How often do you visit your boarding child?

[Layinwait]

Just that really! How often do you visit?

@drivinmecrazy

Well people make all kinds of decisions for all kinds of reasons then guilt means they come on really strong in both ways on forums!

For us it was a specialist school, unique opportunity and has been the best decision dd made (she made it not us). I personally wouldn't send a child under 11 unless for specific needs reasons, and from 11 weekly boarding only and if there's good reason (which vary from family to family, eg have friends who live on a remote island and their kids board Mon-Friday flying in, all at taxpayers expense, state boarding school)

a more sophisticated, mature environment of a boarding school?

What does this mean?

The “opportunity” argument is an interesting one.

Parents don’t seem to consider their child doesn’t have to be send away so they can be hothoused for adult careers in sport or music aged 11.

It’s like something from the Soviet Union.

Sophisticated and mature because a child has to be suitably mentally developed /built to thrive away from home boarding. Boarding only suits a minority of children, those that have certain dna (a je ne sais quoi) plus emotional stability and mental strength etc etc to take what a boarding school can offer (far more than a day school as it has more hours of activities ) and run with that opportunity.

or TLDR:
boarding schools are more sophisticated than day schools.
pupils need to be mature to thrive.

@leftandaright your cover is blown- your last response proves you are an imposter troll, well played :)

How can you see your child once every 3 weeks? That’s madness

I find your language interesting as well as references upthread from another commenter, that successful boarders have a “leadership gene”. You echo this with mention of “dna”.

You also say boarders are more highly “mentally developed”, “stronger”, “more stable”. You have sent these children to BS because they can take it; they are superior beings to other children.

Boarding schools grew in the 19th century as the British Empire grew. Colonial administrators favoured them to grow “strong” imperialists to govern “weaker”, “less mentally developed” indigenous peoples.

The rhetoric remains scarily similar today, and may explain why so many Tories who have a strong sense of entitlement to rule and exert power over others went to boarding school.

Hitler also deeply admired British boarding schools as he favoured the kind of individuals they produced.

@GodessOfThunder - interesting.

Hitler and Soviet Union AND the Tories all in one train of thought.

The hyperbole in some of these posts is getting beyond ridiculous now as well as highly provocative: Jimmy Saville, Hitler etc.
Can we dial it all down a notch? Might as well resort to blatant name calling and poking tongues out at each other. No sensible/coherent debate ever arose from using such language.

It’s factually accurate information

@GodessOfThunder no a lot of it is your opinion. All the name calling in particular.

Here’s some research by a Mumsnet fave uni, Durham:

https://www.durham.ac.uk/research/current/research-news/nazi-germanys-elite-schools-used-british-public-schools-as-model/

@GodessOfThunder Mumsnet state that the purpose of this board is: "Connect with fellow parents of boarding school students on our supportive forum. Share experiences, tips, and insights" This is stated at the top of board.
You are against private schools and boarding, you goad parents who choose this option and you aren't supportive. So just scroll on past!

Soviet boarding schools for sport

https://www.proquest.com/openview/7a4e7f6e081030c1223bb14bacb1a94c/1?pq-origsite=gscholar&cbl=2030480

Ffs two recent posters have proved Godwin’s Law. The debate is over and according to GL, you’ve both lost.

that aside and pretending you didn’t reference Nazism when considering the whys and wherefores of BS, then yes in a nutshell my dc go to BS because they can “take it”. Not quite the blunt phrase I’d use but yes they are mentally strong, secure characters. Not superior though. That’s something else and ugly. All children develop at different rates that’s all I’m saying.. the dna comment means I think some children have it in them to thrive at a BS and for others, not for all the tea in China would they benefit from the experience (and trying to do so I could well see being traumatised).

For me I would not let my child choose to go boarding until I considered them mature enough to handle the self-starting lifestyle at a BS plus they need the natural get up and go to organise their lives without me picking up after them (something they seem unable to do at home !!!)

the politics stuff is like white noise to me. Or listening to someone talk about computer programming. Both go in one ear and out the other. My primary reason for going down the BS route for me was for my dc to access sports training at a level we could not find at home. One may go professional - well, they’d like to think that but I doubt they are good enough but not for want of giving it our family’s all trying to make it!

Goddess of Thunder is about as relevant and popular here as Just Stop Oil protestors blocking the access road to A & E.

I think the information is highly “supportive”: in helping parents make good choices.

@GodessOfThunder no it is useless, the parents on here have already made their decision. This isn't in general chat/AIBU when they are asking for opinions on BS. They have already committed to it therefore, as I have previously stated, you are wasting your energy and making yourself look goady.

“Godwin’s Law” is just an internet thing, it’s not the Theory of Relativity.

Language works through binaries. You are revealing your unconscious to us.

I loved boarding school, and was very happy there. Some of my siblings went, and others went to day school. Of the 7 of us, my parents always say they spoke to the ones at boarding school far more often, and in more detail than the ones at home, so I am not sure where you get the idea that boarding means a wholesale outsourcing of all parental responsibility.

While the average teenager slouches home and spends the entire evening closeted in their bedroom, we were far more likely to take the time to call home and see how they were, and talk about our day.

20 years on, this is still the case - my mum hears far more often from me and my 2 brothers who also boarded than she does the others!

And the 3 of us who boarded chose to go for a variety of reasons and attended schools in several different countries. One of my brothers had very severe dyslexia and was able to go to a school that offered far more support than any of the local state schools. I was very academic and again, was able to attend a setting that offered far more than anything that was on offer at our local state day school. The other brother really wanted to improve on his languages, and chose to do what was initially meant to be a year in a boarding school in another country, and loved it so much he stayed for his entire education.

@GodessOfThunder sadly you are wasting your time. Many parents who send their children boarding are so over invested, they will never see reason. Boys were kept at my DS 's school no matter what issues arose. Obviously the school close ranks to cover up but parents often help them. There was literally nothing that would have made them react as you would expect a loving parent to.

To many the possibly of their son leaving is unimaginable no matter what. I met some of the worst parents, they really should have never had children. The nonsense of mature children with the ' leadership gene ' is just that.

Very few boys actually want to be there and those who do didn't have much to miss according to my son.They told their parents a different story of course. Can you imagine starting that conversation with the parents on this thread? The school also regularly reinforce the great opportunity mantra, it's very easy to brainwash people.

You have to ask yourself what type of person would be drawn to work at these schools.My decision keeps me awake at night.

“To many the possibly of their son leaving is unimaginable no matter what.”

We got that at our grammar schools too, even if the child is miserable. Coupled with the fact that it is very difficult to get a place in another good state school locally, there are kids every year who really do not enjoy the fast paced/homework load environment.

The “leadership gene” is a real concept that I have come across in several of those leadership workshops I have to attend. It is not made up! There was a study carried out to the effect and some gene identified. It is conceivable that the kids at the all male top boarding schools have a higher proportion of this gene than the general population. Good leadership skills though are most definitely learned.

However, there are adults and children who really did have a fantastic time at boarding school and their voices should be heard too. An in-depth study analysing 20000 plus children and teens who had been to boarding school 20 years later would be informative.

You've got an 86 word sentence in there. Record breaking.

Look, you're all going to fuck up your children in your own special ways, boarding or not. As a pp upthead said - choose your poison.

My ds flexi boarded which suited us and if he had not been very happy I would have not wanted him to be there. He now is in 6th form and fully boarding. I offered the local school but he declined as he prefers a small school and loves been with his friends. We will see him at exeat and holidays though he doesn't see my dh as is away for months. Is it also bad for a parent to be working away?
Lots of detached parents even if they live in the same house day in day out.