Due November 2009 - we just can't stop chatting!

[BeckyBendyLegs]

A new thread!

just popping on to say my friend had her baby at 9pm this evening! a 7lb girl! Both doing well, father very very overwhelmed, and i thik realising now how important it was that he was there. DH is going to pop over for a cuppa in 20 mins as he is being kicked out of the ward to let mother and baby rest. She is being kept in for observation tomorrow as her waters were broken for more than 24 hours, but only precautionary, both are and baby are well.

My Dh welled up! the new father is his best friend of 22 years (i have known him and his partner for 10 years) so he was feeling quite emotional talking to him!

Bloody cramp! I have had cramp in my toes and sole of my foot for the last half hour it really hurts and DH has been laughing at me . It has been so bad my toes were bending downwards of their own accord and the only way I could stop the cramp was to push my toes upwards as far as they would go and keep them there. As soon as I let them go the cramp would return . Now it has moved into the sole. Always on the left foot or calf. But it just won't seem to stop .

Oh well, at least the sofa was delivered and got into the front room without trouble today! Means I can finally get rid of the peice of junk we were sitting on (well, its going into DDs bedroom as its a sofa bed). this is the first new sofa I have ever owned and I feel all grown up now!

Wow, Pavlov, there's a new little person in the world! Glad to hear it all went well and that the Daddy feels he made the right choice! It's strange isn't it, you get so used to being pregnant it sometimes feels like it's never-ending... But there's a baby at the end of it!

Well, things at Casa Broodzilla seem to be going downhill. Won't bore you with the details, but basically tried to have a civilised chat over dinner. I was trying to get DH to chill out (as he's "so stressed and busy", although did manage to tinker with his bike for 3 hours last night before DIY...) I told him that as he's made it clear that he will be carrying on with his biking, and life in general as is, after the baby is born, I've accepted that reality, and I'm prepared for what's up ahead. I really, really want this baby, and realise that life won't be the same. (And I don't mean that in a bad way!) His answer was that I'm clearly wanting to make it into a problem even before the baby's here... Which was the opposite of what I was trying to achieve...

I then said, that as he's getting so stressed out, once the house is ready (whenever that is...) maybe he should go away for a weekend. His reply was "instead of me going away, why don't you shut up and stop moaning".

And so on...

My insurance covers me for travel for 2 more weeks, and I'm seriously wondering whether I should make arrangements to go home. I'd have family around me for support before, during and after the birth, and could come back once the little one and I are in the swing of things. That way, DH wouldn't have to deal with me or a newborn and I wouldn't feel so alone. Of course, his response to that was "I can't believe you'd go away to have OUR child - it's all about you, isn't it?"

I don't know what to think, say or do anymore!

Sorry about the rant.

Broodzilla I am so sorry that your DH is being a pig. I know it does not make it any easier, but DH and I went through some of this with last DD, and this time, worse that last time.

Loss of control is one factor for a man I think, they cannot possibly know what you are feeling, experiencing, going through, and they hate that. They are fearful of the changes that might/will occur in the future as they do not know what it means for them, how it will affect them etc. Women are automatically tuned (mostly) to get the idea of how it will change us, part of the process going on for us as well as hormones, with the baby growing in us, our sense of responsibility and change is so much stronger.

I try to think of it as instinct. Once upon a time a man would not be here, possibly not for the birth, certainly not for the upbringing. Historically, the man would be the hunter gatherer and their responsibility would kick in much later on. The women would be the ones there all the time. And even in recent years men have gone out to work and women have done the 'baby' thing.

Things are changing for men now, they are more unsure of their role in society in bringing up babies, in what might be required of them, they cannot follow their own fathers as role-models as that might be different to how we will want it to be.

Women, on the other hand, have the knowledge and security of knowing our role does not change, certainly not at first, we will always (or mostly) have the dominant role in the initial upbringing of our babies, whether we work in other employment or we don't, have other children or not, we do those things in addition to being a mother, so that role never changes.

I think it truly frightens men. I have spent time wondering why DH might be such an arse at times when I need him to be understanding and supportive. And this is what I come up with. He is afraid. Even though we have a toddler, he now knows his role here. It will change again.

Also, more simply, you have changed, what with hormones etc. He probably does not know what to do around you. I am not making excuses for him at all. He is being a shit no two ways about it.

Can you go away for a few days, get some space if he won't go away, have a break from each other? Rather than think about going away for the birth...how far are your parents.

