DUE SEPTEMBER 2010: SECOND TRIMESTER ALREADY!

[Love2Dance]

Hellooooo? Anyone there? Night ZZZzzz.

i just re read.....and i am a total idiot, i see what you mean!! i am not 17+6 rather 16+6 oooops

Lol@Jaysfourth - I did think that first reply sounded a little harsh but guessed you were being prompt and to the point!

Has anyone else felt really irritable recently, or is it just me? People keep doing and saying things which send me off going over it all in my head, and my poor dh has had to listen to so much whinging recently. I can't help myself. At times I can hear myself talking to him, and thinking, 'I'm boring myself, is he still listening?', but probably quite small things are taking on great importance at the moment. Is this normal in pregnancy? I don't remember it happening first time

On a lighter note, hope everyone else is well, and good luck to DreamingAboutSleep

Hi all - just had my delayed nuchal scan this morning and good news is that the measurements look fine. Have to wait for bloods to come back to get my combined results but feeling quite encouraged.

The consultant had a look at the twins and was able to tell us that they are definitely non-identical so that is a big relief - means with the smaller twin I can stop worrying about twin-to-twin transfusion! It also means I "only" have to have monthly scans/appts rather than fortnightly ones so that is a lot easier too. Finally feel like I can relax a bit about everything!

Hope everyone's Mother's Days were good - sorry Love2Dance that yours got off to a shaky start but hope your day got much better.

Oosabeauta - I feel irritated by almost everything at the moment - I think it is totally normal to be a bit, erm, "sensitive" to things that'd normally wash over you.

12+2 (that'll probably be the last time I manage to write that accurately - helps that I just had a scan!)

oosabeauta About 2 weeks ago I was very crotchety and grumpy, even more so than usual (and I'm normally a fairly grumpy cow as my delightful mother likes to say). I started to worry that I was sending weird vibes to the baby and that I was going to screw him up from the off (I can't help calling it him). Now the sickness is beginning to wane and the sun is sort of out, I have been in a much better mood. I have also decided to blame any out of character behaviour on my little passenger having his Dad's mad DNA. I've recently decided I hate housework...

oh Love2Dance sounds like your M's D wasn't much of a day for you. Hope the evening was better than the morning.

Is it me, or does anyone else now feel like it's a vast eternity between now and the 20 week scan?

I have to doing some adding up now which I am crap at but I think I am .....

13+1

Ooo I've been in a grump for weeks, some days better than others but DH really can't do a thing right bless him. Half the problem is disrupted sleep, can't get comfy for ages, just get comfy then need the loo etc etc.

I'm waiting for my 20 week scan and you are right Ladyrabbit, it does seem like a looong wait.

15+1

Good to hear it's not just me then

Forgot to put my weeks on - is 12+4. 20 weeks is really ages away. What an agonising wait!

Hello Everyone - im a newbie too!

im a first timer - 14 weeks today - due 13 Sept

is anyone else feeling huge? my work trousers are sooo uncomfortable, but it seems too early for materity clothes?

any tips on how to manage from those who have done this before?

im also having major pain in my left shoulder - could this be baby related?

Rhi

Oh my goodness I can't keep up! I'm not even going to try to comment on peoples news, I'd be here all night! Welcome newbies tho!

Quick question on conception dates! I don't have periods because od polycystic ovaries so have to try to work it out by dates! If you're classed as being pregnant from the 1st day of your last period, does that mean that you actually concieved 2ish weeks later when you ovulate?? ie edd 2nd sept, 40 weeks prior to that is 26th Nov so would conception have occured 10th Dec??

I hope someone out there isn't suffering too much with pregnant brain to make sense of that!

15+4

Hi Jaysforth! Thanks for the welcome! It is so nice reading other peoples experiences and stories, and I find myself nodding at most of them! LOL!

