Boarding for a less academic boy

[Whyisitalwaysraining1]

I’ve always liked the idea of giving my kids the option to board when they are old enough. I never boarded (went to a comprehensive) and neither did my husband so I’m wondering where to start.

My son is in year 3 but I know a lot of places select at 11 I think so I know this will come around soon enough and I’d like to get organised.

The thing is the prestigious boarding schools I’ve heard of, the likes of Marlbrough, Eton etc seem to be very academically selective and competitive. My son is a super nice kid but goes to a middle of the road prep school (didn’t get in anywhere very academic at 7+). He has some hobbies and plays sport but not to an elite level. Learns piano but is decidedly average.

Basically he’s an average, nice kid. Academically ok for his age but not above average in anything. Scholarships or anything will definitely be off the table as he doesn’t have any particular talents as of yet, and I’m fine not to hot house him as he’s a nice kid and happy enough.

Any ideas where might be a fit for boarding after common entrance age? Budget not really an issue, other sibling has SEN and would not board so there’s enough in the pot for him to go anywhere really.

Or he can just stay at a London day school and may still choose to, but I’d like for him to have the option

I agree with various PP that Sherborne sounds like it would be a great fit (I know it well).

However, I see you have already taken on board that local is best. Personally I think it is key to making boarding work. You can pop in very regularly. Say they want something they can't buy where they are, you can just drive in and drop it off. I remember a boy in DS's year wanted a particular flavour of monster munch they couldn't find in the school town. Nice to be able to take it, but you don't want to drive 2 hours for a 30 second rendezvous in a car park with obscure crisps.. It also means if they are ill, it's easy to go home for a night or a couple of nights and when they inevitably get hurt playing rugby, you can go in to make sure they actually are OK.

In your case, I would look for the closest suitable option, which will depend which quadrant of London you are in. I'd also look for somewhere that supports flexi. Weekly/ partial boarding might be a better fit than enforced full.

Charterhouse too. Easy to get back to London for the weekend.

Thats a really interesting post. Yet tbf, Calli, you expressed some very emotional thoughts very effectively in this post.

I find it interesting though, because I also went to boarding school, as did many of my friends. I am not a regular on MN ( stuck in bed with ailment) but have been aghast at the “looseness” around negative comments and emotions. All the swearing and insults I find like a loud and uncouth breaking of emotional wind ( ie: something that is natural enough but needs a little restraint when it comes to the airing of it). So yes, maybe suppression of negative emotion is an outcome.

And your point is???

The point is that OP is considering boarding and has outlined at length some of the reasons she considers it worthwhile. Some of us have given our views of the benefits. In the interests of full disclosure as she takes that decision, perhaps she should consider her feelings about tendencies toward suppression of negative emotions as a possible outcome.

Have you looked at Royal Alexandra and Albert in London? It's a state boarding school so much cheaper and not selective but with absolutely gorgeous grounds and all the trimmings of a private boarding school (even ponies).

Yes, very beautiful grounds. And I think they also offer flexi.

I haven't read all responses so apologies if it's already been suggested

Milton Abbey Dorset
Small, strong pastoral and offer a mix of academic and vocational qualifications

Sorry haven't read the full thread.

Friend's boys are at Old Swinford Hospital- a state boarding/day school.

Very happy there - they live quite local so flexi-board.

Actually, I think your point is that you are coming across as superior and condescending.

All the swearing and insults I find like a loud and uncouth breaking of emotional wind ( ie: something that is natural enough but needs a little restraint when it comes to the airing of it). So yes, maybe suppression of negative emotion is an outcome.

It wasn’t meant that way Mytattoo, but rather that in recent days I have been noticing I find certain expressions of negative emotions uncomfortable. It was interesting to see a poster link that to a boarding background - which I share. Having extolled the virtues of boarding, I was simply acknowledging that maybe it does shape us more in ways that we haven’t even thought about.

Maybe you're thinking of Clayesmore, @Calliopespa ?

Ah, no. I see it was Canford. Personally. I think from the description of your DS, @Whyisitalwaysraining1 Sherborne would be a really good fit. It's a bit further but the direct train from Waterloo makes the logistics pretty easy from London and there's a great 'separate but together' arrangement with Sherborne Girls, so boys and girls both have the best of both worlds.

Yes I immediately thought of Sherborne on reading OP’s post too. I know several families very happy with the ethos there.

I'd say Bradfield worth a look too OP. If you're still here, despite all the derailing of your boarding school question on the boarding school board. Sigh.

The reason people recommend a close-ish school is because if your child is ill etc you can bring them home easily, for example. You can watch a concert/sports match etc. You can take them to the dentist/orthodontist yourself in an emergency if the brace is uncomfortable. Think about situations in which a child might still want you there even if they are 15/16. It is more about making them feel that you can be there if they need you so they don’t stop asking for help and become too self reliant/closed off.

With modern technology and daily communication and giving the child the option/choice to come home frequently, that is what mitigates any effects of the boarding school syndrome some people have alluded to. It is a well researched syndrome that psychologists are quite focussed on. This is why some people are going for 13 plus only and the option to weekly board and also co-ed, because typically girls in a school means the whole atmosphere has to be softer/less rigid. If you live in London but your DC goes to Sherborne which I understand it is full boarding then no matter how good they are pastorally, your child may still have a better experience at a school no more than 30-45 minutes on the train from London. Some weekends they might just be exhausted/tired/ill etc. and want to come home.
So if you want to narrow it down you need to think about how you feel about co-ed vs single sex, weekly boarding, distance etc first and foremost. And the big practical one is if they have to get up and go to church every Sunday morning. After a busy week, some teens would rather just sleep in. Lots of full boarding schools still insist on compulsory church attendance quite early on a Sunday morning. I have been through this process with DC’s cousins as their parents work abroad.

