Boarding for a less academic boy

[Whyisitalwaysraining1]

I’ve always liked the idea of giving my kids the option to board when they are old enough. I never boarded (went to a comprehensive) and neither did my husband so I’m wondering where to start.

My son is in year 3 but I know a lot of places select at 11 I think so I know this will come around soon enough and I’d like to get organised.

The thing is the prestigious boarding schools I’ve heard of, the likes of Marlbrough, Eton etc seem to be very academically selective and competitive. My son is a super nice kid but goes to a middle of the road prep school (didn’t get in anywhere very academic at 7+). He has some hobbies and plays sport but not to an elite level. Learns piano but is decidedly average.

Basically he’s an average, nice kid. Academically ok for his age but not above average in anything. Scholarships or anything will definitely be off the table as he doesn’t have any particular talents as of yet, and I’m fine not to hot house him as he’s a nice kid and happy enough.

Any ideas where might be a fit for boarding after common entrance age? Budget not really an issue, other sibling has SEN and would not board so there’s enough in the pot for him to go anywhere really.

Or he can just stay at a London day school and may still choose to, but I’d like for him to have the option

The OPs child is in Year 3 @Calliopespa . Things will change.

OP, I can only reiterate: location, peer group, location.

It always makes my smile when I see comments on here that a DC is "less academic" and then has standardised testing scores of 110+. Last time I spoke to his headmaster I think my DS was in the 80s. His prep school's average is 115.

Thankfully he is pretty good at sport.......

It may well be too far for you but just in case it’s of interest to your or other people in your situation I would really recommend looking at Ampleforth College. They organise supervised transport to and from London though which makes it very easy actually! It’s got a real mix of children some who are academic, some who are sporty, many who are musical but it really wouldn’t matter if your child isn’t academic. The focus is on a good all-round education and nurturing the individual and being a good person. There’s a real focus on wellbeing and pastoral care. It’s a really beautiful spiritual place with so much going on - there really is something for everyone. If your child isn’t academic or excelling at sport I wouldn’t personally put them in an environment where they constantly feel inadequate. Go and have a look round! Get a feel for the places. Boarding schools all offer different things and the important thing is to find the right place for the right child.

No amount of ‘hot housing’ will help, if people have average intelligence you can’t change that. Yes, it may help him to remember short term facts etc but you won’t make him more intelligent in the long term.
You want to send him to an environment where everyone will excel him, either academically or in their sporting / music achievements. He’ll feel inadequate. Don’t do this to your child.

I agree with this. That said, I think it is also a complex topic. I have been open that my DS is very sporty but struggles academically, and this does upset him. Because he is sporty, most of his friends are drawn from the sports teams he plays in, but at his school most of them are also academically strong, which means he is in a lower set in maths than any of his friends. That impacts him, and we are working with the LSU at his school to give him the support he needs.

That said, I am not sure the position would be helped if everybody else was rubbish at maths and he was in the top set. I know that is not what you are suggesting, but I do see the attraction of a school that will inspire a child to achieve, but not one that will make him/her feel inadequate. You are right.

Like I said, it is a really difficult topic.

I just assume that any school which describes itself as academically selective will not be interested in (or suitable for) my little man.

My brother went to Ampleforth and I know it well. I wouldn’t recommend it for the OP.

@tachetastic I've read lots of your posts about your DS and thoughts about school choices. He sounds like a great kid, and if I may say so, with a really grounded, sensible and thoughtful parent who will make sound choices in his best interests.

Ampleforth’s safeguarding was so dire they were banned from admitting any new students.

Ampleforth is very open about its past and the mistakes they’ve made and have worked very hard to get things right. I find their current safeguarding practice exemplary and have no concerns as a parent. The recent Ofsted and recent Catholic school inspection were all very positive and this week’s article in the Telegraph was too. Overwhelmingly the other parents are positive as well.

Is OP a Catholic? Cos Ampleforth is certainly Catholic.

I too will bite here, after suggesting OP look at Milton Abbey if that's what she wants.

