Extended breastfeeding and your GP

[frannyf]

Just wondered if anyone else has had bizarre or interesting comments from their doctors or other health professionals. Ds is 2.5 and we both went to the doctor yesterday. I asked the gp if what he was prescribing was ok to take while breastfeeding, and he instead checked if it was safe to take while pregnant. He realised his mistake, said "Oops, sorry, you said breastfeeding," then did a double take, looked at ds, looked at my notes to see if I had another baby (nope), and just looked astonished! I laughed and said "Yes, we're still breastfeeding, I know it's a bit unusual," and he asked if ds was having solid food as well!! DS is a very tall, chunky, healthy toddler sitting in front of him by the way. I thought it was funny, but was also stunned that a doctor would be so ignorant about breastfed toddlers.

The other gp we see sometimes is the only medical person who has ever been supportive of my extended bfing. She is Muslim and says the Koran states you should bf for 2 years, but not many mothers manage it. She says I must have the constitution of an ox to keep it up (another load of nonsense, but at least complimentary nonsense!)

The health visitor at our clinic is the worst. Whenever we walk in, instead of saying hello, she calls out (across a crowded room of mothers with babies) "Still breastfeeding, are you?" Cue looks of horror.

fair point marina

Twiglett .... Just out of interest, are you being light-hearted or poetic when you say you feel 'revulsion' at the sight of a woman feeding a toddler? Or are you being literal?

I made the mistake of posting, on another thread, that I thought dummies were 'revolting' and was then eaten alive by hoards of furious dummy weilding posters.

I had to apologise and ammend my use of the word.

I guess the memory thing will depend on the child- I fed dd until just before she was 2 and she does remember. Twiglett, that was a good post. I think your thread on this before was a pretty good one overall- there was a lot of rowing but it was fairly constructive in the end from what I remember.

Suzywong, may I just say how deeply shocked I am at the sound of the candlewick trousers

I remember seeing a Dr when ds2 was about a year old (this was in 1980) and when he found I was still bfing he simply said "You must stop!" I was shocked but didn't give up, though ds weaned himself a couple of months later. When dd2 was about 14mths I had mastitis and had to see an emergency dr. I was dreading his reaction to me feeding a 14mth old but he didn't miss a beat and simply prescribed a suitable a/b.

I know what you're saying, Twiglett, but reading your tentative and sensitively expressed feelings about breastfeeding is a bit different from hearing "yuk". I've no problems with discussing somebody's feelings, even if uncomfortable or hard to accept, as long as they have respect for mine. But coming in, saying "breastfeeding toddlers - yuk!" and leaving (sorry stitch, I know you were ordered out ) is another matter...

I think it would be incredible if we lived in this society and weren't emotionally revolted by breastfeeding on some level. The messages that it is odd, shameful and unnatural are so strong. I don't always feel completely comfortable with it myself. Maybe this is one of the reasons pro-breastfeeders might want to "clamp down" on unsupportive remarks, as they express feelings that we are trying to suppress in ourselves.

Thanks for the thoughts, edam. Not sure if I am coherent enough in what I want to say to inflict it upon the BMJ, but hopefully somebody might.

Now, this is odd for me because I'm not 'emotionally revolted by breastfeeding' on any level and never have been.
Honestly. Am I really in so small a minority?

The truth is, I didn't know that a significant number of other people are revolted by it until I came on Mumsnet a couple of months ago.

I've been genuinely amazed to read some of the views from articulate and intelligent women on the subject. I really thought the only people who could possibly be revolted by something so natural and lovely were people who aren't very bright or have had limited life expereince or an odd relationship with their bodies.
But I can that's not the case.

It makes me wonder how I could've been so blind to what is clearly a widespread attitude.
I wasn't even aware of the term 'extended breastfeeding'.

Having fed three kids beyond the age of 2 I suppose I must have encountered 'revulsion' because I've always done it openly without batting an eyelid. But in all these years I never noticed it. Perhaps I'm thick-skinned, or just supremely confident that it's as natural for me and my child as, say, hugging.

Mumsnet is proving quite educational for me because it provides the opportunity to read real opinions which might not be voiced in RL.

On some levels though, I preferred my little bubble. Nothing, though, would alter my perception and make me believe in the need to artificially curtail my breastfeeding. I know it'll run it's course.

I think you are in the minority, spider. I am probably one of the most pro-breastfeeding person I know in real life and I do feel ambivalent about it sometimes. For instance, I know someone who breastfed her dd until she was 6, and I don't feel 100% comfortable with the thought of it. I am in no way saying she was wrong, but I don't have that "so what" feeling I do about younger children breastfeeding.

