DUE SEPTEMBER 2010: SECOND TRIMESTER ALREADY!

[Love2Dance]

Hellooooo? Anyone there? Night ZZZzzz.

watersprite 9 weeks! crikey thats early! babys only an inch at that age. you must have very sensitive insides! I felt this one a lot earlier than ds. Knowing what you're expecting makes it much easier to recognise. Baby was doing acrobatics last night!!

With ds I knew everything that was going on! what size he was, what was developing when. This time I haven't got a clue! At 19 weeks baby is about 14.2cm!

Names!!!!! How are people doing with that?? I think we've picked a boys but girls is prooving more difficult! Never thought I'd say that!

My husband doesn't like anything for boys and didn't last time either! Might need to buy a book if its a boy to get more options. He doesn't really mind anything for girls so guess its down to me if its a girl ;)

We can't find a boy's name that we both like enough - plenty of 'nearly's but not quite good enough! we've got a girl's name though. I've just convinced myself it's going to be a boy though, whether that's because of the fact we're actively trying to think of boys names and therefore it's on my mind, or what...

19 + 3

We've been looking into names, it's our first. I think we found a girl's name we both like but a bit stuck on boys' names. We bought a book but once you toss out the really strange ones and the really common ones, there isn't much left!!! Especially as DH has a very unusual surname!

Just had my 16 wk midwife appt and heard the heartbeat She said it was very strong!

Re names - I just put one of my top ones up for comment on the Baby Names board and had it soundly ridiculed, so I'm feeling slightly deflated about that. Mind you MNetters can be rather a reactionary lot. And I do live in Brighton so it's not like he (if it's a he)would be the only one with an, ahem, unusual name.

Finding girls names much easier this time - I like Margot shortened to Maggie/Meg; Iris; Pearl; Rose and Rosa. Anne for a middle name.

Boys? Hmmm...Casper, maybe, Lief, Beck...and the unmentionable one!

Hi all and welcome to those who've just joined us!
Its not so easy to get on the computer this week as the holidays have begun... I'm shattered! Thank goodness for school during my first trimester or I would not have coped!
I am definately feeling the baby move now... but dh is struggling to feel any kicks. However it won't be long before the feet and arms are sticking out all over the place... can't believe I'm nearly half way there!
Sickness finally easing and I'm now only on 2 anti nausia tablets a day, rather than 3... so I'm feeling more positive about things. Although heart burn seems to be kicking in!
I have a huge bump and am no way in any of my normal clothes... its strange as I'm nearly 6ft tall so always thought I wouldn't show so much but seem to be the opposite!

19 weeks tomorrow!

Hi Ladies

Just checking in after a while away from the thread. Hope you all had a good Easter and are recovering from intense chocolate consumption. (Or maybe that's just me... )

Still keeping this quiet, so far have been very lucky, my little bump is discreet and have not had to crack out any maternity clothes, other than even more bras for the little bosom that can't stop growing. Got an appointment with consultant tmrw so hopefully will see/hear my ever growing lo. Think I'm over the hump with nausea, although had a lethargy relapse for a lot of last week and needed to go back to sleeping a lot and during the day. Feel better this week, and although no less excited, being pregnant now feels very matter of fact and I think I have adjusted to the change and can't remember what it was like when I wasn't pregnant. Does anyone know what I mean?

Haven't felt baby move yet. But it's still early days and I'm not sure what it should feel like. Am also missing One Born Every Minute, it's been a really great weekly appointment and way of getting into my head the fact that I will be doing the same in a few months' time!!

We have boy's name sorted, still struggling with a girl's name (we're choosing one just in case the gender we were told at 12 week scan is wrong coz it could well be). I think whatever we choose my mum will raise her eyebrows.... eek... speaking of parents, I have a feeling she will want to be there for the birth and will expect to stay. I love my mum but she's really hard work and we don't get on (even though she thinks we do, it's more me biting my tongue). We really just want to be the 3 of us at home in the first month while we adjust - but I am dreading having to tell her our wishes because she will almost certainly throw a tantrum. Has anyone else had a similar experience? How did you deal with it? Is it unreasonable of us to want to not have house guests for the first few weeks?

Blimey, this is a novel, sorry! Been away for a bit!

Hope you and your bumps are all doing great.

16+3

Hello everyone, same here for ordinary clothes, got a few tops that are cut loose so I can still wear but all my trousers too uncomfortable, my bump seems a lot lower this time round.

Names is very tricky business! We've still got our boys name from last time and still like it but we are stumped for girls, can't agree on anything. We love our DD's name so much but feel hard pushed to find another which is a bit different but not too different just like hers.

Ah well still got some time to find it and will prob be a boy anyway!!

Off on my little break tomorrow feels very strange to know I'm going away on my own and only have to think about packing stuff for me!

