Due November 2009: Second trimester thread!

[turtle23]

New thread for you as it was geting a bit big...

Oh, katster poor you! I was coming on to tell you all about my embarrassing day - I did my first 'whoops, pregnant lady has fallen over!'...

There was water on the floor (sounds like the beginning of one of those cheesy ads - Accident at work? We can earn YOU money!) and I was carrying a big load and so landed hard. All fine really - skinned my knee and have a mahoosive bruise on my arm from slamming into the door - ouch! But no belly bruising. It was a bit scary though and I promptly burst into tears. Everyone at school was lovely and sorted me out but I wish i could have gone home - I am SO tired too. Think that is part of the general clumsiness/not being with it which is more embarrassing than dangerous...or so I thought until today.

contessa I am between Archway and Finsbury Park, not far from Hornsey Rd and very new to this all too! Support welcome!

ninja I agree with Koumak too...Its your DS's decision and your ex has to appreciate it. If its an issue that will soon disappear then he will go back and speak to him..maybe he is embarrassed about something or simply doesn't want to disappoint his dad by saying that he doesn't like his new family..stick to your guns and your DP DOES sound lovely

raggie poor you! its not clumsiness its just fatigue..get some rest.

I hate SPD...can't even get out of bed or move around in bed without it hurting like HELL!!!!!

Thank you all for your support. I'm pretty sure ds has a genuine problem as the boy admitted to the downloading and was asked to pay the money back but ex saw the paying back as a sign of remorse and is convinced that is the end of it.
In my heart I know it's right to support ds in what he wants but my stepmother made it so difficult for me to see my mum that I ended up agreeing not to see her to keep the peace. I know this is different, I just don't want him to ever feel that he ever has to make that choice.

Good luck with planning tea parties, keeping your balance and pest control

Talking of pest control Skorion I think there is a plant (citronella of sum such) that cats hate the smell of so it's advised to plant it in your garden. Water pistol sounds like more fun though. Or get yourself a dog. Or bang saucepans at them until thay get the message.

Sleepless just crossed posts. Poor you that sounds horrid. I hope you're being well looked after

i think we prob scared him off!!

re. flying have been looking at it and each airline is slightly differnt, if u go to the help of FAQ section it tells u their policy, e.g. aerlingus post 28 weeks they have a form which you need your doctor to sign
and you can also buy special pregnancy insurance, however if u have a complicated pregnancy they may not sell it!

happy travels

Raggie you poor thing, I"m not surprised you burst into tears. Hope you are resting this evening.

Sleepless can't believe you have SPD already. Is there anything you can take for it? I don't know much about it other than it sounds absolutely awful...

Beepbeep it's good you've been signed off from work. Is there anyone who can help with the DCs so you can rest properly? I really, really don't know how people cope with pregnancy with young DCs! I was just saying this to DH earlier - I am being such a wimp about it and I can loll about as soon as I am back from work!

Apologies to people I've missed... Still reading posts....

I think my SPD is kicking in again earlier this time around - I've got sciatica (waves to fruitpastels in companionable misery) and my hip joints are killing me. I tried to carry DS up the stairs today, and got stabbing pains on either side. I don't have the Crotch Pain o' Doom yet, but I imagine it's on the way - I should prob work harder not to gain too much weight this time around.

I had a pretty good idea of what I was in for this time around - I asked my physio what the best advice regarding hypermobility and pregnancy was, and she said 'Don't do it!' Am still having a bit of a sulk, as I do love my long walks (I used to be a runner before I buggered my joints with DS) and I feel like a little old lady hobbling about. Am deathly afraid I'm going to wind up on crutches this time and won't be able to chase DS...

Pootle, did they say it was an irritable cervix..? (Phrase makes me laugh, I imagine a cervix snapping at everyone crossly.) Apparently sex can trigger bleeding as well.

Ninja, I agree that you can't force a twelve year old to speak to his parent if he doesn't want to. You can be civilised and reasonable about it, but you certainly can't MAKE him - I'd agree with the others that the ball is in your ex's court.