There are some friendlier co-eds near London that do boarding as well like Caterham School, Epsom College etc. They seem to do quite well in the league tables too (I can’t comment on whether having day pupils too can increase results or not). But if you can get hold of Parent Power and look at the GCSE and A level results you will soon notice that the London day schools dominate and outshine the boarding schools by some mile.

One thing I recommend you do is get an educational psychologist evaluation at the end of Year 4 or beginning of Year 5. Because London preps can sometimes label a child as quite average when they are far from that, just by virtue of London being a very competitive place. So they may be average in their class, but quite above nationally speaking and it is helpful to understand where they really sit and what their strengths and weaknesses may be.

the OP is asking for non academic boarding schools. Half the posts read and respond. The other half are hijacking’s this post on the BOARDING school forum and wittering on about their own issues, dishing out irrelevant opinions which has zilch to do with what the OP is asking for and frankly being nasty calling other people they don’t know bad parents. You lot are unkind, uninformed and unwelcome. Bog off!

anyway, my dc are at a midlands boarding school (Oundle) which is academically selective and would not suit a non academic child. Uppingham is going that way. Rugby is similar to Oundle. So if you are London (ish) based then you have so many suitable boarding schools closer to you that you should pick over something hours and hours away.
Generally, the more well known a school is, the more popular is tends to be and as a result is able to raise the academic bar so I think you should look at the less “famous” schools and they will be more suitable and many very lovely in their own right despite not being a recognised name.
ignore the trolls who have come to a boarding forum to deliberately be nasty and undermine genuine boarding families. God knows what drives them to stick their unwanted straight beaks where they don’t belong.
boarding is absolutely brilliant when you match the child to the school. It’s the most fulfilling, broadening education that you can find. Search high and low but I would stick to schools within an hour of where you live so you can go and see events and matches and fully engage in your child’s life as much as possible.
I don’t know any such schools to recommend as I live too far away from that neck of the woods. Don’t be put off by school names you don’t recognise though. .

Op a slightly more unusual suggestion might be Frensham. I noticed you mentioned “ whole child” approach when looking at Harrow but wasn’t sure if that was because you are especially interested in that. I don’t know Frensham well at all, but do know the emphasis is on progressive education which might be something interesting if you want a less academic approach?

@leftandaright - what CAT scores do you think Oundle ideally aims for? 125 and above across the board?

OP has your DS prep started doing yearly CAT and progress tests? Many do some in the autumn term and then the summer term too and it is helpful to understand what board they are using, usually GL/whether they are adaptive or not etc.

It helps to track those a bit over the years. They are only part of the picture. Most academic schools look for 120 plus across the board and no spiky profile. Many sit a bit higher at 125. The top tend to want 130 plus but don’t always achieve that. Eton and Winchester, for example, will probably have kids between 120-141. It is a bell curve. If you are statistically in the top 30 per cent population wide you are still well above average and would have likely gone to grammar school years ago. When you say your DS is average we need to understand whether you mean average by national standards which means 100 on CAT testing or if it is actually 110, 115, 120 etc.

Yes I was wondering a little as well what you meant by “less academic.“ There is a huge variety of boarding schools that won’t be Eton or Winchester but still are “academic “ in focus and cater for well above average children, and then others that cater for more average children in real terms ( so around that 100 cats score) but could still be academic in focus. Average at prep may well sit in the above average group mentioned above ( and actually should, as they feed these sorts of schools). Then are the options that are doing something really a little different with a more vocational or creative focus like Bedales or Frensham (the latter I don’t know well). I’m sure the right option is there for your DC regardless, and it’s just a case of sifting through to find something you love for him.

I have no idea what CAT scores are. At Oundle there are 10 sets in each gcse year group. Two x set 1 down to 2x set 5s. Set five might do double science not triple. Sets 2 to 3 would be expecting to get majority grade 9 at gcse. Set 5 would have some grade 7s. Everyone does 11 x GCSE’s of which 8-9 are academic ones and two might be subjects like art or drama.
children at Oundle work hard and diligently because they want to, because everyone does and because it’s cool to do so. Messing around is rare and people distance themselves from pupils that do. You don’t have to be a brainbox to get in but if you don’t enjoy working hard at academics, you won’t feel at home there.

Haven't read the whole thread, but DS was very happy at Radley. Know some happy DC who went through Teddies too.

Whilst I can’t comment on individual schools I definitely think geographical location is really really important. Boarding school is different to home life and you don’t want family links to be minimised by distance, being close enough to come by if he’s had a bad week, unwell, got a concert is really really important and will support him mentally/emotionally. It might be the most whizz bang school ever but if it’s 4 hours drive and he barely sees you he could very well be unhappy - after the fun period has worn off. Esp as you have an SEN child to care for as well, o would keep your net to under an hour travel time.

This is a really good example OP, of a school having a strong academic focus without necessarily demanding stratospheric iq. This was what I think some of us thought you were meaning, and lots of the suggestions are for that, but maybe you meant less academic in focus? Maybe best next step is to dip into a few and then start another thread (or come back) and feed back on that. Good luck! There’s lots of lovely options and the hardest bit will be narrowing down.

People do seem very happy at Radley but I think if, especially if you aren’t on the Radley list, it’s pretty fiercely competitive for a place? Perhaps see if you can get DC’s CATs OP. It’s not a final word on it but it will give you ballpark of appropriate schools.