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Connect with mums-to-be with similar due dates to share experiences and support.

~~August 2010~~ tummies blooming into bumps

957 replies

CherryPie3 · 17/03/2010 09:29

5th thread come grab a bean bag, theres a cake table in the corner (feel free to help yourselves)

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
aendr · 03/04/2010 14:01

Regarding the car seats, during my last pregnancy I heard it was 20 minutes at a time, no more than 2 hours in a 24 hour period in a car seat that didn't allow them to lie flat... until they were able to hold their head up and sit up (supported.) It's an extra argument against the car seats that fit in the travel systems because of the length of time the baby can end up in the seat.

Practically, I reckoned that the occasional longer stretch was okay, especially as they got older. Just to get DS home from hospital was a 30 minute drive on its own.

I'm only 5 foot and the travel system seats dragged on the ground for me, so I got a lie flat pushchair-pram and a group 0+ car seat (newborn to 4 years/18kg) and lifted DS out into a cuddle hold. He'd just settle back to sleep happily, so I personally found the argument about the travel system seats not disturbing a sleeping baby were invalid for us.
We've just moved DS up to a group 1 car seat so that he doesn't feel usurped from lots of things when baby is born. We thought about a group 1-2-3 but couldn't get an Isofix one that fitted our car.

My feelings on this:
Travel system group 0 seat:
Can be taken out of the car while baby still asleep - could be useful, but if your baby settles back easily, isn't really that handy.
Can be taken out of the car and used for a safe place to keep baby when visiting a non-baby house - can be pretty useful.
Temptation to leave baby in for ages - not so good.
Very heavy and unwieldy - not so good especially if you have a c-section, and just gets heavier with baby.
Doesn't last that long - lots of my first antenatal group peers had to upgrade their car seats ages ago, DS still fits in ours, we've just chosen to upgrade him.
Most of them have Isofix and can be seatbelted in too, thus they fit a large range of cars, so very practical for getting in others' cars, and they're easier to swap between cars than the bigger seats.
You can strap baby in in the house, then quickly slot seat into its base, rather than faffing around outside when it's raining.
You can end up limiting yourself to the travel system selection which fits the car seat selection.

Group 0+ seat:
Stays in car all the time, don't have to worry about getting the fit correct after the nice person in the store puts it in for you.
Lasts a lot longer than the smaller ones.
You might have a wider choice of prams if you don't plan on buying more than one.
You're not tempted to leave them in the seat too long.
Can be really big and bulky and impair the driver's view out of the side window if placed on the left.
Older babies/toddlers have more scope for bracing themselves between seat and door frame when they don't want to get in when still rear facing.
Can be rear facing for much longer (a lot of people go forward facing when they upgrade the group 0 ones) - and there are arguments to suggest that rear facing is a lot safer in a crash.
Can be hard to get Isofix ones.

But we've just moved DS to a forward facing group 1 Isofix seat and it's SUCH an improvement that I can't argue for the 0+ that strongly.

It all depends on what you think your lifestyle is going to be, and that's a little hard to tell till you're living it.

Do consider your car - especially if you are changing car ready for the new family - our Renault Scenic has odd shaped seats so very few car seats fit well. It does have Isofix, but that doesn't help always. But we picked it because we only found 2 cars I could get behind the wheel while 20 weeks pregnant, with space to spare for expanding bump AND still be able to get the clutch down to change gear - and out of the two, we liked the way the boot was straight in with no lip, making getting a pushchair in and out at my height much much easier. The fact the seats come totally out too is great for transporting big things like the slide we just bought DS.

There are lots of carseats out there, but only a couple of manufacturers have "fit finders" on their websites. They corner the market, being very large manufacturers and add to that the fact that it's very convenient being able to sit on your sofa eating jaffa cakes with your feet up and the laptop just beyond your bump and click on what car you have and find out which seats will fit it, especially in a "hard to fit" car. If you're considering car buying, it's also worth looking up your shortlist and seeing if you get lots of fits (implying other brand seats are more likely to fit too) or few. Links: Britax and Maxi-Cosi

Talking of jaffa cakes, anyone want one before I scoff the lot?

