days (which I'd expressed). The colostrum comes in (I think) before the proper milk does, so you might feel you could do this if nothing else? Its packed with antibodies and babies can benefit greatly from literally just a few drops (according to the nurses in my hospital).

Great post, BeckyBS. I felt exactly the same as you, and took all the help and support I could. I'd already decided I was going to breastfeed, and read up on it, went to NCT classes and made sure I only left hospital when I was completely happy about how to latch him on etc. I was totally on my own (apart from dh) when I came out, so I knew I had to be comfortable with it and wasn't going to rush leaving hospital.

ooh smiling watch what you say. I used the term breastfeeding nazis on here a while back! BOY did that kick up a strop!

If you want to stay in hospital for a long time Becky, then of course that is fine. If it makes you feel more confident and happy then it is obviously good for you. But you aren't talking about choice. You are saying that midwives were telling women that they were 'not allowed' to leave hospital until they were breastfeeding to the satisfaction of the midwives. This is totally different. They are not warders and hospitals are not prisons. They have absolutely no right to say this to anyone, and of course it will put pressure on women to bottlefeed, just to 'escape' from hospital! They are lying to women and putting pressure on them in a manner that is unreasonable. As I said before, what about homebirthers? How should they be treated? Not allow the midwives to leave the woman's home until she is feeding to their satisfaction? Bizarre and wrong.

BBS, I definitely didn't have every need catered for by doting relatives at home after DS was born - they came, cooed at DS, then left. DH in total shock, even complained about bringing me a glass of water (the only thing I'd asked for). But I did have a bathroom that wasn't covered in other people's lochia.

As Aloha says, if you're happy staying in hospital, that's fantastic. I wasn't. It was far too hot, I got no sleep, the place was dirty and the midwives were vile.

Smiling - have you been in touch with a breastfeeding counsellor? They know a great deal more about establishing breastfeeding than most midwives - give one of the helplines a call. The NCT one is open until 10pm.

Yes, I don't know how anyone manages in hospital (and I was in for five days after ds) - it's so hot, so noisy, so stressful and full of unfriendly midwives who, frankly, know nothing at all about breastfeeding. I was much better off at home, with my baby in our big bed with us, and just in peace. Also, I was able to get proper advice from a real breastfeeding counsellor. Big difference. Midwives very rarely know anything about breastfeeding IME.

doing a QoQ here...

"Midwives very rarely know anything about breastfeeding IME."

even the fantastic mws i had for dd were not really b/f experts - always go to a specialist b/f counsellor if you can.

I am certainly NOT saying that midwives are not "allowing" people to leave. I said that it was her professional opinion that I should be confident in feeding my child before I left. She "didn't want me to leave" is not the same as saying "wouldn't allow me to leave". She could see the state I was in, and it was good advice. I agree about hospitals being unpleasant places. I was desperate to leave with dd (number 2), but had to stay in for 48 hours due to GBS. On both occasions the midwives and healthcare assistants were very supportive of mothers who wanted to breastfeed. As I said before, it seems to me that midwives are damned if they do and damned if they don't. I'd heard that breastfeeding threads raised the temperature a little. Blimey!