Due October 2009 - Feeling better and feeling baby!

[princessmel]

I have started the new thread

I'm glad, if that isn't a little mean, that others are feeling very pregnant too! People keep commenting on how big I look and suggesting the baby might be big. I doubt it somehow, I'm only 5"1 and ds was only 6lb 3oz, hope not though.
I've been trying to go to pregnancy yoga, but have missed it three weeks running with being on holiday and very busy with freelance work, and I was all set to go tonight when I suddenly came over all dizzy and had to go to bed for a bit instead. DH was putting ds to bed and has been all grumpy about it, even though it was his turn anyway. He left him in bed howling and when I asked him what was wrong he said he didn't know, by which he meant he didn't care, and went off to work on his new office, which is in an outbuilding outside. I have a funny feeling he's going to be spending a lot of time in it in the next wee while. The whole house is currently partially under construction and DH's office is probably the nicest room we have at the moment !

morning

sorrry not been around much ... need to catch up with everyones' news

i am not doing well in this heat .. my feet and ankles ballooned yesterday, even my toes are fat!

another hot day at work for me ...

have good days and will post more later

princessmel congratulations on a boy you have same as me boy,girl and now boy.Still getting my head around having another boy and no frilly pink girl.Bought dd a new doll yesterday she`s completely spoilt for toys and especially clothes.

Getting all ds baby clothes washed and ready,have some lovely ones that I completly forgot about can stop bying some more now,have bought quite a few already.Just need a carrycot for buggy,carseat and nice sling/wrap.
Has anyone thought whether they are going to follow a routine when babys here or just go with flow.I completely messed up with dd and at age 3 shes finally slepping in her own bed and through the night dont really want to make same mistake again. 26 weeks tomorrow times going fast but with summer holidays in front of us seems like a long stretch. Got a sore throat today and my ear was killing me this morning took some paracetamol feel a bit better now.DS got school concert later which wont be easy going there with 3 kids.
Hope everyone has good day.X

Bella - friends have lent us the book of 'she who must not be named on Mumsnet' and say they swear by it. I've flicked through, but it's not a gripping read - just lists of routines - so I'll probaby wait until the baby's here before making a decision.

I can cerainly see the logic of following a routine - baby will feel safter and more secure knowing what to expect - but I can imagine that feeling you have to stick to it can put you under a lot of pressure.

Of friends with babies, I have certainly noticed that those who are more routine are more settled at a younger age and their parents are more relaxed etc. The other thing I notice is that Dad is much more hands on with a 'routine' baby. Maybe men feel more confident if they have a set of instructions to guide them - I certainly think DH will be happier if he knows how to solve a problem, rather than having to rely on instinct. I think for these reasons, we'll try to introduce a routine quite early on, especially for feeding and bedtimes, but try not let our lives be ruled by it.

What do I know, though? This is my first.....

Afternoon all!

I'm lucky (and touch wood) cope with the heat very well. No swelling either-didn't have any with dd. Hopefully it stays like that!

Had a lovely evening out with dp last night-drinks, meal and cinema-made us realise we should try to make the most of our semi freedom as we won't have any for quite a while I still find it hard leaving dd now and she is almost 3!

We had no routines-as in set times etc, but fairly set orders we did things. It worked perfectly for us as I'd hate to be sticking to strict times etc, plus I believe in going with the flow-babies don't have any concept of times etc. I think personally it is a more natural way of doing things and you get into your own routines. But if you are a routine kind of person it really doesn't work. If you are happier following instructions and knowing what to do when then maybe a routine is best-then it might make you more relaxed-but it certainly wouldn't have worked for us. Plus there is no way you can breastfeed on a schedule. I did however find my friends who followed routines where of a more panicky nature. And also when the routine changes/stops working as happens every few weeks/months they REALLY don't like it as it takes a while to re-establish it again, whereas just going with the flow it isn't a big deal-you hardly notice a earlier/later nap etc but on a routine it messes up all the feeds etc.
Just my opinion though I strongly believe you just do what is right for you and your baby.

