Dear DC, whilst BF I do not wish to...

[PDog]

...be smacked, scratched, nipped or kicked

have your fingers shoved up my nose/in my mouth

have my hair/glasses pulled

have my nipple stretched out of all proportion

have my bra strap twanged

have my top pulled

be used as a human dummy, please learn to settle yourself

Thanking you in anticipation.

Yours,

Mummy xx

12 week old DD hasn't done any of this, but I will print the list and leave it at the end of her moses basket so she knows to keep it that way!

Dancing - I wouldn't. she'll develop her own repertoire anyway so why give her extra ideas

Ds whilst bfing I wish you wouldn't: Kick your legs against the keyboard, crashing the screen whilst I am trying to mumsnet!

Love this thread, so many things that never get talked about.

Whilst in the changing room of a bra shop, please don't loudly proclaim "But I want to eat your boobies. But I DO Mummy. I WANT TO EAT YOUR BOOBIES."

He had been weaned for ages at this point too.

...please don't rhythmically kick your leg and arm, it's not on a pump system and that won't make it come any faster
... stretch yourself to full length across my lap and the chair - you're not a small baby and my arms are only so long, eventually you will fall on the floor, so don't cry to me when that happens

Can I add, DD could you please not insist on lifting my top over my breast every time, and only when we are in company? Is that too much to ask, really?

ROFL at Humphrey