Dear DC, whilst BF I do not wish to...

[PDog]

...be smacked, scratched, nipped or kicked

have your fingers shoved up my nose/in my mouth

have my hair/glasses pulled

have my nipple stretched out of all proportion

have my bra strap twanged

have my top pulled

be used as a human dummy, please learn to settle yourself

Thanking you in anticipation.

Yours,

Mummy xx

Good luck with that.

Can I add 'have my moles picked at' to that list please

LOL.

I would add...

....have a queue of older nurselings to heckle the youngest. It doesn't make the new baby nurse any faster.

Lol, - how about..I do not wish to have my boobs squeezed so that you can decide whether there is any/enough milk on a particular side.

Can I add:

have my breast pad pulled out and waved around in front of all of dh's friends

need to add 'have my breast punched!' was a favourite of my DS whilst feeding

You've had the baby BE?! Congratulations! Hope the birth went well!

belgo

Hoping I don't have to add biting to the list.

Cheers Belgo, I wouldn't say it went 'well' but she is certain a wonderful addition to our family and so beautiful

..to have my (wobbly) tummy pointed to and called "Mook" like my breasts.

In fact, please don't attempt to feed off it like you did last week.

Oh my goodness! WoTmania..... do I KNOW you....?

if when we are out or have company, you could resist stopping for a look round every couple of minutes, leaving my nipple exposed, that would be fab.

50ftQueenie - I rather suspect you do :)

Yes!

slap in the face last night... (giggle giggle giggle) without letting go...

me: Don't bop mummy in the face, please, DD
DD: giggle giggle... slap...

repeat x 3

I'm afraid I stopped the feed. She's 21 months so she understands perfectly well what I am saying! I can tell becuase she holds on to the nipple whiles giggling!

Oh, and this isn't to do with the one nursing at the time but 'DS2 could you please not cause your sister to choke by doing breast compression while she is nursing. Thank you'

headbutting my boobs

and pulling back off my nipple when im nursing in a cafe and squealing so everyone gets a chance to see

Can I add pinching eyelids? All the others are true too, but the eyelid thing is horrific.

Please don't kick the wall so hard that it propels you across my lap.

Please don't keep hold of the nipple while you wriggle to relieve your wind.

Please decide whether you want to suck or blow raspberries and not try to do both at once.

I have visible bruises all over my bingo wings upper arms. Battered wife? No, Battered Mummy Syndrome.

to PDog. How come you've managed to avoid the biting?

Nursing and drinking/eating other foodstuffs doesn't work

DD (nearly 7) stopped BFing at 6 months, has had occasional suck since DS2 was born... in gym while I was getting dressed last week she jumped up and tried to suck from me

ohhhhhhhh the biting............................ DS favouite passtime towads the end of a feed :

pre teeth- stop, smile, gugle... carry on

post teeth - stop, smile, bite fecking hard.... attempt to carry on and wonder why boobie is no longer in reach!
I put up with it for a couple of weeks - and then bye bye breastfeeding I am afraid!

Be hummed at. While extremely endearing, it gets a bit trying when you've been yelled at for food, only to be played like a harmonica when said food-boob is actually presented..

Ha, yes, suchanamateur. Maybe we should get together and they could form a band?

Ahh yes, I forgot the humming/talking whilst feeding.

Also, please don't try to suck your thumb at the same time.

loopyloops that sounds painful.

MumNWLondon on your behalf.

Not sure how I have managed to avoid the biting, might be counting my chickens though.