Hey ladyrabbit is not unreasonable at all, those first few weeks are so so precious and you can never get them back. They are especially important for your partner who will probably be headed back to work a few weeks in too.

This is a time to be completely selfish and do what suits you best, my Mum was the same and I had similar worries about her coming, so in the end we said everyone could come for a day visit but we didn't want anyone to stay until my partner had gone back to work.

This was duly accepted (though I'm sure other things were said behind closed doors!)

This ended up working out well as when my partner did go back to work I then had a gradual slide into it just being me and my daughter, my Mum stayed about 4 days after he went back then I had 2 days on my own them my MIL came for 4 days then two on my own etc, it worked well for me as I got used to coping and juggling everything gradually and when finally it was just us all week it was great, I felt ready for it and really enjoyed it and got into the flow of things.

If she doesn't like it and makes you feel bad don't be forced into anything, use the reasoning about precious time the three of you before your partner returns to work and offer her to come and stay at a later point emphasising that that is when you'll really need her support - try and make her feel important and useful but stick to your boundaries, I knew if I didn't set them from the word go I would have problems all along the way with my Mum.

Of course some folks are really lucky get on great with their Mum's and welcome them there 24/7 from the second the baby is born

Gosh I'm rambling

16+6

I get on well with my mum but wouldn't want her at the birth or staying with me after the baby's born. She is close to us so she can visit for a few hours and go home but having a baby definately made our relationship a bit strained in the beginning.

My husband has a child from a previous marriage so he had a lot of experience and as it was his baby I was taking his advice which my Mum found hard. It wasn't that I wasn't taking what she suggested into consideration but there were several issues that her and my husband disagreed with and I went with my husband until I had exoerience myself. This caused my Mum to back off a lot and when I did ask for her help she was reluctant to give it, even though I told her I wanted her to be involved with the baby (who is now and almost 3 year old who loves his Nanny to bits!).

It sorted itself out though and I'm really hoping second time around it will be much easier! Good luck with your Mum, its horrible to have one more thing to worry about but I do agree with others that you need to be selfish at this time and set boundaries now as you may not as strong once the baby is here!

Whoops, 19+1

Hiya Ladyrabit, I agree with Mellymooks, you and your partner are being very reasonable. If she is prone to the odd tantrum tell her sooner rather than later, that way she'll have time to build her bridge and come to terms with your independence... she may even accept it (I have my fingers crossed for you).

I recently had my parents-in-law (PIL?) stay for a month, a proposition I wasn't really ok with - I ended up throwing a couple of bizarre tantrums at the frustration of having them every where I looked 24/7. I truly regret not being firmer and asking them to stay close-by - as Mellymooks suggests - set boundaries and stick to them.

My Mum is coming over from Oz and I am booking her a hotel nearby - it is not that I don't enjoy her company, or that I don't appreciate the cost of hotels in London, but I think independence is important... Best of luck!

Oh and - 17+ 1

I agree with those that have said that drawing boundaries with parents / parents in law in advance is both reasonable and sensible. Haven't tackled that issue myself yet though. There was a good discussion a few months ago about babymoons which got me thinking about it a bit, at least.

I think it's easier for me in that I would like my mum to be there for the early days (and I think it'd be hard to dissuade her!). As for DP's parents, I'd like them to visit a little later, but as they live in France that shouldn't be too hard to do - there's not much point in them booking their travel until the baby's born, I wouldn't think.

19 + 4

Hey ladyrabbit are you sure we don't share the same mother! i have exactly the same relationship with mine, although saying that i don't think she would want to be at the birth, however she doesn't like to be told she can't do something she wants to. I think you definitely need to draw the line in the nicest possible way. You could always say that you want that first week on your own and then she will be the first to be able to visit.
With DS we had the first 2 weeks on our own which was lovely and then we booked in weekly slots for the grandparents to visit as DH had to go back to work. I think whatever works for you and you feel comfortable with everyone else just has to accept. they've had their time, its now your!

oooh, i forgot to ask - does anyone else get hayfever and if so what do you use?

19 +3

babyshoes see here,

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/general_health/942195-Anyone-else-sneezing

hi all, nothing much to report, sorry i haven't been very attentive to the thread just recently, i have been as tired as anything

i have 20 week scan on Friday, shall update after that. love to all, welcome to newbies

20+2

Thanks one and all for the feedback re. mums, babymoons and boundaries. I didn't think I was being that unreasonable in feeling that, and your comments have given me some courage to stand my ground. My mum lives abroad (thankfully!) but it does mean that when she comes, she comes for at least a month in a go and I am literally left crying with frustration. Last year, we got her for 3 months! She always stays with us, so I don't know how she will take the suggestion of a hotel. But I can no longer deal with her picking at everything - she will want to take over the new baby and show me 'the right way' (her way) to do it. My DH cannot bear her but is the epitome of charm and patience with her. Aaargh... I should take this one over to the AIBU thread or something.... but, one last question, does anyone else who has a difficult relationship with their mum find they are really thinking about how they are determined NOT to parent now that they are pregnant? I have never loved anyone so much before as I do this little person inside me -and it's making me feel about some of the crap my mum doled out during my childhood that I haven't really wanted to look at. Maybe that's for another thread too!!! Thanks again, tho.