I have too much to do and NO energy to do it! I'm so tired at the moment-but there is so much I want to sort out/get done. Dp keeps telling me to do it in little bits but I can't do that-if I start cleaning I have to do the whole house!

Hope everyone is having a good day.

Flame-I hope your sickness is begining to ease-as to your depression-I have been thinking of you x x x

Littlemiss-wow-he hasn't wasted any time!!! I wish my dp was like that Does he do similar things for a living? I'm pleased you are feeling so much more relaxed now-moving is one massive stress you really don't need!

Hi All - I used 'she who must not be named on Mumsnet' last time around, just changed a few small bits to make it fit in with my life and it worked incredibly well! Intending to do the same again this time around. My sister used it to the letter with her 2 and it really did limit her life - I think a bit of flexibility is required to keep you sane.

Hi all

Having Tiscali internet problems-it only works when it feels like it.

Hope all are OK in this warm weather-I seem to have a headache rather alot again. DH is stressing me out over money (lack of).

I bought 'that' book before DD1 was born after my friend swore by it but found it impossible to follow so sold it on Ebay. I let them feed and sleep when they want which makes us all happy. My friend is following it now with DC3.

Big wave to all. Feel like I am waddling around and still another 3 months to go.

HC
x

Hi all,

I'm finding all this chat about routine really interesting. I think I'm one of those people who would prefer a flexible routine to follow IYSWIM. I prefer to feel a bit organised and have some structure to the day but don't want to be rigidly tied to a timetable or place (e.g. don't want all naps to have to be in moses basket/bed so we can't go out). As a first-timer though I have no idea how/when you move from the feed/sleep on demand I imagine you need for the early weeks to something more structured later.

It would be really good if some of you with DC(s) already could give a few details on how it worked for you.

Hi everyone, I will add to the 'routine' debate when I have a bit more time.

Just checking in from my sister's house. I was on court one at Wimbledon with sister yesterday and had a fab time especially as my mum was minding our 6 children so we could just relax and enjoy the day! Not looking forward to the 4 and a half hour drive back home tonight though, should get back around 10.30, I'm gonna be shattered!

Devils ds dropped the shredder on my laptop and the screen broke, PC world quoted between £200-300 to have a new screen fitted.

I had a look online and would recommend CRM- www.crmsys.co.uk They sent someone to collect the laptop, fixed it and delivered it back to me within a few days. They only charged £115 plus vat delivery inc! So much cheaper and I didn't have to take it anywhere. If you go on their website they can give you a quote, you just fill in a few details about the problem and model of laptop. Hope that helps!

Sammy&treats Dp can't keep still, he's a carpenter by trade but can do most things. Once he's got an idea in head he gets on with it guns all blazing but its a challenge to keep his momentum going especially after a full days work!

Treats No routine here to speak of but i think that is because i breastfed on demand and co-slept for 13 month which makes it really hard to have a strict routine. Plus i am the scatty artistic type so just go with the flow. I do envy parents with babies that go from 7pm-7am! But am happy with the go with the flow method that we have. Means that i can do what i want with ds during the day with out him feeling too distressed that he's out of his routine. He's a really chilled baby too. Think we will go with the same method with ds2 as will be breastfeeding and co-sleeping again.

sammysam Your grown-ups evening sounds lovely, what film did you go and see? Really fancy the cinema!

fidelma Where's Skye? Hope you have a lovely time.

IDOB Ds fed every 2-3 hours in the early days and was up at night and slept through the day for the first three days of his life. Which was shattering especially with all the visitors! I think it is much easier to have a strong structure if you formula feed as you are far more aware of how much the baby is feeding at any given time. Where as breastfeeding is far more sporadic and babies tend to cluster feed at night when the breast milk is richer, so can often stay up quite late.