(And on a further car seat note, I found the Easy View Back Seat Mirror really good for keeping an eye on DS while he was rear facing, and also the Babysnuggle or similar was good for keeping baby warm and cosy in winter in both car seat and pushchair and much easier than fighting reluctant legs into a pramsuit.)

aendr · 03/04/2010 14:11

CazEM "I'm not even a Mummy yet and I'm already coming to the conclusion there are loads of things to guilt ourselves out about!"
Oh indeed and if you do X then one person will tell you X is wrong, and another will tell you that the opposite of X is wrong, so you're damned if you do and damned if you don't half the time!

... I'm still getting over the guilt I felt for failing to breastfeed last time (I exclusively expressed for several weeks and ran myself into the ground doing it [including a couple of bouts of mastitis induced delirium] and life was so much better when I stopped, everyone including DS happier*) to the extent I'm already having nightmares about feeding with this one. I want to, but I'm scared due to what happened last time and I end up in or near tears thinking about it, or typing about it. Must find myself a decent breastfeeding counsellor but keep putting it off as I don't want to face it.

except the professionals, who still say "are you still breastfeeding" and give disapproving body language to the reply "no". In actual fact we NEVER succeeded in breast*feeding.

Sorry to put a downer on things.

Lots of women succeed to breastfeed, so anyone who has any desire to try, do not let me put you off. But do be prepared that it is hard initially, and you do need some determination, time, patience and support from all around you. We had particular physical problems which made it difficult for my son to feed and there is no reason that should apply to any of you (though some of the problems will apply to me this time, too, contributing to my worry.)

neenz · 03/04/2010 14:35

Elusive that sounds like a good book.

Don't bother reading Gina Ford if you want to know what it is like with a newborn! I like the book for the routine and the tips on feeding and settling but thinking you can get a baby into a routine 3 days after leaving hospital is pie in the sky! It makes people feel like a failure, then they ditch the book completely when actually it can be very useful later on. (IMO )

Cherry, if there's no money for Barcelona then no money for any more footie trips! Where is the final this year? I know what you mean about keeping up with hobbies but not ones that expensive surely. Will you be able to keep up with your hobbies once the baby arrives? Probably not (at first anyway). Does he have a season ticket to Utd too? DH has one for Liverpool and it is £600. He doesn't go to any euro games now (even home ones) not just cos of the cost but cos of the time it takes. I need him home for bathtime in evenings (and the company!). He does play footie sunday mornings which makes me very because he is out from 8.30am to 1pm every sunday! With DC3 on the way I think spending half of Saturday watching footie and half of sunday playing footie is taking the piss. So that is up for discussion for next season. Either Liverpool or sunday league has to go!

Car seats - ideally you don't want them in car seats for long lengths of time but a limit of 1.5hrs in a whole day is a bit ott IMO. Of course you can take them on long trips now and again, just have regular breaks (which you will have to anyway to feed/change nappies). Oh and say goodbye to 10-mins stops at motorway service stations - it now takes us at least an hour if we have to feed both kids and change nappies! (plus have a drink ourselves). Remember too that you can get car seats that lie flat - I think the Mutsy and Jane travel systems do this so when you put the car seat on the pram you can lie the baby flat.

aendr, really sorry to hear you're feeling low about BFing. Have you read any of the la leche league books? They might be able to help you work out what went wrong last time and hopefully help you this time. A BFing counsellor will be a big help too, hope you can find a nice one. Have you got family who BF'd? If it doesn't work out this time, just remember how happy and well your LO is - FFing is given a bad rep but actually as you know the vast majority of babies thrive on FF. You can only do your best

CherryPie3 · 03/04/2010 16:25

Neenz No he doesn't have a season ticket for the reason you stated really - every week he'd be away at this ground or that ground and it would seriously piss me off. At least these away games aren't that often.

The final is at the Santiago Bernabeu this year and he is absolutely itching to go. I've said if Man Utd get to the final I will consider it. Maybe. At the moment it's a resounding NO, simply due to the fact that he feels it's acceptable to swan off when he gets chance but doesn't like it if I actually try to plan something nice for us. I've put an itinery together for this Barcelona trip to try and make him see how much effort I'm putting in - and it includes a high velocity train ride to madrid to go for lunch and take a tour around the Bernabeu - as a comrpomise that he still gets to see the stadium.

