Due November 2009 - we just can't stop chatting!

[BeckyBendyLegs]

A new thread!

Broodzilla Hope you feel a bit better. I was saying to my mum yesterday that I just want this baby OUT, so fed up am I with restless legs, nausea, SPD, odd pains in top right of bump, kicking night and day, hormonal madness, cellulite, bleeding gums, farting all the time and not being able to pick anything up off the floor. And yet I longed for this baby! Am not an earth mother or saint and don't do pregnancy with good grace!! I think a little cry now and then is a very good idea for the sanity.
Weston I have an underwire bra on today, it doesn't seem to be doing any harm and the bonus is that the whole world can't see my nipples, which is what I really hate about soft cups. I have one decent maternity bra, a yellow hotmilk one, but that shows through all light fabrics.AARGH!
I was watching the top ten rundown with ds this morning, waiting for everyone to be ready to go out, and a video for Shakira's new song came on. It put me in a total rage- there she was dancing about in a cage doing various porntastic moves, at 9.30 am in the morning, for anyone to see!! I'm no prude, but I was really appalled. It got me thinking about raising boys, and girls in this kind of sexist/very sexualised climate- it's hard to negotiate I think- I don't want ds or dd thinking that women should just be sexual objects. By coincidence, this afternoon I saw a really good article in The Times 2 about feminism which was all about the same sort of concerns. Too much thinking time in the summer holidays!!
Haven't heard from miscarrying friend but hope she is OK, I agree Erika it is hard knowing that you want to help but your bump is a nightmare for the friend. Remember after my mc last summer seeing a pg woman walking down the road stroking her bump and just feeling like she had knifed me!! Silly in retrospect, but I am so conscious now of the fact that my bump is just visual torture for some women I may encounter. Want to wear a t shirt saying 'I have had two mcs to get here!!'

Oh southernbelle don't be upset. It is so hard sometimes when you're worn out and emotional and of course young children don't understand it. I wish I were more patient too, I find that one of the hardest bits. Try and get some good sleep tonight. We all need extra rest at the moment.

Big hugs as well to ninjacat and broodzilla - hope you're both feeling better this evening.

Southernbelle I did the same tonight, exactly. He's dropped off now, but I feel terrible too.

wook - crossed posts. I was thinking a similar thing about gender/ sexualised climate today. I took DD to a Playday (is that what it's called?) event in our local park. One of the activities she did was run by dance instructors. It was all little girls doing it (why no boys?) and they had to wear cowgirl outfits, then grass skirts over their clothes and the dances, while not exactly sexual, just didn't sit comfortably with me for the 2-5 yr old age range. I don't really like all the enforced girliness that is everywhere anyway (every toy, book, pair of shoes in bloody pink) and it just felt a bit strange to me. Luckily there is a football session on on Friday, so I might take her to that as a bit of an antidote...

Oh southernbelle don't beat yourself up about this, please don't. We've all been there. The fact you care so much just shows how much you are a good mum. You're only human.

I'm watching BB (again)! Three more sleeps in the caravan to go. Don't want to go home!!!!! Sitting here with the windows open and a nice breeze blowing. Lovely. Wish I could get on my stepmum's bike and cycle to the sea but I can't for obvious reasons (the baby police wouldn't like me leaving the DSs!). I cycled around the caravan site today much to the DSs amusement!

I must admit I had a reality check today 'ahhh I really am having a baby and it's got to come out!!!' Even though I've done it twice I still feel really nervous.

Have just returned from the Delivery Suite of local hospital. Apparently a pain at the top of your bump can be pre-eclamsia. After a scan and blood pressure everything seems ok. Had bloods and now have to go for day assessment tomorrow and scan on liver and gall bladder.

Luckily a friend of mine is a consultant so she came with me whilst her dh had ds as dp is away with no mobile reception.

Oh my god the screaming! I do not wish to return to the delivery suite ever again. No not never, ever, ever.

If you hate the whole princess thing check out "Pink Stinks www.pinkstinks.co.uk/"

Ninja, I hope everything turns out to be fine.
Agree on the sexualist climate - girl/boy roles thing.
I had just seen a very pink little girl and was wondering what I would do if my little one only wants to wear pink and really girly things. But it's not just the colour. There are so many inappropriate cloths for little girls, way too sexy and not just little girls cloths, rather tiny adult ones. I have even seen already shoes with small heels for little girls (I would guess for around 5 year olds)!!!!
I'm definitely going to get her some football lessons with her dad, so after those dance classes, certainly a good idea, Laugs

Thanks for your kind words everyone. I went to bed after posting as was too tired and emotional to do anything else. Feel a bit better this morning after an ok nights sleep and dd doesn't seem to have any ill effects from our fall out so going to try and forget it (although remember it enough to not do it again!).

Glad all seems ok ninja and hope today goes ok too.

My dd is very much a 'princess' and loves anything pink! When I was pregnant with her I was very much, 'she's not wearing pink EVER!' but as she has grown up and starts deciding what she likes and dislikes, she has decided that pink is her favourite colour and anything girly she wants!