In the early days ds would sleep between 4-6 hours during the day and would wake around every 3 at night to feed. I would feed lying down as ment i could doze whilst he fed. We got through lots of nappy changes in the early days, day and night!

As they grow older babies become much more efficient feeders and instead of feeding for up to an hour, they can polish off a feed in 10-15 minutes then normally get all milk drunk and doze off.

I think the best person to ask would be HC because she has experience with an exclusively breastfed and formula fed baby so she will be able to say how each method affected her routine with her dd's, If it was easier to follow a routine ff vs bf etc.

I think what i'm trying to say is that your feeding choice will invitabley affect how far you can take and stick to a routine.

Thanks LMB - that's really helpful. I am really hoping to breast feed for the first few months at least but I'm also not putting too much pressure on myself. My mum wasn't able to breast feed (her milk just never came in) so DB and I were bottle fed and were both very healthy and happy so I'm not going to feel bad if it doesn't work out for some reason. That said I'm keen to give it the best go I can even if that means being a bit/lot more flexible about a routine.

Yes, DD1 was FF and had a bottle every time she was hungry and that was a lot. Did try to make her last 4 hours. She woke every 2 hours for a bottle in the night until I put her on hungrier baby food (not recommended now) then she went 3 hours. DD2 was BF and fed for bits during the day then all evening until bedtime at 11pm ish and used to wake once in the night for a feed. She was not as hungry as DD1. I am going to attempt to BF again and am prepared for lengthy/short feeds as required but this time it will have to fit in between school/nursery runs. I just don't feel I have time to stick to a routine as such. My friend who follows the book makes sure her DD2 has the exact amount of sleep and will not give a bottle until the correct time so has to distract her crying baby. I can't bear this but my friend is fine with it. I think everyone finds their own suitable routine eventually once you get over that feeling of panic when you first bring your baby home and they are sat in the car seat in the kitchen looking at you or asleep and you wonder what on earth you are meant to do next.

Better check on the girls.

HC
x

HC - LOL, that is how I feel now and the baby isn't even here yet. I picture myself sat staring at the baby thinking "what on earth am I meant to do now". I'm sure we'll figure it all out eventually when the baby is here.

Idreamofbeanie It's great that you are planning to give breastfeeding go, i think it's all about support. Most people with a good support structure manage to breastfeed successfully. I think it's the lack of support and knowledge that leads to allot of women giving up who would have liked to breastfed for longer. Most problems can be solved with a little help!

I was really lucky as i didn't come across any problems in 13 months and didn't find it at all sore. But do realise that it can be uncomfortable for some mothers in the early days and problems can arise along the way. So hoping i will be lucky again and it will be the same this time round.

Dp was formula fed and i was breast fed and we are both just as healthy as one another as adults.

interesting all this talk of routine

i guess as this bump is DC2 there will have to be a certain amount of fitting in

what i am sure of is to breastfeed again - try it for longer (had loads of issues plus DS had reflux) and not get too hung up on anything. I beat myself up abuot using a dummy (at the time) - only book i had was Baby Whisperer (which could never quite get to grips with) and No Cry Sleep Solution - V good

will make use of a sling a lot - which reminds me that i need to actually buy one (plus a mattress!)

Also, for those of you who still have an Adams near you, they are doing BOGOF on everything until Saturday

x

Hi all, had a miserable day here, so tired and dd has been pushing my buttons, so much so that when dh got home he had a sobbing wife and a sobbing daughter and burned pizza for tea! But she's in bed now and he's gone out again and everything is much more tranquil!

HC - you've reminded me of when we got dd home and she was in the living room in her carseat and I burst into tears with the sudden responsibility of it all. I think up until that point I'd sort of thought she was on loan and someone was going to turn up and say "thanks very much" and take her back.