Do you think I'm being unreasonable? I hope I'm not, but he's making me feel as though I am so just wanna check.

Sorry for ranting on - I've said all of this to him apart from the itinery cos I've put that together in the last 2 hours (at work, very quiet and lots of web surfing going on here )

OP posts:
girlsyearapart · 03/04/2010 19:44

aendr totally know where you're coming from with the breast feeding. I almost killed myself trying to feed dd1 and eventually after two weeks DH gave her a bottle while I sat on the bathroom floor and cried

I feel like although there are loads of stories about people's births there is not much support/advice from other Mums until you actually struggle to bf then you hear all the stories from others about their own bf issues.

CazEM · 03/04/2010 21:33

Cherry - you sound like the nicest most reasonable wife ever!! You sound a lot nicer than me! Haha! Make sure you get your trip!!! You deserve it!!

My DH would feel really hard done by if I told him other DH's get to keep up with their hobbies and would love me to allow him to indulge in his expensive hobbies - I'm forever grateful that my DH isn't into football but his expensive hobbies tend to be keeping his PC upgraded and games for his Xbox.

He quite regulaly has a new game but upgrading his PC is few and far between since we bought the house 3 years ago. He is currently waiting on a processer or something, and is hoping to get it at the end of April if nothing else crops up in the meantime! He's been waiting since before Xmas, but baby stuff has taken over! He would never expect to have something for his PC over something we could do or have together though, and he totally gets that we need to make sure baby has everything she could possibly need. He considers his biggest loss to be his sports car that he had to sell when we bought the house - he was gutted but we couldn't afford it all and he understood that! He still mourns it occasionally though! Especially since I drive the "nice" car and he drives the "banger" now! lol!

Had another lovely day, bit more shopping, bought a changing bag. DH built baby's pram - (bought in Jan, decided we better build it and check it all out! Just as well we did because the hood had been installed wrong at the factory, so had to take a trip to Mamas and Papas for them to sort it out, which they did in a few minutes! It looks soooo pretty (Mimi colour option)! I'm really pleased with it! www.mamasandpapas.com/switch/

I really really must do some work for uni or school Monday now and find my motivation! (Not tomorrow, lunch at Mum, need to see my niece to give her her Easter egg/present, and tea at Grandmas! Will have no time for work!) All I've done this week is relax or shop! Haha!

neenz · 03/04/2010 22:37

Cazem, I made DH give up his sports car too! It was costing £550 a month on lease (so we didn't even own it), it drank petrol and the maintenance costs were extortionate (it was a merc). You could only fit two people in it so it had to go. He now drives a Toyota Avensis diesel - and he loves it. It is paid for, cheap to run, cheap to service and has done 100k miles and is still going strong!

Cherry, no I don't think YABU at all - if the choice is Barcelona for the two of you or the Euro Cup final just for him then of course Barcelona should win. If you can afford to do both then I think the Euro Cup final is a massive occassion and he would be gutted to miss it so it would be great if he can go. But if he hadn't gone to Madrid he would have a few hundred pound to put toward it already so he should have saved his cash! I 'let' dh go to the two Liverpool euro finals because I know how much it meant to him and we didn't have kids then, but he was surprised when I said it was ok for him to go this year - he thought those sorts of trips were a thing of the past, for most of his friends they are, because family has to take priority. I am sure if you say no barcelona, no cup final you will get your trip!

I am tucking into one of the kids' easter eggs

ElusiveMoose · 04/04/2010 09:43

Happy chocolatey Easter to everyone (no big Easter eggs consumed here yet, but gorged myself on tiny Lindor ones yesterday. And no doubt I'll be popping into the supermarket tomorrow to snap up a couple on special offer ).

No time for a proper post - just off to my sister's house for my nephew's second birthday.