Morning all
#Can really relate to the intolerence of toddlers at themoment, feel like i'm snapping at DD all the time, tho she is being a bit of a monkey, does make me feel bad tho as i know i've not got the patience i usually do.

Weston - re non wired, I try to wear non wired but don't all the time (M&S used to d some that weren't flimsy and had bit of padding if you get what i mean). it's something to do with the wire putting a kink in the milk ducts in your breass - not sure how often this would actually happen, i know alot of people who've stuck to the wired and breastfed with not problems! possibly another thing for us to worry about that we don't really need to.

loud bang come frm upstairs, ought to see what mischief she's up to now!!

Thank you all for your support.

Wired bras are okay provided that they're fitted properly - most women wear their band size too large and their cup size too small (eg. 36C when they should be a 32E), so the edge of the wire cuts into the milk ducts which run along the side of your breast. You want the wires to rest against your ribs, not digging into your breast tissue. Bravissimo sizes best even if they don't have the best range and they're all trained to size pregnant and nursing women - I was a bit startled at getting a lecture on the exact physiology of breast ducts from my fitter there!

Ninja, I had to laugh at the screaming in the delivery suite. Honestly, you think they'd soundproof it better! A friend of mine got told to 'be quiet, you'll scare the other women'.

You can add me to the toddler intolerance group. He decided to wake up at midnight and shriek for half an hour for absolutely no good reason. I'm just SO tired - it hurts every time I turn over in bed, and it hurts to rest too long in one position. And then there are the bloody bathroom trips... I just feel really depressed at the thought that it could be another year and a half before I get to sleep properly again. I wonder if I'll remember how!

Hope your assessment goes well today, ninja, will be thinking of you.

ursi our problem was with all the clothes that other people bought DD - so much pink! MIL (who sees us very rarely, so I guess doesn't really know how we dress her) bought DD all these t-shirts this christmas that say things like If You Think I'm Yummy You Should See My Mummy I feel really bad as she doesn't have much money and I don't want her to have wasted it, but I'd never put her in those in a million years. I'm waiting for her to have outgrown them so I can send them to the charity shop as don't want to upset DH.

southernbelle do you think your DD became princessy since she started school/ nursery or was she always like that? Now mine is at nursery she does say things like 'pink is my favourite colour', but then if she has to choose something, she wouldn't choose pink over any other colour - I think she just says it because the other girls do. It's not that there's any reason I don't want her to be girlie - I was quite a girlie child myself - but when we were growing up life wasn't so commercialised and there definitely wasn't all this pink culture everywhere.

southernbelle I too shouted at my ds, it wasnt anything he could help, he accidentally pooed in his pants and then when taking them off he managed to drop this massive poo on the floor. so i shouted at him for not going in the potty. i guess i should have said "whoopsy, help mummy clear it up, next time we'll try to get to the potty quicker". id like to think im pretty good normally, but at the mo i seem to have a really short temper as i snapped at a friend last night who said "your tummy is getting rather large now" and i retorted "well that happens to be what happens when you're having a baby!!" in quite a grumpy way.

Is anyone else planning to put the baby in the toddler's bedroom?

I have woken up panicking about space today. Our flat isn't really big enough for 4 of us. I keep telling myself that babies take up next to no space, which is true, but they do bring a lot of paraphernalia with them. Don't know how we're going to all fit in!

Also trying to sort out a list of things that we need to buy new for the baby ie. do we need to get a new mattress for the moses basket, even though only DD's used it before? Does anyone know what the reason for new mattresses is?

laugs we have a tiny little box room which will jsut about fit the cot and some drawers in, so also worrying about where to put the babys stuff and the stuff that is coming out the box room to make way for the baby.

Hope the checks go well today, Ninja, will be thinking of you.

Southernbelle as everyone has said, don't beat yourself up about it

Laugs baby is having to go in with me as we don't have any space. Am currently in the process of dismantaling half my furniture Everyone I've spoken to has said you have to have a new matteress, something about dirt and germs staying in it. You can get them from Mothercare for £9.99

So fed up today. Mum started going on about money last night, and I know she was trying to help, but its got me so down and I can't get back up I really needed my therapy session yesterday. Ugh.

trikken DD was already in the box room, so now there will be two in there! It's not that tiny to be fair, but will just fit 1 cot bed, 1 cot, 2 chests of drawers and a wardrobe - nothing else! (if my measurements are accurate...) We are going to have to move all the toys into the living room. There won't be much floor space left in the bedroom, but then DD has never really played in her bedroom anyway. Not sure where we'll put the car seats and stuff (we don't have a car). I am trying to be really ruthless in chucking stuff out but DH is really reluctant. We're both hoarders, so the place is packed to the rafters!

What was your mum saying re money erika? Have you looked at the support you'll get from the state? I think there are quite a few different pots from which you can claim, so make sure you don't miss out on any of it. Things like Healthy Start vouchers for fruit and veg (I think you can get them from pregnancy?) Even if it's just a fiver a week to add to your mum's shopping budget, it's still worth claiming. Will you have to pay her board as well?

