Due November 2009 - we just can't stop chatting!

[BeckyBendyLegs]

A new thread!

Hi everyone
Just got back from a lovely weekend at my mum and dad's last night. My brother and two of my aunts ended up coming at the same time, so it turned out to be a bit of a family occasion. Really good fun!

erika and raggie I am going to ask DH to copy the yoga dvd tonight as it turns out it is beyond me (no surprises there)

turtle really hope everything is ok. please feel free to moan to us or just come back and avoid the stress of home.

scarlotti sorry to hear about the job situation . Mine has been pretty dire for a few months now and I am weighing up the options of taking maternity leave early. Not sure what is best really. Can we take it from 11 weeks before our due dates? (or did I just make that up)

I hope everyone's DH/DPs are behaving themselves a bit better this week. I hadn't seen mine for 5 days, then he went shopping and made dinner, so he's not doing too badly! Just wait til we get to spend some time together though . I do think it's hard for men to understand what we're going through, but at the same time I think 'it's not that boody hard'. I might make a poster from our hallway for DH to revise when he comes home from work

1. Lower Your Expectations of Me
2. Say Something Kind
3. Tidy Up
4. Send Me to Bed

Any other tips our DH/Ps should have?

1. Any kind of special treatment (quick back rub, or even just sticking the chips in the oven actually) will be greatly appreciated when Im feeling unwell.

1. When I say I'm feeling unwell and you offer to get me something i.e. drink, snack - PLEASE GET IT!

Echoing others, Turtle. Really hope you're OK and that our discussions haven't seemed too trivial etc.

Raggie I have also not felt like I have 'grown' much - although I got weighed this morning and I am definitely putting on weight.... Even attempted to measure my bump with toilet paper earlier today!

Erika - I think people should be banned from commenting on size of pg women full stop. It's never productive, however 'kind' their intentions. That is what I am absolutely dreading when it's back-to-school time.

Can I ask, has anyone ordered anything from Blooming Marvellous before, and what did they think? Also are their sizes big/small/normal?! I am always a it reluctant to order clothes online but I am desperate for some maternity work trousers that aren't too expensive, and they have some on sale at £8.50, but I don't know what size to get....

turtle hope all is ok..please talk about it.

Is anyone getting a little nervous? I am..just how I'm going to manage 2..! feeding one then getting the other ready for her nursery..etc etc

Lemontop I think white spots are normal - I had them when I first got pregnant. There's a name for them. I forgot what it is.

1. Don't tell me off for cleaning / hoovering unless you plan to do it instead!

1. If you say 'don't worry, I'll do it' then do it rather than procastinate for 48 hours at which point I'll just do it anyway.

That might be just my dH though!! He means well but his follow through can be a bit rubbish.

I bought some stuff from Blumin Marvellous in Leamington the other day - size 10 and a bit roomy (trousers I have on now need a bit of hoiking up every now and then) when I am normally 10-12 in regular clothes.

ooh no 8 is a good one BBL

Fully agree, Becky with 7 and 8!! My DH always does that... He does mean well though.

Are the white spots called Montgomery's Tubercles or something?

Hi all..thanks for kind words. Have been lurking a bit but feeling v low so didn't want to bring you down. In a nutshell, DH has gone from being irritatingly unhelpful to downright rotten and selfish. DS has teething problems like no other and I was on my knees as have pg insomnia as well. Dh just laughing at me saying he knew I couldn't cope with two. I kicked him out and spent a few scary weeks trying to work out how I was going to cope on my own with two under two. He has moved back in (because his parents kicked him out of theirs) and we were meant to start counselling and start talking about how to fix things but he has (in true DH style) buggered off on an art and meditation retreat instead.
Past issues such as affair when I was pg 1st time still v raw for me and I am unsure whether I want him anymore. Very scared. Thanks for listening.

Oh... and

1. If I ask you whether I look like a small house in an outfit DO NOT HESISTATE...JUST SAY NO and tell me I look lovely.

Oh turtle I'm so sorry you're going through all this. It is the last thing you need at the moment. I don't really have any wise words except that maybe it is a blessing you have this time away from DH to work out what you want. (him moving back in because his parents kicked him out, rather than anything being resolved, doesn't sound like you've had much say in the matter).

If you decide the best thing is to split, then of course you will cope. You're obviously not under any illusions about how difficult it might be, but then if you're doing most of the childcare without much support or help from him, it might not be that much harder than it is now.

Then again, he might come back from his retreat having 'found himself', and start acting a bit more like an adult.