Re the breastfeeding, though, I know exactly where you're coming from. I had a dreadful time last time (as I've no doubt bored you with before ), and this time I'm much more stressed about that than the actual birth. But anyway, it just reminded me of something else that that 'Help I'm a parent' book said. It's written by one of the founders of the NCT, so I expected it to be seriously bf-militant. But the woman actually says: everyone might as well try to bf straight after the birth, because you've got nothing to lose, and the colostrum is one of the most important 'bits' of the milk; then, if you only manage five days, then at least you've given the baby the best start; if you manage five weeks, then that's brilliant; and if you manage five months, then that's absolutely fantastic. And whenever you feel it's time for you to switch to FF (for whatever reason), then you know you've done the best you can .

sparkle101 · 04/04/2010 14:39

cherrypie it feels like the pain you get when you stand up too quickly from sitting down - although it sounds like evryone else is having similar experiences and the ligaments stretching would be an obvious answer! I also think your dh needs to understand and give you a bit of you time together - specially at the moment with your hormones all over the place and knowing in 4/5 months you'll have no time to yourselves!

We took down the built in wardrobe in the nursery to be today and found the previous owners of the house didn't carpet under the wardrobe - they just carpeted around it so we have a huge expanse of floorboard showing - and in the corner of the floorboard is a nice big hole just above the kitchen! What started off as a small job to sort spare room into nursery has become rather expensive!!!! why can people who sell houses not tell you what bodge jobs they have done before you buy it!!!

Aussieng · 04/04/2010 14:41

Happy Easter everyone. Feeling a bit Blah. Mum didn't make it due to D&V bug and the delivery we were waiting for to do the garden never turned up. On economy drive until DH's job situation gets sorted so not really done much and feeling quite "blah".

Going to wander over to Tesco (Express so open despite it being Easter) and buy some ingredients to make cheese scones, ginger and lemon cheesecake (have to use up all of the ginger biscuits left over from MS) and lasagne for dinner tonight. Might wander into the SSSI area for some fresh air while on the way and hope that releases some endorphins or something!

Just bought three books on Ebay - What to expect when your expecting, the Lamaze book and Help I'm a parent - £10 the lot so at least will have something to read next weekend!

Aussieng · 04/04/2010 14:43

Lol Sparkle - amazes me that people do that. When my mum bought her house, once the sellers moved out and she got the keys she realised that they had only put dado rail in the lounge and dining room up to the furniture (ie not behind it) . She hated the dado anyway but it did mean that a swift DIY job was called for which had not been budgeted.

bouncingblueberries · 04/04/2010 19:31

Just a quick one re breastfeeding. I had a terrible time at the start with ds (chronic thrush, tongue tie, bad latch etc) but with lots of help and support we eventually managed 11 months. The thing that held us back in the end I'm sure was a lack of confidence and listening too much to people who had NEVER breastfed before. In fairness, these people did mean well, but they completely undermined my confidence when telling me that a breastfeed should only take 10 minutes and that ds should easily go 3-4 hours between feeds (he just wasn't that kind of feeder - not many babies are!). When I started relaxing about the whole thing and just doing what I felt was right (feeding on demand, feeding for comfort, throwing in the odd bottle of formula now and again when I felt like it and NOT feeling guilty about it) everything fell into place.

However, I'm half way through The Politics of Breastfeeding and have decided that formula is not for me this time round. It's a personal decision, but one that I've made based on what I've read about the effects of formula. (don't want to start a whole formula v breast debate - everyone needs to make their own decision based on their circumstances, experience and needs). But this time round I'm lucky that a very close friend is in the last stages of qualifying as a breastfeeding counsellor - so I know EXACTLY where to go for help. This alone will make a huge difference.

I can't stress enough that if you want to breastfeed, find out where all the baby cafe's, breastfeeding clinics and breastfeeding counsellors are NOW. Stick the list on your fridge and one in your hospital bag, then you have a back-up plan should you need it. So much about breastfeeding is linked to confidence and support. You just have to learn to trust yourself and your boobs!

Oh, and mumsnet of course has a wealth of information on feeding.

Sorry - not such a short one after all. It's just something I feel really strongly about and will probably train as a breastfeeding counsellor myself one day.

Alicetheinvisible · 05/04/2010 09:01

Morning

Hope everyone had a lovely easter.