Inzidoodle, thank you for the welcome too! And my eveinging tummy is huge too! Prob all the scoffing!! One of my friends at work today last saw me Friday and said I look like I am showing now! Love it!!! Still think it has a look of too many pies ATM though! Not too many flutters today, but lovely when they do come!!!

Ossabeauta - I find I am like that too! I love a good old moan lately! You name it, I'll have a whinge!!! The joys of pregnancy! No wonder DP has confined himself to his office!! he he!!!!

Good luck DreamingAboutSleep and hope all is well!

14+3

And just to prove to myself the point that I forgot to make.........I think I have a erious case of baby brain. Keep forgetting everything! Had to get myself a diary and have to writ everything down! Any one else finding that or am I just losing the plot..........LOL!

14+3

Hello again, thanks for all the thoughts! Scan went really well, babe did not stop wriggling about all the way through! I'm due on the 22nd September so would like to officially join the thread, this is no2, I already have a 16 month old DD who is responsible for my ongoing need for sleep.

I too feel like I'm bursting out of my normal clothes already but just look like I've been hitting Gregg's a bit too much lately!

Have also been on a bit of a brain holiday recently, I can't seem to retain any important information at all these days, am pleased I can finally put it down to pregnancy and not the just colour of my hair .

Wow, wow wow!! That is great news!!!! So happy for you and you must be sooooo relieved!!! Well done and keep us all updated!!!

xxxxxxxxxxxx

Congratulations DreamingAboutSleep! So glad your scan went well. My EDD is 23rd Sept, although I haven't added to the list yet, and is my 2nd as I have a coming up to 19 month old, so snap (ish)!! Also snap on clothing issues - have realised today that I must get my maternity bras back out as the wiring popped out of the one I was wearing today under the strain. Mainly 'fat back' problem already - seem to be growing all over, not just tummy

Bananastew have thought about your question - I can't use LMPs either because of my polycystic ovaries and very long, erratic cycle, so only know the date after having a scan. From there working backwards, I think you can count 38 weeks to find date of conception, because the 40 weeks is based on a 28 day cycle, assuming that you ovulate two weeks through. So the first two weeks of the 40 are before you've actually conceived, just there to make an easy calculation for those with a regular cycle. Phew - I hope I've got that right. That's how I tried to work mine out anyway. So... if I am right, your conception would have been 13+4 ago, making it around the 11th December. Looking back at your post that's what you've estimated too, so perhaps we're right

I don't know whether you find doctors a bit befuddled by this - I'm always told that I must be further along even though I insist that my super long cycle means I won't be, but the upside is that they send me for the 12 week scan a month early, never taking my word for it!

Have taken my whinging to a new level today - I sent dh next door to complain about her persistent front door slamming (high on my long list of current irritations)

Must go to bed as sleep might make me a bit less of a grump tmw. Sorry for the long long post!

Hi all,
This is such a busy thread! Welcome all newbies.
Lovetodance - can sympathise. My sister has similar problems. Not fun. Like you my issue for the past year or so has been shielding it from my children. Dont let their probs take the shine off your pregnancy. Have another mothers day next sunday just for you! Im having a delayed one in a few weeks for a friend of mine in hospital! Anything for a treat and time out!

Dreaming - delighted to hear all well.

Creeped up to the attic and pulled out clothes a size bigger. Dont have any of my old mat wear as have lost a lot of weight since. Anyway hoping that clothes a size up will tide me over a while tho as of yet dont need them - Ugh!!! Want my bump!! And flutters! Getting very impatient.
Anyway no chance of gaining any weight at the moment - tho am eating truck loads of chocolate. Both boys sick with bad cold so getting lots of exercise running up and down stairs to them all night. Was actually sick with tiredness this morn. I am waking up every hour and half to pee!! I was always a bit of a champion pee-er but this is ridiculous! Then DH turns around this morn and moans he didnt have a very settled night!! Was asleep everytime I was up - which included 2 runs to the children!! Poor him!!!
Oh have torun - someone is bawling!