On the whole routine vs not I think its definitely a sliding scale, and you sort of fit into where fits you best. The best piece of advice I was given was to listen to everyone elses advice and then if it doesn't feel right to you then ignore it! Personally very strict routines wouldn't have fitted in with our lifestyle, we like to go out in the evenings occasionally to see friends so a set bedtime would never have worked. I think as long as you're not a slave to a routine I think it can work well tho. I have a friend who was really struggling, she had a fixed routine and it meant she wasn't going out to babygroups coz they didn't fit in with naptime.

I BF'd dd, which I agree puts paid to the strictest of routines, I had a nightmare at the beginning as she was so sleepy and not interested in milk - prob coz of cs. My milk never "came in" but I was stubborn in my ways and had a very supportive breastfeeding counsellor from the hosp who got me through. It took alot of hard work and expressing saved my sanity. (now my pet subject!) I hate to hear of women who have stopped bfing because of poor or non-existent support. It makes me very cross. My best friend who had her baby the same time as I had dd stopped bfing coz she got mastitis while on holiday and her gp told her to stop feeding, she ended up getting it really badly and was passing out with the pain. Whereas when I had it, my mw told me to stick a cabbage leaf in my bra and do nothing but sleep/feed or express for 24 hrs, it had gone before the 24hrs were up. So there you are ladies, if you bf and you get struck down with mastitis, send your dhs out for a savoy cabbage!

Oh and here is your daily pelvic floor reminder! SQUEEZE!

Thanks for the reminder as my pelvic floor is a total embarassment.

My mum never BF me or my bro and MIL didn't BF DH or SIL and we are all fine. Infact DD1 is no different in health to DD2 so it doesn't matter if anyone can't manage to BF. DD2 self weaned at 9 months and I wanted to get to a year despite my mum's mutterings about not doing it at a year old.

HC
x

26+2

Hi everyone

No swelling here luckily! I am ok with the heat as long as I have enough time to walk wherever I am going, without having to rush. I am still walking to school every morning. I do sometimes need to have a little stop at the top of the hill, but thats when its hot or not.

On the subject of routines, I am sort of half and half. I def have a routine as in an order. We always do bath, milk, story, bed etc.
And in the early weeks we don't deviate atall. But as the time goes on we have relaxed and miss baths and stay out later and come home in pj's and straight to bed etc.

I also did the same thing every day before naptimes. Used snuggly comfort objects, only at sleeptime to help with sleep que's etc. Darkened room and tried very hard to get them to have naps most days. I do think that children sleep better if they sleep well in the day.

But on the flipside, I fed on demand and if they woke in the night I fed them. dd and ds didn't sleep 'through' till they were 2!!!

I bf ds and dd but dd for longer. I fed her untill she was 2.3, but in the end it was only the last feed of the day.
I am really hoping I can bf again. I enjoyed it and felt so close to her. We had a few ishoos in the beginning but that was due to my fast let down and I persevered.
She was a great feeder and from very early on she had 4 hourly gaps and that was great. Each feed would take about an hour , split into a maybe 3 short feeds with breaks and burps inbetween.
In the end she went from 4 hourly gaps to 3 hours, then 2 then by the time she was nearly 6 months it was pretty much every hour. But it was fine as her feeds were only 3 minutes long!! So no problem really.

ds was different and would feed all the time. I literally had no idea when he'd want more milk, he would latch on everytime I held him and that was all the time! Both babies were not happy to be laid under a baby gym or in a bouncy seat untill they were at least 6 weeks.

Gosh I am tired.
I have had a busy day.
It was ds's first school trip today so I had to do a picnic and be at school early. Then dd had a picnic after nursery in the park. Then we had a midwife appt and dd had her pre school boosters while we were at the surgery. Then I had to collect ds and then we all went to the dentist!!!
At the midwifes I asked if I was too big, as I feel very large in the bump area. She didn't measure me but when I was lying down, she felt my tummy and said that (the baby?, womb?) 'was up to my tummy button' and that was right for this stage.
I bumped into my Health Visitor and regular nurse that we always see ,and they both said that I looked big!!