BouncingBlueberries Before i had DD i was adamant(sp?) i was going to BF. I was pouring milk from 26wks so as far as i was concerned there would be no problem. DD struggled to feed. Possibly from the milk coming too fast as she would cough and splutter and get a faceful. I had some help from HV's but at a week old, DD had gone down to 6lb1oz from 7lb4oz and was dehydrated. I started to express by hand and the first feed DD could only take 10mls at a time before she would fall asleep for a whole hour!! Within the week we bought a hand pump and all feeds were expressed. In the afternoons i would give her half of her feed expressed then try to BF which she did a bit, then would fall asleep. I remember these afternoons very fondly. By the time DD was 6weeks old she would sometimes have a top up of Formula and by about 4months was on hungry baby formula with only 1 or 2 of ebm if i had it. I was happy with how it went in the end, despite being so far from my own expectations!

CherryPie3 · 05/04/2010 10:56

Good Morning - hope everyone has had a good weekend

Just wanna say thank you to you all as well, this weekend trip away was really stressing me out and you girls made me feel a massive amount better about the whole thing!!! Chocolate brownies for all I think . Dh included cos I'm still inflicting working my hormones magic on him

Sparkle Thats crazy about what the previous owners did.

loving the breastfeeding talk - I'm keeping an open mind. Would prefer to breastfeed but don't wanna be dead set on doing something to then fall with disappointment if for any reason I can't. Did that with dd and it was awful - guilt, anger etc. Don't wanna go through that again!

Love to all xxxxx

OP posts:
Alicetheinvisible · 05/04/2010 11:00

Hey Cherry

I may even get a tub of formula before i have the baby, simply because i felt so much more relaxed knowing it was there just in case!

I think i need to get a bump support band/belt. Has anyone used one before?

vix206 · 05/04/2010 11:51

Hey girls, I just wondered if I am the only one who has decided definitely not to breast feed?

Alicetheinvisible · 05/04/2010 11:57

Vix it is your choice. You don't need the face! My friend refused to BF despite a lot of pressure to, and her children are not unhealthy, or monsters because of it It is your body, your child and your life = your decision

weehector · 05/04/2010 12:18

Afternoon people, hope we're all having a good Easter

Re BF, I knew it was controversial and a favourite cause of all Right Thinking Mothers but I never thought it could be so difficult & upsetting. Because I don't know any better & it sounds like a no-brainer to at least give it a shot, I'm going to try with a good measure of perserverance but with a shrug of the shoulders if it doesn't work out. Having seen my sister operated on for breast cancer at 5 months, have her baby delivered at 34 weeks to allow her to crack on with the nasty chemo and then be unable to breast feed at all probably puts it in perspective for me. My niece, btw, is a perfectly healthy 12months.

ILs just arrived...back later!

vix206 · 05/04/2010 12:40

the face wasn't an unfriendly one it was literally meaning 'hmm' as in - I wonder...

I was bottlefed, as was my DH and most of my friends have bottle fed their babies with great results. I just wondered of there was anyone else on here who had already decided, out of interest.

Aussieng · 05/04/2010 12:48

I'm pretty much of the same mindset as WeeHector I'm definitely going to give it a go because I do think it is better BUT best of all is an unstressed baby and mummy so if it does not work out then [shrug] and move on. Even if I manage to pass on the colustrum, I will be happy and we're mentally (as best we can be) prepared for a few days of torture in the beginning. Luckily my local midwife team do seem to be very pro-bf and I have found a local support group who meet at Pizza Express. Joy

pamplem0usse · 05/04/2010 13:06

Quick one as sooo busy! And getting very excited about scan tomorrow, yay! Have finally decided that we will definitely not be finding out what this little one is!

I'm SO RELIEVED to see that everyone isn't expecting it to be easy and relaxing. TBH much as I'm desperate for this baby, I've completely prepared myself for an utterly horrid month or two while I get used to (do you ever?!) a lack of sleep and struggling to feed!

Hope everyone is having a fun chocolate-filled easter!

Sxxx

CazEM · 05/04/2010 13:21

Hi everyone!

