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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

Original poster

Should I really feel bad if I don't want to breastfeed ??...................................................

121 replies

bubsylocket · 19/09/2005 10:12

I am 14 weeks pg today and have had the meeting with MW who insists that I breastfeed !!! I didn't with my DD1 and really enjoyed the fact that DH could help out but now I am having second thoughts about breastfeeding - should I feel bad if I don't ????

OP posts:
aloha · 20/09/2005 21:59

Bbb, actually both Hazellnut and Bubsylocket both stated on this very thread that they had been told and heard other women being told that they were 'not allowed' to leave hospital until their baby was feeding to the midwives' satisfaction, and Bubsylocket says this is one of the reasons she is unwilling to breastfeed at all! This is madness. You said you thought it was reasonable to threaten and blackmail (and basically lie) to women like this, and that's what I disagree with. I think it's terrible behaviour and I am genuinely shocked by it.

expatinscotland · 20/09/2005 22:01

I was in hospital for 5 days after DD was born after forceps delivery and subsequent infection, and I'd rather be at home w/my mummy to look after me - my home is cleaner as well, b/c my mum and I are clean freaks and my dad, an ex-Army drill sargeant, can't abide filth.

I didn't sleep well w/all the noise, and this did NOT help my PND. It was hot, sticky, unclean and just icky. Plus, there was NO help for DD. They kicked my husband and family out and left me to cope w/DD all on my own for 12 hours/day when I was extremely ill - mentally and physically.

Needless to say, BFing was a DISASTER! It hurt SO badly I cried everytime and basically gave her a bottle so she'd sleep a little longer, b/c I was so sleep deprived I thought about suicide constantly.

I'm worried now w/this one b/c my nipples are already very sensitive and painful, but I'm hoping using Lanisoh will help and am willing to give it another go - a serious effort.

If it doesn't work out, though, I won't feel nearly as guilty as last time.

mumfor1sttime · 20/09/2005 22:05

Didnt realise you can start breast feeding at 14 weeks. Thought it had to be started in first days of birth
I had an emergency c section, very messy and upsetting time. I wanted to try breast feeding, to keep an open mind. But because of labour I didnt feel that I had the chance (and was full of drugs most of the time anyway), a nurse fed my Ds for first 2 days, wasnt offered any help to bottle or breast feed, had to watch. This upsets me still to this day.
I may have tried to breast feed when I left hospital if I had known that I could try it.
If I had another babe I would try BF.

expatinscotland · 20/09/2005 22:05

Wow, mum! I didn't know that, either. I thought if you didn't do it the first few days that was it - bottle city.

hunkermunker · 20/09/2005 22:06

BBS, it sounds like your midwife helped you come to the decision that was right for you, which is great.

Many, many don't bother. Don't even try. As I say, I tried countless times to get someone to even acknowledge I was in the ward and they didn't (except for one midwife to shout at me because I'd not noticed her keys on my table).

So I'm going to damn them for not, I suppose

I'm not getting heated, btw - just saying that I wish that more new mums were told about breastfeeding counsellors (heck, I wish they had them as paid members of staff in maternity wards - radical, aren't I?!) and not told things like "if that baby doesn't feed you won't be able to leave hospital" and "that baby has to feed now, and if you can't do it, it will have to be a bottle", both things I've heard. That's just bullying, plain and simple.

hunkermunker · 20/09/2005 22:08

Relactation after that amount of time is possible. It takes a lot of commitment, but it is possible. It often involves expressing regularly, including through the night, lots of skin to skin contact and putting the baby to the breast at every opportunity.

mumfor1sttime · 20/09/2005 22:08

Sorry, can I add that I dont disagree with bottle feeding, just would have been nice to try BF.
Didnt want my last post to read wrong.

beckybrastraps · 20/09/2005 22:10

Threaten? Blackmail? Come off it!! I said, and will say again, that I think it is reasonable for hospital staff to want to be sure that a fisrt time mother is confident feeding her child. For the benefit of bubsylocket - I never had a rough ride from the nurses. I told them I wanted to breastfeed and they helped me to do that. There were no threats and no blackmail. Don't let the extremes of this thread influence your choice.

mumfor1sttime · 20/09/2005 22:11

Sounds like hard work hunkermunker.
My breasts were no different after having ds, didnt leak at all, and werent sore! That cant be right, can it?

hunkermunker · 20/09/2005 22:12

BBS, you had a nice experience. A lot of people don't. Please don't belittle that with "come off it"!

expatinscotland · 20/09/2005 22:13

I had a shite experience, I know where Busby is coming from.

