10/10 Chats - Over Halfway There

[AbFabT]

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Morning! Silversky- i hope you're feeling better today- how scary for you. I've not been feeling so much at the moment but had read that mws don't look for women to track movements until later on (around 28 weeks) as babies can bury themselves in and it makes it more difficult to feel anything- but then again i suppose 2nd or more child, you feel more, so it must be horrid not getting that familiar feeling non the less.

Hello all

silversky hope you are feeling better after your scare - I have also noticed reduced movement over the last couple of days when it's been hot - I think that as I'm a bit tired and listless that means teh baby probbaly is too. I've been going to bed at 9.30 again every night this week!

seashells that's what my sister did for breastfeeding with the vest top to wear underneath to pull down - it worked well for her and kept her tummy warm as her baby was born in October too. She says that you can get a bit chilly if you are feeding for a long time!

I'm hoping to use my Big V pillow for a feeding support at least for the start.

Bionic Ear Hope you feel better soon too.

tiredfeet hope you have a lovely day - I'm very jealous stuck in work when it's so nice but at least we have air conditioning.

Got a hospital appointment tomorrow - not really sure why but got told to see the obstetrician again - think they just want to see if I'm anaemic but it'll be nice to go and have a chat anyhow!

Hope everyone has a lovely day today

Hope everyone is feeling well, especially Silversky.

Still debating the nursing pillow - I am sure I could make do with a normal pillow (even dedicate one to BFing, if we are worried about milk spillages etc - we seem to have an abundance of pillows in this house), and make my own fastenings/attachments/wedge it in, but some of them look so pretty! But then that's another £30 spend, and we need to be careful with our cash really.

If you remember, I wrote about ten days ago that I'd emailed the HR department at work re my Maternity Leave and when I'd like to start, but it was dependent on whether they'd let me carry over all my annual leave from this year, which when added to the annual leave I'd accrue for the maternity year, equals about two extra months off? Well, they've approved it! Amazing!!! I am over the moon! :-) It really extends the time I'll get to have off with my baby, much of it paid! Yippee! They are great like that, just a shame the manager is a poo face! Still got that to contend with, between now and October. And I just don't see him making things better for me. Would be perfect if they suggested they just sign me off between now and my maternity leave. Else I think I'll be going down the formal grievance route, and much as I want to strike one for the workers, I am not sure I really want to have to deal with all that. I think they'd rather not have a formal complaint on their books either, so maybe they'll suggest we just agree I get signed off. I'll be off on Maternity Leave in three months - I am sure it will fly.

Hi All,

Sorry you had such a fright Silver are you going to go in for a scan in the end? Hope you're feeling better.

CONGRATULATIONS Abfab that's great news.

Re the nursing pillow, my friend is using a big v -shaped one which I think she was using to sleep with to support bump before the birth (could that be right?) so you could really get your money's worth..and I do feel the remote control pocket could be used for a variety of things...chocolate, a tube of Lanisoh, nipple shields, a packet of biscuits... the list is endless.

LOL at your DS's creative endeavours floozie!

sorry to those of you who have the grumps but still have to interact with people - yuk. Hope you feel better soon!

Thanks, Dilly.

Yes, the pillows look great. But £30 (sometimes more!) for a PILLOW, with a few pockets, and sometimes a strap? £30???!!! And yes, I've been looking at ones that double as bump supports during pregnancy, but they still just look like a pillow, really!
I should get sewing/creative!

a few pockets? O this is getting good, I'll be like some kind of hobo shuffling about the house in a dressing gown, clutching my baby and a pillow containing all my worldly possessions in the pockets...

V tired again today. Struggled with walk back from school & spent most of the day in bed watching iplayer. Baby v lively though , maybe that's where my energy has gone. Up & down a lot in the night to the toilet so maybe that's not helped either

that sounds like good news AbfabT- but if you do nothing and get signed off- the boss will still be there when you get back and will still be behaving badly. Perhaps you could put in a grievance and be signed off whilst its happening to avoid bad feeling? Of course, HR should be suggesting mediation first. Are you alone in being affected or is the boss an arse to everyone?!

Just got back into work from an errand which featured a walk, drive, walk, drive walk combo with some stairs and my pulse rate was 112 and I could feel my heart hammering! I feel so unfit- I went to circuits up until 9 weeks pg, but it was too much weight lifting and sit ups and now I do 2 decent dog walks a day, but feel rubbish. Its toooo hot!

Up and down a lot to the toilet in the night doesn't help, nymph. Is your toilet on another floor - ours is - I haven't had to get up in the night in ages, but I reckon I might do soon - not looking forward to going down the stairs in the night with a big belly. Oh well, it's all worth it. Hope you can take it easy.