However, those of you who say you have a wonderful close relationship with the children you sent to board at 11, and that children being at boarding schools doesn't mean you don't get involved in school life , "far from it": I will quote that old adage - you don't miss what you never had. How would you know if you could have had a better relationship with your child when you've not had it to compare? The poster who was an ex-boarding school house mistress and said that while children do settle in, in order to do so, they put up 'walls', is right.

I should know, as an ex-boarder myself, I have the equivalent of the Berlin wall between me and my parents although I try not to let it show too much. It does though, I know.

Kids mature at different rates and sometimes this impacts school academic performance. Year 3, is early. Encourage independent reading and visit library or book shop together to see if he can get interested in a subject or series. Maybe sit together before bed and read together & talk about each others books. You might chose a book for young person so can talk about your plots, the story telling and charactors . Common Sense Media could help you choose a book. Reading gets better with practice, expands vocabulary and can help child broaden exposure and perhaps interests. Your boy can come up the curve, and these schools need to fill the seats. No school is 100% top students. Try the reading thing, it will help across areas and if you both discuss it will help him in talking to adults about topics. A lot of these school interviews ask about books, or an ethics topic which isn’t in school curriculum. Good luck. Maybe can also do with your other child too, family book group. I know you say SEN, but I’ll bet he/she will be valuable part of book group.

@Charlingspont did you board recently?

@No, 40 years ago now! So I appreciate that people on here say things are very different. Also parenting is different these days so perhaps my experience is no longer valid.

I think it is very very different now but totally do not want to invalidate your experiences at all.

I have 3 DC, only one has boarded as it would not have been right for the other two at all.

DH went to boarding school and hated it so we sent our dc to the local comprehensive.

However, we have friends who have sent their children to boarding school. One had her ds at The Leys in Cambridge, which isn't particularly academic. He really enjoyed it. Depending on where you are in London, it might be an option as its very close to Cambridge Station.

Another friend sent her dc to Oundle. They loved it (apart from.the uniform which her dd hated).

Don't know if its still boarding but what about Bishops Stortford College.
Greshams in Holt, Norfolk, Hallingbury ( again it sure if boarding) or Felsted, all Essex so not too far from London.

I feel the same way, with the caveat that my DM built her own walls before I did. I also wonder if my relationship with my DM would have always gone this way even if she hadn't been able to afford boarding, just by virtue of being the type of person that needed that much space from their child.
I recall in my first term, when I was 11, the post would arrive and other kids would get mail from home but I never would. And we had our allocated time slot to use the pay phones to call home but my DM asked me not to call. So I'm in no doubt that she didn't actually want that closeness with me.

Anyway, I hope to foster a closer relationship with my own DD and, assuming we are on good terms as she gets older, will hopefully keep her at day school.

@muggart sorry that happened to you. But you definitely will have a much better relationship with your own daughter, because you know what not to do! I have found it really healing to do better by my own child than my parents did by me.

shrewsbury? not very academic but almost full boarding

We've gone through the 13+ stage and tbh I was surprised how unacademic most boarding schools are. It is nothing like the state grammar schools or London day schools. Most of the boarding schools seem largely unselective, much less selective than when I was at school in the 80s.
You can see from league tables which are the more academic: Winchester, Eton, Marlborough, oundle, rugby etc.
Most of the rest are bums on seats at £50k + vat a year. Most will accept a broad range from very smart to something below average. So you should have plenty of choice.

Yes Shrewsbury is a good example of not very selective and takes a broad academic range.

Boarding school is very sink or swim though, so I think it would be useful for you to reflect on the fact you only met the people who thrived and were successful. I have a friend who works with eating disorders who has drawn the polar opposite conclusion to you as she only sees the ones who didn't cope well.

It might be brilliant for DS, but I think your attitude that boarding school = all these great hobbies and traits could be damaging. It means if he doesn't thrive, it's all on him.

He's still very little, keep exposing him to hobbies and see what sticks, then choose based on that.