Broodzilla at your DH. How unbelievably rude. I am sure what Pavlov says makes a lot of sense, but I would still find it hard to stomach. Does he apologise once he has said such things? GRRRRR for you.

Trikken I agree with Scarlotti on the fizzy stuff to relieve trapped wind - I am guzzling bottles of fizzy water at the min.

Wook you poor thing!! How old is your DS? You must have been terrified. Glad all seems to be OK now though.

I bumped into someone from work yesterday who I hadn't seen since the end of July - she seemed to take great pleasure in scrutinising me and then telling me she could tell I had put weight on in my face Irrationally felt really upset and was in a foul mood all evening. It seems unfair that we are effectively out of control of our bodies, yet everyone else claims the right to scrutinise and pass judgement all too freely - as in, on the stairs of a shop on the high street!

Parents are on a train down to London, armed with overalls and paint brushes, aaaaw! Am so excited, I always feel calmer when my parents are down! (v silly and childish, I know...)

wook your poor DS but thank goodness everything was ok.I can't imagine how worrying a situation like that must be.

broodzilla hope you sort things out with your DH. Boo to him.

katster I really wouldn't worry about what your colleague said. I'm fully expecting a lot of that when I go back to work on Tues. It's always women who do it and they feel they have license to pass judgement on others appearance. On my wedding day when everyone was telling me I looked beautiful (even though to be fair I was the size of a small whale!) one of DH's aunties and her daughter kept telling me that although I was not as pregnant as one of DH's cousins I was A LOT bigger,MUCH bigger, all out the frony so it's MUCH MORE obvious.

I've also had neighbours and their friends shouting 'you're big aint yer' at me when I tell them I'm due in November. They can't seem to get it in their head that it's the beginning of November so sooner than they think!

We've got two guys round plastering our nursery to be. It's finally dawning on me there will be a baby in that room in less than 11 weeks!

So happy this morning. just seen pics of friends new baby, He is gorgeous! makes me even more impatient to meet mine!

broodzilla sorry to hear things are strained with your DH but I second what Pavlov says. It is a hard change for them, and they rarely make the mental shift before the birth. If you can make some space for yourself for a few days then great, but don't worry if not. I would suggest not going away for the birth as you really will want him there when the time happens - it's such a wonderful thing to share, and you'll need someone's hand to squeeze really hard and to swear at!!

wook hope you're ok today and your DS is fine. It's awful when it first happens, but luckily children's bones don't solidify until around 7 for exactly this reason. Both of mine have fallen from top to bottom when they were little - it's normally worse for us mums than for them!

Had a lovely evening out with some friends last night and managed to stay out until 11!! The restaurant owner and one of my 'friends' managed to make a comment about my size though

Broodzilla that sounds really difficult. I would agree with what Pavlov said, I think the menfolk are all at sea with this babies/hormones malarky. Dh had a very bewildered expression through a lot of my pg with ds, and there were a couple of times in those last months that I was so cross with him that I had to pop home to mum to avoid spontaneously combusting!!
But although going away now could be a good break for you, I would also agree with Scarlotti that it is good to share the birth if at all possible. In labour with ds I was not very kind to dh and told him to go away but he came back for the last two hour push ing marathon and got to see ds's face before me, and to cut the cord. His excitement was great as I was knackered! I'm glad I didn't shut him out, as earlier in the day that was what I had tried to do.
I'm sure you can resolve things- parenthood is a whole new world- scary.
On a different note, has anyone had/ is anyone planning a home birth? I had a not good experience last time but just because the boy was such a whopper and I got so tired. This time the midwife reckons it will be a different ball game, much shorter, easier labour etc. I would love a home birth, but my mum keeps saying 'but what about last time?' - not to be scary, but just because she was there and knows it was hard going. I figure, I can always go to hospital if things went wrong or became hard. I love the idea of just snuggling in my own bed afterwards,with my own food, shower and most of all, toilet!!! Because though the hospital birth was ace, no complaints about my care at all, being stuck for the day in hospital afterwards was a real drag. That's the only reason I'd think of a home birth- I don't think they are superior in any way- you know, morally or whatever. I am all for modern medicine! What are you all thinking? Anyone else's midwives putting the case for a home birth?

Argh, my strikethrough didn't work in prev post- wanted to hide all but word 'push'! Back to the instructions!

planning a hospital birth here, just as i know then there are people all around if anything were to go wrong.