Went to DS's toddler play group today, and one of the women there was telling the story of her second birth. Her first one was apparently your standard horror story (induction, no epidural available, thirty-six hours, ventouse, forceps, stitches to ye Gods) but her second one was virtually painless - she said that she was convinced that it couldn't be labour as it didn't hurt enough, was still trying to convince her husband to stop for McDonald's breakfast on the way to the hospital, and then gave birth twenty minutes later! It was so nice to hear a good story, she had about five pregnant mums clustered around her at the end saying longingly 'Tell the bit about it not hurting and you just wanting Maccy Ds again...'

Ok horrid phone call over. Ex angry and swearing but not too viscous. Says if ds wont talk to him there is nothing he can do so just to let him know ds can call him when he wants to talk but that there is no problem to be resolves and ds just has to get over it. He's adamant he wont come here.

I'm exasperated. Don't know what I expect from him but I know ds deserves better. Arghhhhh

I like the nice birth stories, keep them coming.

Thanks agsin for listening to me moan on

Hi all hope you're all well. I have had a shite day, DH has been away since Sunday the last couple of days DS has been awful he's been potty trained for a few months, and today he pooed in his pants then wee'd all over himself, me and the toilet floor, he drew on the wall yesterday and all over himself today and he's started spitting, normally most of these things wouldn't bother me but with DH away I just feel so low, it doesn't really help when DH tells me on the phone that "he knows how hard it is" I then had a go because he's had DS over night on his own once in the last 2 and a half years, this is the 3rd time this year that DH has had to go away, when DS was smaller it was so much easier but now he knows that he dad has gone and he plays up. I had PND after having DS and now I'm worried that the depression is starting to come back and that I won't bond with the baby in November and I won't be able to cope. Sorry it's all me me me but don't really have anyone else to unburden onto.

katster how are you feeling now? Hope you are ok, you really really need to take it easy, are you off work for a few days now? I hope so.

raggie Are you ok? You poor thing. What on earth where you doing carrying a heavy load? . Have you had a risk assessment done in relation to your pg? If not, you must insist on it being done now, and in this risk assessment it should identify 'carrying' as a risk - in our 'matrix' this is identified as a significant risk and this means steps have to be taken to reduce this risk. Specific, identifiable steps. Ie, 'Raggie is not to lift heavy boxes, or carry weights. A wheely trolley will be provided and a lift must be used at all times between floors. Raggie will not be expected to carry files etc using stairs' this is what I have on mine. I even have 'pavlov will not change the photocopy machine ink cartridge' under the contamination/poisonous substances/diseases section! . . They would not dare get me to move any heavy files .

Make sure you have provisions in place to ensure this does not happen again. My midwife said to me yesterday 'you are a baby machine now, your job is to protect you and look after yourself as your job has changed!

raggie i am so sorry I just read back my post and realised that last paragrah was sooooooooo bossy . I did not mean it as an order, just that you do not have to be lugging things around, you have rights at work. DH calls me 'The Bossy'.

Homeinthesun Take a deep breath and relax. DCs are hard work especially on your own when you've got no respite.
Please know that you can cope and will cope with all that life has to throw at you.
Keep an eye on the depression but it sounds like you have perfectly valid reasons to feel a bit down. Having a new baby throws up loads of other stuff and there are no golden rules about how it's going to be. You don't have to bond with the baby at once, it can take time and sometimes you might need a bit of help but that's ok and normal.

As humans we are programmed to flight or fight and sometimes we get stuck on high alert. There are times when we think everything is a snake in the long grass but often its just the wind

Do you know why I kept putting off joining the thread? Because I knew that once I do, I won't be able to stay away.

Just wanted to come and share my latest craze:
a mug of hot milk with a splash of (real) vanilla essence. Oooooh, heaven.