My phone contract comes out of her account, and up until now I've give her the cash every month for it. A while ago she said she needed me to change it to a direct debit as she has no money left in the account (We're so skint right now.), which is perfectly fair. But I've never done it before. My Dad promised to help me, then on his days off sat and played solitare on the PC and shouted when I asked for his help like he said. I hate making phone calls, it scares me. I'm totally irrational like that, but hey. So she was going on about "Tomorrow, I'm taking you to the bank, you HAVE to set it up". I know that's not unfair, its just I can't face it right now.

And then she was talking about the credit agreement I signed a while ago, if you remember me mentioning it? Well they've started harassing me, calling several times a day, from a witheld number, so I can't even block it. They've even started texting me. And she was saying about setting up another bank account for the money I've been withdrawing every months for the baby instead of just saying it in a box like I have been doing, because when they take me to court, the less money I have in there etc. Again, it was a rational point, but just stressed me out. Logically, they ARE going to take me to court, but I really can only cope with thinking about it at certain times, last night was not one of them.

My only income is my Disability Living Allowance. Because of how far I can manage to walk - not very - I spend a lot of money on taxi's. Which is fine, that's what the money is for. But it just got me thinking how the hell I'm going to be able to afford to look after a baby when by the end of the month I'm skint. I know DP will be paying out as well, but simple logistics state that if the baby is with me five days a week, then I will be paying more. And simply I can't afford to.

So from there, she went onto what I still needed to buy, how it was going to cost me so much a week for such and such, and it just got too much. I told her that I couldn't talk about it right now, it was stressing me out, and she just started shouting at me. I know she's stressed about her financial situation and that's why, but still.

I don't really pay my parents anything. I did before I got ill, when I was working, but now I don't, and I feel really bad for that as well. I'm going to have to pay for washing powder etc when the baby arrives, but thats fine.

UGH. Its mainly the credit company being on my back. Its upsetting and stressing me out so much to the point of entwining with my physcosis.

Sorry for the long rant.

I don't remember about the credit company - was it to do with the photos?

I know how you feel about thinking about money. I totally bury my head in the sand about these issues. I used to not even open bills or anything and had debt on credit cards, two overdrafts etc, that I paid the minimum on each month so never ever paid off. I had to finally face up to it when I was pregnant with DD, which is basically the last time on earth you feel like facing up to anything else.

Although you only get the DLA now, you will get more when the baby comes. Do you qualify for Maternity Allowance? You need to have worked 13 weeks in the 66 weeks before DD is due. That is around £500 a month I think (I hope). You'll also get various tax credits, I get all the names mixed up, but you might get quite a substantial amount. Plus £80-odd a month for child benefit.

Could you speak to DP about giving you some money to pay for the baby's costs as well? Although they don't cost much to start with (just nappies really if you breastfeed), it would be good to have a set-up in place for when you do have to start spending more. I know it would be an awkward conversation to have, but worth it!

Oh, I think you can also get a Surestart grant which is £500, which you could use to buy baby stuff. Although we spent nowhere near that amount on stuff for DD to begin with - it is possible to do it cheaply and still get nice stuff - have a look on ebay, charity shops, NCT nearly new sales etc. Our pram cost £20, so did the cotbed, moses basket £10 (new matresses for both though), bouncy chair £5 - all from ebay I think.

Yes, those damn photos. I hate my bloody condition sometimes, if I hadn't have been so edgey, I could have walked away and laughed about it with friends...

I've been ill for 18 months now, so I doubt I qualify for the Maternity Allowance. Thank you for that infomation... I think a trip to the CAB might be in order. Midwife is coming on Monday so will talk to her about it then.

That's just it, its an awkward conversation. We're pretty open, generally, and he is saving as well - we do buy things together. The only way I can think of doing it right now is setting up a joint account with a direct debit from us both. That might have to be a conversation this weekend, whether I want to have it or not.

Problem is, because I'm on benifits, things like the Surestart grant and, I think, is it the heath in pregnancy one? I can't actually get until after the baby is born. Which is really helpful.

Yes midwives normally seem to be quite up on what you are entitled to. The Health in Pregnancy one you can get from 25 weeks pregnant, I think. All the tax credits things you can't actually get until the baby is born.

I know you don't even want the photos now, but you could use that £190 from Health in Pregnancy to pay off the credit company. That would be enough wouldn't it? I am just thinking of the stress if you end up getting taken to court etc. It might be worth it to be able to put that whole experience behind you.

God I wish it would be enough Its the best part of £900. There, I said it. Ugh. Even if I did want to pay them off, I couldn't.

Oh sorry, I thought it was just £100+. Have you made any contact with the credit company? Can you get any free legal advice? I know nothing about this kind of thing, but them texting you sounds like harrassment.

Have to go now and collect DD after my productive morning's work - luckily just reading. Hope you start feeling better erika. I think once you sit down and work out how much will be coming in (though this is hard to know as the tax credits people won't tell you in advance) you might start to feel a bit more in control.