Oooh I need biscuits now...

16+3

Hi all,

Talking of mums. Mine was great when I had Ds. She just seemed to understand that we needed time to adust to being a family of 3 and let us be. As soon as Dp went back to work she was round every day, either just for a cuppa or dropping off some lunch for me or on good day's, to take me out for breakfast.

Not going to have that this time though as she lives 300 minles away now.

Well Ds has been a very poorly little boy over the weekend and thought a trip to A&E might be in order but he seems much better. Not so good for me as I'm knackered and have had to go back to chasing him around the place stopping him from doing things he shouldn't be doing.

Bump is growing nicely although it did seem to just appear one day. Still in normal clothes at the moment though.

Names- We have a deffinate girls name sorted. Boy's are proving MUCH more difficult.

Got a busy weekend ahead. My Ds's 1st birthday on Friday and also moving house.

Hope all are well.

And I woulod add how far along I am but I've completely lost track so either

16+3 or 17+3

LadyRabbit I have ideas of what I don't want to do that my mum did but was mainly overprotective and controlling, so doing what she thought was best but my husband has a very different experience. He was beaten on a regular basis by his dad for things like leaving his toy soldiers in a pile of sand when he was 7 and his mum stood by and let it happen. She actually told me that once children can walk they just walk away from you so don't get too attached to them so not the best parents ever. He is determined to be a better father and knows what not to do so has a better starting point than many peole.

I'm afraid I seem to be the opposite to everyone else! I had my Mum at the birth of ds and am going to have her there this time! I found it took some of the pressure of dh and offered extra support for me. As it turned out it also offered extra support for dh who started to panic a bit when things got a bit scary, they had to deliver ds quickly with ventous cos his head was at the wrong angle! I was away with it on gas & air. I understood what was happening but was in no way capable of supporting dh too. I think he would have freaked when the drs, peadiatricians & midwives all piled in if mum hadn't been there! She was fantastic after too. Didn't stay long once he was born & didn't crowd us when we went home! I'd have been lost without her. still would be!

Ladyrabbit I went through exactly the same feelings after my daughter was born, it completely took me off guard how much becoming a Mum forced me face my own upbringing and much pent up unrealised anger came out of me that I didn't even know was there.

Mum and I had a very rocky relationship the first year and a half of my daughters life every time she came to visit we ended up having massive rows and I felt so frustrated that I couldn't get her to understand that just because I wanted to do things differently, it wasn't a direct insult to her parenting and that I was just trying to break some of the learned unhealthy cycles that she got from her Mum and then taught me, for a long time she just didn't believe there was any other way to parent/deal with situations other than how she would do it.

It took all my convictions and gut instincts to keep parenting in a positive, patient way and finally a year and a half after the birth of my daughter I got what I never thought I would - recognition that perhaps some of the things she had done she could have done differently and that actually the way I am bringing my daughter up is really starting to show in her happy nature and calm ways and that suprise surprise if you don't yell and scream and hit your kids parenting is a pleasure not a battle and a chore as she had always seen it.

She has actually started to change the way she is with my daughter, being positive and much more patient then I've ever seen her before, I can really see it's an effort for her sometimes and watch her mentally battling with herself not to say something negative, but that in itself is enough for me, just knowing she's trying is more than I ever hoped for.

Gosh another big ramble, just trust in yourself and remind yourself why you want to parent the way you do, it can be bloody hard when you're sleep deprived and emotional to not take others comments (esp family) to heart and lose the way you want to be as a Mum.

Hi all
I get on quite well with my mom. Both my mom and MIL live 5 mins away. But my mom loves her own space so never been an issue (to point where it can be hard to get her to help!) and MIL works a lot still so no bother there either. When DS2 was born DH asked all family and friends to give us a break for a couple of days. There were rumbles about it but I will do it again this time! After DS1 the visiting was exhausting - even ramdomers calling to the house and your expected to be polite, dressed, clean and show off new baby! Was lovely second time as had no qualms about putting people off -even got sign for door saying not to disturb mom and baby sleeping!
Regarding parenting - I think its all a process of elimination. Its a lot easier to get a handle on what you wont do, and the kind of parent you wont be than to know the right thing to do all the time. I would say my parents were grand - 5 out of 6 of us are reasonably sane. But Im still a very different parent to my mother despite being like her in a lot of ways. I think a) I have learned from her mistakes b) Im not her and c) My DH obviously has a lot of influence that changes things too.
Wow a thesis!!
Am very down today - not sure if its hormones or am I right to be down cause life just crappy at the mo. I love this little bean so much already but am starting to panic. I am just about keeping my head above water at the moment not sure how I will manage with another baby. If I think about too much I feel really overwhelmed. Times like this I wish I was more like my mother - shes a real just get on with it type. (something that bugs me most of the time!! Typical!)

