My dc chose to (flexi) board 40 miles away , having started their education at our local catchment school (four year groups to one classroom and 1 teacher) , because of the sports opportunities when they were younger. They are talented (that’s their father’s genes not mine as I can’t play sport for toffee!)
As they have got older they chose to full board elsewhere as they liked a particular school which supports their chosen sports as they have taken them to higher levels. They may turn professional but that’s still tbc! Those opportunities to develop don’t exist where we live - it’s 15 miles to the nearest supermarket let alone elite sports training centre.
Being bright children they are at a school where 80% of pupils get A grades so they learn amongst peers and are being stretched . Our local schools unfortunately do not have the demographics to provide a similar intellectually stimulating experience for them. That said I do believe bright children will get the grades at any school (good/poor teachers are found in every type of school they are no better and no worse for being at fee paying school )so academics didn’t really factor in our search for schools. For us, education is not summed up by the grades you come out with.
They love coming home and crashing out in their own beds of course but overall they love the school they chose (we gave them a choice of many options).
Their school day starts at 8.15 and finishes at 5pm. Then it’s training for them 6 days a week as all pupils have extra curricular electives after lessons but not always sport as they’ve tried (and stopped!) other activities. Homework for 2 hours where there are always approx 20 teachers on site offering drop in clinics and they find this beneficial especially in their exam years. They get supper which is not a patch on home cooked food sadly but they are teenagers and don’t have Michelin starred palates …
Their day finishes at 9pm. They could be day pupils at their school but the commute would take out several hours much loved sleep time due to the early starts and late finish so they’re have their own rooms at school where they literally lay their head. There is no weekly boarding option where they are at school otherwise they’d come home for Sundays but that was a trade off for them to access their particular sports development (located near their school).
Internet enabled mobile phones are banned until their gcse year which has really opened their minds to trying new things as they don’t sit there on their phones. Every parent of teenagers can relate to what mobile phones do to our children! (They can have “brick” phones at any time and they can use their laptops to call too if they wish.
if we could access all this locally then I’d have to be insane to fork out 50k per year per child but we can’t and my dc love their school lives.
for all these reasons I am not affected by accusations of inflicting emotional abuse. it’s annoying but you can’t be angry with ignorance unless it’s wilful. These accusations make me smile really because what you can’t see are my dc who are living their best lives in a school they chose and would be devastated to have to give it up for a lesser education found at home.
Our family isn’t even remotely dysfunctional either. We really are very lucky to be able to afford what we have and live a very normal family life full of teenagers, love, laughs just as any other family out there lucky to be blessed with children. I personally think parents who don’t love each other and divorce inflict emotional damage yet I don’t go trolling divorce forums saying how wicked parents are for breaking up a family unit. People can’t help needing to divorce and it is the best of a bad situation for some children to have parents living apart.
it’s about having respect for other parents who are all trying their best to bring up their children in the best way they can given the hand life has dealt them.
I first found MN many moons ago as I had recurrent miscarriages and for some time thought I’d never be able to have children. They are my world just as they are for all of you reading this.
Some of you non-boarding school users that (bizarrely) like to hang out on boarding school forums may understand our family’s choice of school and think ok I get it but no doubt there will always be a faction that think it’s perfectly ok to send your child to a school from 9am to 4pm but to let them stay till 9pm and then sleepover, that you’ve crossed the line from perfect mother to evil monster but I say to you why is it not ok to let your child sleep at school but it is ok to farm them out between 9am and 4pm? You’re also outsourcing the bringing up of your child by even using a day school. Surely if you think using a boarding school is delegating parental responsibility, then you must home school your child and prevent them from accessing any external influence whatsoever?
I don’t expect everyone to think wow boarding is brilliant for every child. It certainly is not. I’d guess around 10% (???) of teenagers would thrive in boarding but 90% need to live at home as they aren’t emotionally able to thrive in a self starting environment. That’s cool because we are all made differently with our own strengths and weaknesses. A good parent will help their child make the right choice for them (the child!) , be it home schooling, day or boarding. As long as the decision is made with thought and love then it’s the best decision and to be respected - and not have accusations of emotional abuse hurled at them. That’s just small minded ignorance.