Lovely idea MammyG for another Mother's Day. DH, MIL and I are going to theatre Sat night so should be fun.

Re pregnancy brain. I was driving the other say and couldn't remember where the headlights were (at least this blank happened in daylight!).

Rhiannon33 have you been lifting, doing strenuous exercise or sitting awkwardly? From this stage you need to be really careful. You ligaments are more stretchy and therefore more prone to injury so you may not get away with some normal activities or anything that puts a strain on certain joints. Controlled and gradual strengthening/weight bearing exercise can help as it increases strength. Pilates is good too as it teaches correct posture.

Pregnany irritations: house next door (full of buy to let people paying rent to a Rachman-type landlord) has no proper ventilation in kitchen. Not the tenants' fault, but constant cooking smells (incl first thing in morning) of pungent garlic and chili (and, say my Spidey senses, fermented shrimp paste) coming into our house (bathroom, bedrooms and kitchen).

Cue me knocking on door at 10 pm the other night to have a chat about it. Not so bad now I'm out of first trimester but I think I might have to dob "Rachman" in to the local council as he has about 10 people in a 4 bedroom terraced house and no fire escapes!

Blimey, it is indeed a busy thread with more joiners and what looks like us getting our second winds in the second trimester! I am bulgy in a way that is just starting to look (over clothes) like baby bulge but it's a near thing - still looks like pie bulge some of the time... My bras still fit though, maybe they were always a bit too big to start with, dunno!

Ooh, forgot to put my dates on - 16 + 3 I think it is.

A question for those of you who already have one or more DC! (And others too, but might be a bit early for some.) We've done our financial calculations and it looks like we can afford for me to have the full year's maternity leave. What are the pros and cons (given that I will definitely be going back to work afterwards)? Should I treat it as a no-brainer-of-course-I-want-to-have-the-full-year, or will I come back from the year having forgotten everything I ever knew about the office and my job?

comixminx I think it depends what type of person you are. In my experience it tends to be women who feel pressured to live a role rather than to be themselves who want to go back to work. I have found that women who have a clear idea of what they're going to do when their child is born, how they are going to bring it up etc etc seem to find it most difficult to be mothers, can't cope with the pressure or the fact that motherhood doesn't live up to their (unrealistic) expectiations and go back to work before the year is up. Mothers who don't plan all the details but are happy to take it as it comes and not put pressure on themselves don't seem ready to go back certainly before 9 months or so. But that is just based on my observations. My biggest piece of advice is not to plan, to see how it goes - you can always change your mind.

OOhhh, tricky one Comixminx. It's realy good news that you know now that you can afford for you to take the full year mat leave. Everyone's exeprience is different. I don't suggest that my views are anything other than personal to me, but here's my ha'penny worth based on my experience and the experience of others I know (I took 9 months off then went back to work):

Pros:

1. You get to spend a whole year bonding with your baby and you'll be able to make up for the lost months at the start when you have no sleep, have to deal with colic, feel knocked for 6/overwhelmed by the whole experience;
2. You'll have a good amount of time to research the type of child care you want and that will most suit your DC;
3. You'll get the chance to meet and get to know other mums with babies (although see below);
4. Taking time out of the workplace does give you a whole new perspective on what matters;
5. If you have another you'll have a hopefully great amount of positive experience to draw on.

Cons:

1. Being a new mum can sometimes be a mixed experience. As well as the wonderful stuff, it is exhausting and there is a lot of drudgery (constant washing up, cleaning, laundry and cooking apart from playing with and feeding baby);
2. Some mums at baby groups are great. Others can be a teensy bit competitive: won't admit they are finding it hard etc, which can lead to one feeling inadequate;
3. If you have not planned for contingencies (DP or DH's redundancy, some unforseen financial difficulty)and are stretched to the limit financially, coming back after a year and having to work like a dog is no fun. Some prefer the alternative of taking less mat leave then working part time;
4. Worst case scenario (about 20% of the mums I met at baby groups): Depending on what you do for a job, and how big the organisation is, you may find (whatever the maternity policy) that you are made redundant and have no job to go back to. Women on mat leave are often the first to go in a redundancy situation;
5. Again, depending on what you do, it can take a while to get back into the flow of working again after a big gap. Your confidence can take a bit of a knock. People you know may well have moved on and up, giving you the feeling you have been left behind.