Just popping in to say hello - haven't managed to post for a few days!
Weather here is simply GORGEOUS - makes me feel so happy, having been a grumpy old sod for most of the week with stinking cold and probably a bit hormonal too!

Just wanted to add my two pence worth re parents, in-laws coming to help/stay. When my twins were born, I just wanted everyone to go away and leave us alone tbh so TOTALLY understand where people are coming from with that. HOWEVER I am now beside myself with gratitude that my mum has offered to come and stay in September while I have my (gulp) second set of twins so she can look after the boys while I go into hospital - basically providing much-needed childcare. All I'm saying is for those of you who are having your first babies, just don't burn your bridges - in a couple of years you might be EXTREMELY grateful to have parents and in-laws offering to come and stay and if you've been overly precious about needing your own space, bonding as a new family, etc, it could come back to bite you when your next ones come along and you really need someone to look after child number 1!

Anyway, hope everyone's doing well, good luck to everyone with scans coming up soon - we have another next week - really hoping they might be able to tell us the sexes!

Hi everyone! What a glorious day. Everything is better when the sun shines.

I've skimmed the last few pages about mums and mils. I have to agree with bellabelly - don't burn those bridges! I had this romantic notion of 'babymooning' with DD1 and DH (is that the right expression?) for the two weeks after the birth but when it came to it I was really grateful that my inlaws had rushed down as soon as I was in labour and were around for a few days. They didn't stay at our house, but nearby, which was perfect. They cooked, shopped, tidied the house and thoroughly loved their new granddaughter.

I found that I wanted to show off my baby and was delighted to have the odd visitor or neighbour drop by. There is only so long you and your partner can preen yourselves about how beautiful the baby is and congratulate each other. It gets a bit boring after a while and it is even nicer to hear it from outsiders! Plus it is good to get out and about, in which case other people will see your baby so I wouldn't stop family members from having a peek if the rest of the neighbourhood was getting a look.

I also think that whilst it is of course YOUR baby that it does involve everyone else, especially other relatives. I do think a compromise is the best way. Don't have people staying unless you REALLY get along with your mum/mil but don't tell them to keep away completely for those precious first weeks. Let them have some visiting times. Think about when you are a grandparent - how would you feel?

Having said that, my mum lives miles away and doesn't travel, and is also probably the last person I'd want present whilst giving birth!

When we had DD2 she got very ill with bronchiolitis at a week old and ended up on hospital on a ventilator for a couple of weeks so we were REALLY grateful for friends and family who rallied round to help us.

See how it goes and if you want people to leave then make sure DH/DP is well-briefed and can read those signals. (*note - this is easier said than done!).

Gosh, what a lecture that sounds like! I think I am saying no to house guests but yes to visitors, especially family!

Who asked about hayfever? I don't have it but remember reading about some seawater/saline nasal spray that was from France especially for pregnant ladies.

Have a lovely scan tomorrow Jaysfourth

Off to enjoy the sunshine.

19 today (weeks that is - I passed it in years some times ago!)

Even more food for thought, really useful bellabelly and swordfishtrombones. The flipside is that my MIL is amazing, really easy to be around, mucks in, not remotely high maintenance and while she will have to travel (not far) I don't think she'd mind for a moment staying in a hotel round the corner and popping round for a few hours a day. Of course, we expect the grannies will want to see baby as soon as - it's just having house guests for roughly a month will be too much, not to mention having a v. small house in a city. I have to play it really carefully, because I think my mum is a little threatened by how well I get on with MIL, so it's a potential minefield.... blimey, it's incredible to think what a chain of events this tiny little thing in my belly has set off..!! In my more optimistic, dreamy moments, I imagine that the baby love will magically turn my mum into a reasonable lady who, consumed with love for her new grandchild, will be easy going etc. I'm also praying this same magic wand will take effect so she won't have conniptions when we tell her baby won't be christened. (DH and I can hardly start going to church after years of strict agnosticism... the lapsed Catholic in me could never lie to a priest.) Oh well. I'll soon be finding out....

Our 'babymoon' is not going to rule out visitors - no way!! We have loads of friends around us with new/young babies and our neighbours are also close friends so I should think people will be popping round a fair bit. I'd just rather have nobody witness my bedraggled self first thing in the morning after 1 hour's sleep. (If I'm lucky.) My mum is the sort of person who would pipe up with 'couldn't you at least have put some make-up on and done something with your hair, dear?' Grrrrrrr!!!!!