The PESH Deli - where black-humoured diffed BESHes turn to hormonal mush.

[CurlyCasper]

If you don't like the title, tough. I'm still talking

BESH BABYWIN STATS

This isn?t a fucking list ? right?

BESH BAYBEES
dontrythisathome, Bay Amaryllis born March 25.
Cheggers, twinz girlz, born April 12

UPDIFFED
Ponymum, the one with the worst hips, due mid June
CUNextTuesday, takes no shit from the Daily Mail, due June 28
IggyPiggy, The one who loves BUMSEX, due July 20
CurlyCasper, the ginger with the dodgy joints due July 21 (girl)
Skihorse, cradle snatching web geek, due July 22 (boy)
Carrots, organic hippy hunter, due July 25 (boy)
Cosmosis, the one that likes a good ride, due August 22
Pandora, She's got wings, due September 6
skatergrrrl, the one that overtook the rest, September ??
VAG, lives in De Nile, due 19 September
Honeymoo, puppy lover, due November 1
silversky, the biggest farter, due 21 October (first baybee)
okiecokie, self-confessed control freak, due November 6
SomethingSuitablyWitty, benelux babe, due November
ReginaMonologue, must-get-the-goss-from-ski, due November 20

cunty Phone the MW then milk it for all its worth - sounds like you've got Hom exactly where you want him right now. i.e., running & fetching. If your wee is fine then it's probably just some stupid thing which was nothing and will never be repeated and you'll never know what it was.

switty Feel free to give me cake/presents if you feel it'll aid your cause.

Cunty no idea my lovely, but why delay? Give your MR a call now for an answer/reassurance if you are worried. It doesn't sound nice.

Twitty I have to say with the cost of stamp duty you definitely don't want to be moving somewhere that you'll only be for a few years, unless you can guarantee a jump in value or you are made of £££. Our stamp duty was fricking eyewatering and I would move now under pain of death. We pushed ourselves to the limit to get somewhere where we have no need to move unless circumstances change with jobs etc. I know not everyone can do that, but I think your OH is probably right here... Soz

Iggs good luck with viewing. Get those lilies out and bread baking and you will be fine!

I didn't realise someone had to offer to do BabyShower?? Pah. Someone did ask me to 'host' one for them actually, but later changed their minds. Wot are my cupcakes not up to scratch? I had said to this person that I wanted to get a present for baby that she actually wanted and useful and not something token, but when I didn't get one quick enough she texted me to say I could get xxx if I wanted to get a pressie for baby. She is of US origin and I woz quite put out as definitely not very British way of doing things!!! (i.e. I would probably just simmer with resentment for 10 years)

Ski I'm with you, I don't fancy cringe inducing wimmz-fest. Few pressies, good CAKE and a glass of champagne and then upstairs for a nap.

I fink I would like one tho. Maybe could invite some old friends and new NCT pals and you lot to a pub for a Sunday lunch with ONE glass of Shiraz babyshower??

This political nonsense, is nonsense. Good on Cleggers say I. Stick with the winners.

Soz Cunty x post

• stamp duty? bwahahahahaha. switty is thinking of buying in Belgium... it cost me over 17k (!!!!) in taxes to buy there... I do however fully endorse your cake, champagne & a nice nap babyshower!

Actually I think it was 20k plus - I'm ashamed to say it got to the point where I simply stopped looking at the figures because it was so horrific. I don't ever wish to think about how much it all cost me - I was lucky enough to sell in 2008 just before the arse fell out of the market and so escaped with a few quid - but I was really very, very lucky!

Community mw office devoid of phone answerers . Am never ill, don't like it.

Fucking Nigel Havers on their voicemail message . This is no time for more posh cunts to be pissing me off.

(Zac Goldsmith returned as MP here )

niggly five viewings and a second look is great progress! Fingers crossed one of them turns into a good offer. (Then you can share the new house-new baby joys!)

sorry x 2 CUooesday

casp cunts and anyone else that wants to can join me for baby shower shiz then

moo stamp duty is eye watering innit - we are looking at houses on the cusp on the bracket - make huge diff to price...

caspie I just took another call from estate agent and we haz another second viewing booked after last nights one - they coming again on mon... I haz flowers - must start with the baking.

oh yeah - and cunty please to keep calling those MWs - sounds horrible feeling dizzy and stuffs... not sure if this helps at all?

cunty call the labour ward and your doula. Doula should know what to do and the labour ward is always your port of call if you can't get through to community.