It really depends on how ambitious you are, how much your job matters to you and what sort of balance you want. I think unless one is like Nicola Horlick mums do have to accept that career prospects are affected by having a baby (even if its just a temporary stalling).

I was glad I took a longer time off. I felt that I might only have one child and I knew I wouldn't have that time again with my baby, but financially it was very difficult. With this one, I plan to take 6m but I have also changed the way work to try to make it a bit more child friendly (more paperwork, more work at home than I used to and don't travel round the UK as much).

One more thing: some women are actually quite glad to go back to work (even with all the difficulties that brings) and value adult company and the chance to talk about something other than babies. Others never want to go back. Is it worth taking a shorter time off then extending it once the baby is a few months old and you have a feel for how you want to do it?

Thanks for your views, Bessie123 and Love2Dance. Bessie, I think I get your bit about 'women who feel pressured to live a role' though I found it bit hard to understand/appreciate at first. I am someone who is generally pretty far from being pressured to live a role so maybe I just find it hard to see why I might find myself in that position post-baby. (I know you're not making a personal point here, seeing as we don't know each other in that way!) I take your point about seeing how it goes and the possibility of changing plans as I go on, but presumably my work will want to know my overall plans, even if they change, so thought I'd better at least have an idea...

L2D, I think some of the cons are partly what I have in mind when I wonder whether a full year's mat leave is a good idea - especially whether I will get to the point of killing for adult (or non-kid-related) company! I am not massively ambitious in myself but I really like my job, get a lot out of it, and (importantly) get paid well (DP's job pays reasonably but not as much). I am also in a fairly stable job (I know how lucky I am, believe me!).

Of course, as you say, career prospects will be affected by having a baby, but I have got a lot of experience under my belt and offer my workplace various skills that they will find it difficult to get elsewhere (and which they do need) - also, there are quite a few other mums who work 4 days a week, which is what I would expect to return to. But despite all those things that mean I'm very lucky, avoiding risk is also important to me so maybe not taking the whole year and using up all the contingency we have is a better idea.

Your last suggestion is sensible but not for me, I think - I'd rather know what I'm initially planning for and then change it as I go, rather than writing into the plan the fact it needs revising at an early stage, iyswim.

I always read this ('our') thread with interest, but comixminx has raised a question I'm going to have to deal with too. I'm in a different situation in that I work for myself but with bigger companies, and am probably going to have to go back full time when baby is 3 months. It's not ideal, but it's the way it's worked out. (While my LO is much loved and wanted already, our timing is a little wonky, ie. we weren't expecting to get preggers immediately upon deciding to try...) I'm also having to keep schtum about my condition at the moment because I have the opportunity of a big project contract that could mean work for some years - which I cannot let pass by. I absolutely love my work, in many ways it's not actually work, it's my passion - but given that the major purse strings are controlled by blokes I'm well aware that they would rather give the work to a bloke because they think as a pregnant bird I'd lose the plot. The irony is that I've never been so motivated before. Anyone know what I mean?

I'd really love to hear from those of you who went back to work after a relatively short period of time - 3 months feels short to me - and how it worked out. I should add that I have a very supportive husband who also has his own company and could (and wants, bless!) to take baby to work with him, and we would be looking at childcare 3-4 days a week. Is this doable?

comixminx you will be fine re adult company. SureStart centres are amazing when you have a young baby, there are so many activities on that you can do something every day and meet amazing people. Your employer is not allowed to ask you how much time you are planning to take off; they must assume a year and you notify them if you want to return earlier (I think you have to give at least 8 weeks' notice of a return to work date).