Among my friends I became aware that most people think it is odd to breastfeed past a year, even those who are outwardly supportive of me. I remember quite a few comments from way back about "Oh, haven't you done well getting to a year. But it's so odd when people carry on when they are walking / talking." etc. Hopefully seeing me carrying on may help them to feel more comfortable with it.

I must also admit to feeling a bit funnier about older girl children breastfeeding. I know that's silly and it shouldn't make any difference. I am not the only one though as studies show that girl children are fed for shorter periods than boy children. I know rationally that breastfeeding is not sexual but on some level, I've obviously absorbed the taboo against being intimate like that with another female. Really stupid.

About a month ago I took my baby to a breastfeeding support group. Its only just being set up and I was the first mum to attend.

Anyway, we all got talking and someone asked me how long I thought I would feed for. I said I fed my older two until they self-weaned (thinking I was in a pro-breastfeeding environment). Anyway, the health visitor suddenly piped up with "sometimes I find out at the 2 year check that a child is still being breastfed. Even though it is wrong, as a health professional I can't say that, so you as peer supporters mustn't either."

If a hv running a breastfeeding support group thinks this, what hope is there? I didn't dare say how long I fed DS2 for (he had just turned 4 for the record - YUK!!!!)

Mandy.

"Wrong"?!

Honestly, with support like that...

tamum. they were unreal
plus she had what can only be described as a big fat arse. very nice woman though and all that

Hi HM,

Yes, wrong, that's exactly what she said. Bearing in mind it was my first time there, I did try to gently explain that why is it okay one day, but then suddenly the next it is wrong and I asked how she felt if a child still had bottles. At this point, one of the peer supporters then talked about how she moved her DD to bottles at age 1 (under pressure) and how now age 4 she still has 2 bottles a day. Yet somehow this is acceptable, but breastfeeding is not. If mum and baby are both happy then where is the problem?

Mandy

No problem whatsoever - what is wrong is HVs like that IMO!

just wanted to point out that 2 bottles a day at age 4 is equally unacceptable to me IMO .. in fact one thing I can say for sure in terms of my inability to grasp the right way to feel about this (and believe me I have tried .. I am sure its a nature of this society and my upbringing) is that I actually do feel exactly the same about an older toddler / child bottle-feeding as breastfeeding ..

I wonder what that means

Perhaps for you twig the issue is more about dependance and independence from mum, rather than any concerns about feeding being inappropriate for any other reasons.

So that's alright then.

Just a question as have been discussing BF with my DH today (am PG with 1st - planning to BF as long as possible)
Anyway - he wants me to ask all you BF-ing MN-ers if your DHs say if it affects sex (obviously re. boobs) in any way? I had not even thought about it and don't know what to tell him. Sorry it's a bit off track but looks like lot of experts on this thread

In my own experience (have had three DSs) it's not breastfeeding that affects sex - it's post-baby knackeredness, in the main!

One thing I would say, however, is that whilst you are fully breastfeeding you probably won't ovulate - and I always feel most horny at around that time in the month. So to that extent for me breastfeeding does affect sex, yes.

It isn't bf-ing that makes 'em sag - if that's what he means - it's pregnancy.

But whether or not the possibility of his wife's breasts sagging a little affects sex is rather down to his attitude, isn't it?

Probably TMI (warning) but his real worry is that if he kisses/touches them I will squirt milk around the bedroom!

Oh yes, would also agree with dino, if that's what he meant! Being constantly knackered can have something of an effect...

actually my breasts became a no-go area when I was breastfeeding because I didn't want them touched by DH .. there was a feeling that they're not for that at the moment.

It didn't really bother DH much

I would say that they are equally fine norks now as they were before both of my children (perhaps slightly further south, but not so anyone but me and perhaps 20 or 30 blokes would notice )

lol Twig. I think secretly he is worried about the no-go area thing!

I felt like Twiglett - didn't want dh touching my breasts while I was feeding. Just felt wrong. They weren't sexual at that point. Maybe that's why he was so keen to wean ds at four months!

he's going to have far more to worry about than your norks to be fair

I had no libido after DS for a year .. after DD it came back quicker though

(I think I may have underestimated on the male nork-knowing-southerly-swoop count )

Agree I don't like dh touching my breasts when they're milky. Feels wrong and inappropriate to me.

My poor, long suffering dh.

Can I ask, how do you keep up the b/f after the child has teeth?? I'm currently b/f dd2 she'll be 1yr old in a few weeks. But she has teeth, two up, two down, and b/f hurts. I did/do want o continue for a while yet, but feel myself losing the will.