Please don't feel like you need to stay away from here though, we are here to support you!

Argghhhh I am SOOO useless at keeping up with everyone here, so I apologise for my totaly utter uselessness

Well how is everyone? Have I missed anything important, anyone want to do a recap for me

I cannot wait for the return of school quite frankly! My 2 eldest are bored stiff, didn't help that we had to spend everyday indoors last week as we had new bathroom fitted so couldn't leave the house. Boys were not impressed.

Couldn't go out yesterday as it was being painted and was in today due to having new wall built in garden lol!

I have cabin fever.

Although I did get a day out on Friday, by myself, I woke up and had a bleed so spent all afternoon in hospital strapped to a monitor and being prodded and poked in places I wish were left alone! All in all they basically said they could see no reason for bleeding but would prefer to keep me in. I on the other hand had nobody to watch the littlies so told them I had to come home. Glad I did though as had nothing wrong since. Most odd.

Had MW Monday though and I'm measuring 3wks too small so have booked an appointment for 3wks, if still measuring small will be sent for scan. I am quite worried as I don't do small babies, last 2 were 9lb 4 and 8lb 13.

I really hope she is ok

Also feeling rather sad this week as tomorrow is the 9th birthday of my 1st baby, my little angel I had at 20wks. I moved away from where she is buried and try to go back every year on her birthday but I can't this year and feel awful about it. I know I'm going to spend the whole day in tears moping which isn't exactly great when I'm supposed to be looking after the 4 dc's.

Ho hum not a lot I can do about it really

Sorry to be so depressing and for the completely me, me, me post. I WILL try keeping up more often from now on.

And now ds is wailing so have to go, fingers crossed I'll be back later tonight x x

It sounds full on there easyeggs! Remember to take it easy when you can - I know when I had my bleeds they said to get some rest (not that simple I know)

Regarding your 1st baby's birthday, can you set aside some quiet time tomorrow to just be with her in your thoughts? Even if it's just getting up half an hour before the DCs and lighting a candle. It is sad that you can't be at her grave, but you will be with her in spirit and that is what counts.

Easyeggs - awful coincidence, a good friend of mine just went into premature labour and delivered her son still last night. She was nearly 21 weeks, and had just had all his measurements done for the anomaly scan - everything seemed perfect. I still haven't heard what the docs think went wrong... Do you mind me asking if there was anything which helped you at the time? I don't even know where to start - a condolences card seems hopelessly inadequate... I've spent most of today bursting into tears and hugging a confused DS.

We got back from France on Sunday - it was a fairly hellish trip between the 38 degree heat and DS refusing to sleep for more than four or five hours a night. He was also awful for running away from me when I was encumbered with luggage - he ran straight into the men's urinals at St Pancras, and then fought me when I tried to drag him out. In Lyon, he bolted straight for the Rhone, or for the traffic, or for the nice snarly French dogs. I got home so exhausted that I could scarcely see straight, and feeling as if the cracks in my pelvis had been filled with hot lead. On the bright side, I think I may have dropped a few pounds through sheer stress and misery.

turtle so sorry to hear about what you've gone through. I really hope you manage to sort things out soon. Think of yourself and the children, the three of you are the most important here. Whatever the outcome I wish you all the best.

easyeggs I hope you'll get a quiet moment to reflect. I'm sorry, I cannot imagine how difficult it must be. Also, I hope the bean is all happy and developing well.

tamlin wish I had some wise words. No idea what can be done or said, I don't think anything would make things better at the moment for your poor friend. Just let her know you're there if she needs you.

tamlin I'm so sorry for your friend. I can't imagine anything worse. A good friend of mine lost a baby at 22 weeks; she was due this September. This was in May and I'm afraid she's still very much taking things one day at a time. I know they found it useful to have a private funeral, rather than the group one the hospital offers. She has also had counselling from the hospital, which she found helpful. She took photos of her baby and was pleased when I asked to see them (he looked like a normal newborn). I think small things like referring to her baby by name may make a little bit of difference. Mainly I'm sure it will be a comfort to her to know you are there for her.

I've found it really hard knowing how present I should make myself in my friend's, given that I'm pregnant too and sadly now reaching milestones she didn't get to. At the moment I don't think that appears to be too much of an issue for her.