Been doing school work all morning and now I'm ready for a break! That's quite enough for one day I think! However I really really need to start my essay for uni, time is running out. (4000 words, due in 30th April, not even looked at it yet...) See how I feel when I get out the shower (yes I am being that lazy today!)

I'm in the same mindset at Aussie and Weehector with BF. I fully intend to give it a really good go, and I think it would be lovely for bonding etc. but on the other hand if we can't make it work then I have no issue whatsoever in bottlefeeding. As Aussie - A happy baby and Mummy is much more important.

I think far too much pressure is put on Mums regarding BF, I was bottle fed and theres nothing wrong with me, the same for my brother and sister and my niece etc etc. Everyone I know who was bottle fed seems perfectly healthy to me! So for me, its gunna be see how it goes and I will also have the support of a good friend who is currently training to be a breastfeeding councellor so I'll have someone on hand to give me all the help I need....

DH has gone out for a bike ride today to give me some space to do my work. However now I'm bored of work I hope he comes home soon! Could do with my car back to pop to mothercare to get a refund on a parasol that doesn't fit on our pram... I want one of those traditional white frilly ones (does that make sense!?) but they don't seem to be very readily available in shops and the one I have bought doesn't fit.... ideas anyone?

Hope your all enjoying bank hol...

neenz · 05/04/2010 13:34

Good luck with the scan Pample!

What an inspiring story about your BFing Blueberries. It just shows that support is SO most important. My mum BF'd four and 3 sisters bf'd six so I was very lucky to have that support.

I BF'd my twins exclusively till weaning and carried on till 13m. And I didn't really have any problems so first-timers don't expect that it is going to be horrid cos it might not be! The only 'problem' was they wanted to feed all night at first - I let them cos they were just building up their supply. I didn't feel like I had 'enough' milk till about 12wks (they kept going on growth spurts) but the answer to that was just feed them more .

It can be exhausting but you have to look at BFing as your full-time job, day and night. Sometimes you might not get off the sofa all day, or your LO might want to feed all night, but at first this is normal and it's important to realise it doesn't mean something is wrong. Just keep feeding!

When I had the twins, my approach was 'if they cry, feed them' and I have to say it worked wonders. I had dry/sore nipples at first but used lansinoh and it was brilliant (they should be able to give you some at the hospital but take some in with you too) - they weren't sore for long. My DD didn't put much weight on at first either (and was 4.8lb born ) and HVs were pressuring me to give her FF but I knew she didn't need it cos I knew she was doing fine (she was pooing and weeing and was gaining weight, just slowly). I do think you have to approach BFing with an 'I will succeed' attitude because more often than not you will succeed because it is nature's way. I agree that you do not want to beat yourself up if it doesn't work out but you have to balance that with a determination to make it work. Trust your body and your baby - they know what to do!

vix206 · 05/04/2010 14:41

neenz, the full time job element is my main problem, because I am not going to be able to take maternity leave with running the business - I will be taking the baby into the office with me as we are purely online so nobody other than DH and I are ever really on site unless we have a supplier appointment - but having seen my friends breastfeeding schedules I just know there is no way I would be able to cope with that and running the business effectively. To be totally honest I don't know how we are going to cope - I just know we'll have to!

This is only one of many reasons I have chosen to bottle feed my baby, although I am strongly considering giving the first feed of colostrum as I guess I see that as a bit of a boost at the start, if I am able to do so I will.

Alicetheinvisible · 05/04/2010 16:32

Vix i didn't think it was an unfriendly face, i meant you don't need that face because there is nothing wrong with our decision TBH, you may find BF easier wrt feeding while at work, especially if baby feeds ok.

Pample Good luck with the scan! I also told myself to expect the worse. Wouldn't get a full nights sleep in at least 10yrs, would spend my life looking like wurzel gummage covered in puke etc.... But i realistically decided very early on what my priorities were. The baby (DD) needed to be clean, warm, fed and loved and the horses needed doing everyday, anything else was a bonus. After our first traumatic week, DD was a dream baby and started sleeping 8hrs a night at 3weeks old. The toddler stage however......

Just drinking pineapple juice with crushed ice - can almost pretend it is a cocktail