Don't feel badly, hun, it's YOUR baby and YOUR life. Do what you feel is best!

beckybrastraps · 20/09/2005 22:17

The "come off it" was directed to aloha - who wrote "you said you thought it was reasonable to threaten and blackmail (and basically lie) to women like this". I'm not belittling anyone - just taking exception to having my views distorted.

aloha · 20/09/2005 22:23

I would say telling a woman that she is 'not allowed' to leave hospital until she does X or Y is a lie (they are not warders, you are not in prison), it is a threat and it is blackmail - do it my way or you can't leave. Just because it didn't happen to you, doesn't mean Hazellnut or any of the other posters who report exactly this are not telling the truth. And of course it isn't reasonable to lie to women and basically prevent them exercising their right to leave hospital when they want!
I hardly think pointing out that midwives have no right to do this is being 'extreme'. I find it very odd that anyone would defend midwives who lie to mothers.

aloha · 20/09/2005 22:27

expatinscotland, your nipples are sore because they are tender like with pmt. I do know breastfeeding can hurt - I had quite a bit of pain with dd at first. But a really good breastfeeding counsellor helped with the latch and it was a miracle. Really it was. I remember one evening thinking, 'aaargh, where is my baby?' and looking down to see her feeding away!

hunkermunker · 20/09/2005 22:27

I agree that it is reasonable for hospital staff to want to know that a mum is confident feeding her child.

BUT I don't agree with the methods commonly employed by them to ensure this, since they often begin with "that baby needs to feed before they leave hospital" and end with "right, that's it, s/he's having a bottle", with barely disguised "whether you like it or not" tones.

If they trained midwives to support women properly, not pressure them into doing what's easiest for them, it would be reasonable for them to say "if you're not confident feeding your baby, please stay here and we'll help you to feed in whichever way you choose". But very, very often, this doesn't happen and many, many women leave hospital bottlefeeding unhappily.

hunkermunker · 20/09/2005 22:29

EPIS, mine are sore too - very, very tender indeed. Feeding was painful with DS for the first few weeks - it does get better, I promise. Do as Aloha suggests and see a bfeeding counsellor to make sure your latch is as good as possible as early as possible - it makes all the difference.

Gobbledigook · 20/09/2005 22:31

hunker - I'm a nosey old moo so tell me to bog off if you like but aren't you still feeding ds1? So what will you do when dc2 comes along - will you feed both if you can?

hunkermunker · 20/09/2005 22:35

LOL, GDG!

You missed this thread then

I guess he might still want to have a go when he sees the baby feeding

beckybrastraps · 20/09/2005 22:35

aloha -
I have said what happened in my case.
I have said that I found it reasonable.
I have not accused anyone else of lying.
I have not condoned threats or blackmail.
I have not defended midwives who lie.
I am aware that a hospital is not a prison.
I am aware that midwives are not jailers.
I hope this clears up any confusion about my views.
I also hope that anybody considering breastfeeding for the first time will not be put off by this thread.

EnidPregnantandRanting · 20/09/2005 22:37

oh bollocks midwives said women werent allowed to leave hospital until they breastfed. Sorry but what a crock.

hunkermunker · 20/09/2005 22:38

BBS, I don't think that people giving their experience of how difficult it can be to establish breastfeeding in hospital is necessarily off-putting. I'd have thought it would forewarn women how little midwives often know about the subject and that there is help out there in the form of breastfeeding counsellors.

Nobody has said "it's hard to establish breastfeeding in hospital, so don't bother", have they?

hunkermunker · 20/09/2005 22:38

Enid, sorry, didn't realise that you knew what every midwife had said to every woman who'd ever had a baby.

Congratulations on number three, btw

EnidPregnantandRanting · 20/09/2005 22:39

oh come on are you seriously saying that midwives were imprisoning women in hospital until they breastfed?

Flum · 20/09/2005 22:41

Mmm, this old chestnut. Its a bit difficult to feel something you 'should' feel. I guess you might feel a bit bad as it means you and baby miss out on some sublime bonding, and baby misses out on your special and perfect milk.

Blokes can help out in many other ways other than feeding milk. and I defy any Mother to stay asleep when her baby cries at night, even if someone else is looking after her immediate needs.

Breastfeeding is much lovelier than it sounds.

Gobbledigook · 20/09/2005 22:44

No Hunker missed it!

I can't believe you're gonna start it all up again in January! Boy oh boy - I HATED it!! Good for you though

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