Definately get this checked out. If your urine was clear, chances are it's not pre-ec but at the same time it doesn't sound like something to ignore. I know, I will call me mam - and report back in a mo. Although she'll prob say call your labour ward!

Ski that doesn't sound good. Our stamp duty was a good bit more, but we saved ALOT on our hoose and wouldn't have been able to buy were it not for global recession. We were v v v lucky. So I have to balance it against that and the fact we don't plan to move. Ever.

Iggs good alternative to baking - stick some croissants in the oven quickly. Just don't burn them!

mum says it's probably the baby on a nerve but you should go to docs or labour ward as soon as is convenient to get it checked.

Where is Cunty?

I've just sent her a text, she says she's feeling a bit better, is just having a snooze now and will be back later - and of course thanks everyone for caring.

A snooze? when she could be keeping me updated? outrageous!

Yay for houses and boo to stamp duty in general - and do you know, you don't even get a stamp for all that cash! They don't even bother to fork out for a titchy bit of ink and a rubber stamp! Pish!

Welcome namechanger - tequila sunrise for me please!

Baby showers - my sister's bf wanted to throw her one so we did, was quite a nice afternoon, tea & cake and small group of pals, coupla silly games then all go home. I instinctively cringe at the idea too (I didn't really want a hen party, but my bf insisted, and it was quite nice in the end) but a titchy get together with a select few might be bearable. With a no present rule. (I'm still scarred by having to attend an acquaintance's hen party where her Aussie sister told us all to bring gifts - I hate hate hate being told what to do, esp where gifts are concerned - surely you give cos you want to not cos you are told to.)

ps love to Cunty

ski could you text her and ask her to go to docs or LW to get her BP checked properly? My message should have read "as soon as possible" as opposed to "convenient" but was trying to say "git over there girl" without worrying her.

It's very likely nothing but given that it is one of the symptoms of more serious problems, it needs checking so kick her out and get her checked... if that's ok?

Aw PESHes!! Fanx and that. Been zedding innit and indulged in my favourite lunch - philadelphia and lakeland crispy bacon sangers nom nom.

Rots that does sound v plausible, thanks for your efforts - don't feel woozy anymore, but there's still something not quite right. Tried to get MWs all morning, both at ante-natal clinic and at community office with no joy. Thought I'd see how I felt after a kip and some lunch but I'm still mildly mithered.

Will keep you posted if I manage to get hold of them...

Oh dear (sits smug errr...) poor cunty.

Sorry guys there is no peanuts left ive scoffed the lot, other overdue bar snacks include some crispy looking raisins (found at the back of cupboard - seriously I mixed them in with all bran for DH and he been chopping them down every morning this week!) and err some crips crumbs.

Well done on the house curly

I have potteres about this am and just done job after job - Have actually emptied hoover!

Right this Baby Shower biz is shiz lippy as I am I would feel too emabarassed inviting folk to my house with the purpose of 'bring me baby stuff'

DS has just asked to play outside - he has his jamas on (as do as do i!) I am going to bung a hoodie on top as he's already tucked his bottoms into his wellies that look like tracksuit bottoms. PESH! if I am like this now.

TBH I dont have any symptons today and feel fine but have an early scan to go to tomorrow morning for spotting I am only 6 +4

SHould I take DH and DS we have no one else or just go on own - I am a bit scared in case it bad news?

I will of course be going on the bike...

Spoke to MW - going up to day assessment unit at hospital to be checked over. Will report back

Good luck cunty and thank gawd you're going - rots was bending my ear via every medium she has! As if I could make cunty do anything!

Best wishes cunty x

Good luck cunterina hope is all ok.

name could you take them both, but just go in on your own - so your small one doesn't have to come in the scan room? Hope it is all ok for you.

by the way - we shun acroynms like DH and DS here

Good luck cuntster. Hope it's just another PESH false alarm.

iggy is correct - we don't do DS/DH/DOW type stuff. Particularly if you start with "my DH is shagging my sister". dear? darling? pffff! I also think taking them both but maybe leaving them in the waiting room is for the best - unless your son is too wee to understand?

honey The reason (for me) that the taxes were so extortionate was that I was a FTB and I only paid 142k for the house... so the fact that I handed over 165k stung! I wouldn't have minded if I was buying a bloody mansion on millionaire's row!