Glad to hear the talk went ok-ish Ninja. You're doing the right thing (but given your history I can now understand why you might question yourself! As your DS is 12 though, I'm sure he's mature enough to be able to tell the difference between you supporting him in his decision not to see his dad rather than you preferring him not to see his dad).

Raggie hope you're ok and not too shaken!

Home in the Sun what Ninja said above.

Isn't it odd how the November DC's are birthday mad? My DD has started harping on about birthdays this past few weeks too! She'll be 3 on 5th Dec (was due in Nov) so I anticipate dinner and cake at Granny's.

SPD - I had it from 17 weeks last pg and it started BEFORE I did my pg test this time - it was my very first symptom! It's such a real pain, and really affects your quality of life. You feel so disabled! At the moment I'm seeing an osteo every so often to get straightened up which helps. I think I'm at the stage this week where I really need to start wearing my support belt (there's a more expensive version on that site too). The physio last time gave me a big tubigrip which I wore too. The belt does help - you can do more for longer - but isn't the most comfortable thing to wear for very long periods. My left SI joint seems to be remarkably loose and never tightened up after last pg. I can feel it lolling around as I walk and it's starting to get fairly excruciating. The joys.

Spent the day at the zoo looking at baby penguins today. All very lovely and smelly . Pity it involved getting up at 5:30 and getting home at 8 . So I'm off to bed......sleep well!

Sorry there's so much stress on the thread today.

Homeinthesun I can completely understand your stress. It may be that you feel for other reasons that the depression is coming back, but to me what you're describing sounds really normal given the circumstances. Despite the fact that I am at home with DD for all but 12 hours a week, when DH goes away I cannot cope at all - it is the seeming endlessness of it (even if he's only away for 2 nights!), the knowledge that there's noone coming in to take over in a couple of hours. In fact, I won't do it any more. If he has to go away I find somewhere else to go or get my mum to come and stay. That is not neccesarily the solution, but it's the best one I've found so far. Don't think you're alone at all in finding it difficult.

Ninjacat I think you've done the right thing. If Ex won't come up, perhaps you could suggest he write a letter to DS to try and clear the air. That way DS can read it when he feels ready and respond in his own way.

Raggie I hope you're ok and not too shaken after your fall. Listen to The Bossy! She seems to know what she's talking about

Pootle I've had two bleeds, the first one I was told was probably The Scarlotti Problem, the second, two weeks later, seemed almost identical, yet I had no thrush symptoms. They've now said it could just be coming from the top of the cervix. My midwife went into long and graphic detail about how although the cervix is very tough, there is a flappy bit of skin at the top (Sorry, manfrom are you still following?) which sort of hangs down and is much more loose and bleeds easily. Apparently it's nothing to worry about.

Broodzilla Did the midwife tell you what to do about the fact you haven't had anti D? Hope you get some reassurance soon. You could always send DH off to give blood and then he would find out his blood group?

Morning all

Found out yesterday I'm rhesus negative too. If I have any bumps or bleeds I've to get a jag but otherwise they'll leave it to 28 weeks when they recommend having the jag in case something has been missed. Now wishing I'd asked for the jag yesterday and slightly concerned something might've happened already that Ive missed... Just worrying, I know. Trying to tell myself to chill out.

Also asked about 20wk anomaly scan, no chance on NHS in greater Glasgow so will start looking at prices for private hospitals although DP has just finished teaching postgrad and hasn't yet secured fulltime work over summer. I'm on reduced hours at work with possible redundancy so this is the last thing I want to pay for!

Poor mother arrived yesterday to me in tears for the second time in a week, am surprised DP didn't get an earful!

Hello everyone! You are soooo chatty I can't keep up but it is wonderful to read everyone's goings on and share all our pregnancy issues.

Winge alert! Winge alert!!!! I've got the mouth ulcer from hell today - it is under my tongue and hurts like hell, I can't talk and eating is a trial and something not to be undertaken without a big dose of bonjella first. Also I keep swallowing air so I've got horrible trapped wind! Oh woe is me today!!!! How can something so tiny cause me so much anguish?

