How often do you visit your boarding child?

[Layinwait]

Just that really! How often do you visit?

We were nearly 3 hours away so unless there was a performance or other reason to attend, we saw DD every three weeks at exeat, half term etc.
Some pupils lived closer to school and would go home most weekends. But most had come to the school from across the UK and so home was a good distance away.

Thanks so much.

did you attend matches?

It wasn’t a typical school, so no sports matches. But there were acting performances once or twice a term that we attended.
Also re sports matches, we didn’t attend these when our DC were at local day schools unless it was a significant match/event.

I see mine on average once a week.

And she comes home about 3/4 of her open weekends for the Saturday night.

At least once a week and sometimes twice. Three is rare! It’s three weekly fixed exeats with no flexi option in between. There are lots of concerts, presentations, sports fixtures etc which parents are encouraged to attend and I love going up and seeing what they are up to and seeing their close friendships play out.
I hate the termtime at home when it’s so quiet and boring in the house and love going up to school to see them. It’s just over one and a half hours drive there for me. Not too bad in a comfortable car and an audiobook!

They come home every Saturday after matches and stay until Sunday 8 pm. So once a week for 24 hours. They also send a short text most days. We live 45 mins from school.

Every three weeks for either exeat or holiday. Very occasionally if there is a show that she is in. But she has so many extra-curriculum activities, (of her choosing), that she has no time to see us! She had to miss one of them for me to go over and take her out for the evening for her birthday this year, which she was in two minds about doing! 😂

I can't believe your children only live 45 minutes away and you only see them once a week.
Does that not make you feel like you're missing out on their life? My daughter travels an hour to school there and back everyday. My soul would break if I couldn't cook a nice dinner for her every evening, talk to her, hug her and watch her develop and grow. I don't know how you cope 😢

well if you are going to come and troll someone and accuse them of being a terrible mother compared to the model of perfection you clearly see yourself as, why don’t you employ a little brain power to try and disguise the worst attempt at passive aggression I’ve seen in some time. You’re a disgrace to the sisterhood and you have no place being a troll on a boarding school forum. If you measure being a loving parent by the quantity of home cooked meals you make them more fool you. You know nothing of this family’s at up, their needs and what is best for their child. Your own child may feel emotionally unable to cope in life without mummy cooking her supper every evening and incessant hugs when she’s in your presence but remember there are many thriving, independent successful teenagers who achieve so much more in a broader educational setting. We try not to pity those stuck in their mother’s clutches but people like you make it so very hard.

@leftandaright just wanted to let you know I wasn’t upset by @sezzer87 post. I shrugged it off. I do largely agree with your comment though and wanted to say thank you.

My daughter travels an hour to school there and back everyday

your daughter also has a profoundly judgemental and narrow minded mother. God forbid your daughter decides to send her own child to boarding school because she thinks the school is perfect for her. I imagine you wouldn’t be able to hide your cats bum expression from your poor daughter @sezzer87

Gosh Sezzer87 looks like you touched a raw nerve there by the look of the response. Always love to see the desperate justification for 'contracting out ' the upbringing of children.

If you were to believe half of these posters, boarding schools would be solely populated by poor we mites with no one to care for them or children so astonishing in their learning ability that no day school could provide such a magnificent education.. when the reality is that child rearing is so much more bearable when you can just pop your head in once a week/fortnight and say 'hi' and carry on without your life being disrupted.

I’m going back to the 70’s times were different then. But I was 40 minutes away from my parents. I saw them in the school holidays except the summer when I was sent to my grandparents for 4 weeks and then home for the rest of the holiday. They didn’t attend shows or anything, always said dad was busy at work, and my mother didn’t drive. They always said I was sent to boarding school because I was the only daughter of 4 brothers, and I needed to learn to be a girl and not a tomboy (I was rather a tomboy !). The boys went to a school just as far away but didn’t board, and spent every holiday with my parents, the reason I went to my grandparents was because they took the boys on holiday then and I would have been bored and it wasn’t good for me doing boys things.

I never did find out how they reasoned all this, it didn’t ultimately harm my relationship with my mother or my brothers, but my father 🤷🏼‍♀️ didn’t like daughters I suppose!

my advice is see your child as much as you can, go to shows etc (I have up what’s the point if no one wants to be bothered to see you ). Ideally think really long and hard as to why you are sending them. I didn’t hate boarding and I was lucky it was a good school, but I would have been much happier at home.

@leftandaright and please do not use the term "sisterhood" again. The ACTUAL sisterhood are breaking the cycles of abuse, trying to be attached, loving and present parents as best they can in all manner of challenging circumstances.

That's the sisterhood.

@insideoutandupsidedown I Am not surprised you name changed just to post that poison

I didn’t board
my children don’t board

doesn’t mean I think it’s “child abuse” as one daft poster described it as such

my best friend boarded from 13. Absolutely wonderful woman, together and happy and the closest relationship with her parents you could imagine.

@Vauxhallpicadilly when you say “young children” what age are we talking about? The OP’s child is 14. My BF was 143, almost 14

How do you know this poster is a woman?!
”disgrace to the sisterhood!” 🤣
The sisterhood is a construct that benefits the patriarchy alone and it is simply that- a construct. Why should all women agree with each other!? Do all men agree with each other lest be accused of being a disgrace to the brotherhood.
Middle classed neglect is just something that happens in our society.

I can’t believe you send your child to school an hour away and don’t home educate, does that not make you feel like you’re missing out on her education? How awful not to be there as your DD learns new concepts, discovers new things and to be apart from her for most of her waking hours five days a week. My soul would break if I couldn’t home educate my children, enjoy a nice lunch with them and watch them learn and develop. I don’t know how you cope 😢

@leftandaright
what a dumb and stupid disgusting thing to say that you try not to pity those stuck in their mothers clutches
I find it hard understanding people who send their kids to boarding school , but it’s not my business, and neither should be your business why people don’t send their children to boarding school.
Count yourself as privileged to be able to have the finance to be able to do that, most people struggle with what food they can afford day to day . And here is you attacking people for not sending them 🙄
it is perfectly reasonable for a person to disagree with boarding, it’s not reasonable to attack them for it. It’s not for everybody, and even if it was the majority of parents couldn’t afford it. Stop being so horribly judgemental

That's a bit heavy!

What's trolling about this? Because she said she loves to hug her child, make her a meal and couldn't imagine not seeing her child when she is only 45 minutes away.

This is what parenting is. It really touched a nerve with you though. Why?