All of a sudden I have decided I want a woman with us, commented on someone's thread about having a woman at the birth the other day, they suggested a doula but think we cant afford it and dh really would be uncomfortable with someone being there we didnt know. was thinking of asking Mil but my mother would be upset but cant ask mum as i know she would take over, even if she didnt mean to.

Wook I hope your DS is okay, and so are you.

Broodzilla I hope your DH has apologised... Obviously I haven't done this all before either, but what everyone has said makes sense. Whilst they may feel the occasional kick, really all they can see is the woman they love getting bigger and grumpier. While they know things are going to change, I don't think they can appreciate it as much as we can, because we feel the changes that have already taken place. I'm sorry he so mean to you. If you want to get away for some time but can't get to your parents, we have a conservatory with a sofa bed you're more than welcome to use. Thinking of you. x

Scarlotti - just wanted to thank you so much for the things you dropped round to Jon's We went through them together last night. Thank you so so much. x

Katster sorry about what your colleague said, how very rude!! Hope you have a good day painting with your parents though

Prepare for too much info, ladies!! I've had these pains on and off up inside of me (sorry!) and when I finally managed to ask the midwife yesterday, have been horribly embarrassed, she said that its baby's head pushing on my cervix. Its so damn PAINFUL, to the point I can't walk sometimes MW just said to keep an eye on it - has anyone got any advice as to how to ease it?? Plus, in the past week or so my hips and pelvis have got incredibly sore, again, struggling to walk. Any suggestions for that?

Hope you're all having a nice day - its too hot grumbles

Broodzilla, sorry to hear that you are having such a bad time with your husband. And I agree with Pavlov and Scarlotti.
Men do not seem to undertstand at all what is going on but I find it hard to accept and start certain discussions again and again. Doing something nice just for you is certainly a good idea. Maybe you could go home just for a couple of days? Or go somewhere with a friend? But I think you should have the baby here. It's still a long time to go and your husband might change eventually. Especially if he is there during labour and birth. I imagine it to be very impressive for men and therefore it might change him more or easier. And also, you might regret if you did not "allow" him to be there. Do you think, someone of your family could actually come to the UK to be there? Maybe at the end of pregnancy or the first days/weeks? Or maybe getting a doula could help too?
Wook, I would like to have a homebirth as I really don't like hospital atmosphere (though glad that we have modern medicine). But being in my own home sounds much more relaxing for me. I've decided to have a hospital birth because we are in a flat with very thin walls and you can hear everything from your neighbours so I don't think I would feel much relaxed when I have the feeling that I should be as quiet as possible.
When do you have to decide if you want to have a homebirth? Will you know the approximate size of your baby?

Wook, and most importantly I'm glad to hear, that your son is fine. I can't even imagine how terrible you must have felt in this situation. It really is a miracle how little children can fall down stairs without having anything.

wook if you want a homebirth then go for it I say! If you had a trouble free labour last time (even if it was long) then they'll be fine with the idea. You can hire a pool too if that's what you fancy. A friend of mine has bought a 'birth in a box' which I think has a pool and also lots of pad things to put down.
You just need to tell your mw that's what you want and then find out what you need to have ready.

We're going for a hospital birth a) because DH wants me to be there in case and b) because I'd rather not have to clean up the mess, although the mw's clean up most of it.
The main decider for me was that I want to be able to relax and bond with my baby after, and I suspect if I were at home then a few hours after the birth the rest of the family would assume it's life as normal and I'd be up doing stuff. This way I get to chill in hospital for at least a night before coming back to reality.

erika glad you like them If I get more surplus stuff I'll let you know - there's been quite a few boys born in our family recently so there's lots being passed along.
Your pains sound a bit like spd to me too - your mw will refer you for physio to help if it is and they can give you a support belt which will relieve the pressure on your pelvis.

broodzilla my DH was very similar with my last pg and complained constantly that he could never please me even though I saw no evidence of him trying. He was, honestly, just freaked out by the whole thing. Definitely have him around at the birth because I found that that earned me incredible respect from DH, and made the necessity of me being waited on after an emcs a bit easier for him to swallow. In fact, having my mum around for the week after getting home helped enormously in that respect too, as resentment couldn't build up.

I've given up even trying to include him in this pg - he's constantly too tired/stressed/sore back/golfing to care about anything much. I'm just presenting him with a list of jobs to do so he can focus his frustrations on not doing any of them. He has, however, been quite tolerant and involved in plans for extending the house and so I feel that that is a huge step forward (usually most radical ideas like that are seen as Hobnob's fixations and are met with impatience and dismissal). We'll get round to discussing this LO at some point, maybe October, and might even pick a name! Sad, isn't it, but if your DH is like mine, there is no point wishing for things to be any other way.