Ninja I like the letter idea - would your ex be willing to try that?

Katster are you back at work today? I hope you don't faint today!

BeckyBL yuck, mouth ulcers are horrid. Poor you.

HOmeinthesun I really feel for you. I think things seem much harder when you are on your own. When is DH back? It sounds like DS is at a tricky age as well. As others have said, don't put too much pressure on yourself for everything to be perfect by November - you don't have to bond immediately with new baby, and as others have said, there will be lots of support networks you can access if you need to. I have been referred to a perinatal psychiatrist as am apparently high risk of PND so if there is something like that near you, maybe you could try and get a referral?

Pav and BBL no am not at work today. Still feeling quite grotty and Head said yesterday that she didn't want to see me today (in a nice way!). Am going to try and rest as much as poss then aim to go in tomorrow as have a ton of things that need doing before the weekend. Also, Pav when did your company do a risk assessment thing? Just asking as I hadn't heard of it. I am always lifting furniture/moving tables and benches around - trying not to at the min as I get awful pulling pains in my groin and ligaments but no-one has said anything formally to me about it.

And to everyone suffering with SPD - you have my full sympathy. It sounds horrendous.

I echo Katster's comment about SPD. I feel bad about moaning about my sore tongue, it is nothing in comparison. Pregnancy is a total body experience and I think we are all amazing to be doing this and coping so well with all the things pregnacy throws up (no pun intended for those still suffering from MS).

homeinthesun I find it very hard when my DH is away so I understand how you feel: everything seems much worse when you're on your own coping. I think PND is more common than people think, to many different degrees, but there is no way to predict you'll suffer again. When is your DH due back?

Broodzilla your vanilla milk sounds good. I do like a decaf vanilla latte now and then.

I'd better get back to work...I'm testing a CD-Rom today called Happy House, which my DSs love!

Morning all

The scarlotti problem?!?! Guess it's a fair assessment seeing as it's been lingering now for about 4 weeks! Sigh.

homeinthesun I had pnd after ds too so I do understand how you feel. Part of me is terrified it will come back, but I do know ladies who've had it in one pg then gone on to have another without. We're more susceptible to ante-natal depression apparently so just keep an eye on how you're feeling and speak to your mw if need be.
I thought I had it in the first trimester, but it turned out my mind was just in bits as I was worried about m/c again. I wonder if your low patch is more down to feeling alone with ds. It's hard looking after them when you're on your own - dh went away for the weekend a few weeks back and I was exhausted by the end of it. Hang in there and accept any offers of help that are around.

Sorry to hear so many have spd like symptoms - must be awful.

BBL mouth ulcers are awful, I'm prone to them so sympathise. It can be down to stress or also a lack of vitamin B (12 I think). I use Anbesol, it's an anaesthetic (sp?) as well as an antiseptic. Stings like nobody's business when you first put it on but then numbs it. As it's a liquid it doesn't move around in your mouth as much as bonjela so hits the spot.

Ninja oops, sorry, meant to comment on your ds situation too.
We had a similar thing with dd a couple of years back - funnily enough she was also 12. Her reasons for not wanting to go were different but she said she didn't want to see her dad anymore. I told her she never has to go if she doesn't want to or can make it as infrequent as she wants, and that I would speak to him and make the excuses for her.
She then chose to go less and I made the arrangements so it wasn't so hard for her. Since then things have improved and she now goes more regularly.
I also grew up with step parents etc. so have seen both sides.
I think all we can do is reassure them that their feelings are important and that we will help support them in the decision that they make, whilst never saying what we think they should do. Believe me, there's times I'd love to enlighten dd as to her father's foibles but she's finding them out for herself as she gets older and that's much better. I don't say anything nasty about her dad, but will agree he has traits if she raises them and asks if she's perceiving things correctly.
At the end of the day, he's her Dad and she will love him because of it, so I never want her to think I'm attacking him or being negative/nasty.
I suspect in your situation too, the difference your ds feels in terms of the acceptance, love and respect he gets at home and what he gets at his father's is worlds apart - that's what counts.