Ladyrabbit I'm sorry, I have no experience of this but I assume that if you love your work and your dh is flexible it will work out fine...

I'm now dying to ask what you all do (but won't ).

LadyRabbit it's really good to hear your enthusiasm. I hope you get the contract. Is your DH able/prepared to do only half a day's work (or less) on the days he takes baby to work? Some babies are very easy, and yes, I know they need to fit into our lives, but things don't always go according to plan or an adult timetable! Just read or try the method of she who must not be named (Shhh Gina Ford)when baby arrives and you'll know what I mean.

At 3m some of the naps will be short-lived and the rest of the time baby will need playing with/feeding/cuddling/changing/cleaning. I'm sure you realise that already. Is there somewhere near DH's work that's nice for walks in the fresh air? Room for toys? appropriate/safe/quiet space for sleeping, crawling, changing nappies etc? If so, could be doable (I love the idea of daddy and baby at work together). If not, will be very tricky.

I know several mums who went back at about 3m. They all had a nanny (or trusted au pair). The exception to that was one who very cannily decided (as well as her own job) to buy and run a nursery as a business, so her DS went there!

It was hard, but doable. They either expressed breast milk, or stopped breastfeeding at that stage and went on to formula. Lots of guilt etc, but many made a point of being around at specific times: e.g. beginning and the end of the day, so that the babies had that all important consistency and routine.

Afternoon everyone and welcome to yet more newbies!

With regard to work, I went back to work after DD1 was born when she was about 7 months old. That was right for me as she was young enough to settle easily into a nursery, but I had started needing to do something else. I went back part time - two days in the office and one day working at home (which was fine for a while as she had very regular naps, but became totally unrealistic once DD1 was about 1 and needing more mummy time).

I soon became pregnant with DD2 and I thought I'd have a similar time off, but in the end I was off work for nearly a year and decided not to go back. Luckily I was able to work a couple of days from home on a freelance basis so both girls were in nursery and I still kept my brain a bit more active. Ever since then I've worked freelance from home for 2-3 days a week (website-related so doesn't matter where I am) which is perfect now DD1 has started school so I can take/fetch her and still get my work done. I hope to continue after this little one is born too. It suits me perfectly, but I'm aware how lucky I am.

I think everyone is different. I thought I'd really want to go back into an office environment after DD1 but I actually found part time working much harder. Seems like you have to do more work in less time and you are constantly aware of leaving on time to get to nursery etc. I don't think I could go back to it now. I think it depends a lot on yur personality (some people really 'need' to work or have other interests and some are happy just going with the flow) and also on what level you work at.

I was definitely ready to do SOME work by the time DD1 was 6 months though. It's also good to keep your confidence up about work as I know it is all too easy to lose confidence about your abilities in the workplace once you have a baby. It feels like everything moves very fast without you.

Sorry - just rambling now, but I wanted to share my experiences of work.

Oh, and 15 + 5!

Cheers for the advice/experiences ladies. It's really helpful. I think my main concern is that I have no idea how I will feel emotionally, and I plan to BF so it may be quite a wrench not having that closesness after a few months. I'm dead lucky coz DH has his own workspace, with plenty of room (I've already earmarked an unused office as baby's mini-creche!), a little kids playground round the corner and is his own boss. I also work funny hours/days, so may end up having a week working at home and then having to travel the following. It would be way more difficult if we worked rigid hours in an office. (Would tell you what I do L2D, but I think someone from the world of work is on MN and I need to keep this on the DL for a bit longer... you never know who's reading, eh? )

The baby routine/sleep is the biggest issue I think. It's still a bit upside down for me. I think if things pan out the way they look at the moment, I might have to work full time til baby's about 18 months, but then I could feasibly take a year off. At least that's what I'm hoping.