By the way, my neighbour gave birth in her car on the way to hospital in the early hours of yesterday . Her waters broke on the way and her hubby had to deliver the wee boy after she insisted he stop the car at a roundabout not 10 mins from here. Quick labour! Her 4 year old was in the back wondering what mum was up to, being very good. Mum & dad share the same birthday and new arrival and sister also share the same birthday now!

Don't think my DH would be up for that...

The noise and the neighbours are a definite consideration for a homebirth- yikes, already blush whenever I see them at thought of what either I have done or said or they have done or said recently- walls paper thin here too!! And the thought of having to go back 'on duty' too hadn't really occured to me. My mum also thinks a home birth may traumatise ds.
Birth was not unstraightforward last time but it was of epic length and I did break my coccyx have a bit of a hard time in the final moments.
Can't remember who recommended the Chris Cleave book? But a big thanks, I have just finished it and really enjoyed it, if enjoyed is the right word!
Dh said to me last night, as if it had just occurred 'We'll have a baby soon'. Erm yes, dh, that's right!

I can't decide if I'd like a homebirth. I can't this time as need to be in hospital for antibiotics but might consider it if there's a next time!

I've been trying to work out how to use my fabric sling this afternoon. I decided I needed to try it out with something baby shaped but the closest I could get was making a chicken out of a tea towel (something I learnt at university!)and used that! DH was in hysterics. God help me with a baby.

I mistakenly thought Monday was a bank holiday and I was due back to work after 6 weeks hols on Tuesday. I've got my GTT test Monday morning so am going to have to ring in sick on my first day back.

I seem to have pulled something in my back simply by sitting in a chair a restaurant. ow! ow!

Lots to catch up on as computer has gone up the spout (again) and have only just been able to get back on, although only in safe mode so can do hardly anything!!

Sorry about your ds Wook but glad he is ok now. He won't even remember it happened in a day or so although not so easy for you to forget. Good luck deciding on the homebirth idea too. It definitely not for me, but I know some people who have had them and it has been a very positive experience. I'd talk to to your midwife about the possibility.

Broodzilla I hope you and dh sort things out soon. Men often don't want to understand pregnancy related things, especially when it comes to aches and pains etc.

Erika some of your pain sounds like spd to me too. Try and get some physio as soon as you can as they will give you some exercises to do and maybe a support belt which should really help.

I have to stop working next week and go on maternity leave. I finish next Friday with the remaining 'mindee's' that I look after as the physio said I shouldn't be working already as I could end up not being able to walk at all (even with cruthches) in a few weeks if I don't start to rest. She also talked about speaking to my midwife about having a c-section as giving birth naturally with the severe lack of movement I'm experiencing could make it much worse and damage it a lot more. Going to speak to her when I see her for my 28 week check next week!

wook I think your neighbours would be fine as long as they knew you were in labour and not being beaten or something!! I also think your DS would be ok if someone was there to take him off to do stuff whilst your labouring. It's the being back 'on duty' that I think is the consideration, it certainly is here. Our family set up is with me doing most of the stuff so I'd naturally fall back into that, even if exhausted iyswim.

lemontop lol at your chicken!! Bummer about Monday but at least you get a freebie day off the following week now.

southern you really need to rest up if your spd is that bad. I know it's easier said than done esp if you need to keep earning (am with you there) but you don't want the damage to last beyond the birth. I've read that you can give birth naturally with spd and a good tip is to get a ribbon/string and fix it around your knees at your maixmum open width, so that you don't inadvertantly open them too wide. Am sure your mw will advise.

Found out that the amby hammock I bought from eBay is missing a pole. The woman emailed to say she had it so I said to drop it round and leave it down the side of the house. She's emailed this morning to say her Mother has dropped it off at the gate wrapped in plastic bags last Friday. It's not there now and Friday is recycle day Am I being a bit unreasonable to think that the woman could have opened the gate and left it on our garden path or something rather than the side of the main road?! Am hoping it will turn up otherwise that's an expensive hammock with no stand and now baby has nothing to sleep in

scarlotti how embarrassing would that be, to be in the middle of a very painful loud contraction and have the police beat your door down to arrest your DP/DH !

Would not take too much explaining though I guess!

