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Black Mumsnetters

This board exists primarily for the use of Black Mumsnetters. Others are welcome to post but please be respectful.

shadeism

119 replies

allinadaystwerk · 25/09/2020 20:27

Before I start, have to say I am so happy to find this section. Thank you to the pioneers who fought for it.

Now to the point of my thread, What are your experiences or opinions on shadeism? Does it exist and to what extent?

I think it does exist and I hate it. As a light skinned woman I have seen and heard it happen to people with dark skin. I always challenge it and I am hopeful it will change.

So is there such a thing as 'light' privilege?

OP posts:
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JayDot500 · 06/10/2020 16:37

@maggiethecat hi! I don't think my brother cared about the scene tbh, but the scene is where my mum finds her partners. It's quite a welcoming place to go party, and women are all shades of black. Many white women too. I was interested to know if anyone could relate to having a mother from that circle My mum is a 'heart on sleeve' type of person, so that lead to a lot of heartbreak. Unfortunately we had to witness most of it.

It's a poor excuse, but I do wonder if observing my mum could mean he's projecting what he's seen (growing up) onto black women. But that wouldn't be the full picture, I don't think. Society, media, peers also will contribute. We have actually argued over this. I cannot understand how he went from protecting his mother, a dark skinned black woman, to sprouting colourist nonsense. How?! And it's such a common theme among male cousins and friends, with exceptions of course (I don't think west African men, or men who are more directly linked to the Caribbean, are as bad as some of the guys I've grown up with in north London... but this is a personal observation).

maggiethecat · 06/10/2020 21:11

@JayDot500 - it sounds that his preference is not so much influenced by the rave scene if, as you say, women of all shades enjoy what it offers. But it may be that he has been deeply affected by the experiences borne out of your mum's choices and is distancing himself from her in his choice of women.

Seems there are a number of deeper issues in your brother's case.

ThinSlicePizza · 06/10/2020 23:01

"Her resilience is for the Black girls, who, like her, fail the brown-paper-bag test but are still a standard of beauty." 💖 t.co/fi1yGF5WuT t.co/gGCvKNv6Rh

This quote above has just been posted by Teen Vogue regarding Nomani's skin colour. Why do some people argue about the non-existence of colourism? The comment from ten vogue felt like a backhanded compliment. (The usual comment, "pretty for a darkskin girl").

JayDot500 · 09/10/2020 22:39

@maggiethecat Thanks for responding. My brother is such a mystery to me, especially since otherwise, he's a 'model' guy. My dad was DM's first relationship, and that went fine until they broke it off. Everything went downhill for DM from there, and it's just all very sad to see. Life.

@ThinSlicePizza that quote is disgusting, but so unsurprising. People should leave Normani alone, and let her be her. I loved everything about Waves (song and video!) but there's a pressure for her to be someone I don't believe she wants to be. Not every black girl wants to be Beyonce and not every black girl holds Beyonce as the epitome of greatness or black femininity, but let me just stay in my lane Grin

ThinSlicePizza · 10/10/2020 10:01

I think the pressure is an amalgamation of things in regards to Normani.
1- ageism. People are desperate for a beyonce replacement.
2- the marketing team are racist and stereotyping her. Putting her in a very small box that does not allow black females mainly to flourish. They are pushing her in the same direction they always push black women. She was struggling by being the least liked in the group. They are trying to make her fan base to a mainly black audience. Most of her fans so far a black girls. That is not enough numbers to compete with Camila or most of the other females out there

The same thing happened with kelly Rowland and it pissed me off. She didnt develope beyond RnB with the exception of of two david guetta songs. Which I thought suited her.

3- she is too Ciara like in dancing. Technic without that something. Fluer east gives of a similar vibe.

itsovernowthen · 14/10/2020 13:26

In answer to your question OP, absolutely there is light skin privilege.

My understanding is that its origins are due to colonialism, slavery and proximity to whiteness.

The colonial masters were all white, and people from the countries of the British Empire were taught that white everything was best, so that was what was aspired to. This legacy remains in any Commonwealth country you visit.

Within slavery, individuals benefitted from their proximity to whiteness. The skin of Black Africans was lightened their skin over generations through rape of Black women by the slave masters. As people became lighter, they were moved from heavier duty field work, to house jobs such as ladies maid and butler.