True, Elsa, but that's 14 months away after October, and I am really REALLY hoping we'll get pregnant again quickly with a second child, and I'll be off again! The policy at work is I can claim maternity benefit but if I don't go back, I don't have to pay any of it back. I don't want to go back, but will keep my options open.

Yeah - I am feeling less fit than usual - think I'll get out for a swim soon!

Elsa funny you should say about the fitness, I am quite breathless with this pg which I understand is nothing sinister but makes me feel really unfit, plus I'm all smooshy in the bum and thighs dept! I'm going to try the ol' aqua aerobics for pregnant women and to do more yoga and my funny little antenatal aerobics vid.

Sorry you feel rough nymph it is awful hot though. At least you're being sensible and resting.

Hello Everyone,

I have had a really frustrating time with the NHS...I had a kidney scan on Monday and the sonographer was the rudist woman I have ever met. We asked her if we could see the screen and if she could explain what she was doing. She said "No I can't talk because I am formulating something in my mind". She ignored us for the entire time she was scanning me and then announced that I have some kind of benign thing on my right kidney but it's nothing to be concerned about. And then we left. No follow up appointment, no explanation, nothing. We were livid. We walked straight to obstetrics and insisted that we saw someone who could explain the results of the scan. We got a consultant appointment the following day. He was lovely and very apologetic but the whole thing left a bad taste and we are not going to have the baby at that hospital. The care has been so disjointed, had I actually been really ill I could have slipped through the net so easily. The upshot is that I don't have an serious illnesses and we may never know what caused the pain. If it happens again I am to go straight to hospital.

Aside from all of that I feel much better, just too hot! Hope everyone else is well, SB

Sam I sometimes wonder why some people do jobs like that if they are just arseholes! I'm always astonished at the frequency that they turn up in the medical profession. How horrible for you. At least you've had good news though even if delivered in a bad way.

SamB, geeze, what is it with people! Sorry you went through that. But glad you are well.

Sorry, Elsa, didn't answer all of your question and I've only just noticed!

"Perhaps you could put in a grievance and be signed off whilst its happening to avoid bad feeling? Of course, HR should be suggesting mediation first. Are you alone in being affected or is the boss an arse to everyone?!
"

If/when I put in a grievance, I will have to be questioned whether I am there or not.
HR have suggested mediation and that's where we are at right now, though the manager hasn't moved an inch in his stance, and that's been his position for months - before I got signed off, and since.
He took over our department five years ago. THREE people out of a department of eight, left within a couple of months, due solely to his management style. Two of them had been there for about ten years. One just walked out, and one did put up a bit of a fight and my understanding is she got a bit of a pay off. The third hadn't been there long enough and was actually still only on a temporary contract so I don't think had much of a case.
Of the people remaining, he has caused a big split in the department - if you are in one team, you are treated very well - if you are in the other, you are treated like an idiot. Three of us are in the latter category. One is struggling and demoralised too, and is looking for a new job. The other is keeping his head down as he has children to support and doesn't want to rock the boat. HE's expressed anger about my situation to me before, but now he's trying to tell me things aren't that bad and I should just get on with it. Personnel do know enough, but because the manager is very crafty, LEGALLY, I am in a tough position to PROVE one thing or another. But they can see the genuine stress it's caused me, I just don't know how much that counts for. The three people who left, I don't think they took out grievances or made official complaints, I don't think it counts towards me having a case anyway even if he has previous, but it does go to show his awful management style. Sadly, there are a few people above him who due to internal politics, will be supportive of him whatever. It's a farce.

Sam how frustrating but well done for making the Dr see you!

abfab bathroom is next door to our room so don't have far to go.

elsa think 24 weeks is the start of the down hill slide fitness wise!

Sam - how bad is that?!

Abfab- hassle really is the last thing you need right now. Hope it gets sorted soon.
Toilets - we have an ensuite thank goodness, though I am currently ok for the night!
I'm still quite energetic- much more than first trimester but I'm not doing anything other than toddler chasing and dog walking!! Saying that, I slept for 2 hrs this afternoon and missed THE goal

Sam Thats so so bad!! I'm glad you got sorted though.

Today has been much better, despite work being totally mad and its been a VERY long day.

However, more importantly the baby has been booting me literally ALL DAY. Clearly s/he is feeling bad about the hospital visit yesterday and is trying to make amends.

Its been another scorcher and I didnt go out for lunch so maybe keeping out of the heat helped and also I had plenty of water today which must have helped.

I would like a bf pillow but again, money isnt exactly no option so perhaps will wait for the sales.

Hope everyone else is A OK.

Have decided to take ML at end of Sept with a week AL in front of it. Roll on Sept!

SamB glad you are ok, but how rubbish the scanner was. Well done for being assertive afterwards.

AbFab I am very jealous of your mat pay and leave. I'm starting to get a bit worried about our financial situation next year.