Sorry, hope this isn't too much of a preachy rant but just wanted to say you're not alone

Becky has the Vit B6 not helped? poor you. Sore tongue is bad, especially for eating...

I had SPD till DD was about 8 months..it just was awful..forgot about the Belt..hobnob thanks for remind me about it.. I will have to go to the osteo or physio this time..The NHS never bothered with it last time and said it was natural..

Fathers a mystery to me...mine can't be bothered with me..never has since I was 7 so the decision was made for me. I saw him once when 16 and he was drunk..But I do wonder what it would be like to have a father and I'm glad you're giving your ds an opportunity to know him ninja and Scarlotti...my man problems all my life have stemmed from father issues so would hate that to happen to anyone. I love watching DH with DD it fills me with so much joy..

sorry for going on

katster my risk assessment at work is called New and Expectant Mothers Risk Assessment and it has to be completed as soon as I inform them I am pregnant. So it should be completed whenever that may be. Now I know this assessment is a specific one to our org (government org) and they will vary from work to work depending on policy in each place, but I am pretty sure that a risk assessment of some form is required by law. My friend who is a teacher also did not know about, and eventually asked, but she sorted out her own provisions.

One of my strengths I guess, but also one of my real downfalls is that I ask too many questions, I question everything, I read all the policies so know exactly what my rights are at work and I never presume my employers would a) know what the law is b) know company policy c) tell me about it even if they did. My boss knows nothing, i even had to tell her how to fill the form in ffs! I am the employee from hell .

I shall go browse for some info see if I can find it in writing somewhere for you.

I hope you feel better after a rest.

Health and Safety for Pregnant Women - risk assessment is law.

I would ask for one, and if you get no joy, mention it to your union rep.

There was a case study that I recall reading about when I was pg last time, about a woman who was in a predominantly male role, either a pilot or a captain of a ship, something like that. She argued she could no longer to her role effectively without compromising her safety or the safety of her baby, her employers agreed this. But they said there was no comparable work for her to do on land, and forced her to take maternity leave at something like 28 weeks. She took them to court on grounds of discrimination as she was willing and able to do work. She won, and it was ruled she should have been given another land based job temporarily or been suspended on full pay until her maternity leave started.

If you have a pregnancy related sickness, you should be off sick, or if it is deemed you can do some work, but not your full dutues, or similar duties they need to be adapted. OH are good to involve.

It might be as simple as getting a wheeled trolley for folders etc, and getting some-one else (identified) to shift tables for you.

Morning you chatty lot!

Its taken me ages to catch up,

Ninja Your poor ds, I think your exdp is being very unfair to your ds, he is only a child and probably feels very pushed out by his Dad's new family. My parents divorced when I was 5 and I have 2 dss's myself so am well aware of the hard work involved in step families.Something has obviously gone on with this other boy that has upset your ds and he needs his dad to be on his side. Could you ask your ex to meet you half way with ds so that they can talk on mutual grounds and maybe sort things out?

homeinthesun As a fellow depression sufferer I really feel for you, children can be trying at the best of times, but they really know when you are down and try and test you more! Please don't be too hard on yourself and don't worry if you don't bond straight away with the new baby it will come.
Try and get some rest as being tired won't help how you feel and just take each day as it comes, (I seem to have some really bad days followed by some goods) as laugs says you are not alone in how you are feeling.

All of you flying soon have fun, I am so .

Raggie hope you are not too bruised after your fall, have you been checked over by mw?

pootle I had a bleed a couple of weeks ago and it was something to do with my cervix, I have a clot of blood there that they have said will go, but that I will bleed until then!
claire21 how anoying that you have to pay if you want a 20 week scan, it should same throughout the uk I think!

kaster glad you are putting your feet up today.

Right off to docs with ds2 again!
Sorry for long post, hope you are all having a good day.