I would like a home birth, but not likely for several reasons 1) DH really is not good with seeing me in pain, without having someone medical present to say its meant to be like that! And he has made it clear he is not happy about it being a home and I need him to be supportive which he is less likely to be at home 2) I had to have my placenta removed mannually last time and its more likely to happen this time 3) they will probably need to monitor baby again this time due to DD not growing last time 5) I like the idea of a few hours on my own with the baby to recover and bond without DD here.

Southern we do the same job and I give up work next week. Being a cm is hard work at the best of times. I don't know how you've managed to keep going. I have sciatica and at times it's really painful. Pushing a buggy does me no good and picking up toys off the floor!! I'll be glad of some rest but worried about money - like us all!

Scarlotti I'm with you on the hospital birth. I know it will be down to me to get the house straight after the birth and to start worrying about what's for dinner. If I stay in hospital for as long as I can then DH & DS can cope without me for a while.

Question for those of you who have a young child or children already. My DS is nearly 4 and we thought that buying a pressie for him from the new baby would go down well. Anyone else doing this? He is looking forward to the new arrival but I don't think at his age he really understands it all. We have 2 books that we read together about mummy having a baby and I'm preparing him the best I can. I know it's only natural to worry about all these things. He's still my baby boy in my eyes .

Sorry some of you having problems and feeling upset with DH's and partners. My DH was very distant when I was pg with DS. We did talk about this before I became pg again as I didn't want that feeling of being alone again. At the time the financial pressure was a burden that he dealt with on his own, he also dealt with my mood swings and terrible MS for weeks on end, and bad back pain from 5 months pg, which made me very grouchy. This pg has been different as we both knew what to expect and feel more in tune with each other. He hasn't learnt to do more around the house, but if I ask him for help then he will assist. We also have a deal that he keeps up with his sports as long as he does bed routine with ds a few nights a week. This helps me as I can switch off and relax downstairs. I find it's the small things that make the difference.

Health in pregnancy grant - if you've received it, how long did it take? MW forgot to give me the form on my last appt and I'm not going to speak to her until this Thurs, I'll be 30 weeks then.

fruitpastels I am buying DD (who is 3) something from baby. I was recommended this by some-one else and it really helped them bond apparantly, not surprising eh? Not too big, maybe a little rocker for her dolly or a baby that can go in the water and a little basin so that she can 'join in' with washing the new baby. Or, maybe just something nice for her new room.

I have one book that I read to her 'There's a House Inside my Mummy' which she enjoys. I like it apart from one bit which says 'daddy says be patient as his door is rather tight' not sure what that is meant to help with!!! Sounds rude to me! What is the other book you have? I make sure she says good night to him, and also my friend has just had a baby in the last couple days and I think that will/has helped her see where I will be going with this pg and the fact there will be a real baby at the end! She seems able to relate, and she likes to talk to him, 'feed him' bits of her food, and checks I and brother are ok from time to time.

My biggest fear is the whole bedroom business. I am really worried about it. She is in our bedroom now, and will now stay here. It was meant to be for 2 weeks, and is likely now going to be 6 weeks in total that she would have been in here before it becomes her room. We were originally going to put her back in her old room until we go up to the loft, but now its been too long and she sees it as her room. It is going to take a while to decorate everything enough to move rooms. My concern is that we had planned it that this room became her room of her own accord, nothing to do with the baby, and we would be upstairs, nothing to do with baby. And then baby would come along, and he would come upstairs with us for a while and she would already be settled - now, it will be very much she goes into her room, few weeks, then we have a baby and baby comes up with us in the new room leaving her downstairs all on her own.

I think what we are going to do is make sure baby is settled in his own nursery room in the day, so she knows that is his bedroom, and explain to her he is too little to stay there at night for now and he will sleep in a room for a little while. I worry she will feel left out..

Bloody builders!

Pav Sounds like you have come up with the best plan of action. I'm sure DD will be fine. How many weeks are you now? It's all trial and error. The best thing we can do for our older child is think of their feelings and try and work around any problems swiftly.

I have the 'There's a House Inside my Mummy' and think it's a nice little book, but agree about the line that the Dad says, it sounds rather rude! Also have Topsy & Tim 'The new Baby' and that's a nice read. We have a couple of ideas for a present from the baby. It's DS's birthday 2 days before my EDD (he was a couple of days early), so there will be pressies and fuss made over him. I can't get my head around what to do for his birthday this year. I don't think a party will be planned, maybe a tea with a couple of his friends, whatever we plan it will have to be a last minute idea as I don't want to promise DS anything and get him excited and then I go into labour!