It's no coincidence that the countries in which shadism, colourism and light skin privilege are most prevalent are those such as the US and Brazil, who were the recipients of the largest numbers of slave ships.

I am a dark skinned Black woman, born and brought up in the UK.from an early age, I'm not sure how, I've always accepted that I would be treated as the least attractive, despite knowing I am not. It helped me focus on my studies during my school days, as all the boys (including the Black ones) wanted blondes and brunettes. Even as young as in primary school when we played kiss chase, I remember nobody would run after me, so from my experience it starts at a very young age.

JemInher40s · 19/10/2020 19:10

Hi Ladies, I wasn't aware until today that there was a black mumsnet group and I'm so happy I found it. I was on the generic group reading a heated debate 'is contraception racist' and someone said that it should be discussed on this group! Hence me finding you.

Onto the matter in hand, I'm a very dark skinned female from the UK. I found this post an interesting read and im often drawn to the issue of colorism. I've had similar experiences like other members, eg: quips from family members and strangers. Boys and then men letting you know that light skin was their 'preference'.

I agree with members who have said that this topic should be discussed.We absorb so much society and with the huge prevalence of social media its important that the younger generation are taught to love their skin and value their worth. Im so glad social media wasn't around when I was growing up.

Dastardlythefriendlymutt · 20/10/2020 04:53

Welcome JemInHer40s. That sounds like an interesting debate about contraception and racism. I haven't really researched it but I can extrapolate from my experience debunking the overpopulation argument of developing countries and climate change (in particular African ones) which barring one or two are actually not as densely populated and have a much higher carry capacity than their populations. I can then see how the push for population control is actually quite racist when for instance the UK has a population of 60million and is 85% white and a country like South Africa has 55 million but is ~70% black, but there is a greater push for minimising population growth from Western powers in South Africa. Of course there are other factors to consider like opportunities and access for women, the UK's older population etc., but I can see how it makes an interesting discussion.

drspouse · 20/10/2020 07:18

It was actually about the colour of the patches!

JemInher40s · 20/10/2020 08:30

Yes, it was. Initially it was around the colour of the contraceptive patch being (i think pink). The original poster questioned this issue in regards to whether this effected other ethnic groups. As you can imagine the conversation escalated. Some of what Dastardly mentioned above was also discussed.
Nevertheless, im pleased that this group was mentioned during their discussions!

JemInher40s · 20/10/2020 08:31

Thank you for the welcome.

drspouse · 20/10/2020 08:39

@JemInher40s I gave up as the first "plasters never match my skin" post came! Really interesting post @Dastardlythefriendlymutt.

Dastardlythefriendlymutt · 20/10/2020 09:01

It was actually about the colour of the patches!

Well talk about completely missing the point 🤣🤣 and going off on my own tangent.

In that case of course similar to plasters. The pink shade will be markedly obvious on my skin, and the design is meant to be one of discretion which is only afforded to one group then yes of course

Edith1970s · 21/10/2020 16:13

Yes. I heard this too.

bulldoz · 27/10/2020 00:03

Wow! This is so accurate I never even thought about this before. But completely true where I have been brought up and makes so much sense I really appreciate peoples opinions on this post. I'm learning so much at the moment.

What is the difference with Megan being classed as biracial or black, can she choose which to be? Or is it about how you look? And would that impact how her baby boy is defined, he looks very white but obviously has a black grandad so could he identify as black ? X

RedMarauder · 27/10/2020 05:55

@bulldoz it's Meghan's, The Duchess of Sussex's, mother who is black or more correctly African American.

Anyway this thread isn't to talk about royalty. There are enough hate threads on Mumsnet for you to do that on.

bulldoz · 28/10/2020 03:09

@RedMarauder I have no Interest in being a part of a hate thread! Why would you suggest me to go and spread hate!!!! I want to learn, understand and do the best I can by my baby.

GreyBeeplus3 · 21/01/2026 17:47

Yes; i read/ heard that too.

GreyBeeplus3 · 21/01/2026 17:56

JayDot500
And the other thing I can't get my head around is this "glass skin' thing that's doing the rounds
It's to I feel accentuate and make more paler the whiteness and smoothness of Korean skin
Breaks my heart when I've seen black girls following this weirdness
Does that mean we'd look like guineas bottles then?

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