AbFab and others with walks to the loo - can I suggest getting a potty and using that? I went through a phase of sleeping in the attic in the first trimester and that's what I did rather than come down a flight of stairs at night. I got the tip from a MNetter last time round. You may of course think I'm out of the medieval ages but it sure makes life easier.

We went to the beach this morning. It was nice to start with but... I wanted to go right in the sea - DS for some reason didn't want to go, usually you can't hold him back, so stupidly I thought, oh he'll enjoy it when he gets there, so I started carrying him down, and he screamed all the way there, at the water, and nearly all the way back. I had to carry him back too. Whoops. I was annoyed because I only managed to get my feet in, but I was more annoyed with myself for not listening to him in the first place. My other justification was I had also wanted to wash the sand off his feet. Oh well. Learn from experience. It was a bloody long walk too.

AbfabT- that sounds like a really frustrating Catch 22 situation to be in. If you feel bullied, harrassed, treated unequally, you do not have to have hard proof- he cannot argue with your feelings and if he will not accommodate them through mediation, something formal had to be done to address the issue. I'll shut up now because it must be stressful for you to talk about it. Its just such a shame as you'd said previously that apart from him it was a great job. Enjoy your mat leave package .

Floozie, don't beat yourself up, you were acting on previous experience and its not like you walked him cheerfully into a vat of hot tar. x x

Sam- she sounds like a cow. Its that classic why on earth would you want to know because its not like you'd understand....I honestly believe that there are certain people in the medical profession who are clearly clever but assume that those of us who are not medical professionals are clearly dimwits who wouldn't understand what we are being told so whats the point of saying anything.....Its like blood pressure- so often they say hmm thats fine and won't say what it is.

dilly I love that image

Sam what a horrible appointment. I can't understand how she wouldn't be able to see that you needed to know what was happening, if she needed to concentrate whilst looking then she could have at least explained things afterwards

abfab really feeling for you. At least you are off for now and sometimes time can resolve problems that looked impossible (whether because someone moves on, or you find a new job, or similar).

I always make a point of asking what my BP was. Quite often when they were fiddling with my meds they would say it was fine but it wasn't for me, so I would say but usually its x/x and they would go 'oh thats not right...' Bugs me hosp/Gp systems don't link in so I'm the only one that knows both sets.

Struggling again today. Not slept much. Far too hot. Dripping with sweat. Hoping my grass comes soon & I may go to aquanatal(not planning on much exewrcise just want to get in a cool pool!)

floozie, yes, it's a great package, and I am thrilled HR have approved my annual leave can be tacked on to the end.

Try not to worry about your financial situation - it won't change things! Have you written it all out, what's coming in vs what's going out? Even though I am getting paid for nine months whilst being on maternity leave, I am still tightening our belts now, being really really frugal.

Re the potty, that's hilarious - we've already bought the potty for the baby (early I know, but we got a bargain at the Baby Show), and only the other night, DH said we might as well put it to good use and bring it upstairs! I am not so desperate yet that I think I need to do that. We'll see though! I am jealous of all your en suites!
Elsa, his argument is that I've got it all wrong (my perception of his treatment of me), and he can't pander to everyone's feelings, it's no way to do business, you can't please everybody blah blah blah. I actually do think he knows he's acted appallingly, but he is stubborn and won't want to look like he's been forced to backtrack. I don't see things getting better - even if he did put things back to how they were, there will still now be bad feeling in the department.
I am enjoying my time away, and I think it's easier for them dealing with the temp they've got in rather than me, so I doubt he wants me back, and is hoping my maternity leave comes round very soon!

I am wondering if I can suggest that they just agree to signing me off for the next three months, rather than go through the grievance procedure.

tiredfeet, thanks. I very much doubt he will move on though. Me, I've been there nearly ten years - maybe it's time I did anyway!

AbFabT: I think that sounds like a fair suggestion as I'm sure they won't want to add more stress to your current situation.

Nymph- aquanatal stuff sounds like a lovely idea.

I'm still feeling sooo tired and fed up with it. Yesterday evening I got in from work at 1730, walked the dogs, picked up DH from the train station, put a pan of bolognaise on then crashed totally and DH did the rest. Its really bugging me how tired I'm feeling. I'm off next week and can't wait. My DH is not off and he's already trying to book up my week with deliveries and workmen coming round etc. I have told him not to book something for everyday otherwise I won't be able to get out and about and I do not want to have to get up early to see to people i want to REST. We have the joiner coming Thurs/Fri, I want to go shopping on Monday, will probably see my parents on Tues or Weds and make use of their pool if its hot. He looked confused and was like' well what else are you going to do??' I think he expects me to put a full week's work in on the house, but I just can't unless I get a total energy surge....

Can you tell i'm feeling crochety?!