Oh gosh

Tamlin I am so sorry for your friend. I must admit to slightly relaxing after the anomaly scan as well.... I can't imagine how devastating that be for her and her family. I have no idea what you could send - I guess her just knowing you are thinking of her and that when she is ready, you are there for her? You sound exhausted yourself... Was DH with you on your trip to France? I'm sure chn can detect when they can test the limits - eg when their mums are encumbered with luggage etc, but must have been so scary. Are you feeling any better now?

EasyEggs it sounds totally manic at your house ! I am sorry it is the 9th birthday of your daughter. Agree with Laugs - could you have some quiet time at your house or is that an impossibility with your brood?

Turtle You poor thing. I really don't know what to say that could possibly help...How did you feel when DH was away? Did you get a chance to think how you would feel if you did decide to separate? I am that he had an affair while you were pg. I imagine that would take an awful lot of work to find the trust again after something like that. As Laugs said although you are aware of how hard it would be going it alone with two young chn, maybe the fear of being alone is worse than the reality, if that is what you do decide to do. Especially if he is not much help anyway. Are you getting much support from friends / other family members? And you absolutely must not think you are bringing the thread 'down' - please don't think that. If there is anything I can do to help...

Awful to have so much sad news.
Turtle you sound really strong to have coped with all that you have.
easyeggs will think of you tomorrow
tamlin your poor friend- how absolutely dreadful. What a devastating thing to have happened.
And your holiday sounds so unrestful!Since ds was born I think we need two holidays a year- one with the family, one to recover from the one with the family!

turtle I'm so sorry you have to go through this now, a friend of mine went through a very similar situation whilst pg with dc2, I remember it being awful for her at the time but now (2 years later) she is leading a fantastic life and is the happiest I've ever known her. She took the decision to leave her dh just after dc2 was born. However I'm not sure things have got that far for you yet and if your dh is willing to see a councilor then that is a start (if its what you want)maybe when he gets home you could try and have a big chat with him? I really hope you can sort things out, either way. Like skorpion said though you have to put you and your children 1st. Please continue to post even if to just rant, thinking of you.

tamlin your poor friend, sorry no advice, I guess you just have to be there if she needs you.

Easyeggs I'll be thinking about you tomorrow, I think laug's idea sound good.

Loving idea of list for dh

Easyeggs sounds like you've been having a tough time and you'll be in my thoughts tomorrow on your daughter's birthday.

Tamlin oh gosh your poor friend. That is very sad indeed. I think just being there for her will be what she needs.

Turtle be strong, be brave, whatever you decide to do it'll be for the best for you and your children I am sure. You will cope with two if you have to. As others have said please do confide in us and rant if you need to. We're here for you

1. Please, please, please for once put the bin out for me. It'll really make my day

Again another one mainly for my DH but I'm sure there are others of you out there who would benefit from this one! What is it about men and bins? They just don't notice when it is overflowing and smelly!

Turtle - you poor thing, hope you gets things sorted in whatever way is best for you. If it's any help, I actually foundit ALOT easier having a 19m old and a baby than being pregnant and having a toddler - found that a nightmare and am struggling again this time. I know a few friends who've felt the same way.

Easeggs - thinking of yu

Tamlin - I went through similar wen pregnant with DS and friend lost baby at 21wks - just after scan, he was fine at scan, she then started having a lot of bleeds and spent time in hospital and then his heart just stopped. I felt awful being pregnant but she just wated a friend, didn't matter that I was pregnant! her way of dealing with it was to focus on getting pregnant again asap (it was her 1st) and she now has a gorgeous little girl (I think this prenancy was helped by it beng the opposite sex to the one she lost).

Wook - am all for the extra holiday!!

becky my dh finds bins disgusting and won't touch them He does lots of other things around the house so I don't mind. Thinking about it, I am the one dealing with all disgusting jobs around here... delicate butterfly that he is. Hm, just got me thinking about using washable nappies and who's going to deal with that.

Thanks guys - so busy reading posts and replying that I hadn't noticed the plums I was stewing had boiled over and now have plum juice all over the hob!! cleaning will hae to wait til after bathtime!

Turtle so sorry to hear things are not going well with your dh, christ you should not have to be dealing with that as well as being pregnant. Please don't feel you can't post when things are bad, we are all here for you. Have you got family around that can help with your dc? When is dh due back?

Easyeggs big hugs for tomorrow, like the others said can you have some quiet time to reflect? Is that possible with your brood running around? And Tamlin sorry to hear about your friend. That is so sad After reading yours and Easyeggs posts I had a bit of a teary moment and had to give ds a squeeze, sometimes I forget how lucky I am to have him and another on the way.