Anyway sorry that was all about me !!!

night, night everyone x

evening all.Off first thing tomorrow for our 10th wedding aniversary.It has taken so much organisation.Making sure that everyone is in the right place at the right time.Food for the children and babysitters.The correct clothes (children at school this weekend for sports day events open day etc)they have to have their uniforms.Suncream and hats at the ready.Chicken feed.Rabbit food.ughhhhhhhh.oh yes and a tidy house and beds ready for the babysitters.

Still it will be worth itI don't want to remind DH that this will be the last weekend away for a very long time (again)I will make the most of it.

Baby routines I bought that book with DD1 and read it from cover to cover and thought this will work.I even had it with me in hospital.I woke DD1 to try and feed her (while still in hospital)Mad mad madBy the time we went on holiday 3 months later I had thrown that book in the fire!!!!! I have since rebought that book as I found the sleep paterns helpful to follow roughly.eg the baby needs to have a nap after it has been awake for 2 hours in the morning.I followed it lightly with the others.It was useful to read and take the bits that worked for me.

I breastfed on demand until they were all about 2.They all got into a good sleep routines from about 6 months.I have always found that being frim about staying in their owne beds works; it's just that sometimes it is much easier just to let them come in for a snuggle!!!confused new mums.My advice is play it by ear and do whatever you do with love.we all make mistakes,we are only human.

happy anniversary fidelma - hope you have a wonderful weekend away

have woken up with swollen ankles - there really is no hope is there

loads to do today - work and home stuff

have good days everyone

Wow - it's been really interesting hearing all your experiences. It sounds as though some routine can be quite beneficial, but plan it round what works best for you and your baby rather than following a book too rigidly. And whether you breast feed or bottle feed makes a difference too.

This is all helpful stuff, and hopefully I shall remember this when the baby's here and I'm panicking about how to look after it.

smallone - thanks for the reminder!! I keep promising myself I'll remember but then I never do!

Have missed you fidelma so hope you have a great time.

I too will not give in to the girls coming in our bed so they never ask. DH sometimes used to bring DD1 in then go to sleep so I swiftly put her back in her cot and although she wittered she did settle herself. I know some that still have to let their children into their bed just so that everyone gets some sleep but it is something I will not do.

Have been mad and cut some of the grass so am aching now. Will pay for it later. It is forecasting rain and DH has only got tomorrow morning to cut it as DD2 is 3 tomorrow and we are having a family BBQ. He rang earlier to say someone wanted him to work their Saturday tomorrow and I nearly cried so hope he doesn't.

Still reeling over Michael Jackson, saw him in concert at Aintree in the late 80's.

Right, bun cakes to make.

Waves!

HC
x

To tired to type much, had a mad busy day.

4 kids on the school run, then coffee morning with one of them (i took a friends ds), then nursery pick up for dd and another extra boy. Then my friend and her dd came over so I did lunch for 2 adults and 4 dc's.

Then had to do school pick up for ds and another extra girl and then take them all to fooball practice!!!!

Having a small sit down now, with my feet up, whilst dh makes the kids tea (4 kids).

Sorry forgot to write was I was going to write!!!!

fidelma Have a great weekend away...it will def be worth the preparations.

ruby your poor feet Hope they un-puff soon.

HC totally with you on the 'no children in your bed' thing. I always stuck to that and urge others too aswell!! I know too many 4 year olds still in their parents bed....
I brought them in for feeds and fed lying down, but always put them back in their basket/bed. Sometimes I nodded off for a bit, then woke and put them back.

Re MJ, dh felt the need to come and wake me at 11pm last night, when I was sleeping soundly, to say that he was dead. His friend had rung him.
I was shocked and put on the news, but then couldn't get back to sleep for ages. Was hot and had restless legs. I get this a lot, especially if I have done lots in the day.

Hope you're all well. xx