July 2009 Part III

[Mij]

Hope no-one minds me kicking this one off - 39 pages seemed a bit unmanageable!

Had 20 week scan today. Tiddler unco-operative to start with (although not as bad as DD was - took 3 goes to see everything) and it looks like most of the bits are in the right places. Decided right at the very last minute not to find out the sex. Realised that, if DD thinks she's going to have a sister, that nothing, not even photographic evidence, will change her mind anyway. So stuck with the 'don't ask don't tell' as per first time around and will just have to wait to sort out all the sodding clothes 'til we know what we've got.

Although... What do gonads look like on a scan?! Got a very good look at the hips from underneath, so to speak, and thought I saw two little bright spots, but that could be the sitting bones of course. Anyone tell me what the crown jewels look like on a scan?!

Queenfee I am with you on the sneezing issue, and when I cough or laugh too hard. And don't even get me on the topic of trapped wind or being sick on demand at times.

I am temping today and next Tu and Wed. I am probably one of the few pg ladies on here who is desperate to get in as much work as possible before no 3 is due. I just hope that DH gets a perm job soon and not the odd freelance bits that are dribbling in..........

Birthing pools - didn't realise they helped prevent tears. That seems like an idea to bear in mind.

Hope everyone is having a good day.

Hello all,
So glad to read that I'm not the only one with bladder issues, pregnancy brain and uncomfotable bras! It really hadnt occured to me that my ribs have expanded to make room for the babies - that makes so much sense and the bra extender looks like a good idea.

My dizzy brain is driving me mad. I am usually busy busy with 20 balls up in the air and juggle them all perfectly but lately I have been useless. I can't remember things and have lists and reminder notes all over the place. Just today I have bought, written, addressed and sent a birthday card to my aunt, even though I did it yesterday, mixed up 2 e-mails sending them to the wrong people and counted £1 worth of 2p's into a money bag and took into the bank only for the man to tell me there is only 78p in the bag. Even scarier it feels like my reactions are really slow - when I was driving today I realised that I could see the car in front braking and knew I needed to brake but the time it took my foot to leap into action meant I had to brake really quite hard in order to stop.

To top the day off, my scan appointment has been changed 'due to circumstances beyond our control' which means I have had to change consultant appointment and midwife today was just plain rude when she made a big deal about me measuring 37 weeks at 27 weeks.....I cant help the 2 babies in there making everything bigger grrrrr.

Anyway sorry for the moan ladies, hope everyone is having a good day - enjoy your easter weekends.

Had my GTT, baby's head downwards, heartbeat perfect, 26+3. All good.
Had stuck a big piece of paper saying ' ASK MIDWIFE FORM FOR GRANT FOR MUMS2BE ' in my notes, she saw it and asked 'is this for me?' , i said yes, and by the end of the appointment I had forgotten about it... Back home now, let me take all the bloody post-its off the toilet flush before husband comes back... lol!

I've just rang the nursery near my work to enquire about spaces and I'm going to have a look round next week. BUT they bloody charge £43.45 per day!!! I know nurseries are expensive but that seems a bit expensive to me!

Hi everyone

Good news from all those with consultant visits, GTT etc

Well - midwife called back and, because I'd had a small bleed very early on, said I should call triage at hospital. They said because I'm rhesus neg and not sure what brought it on, I needed an anti-D jab anyway and they'd have a quick look around while they were there.

Collected DD, handed over to DP and went up. Everyone very sweet, but did give me forty fits when they couldn't find the heartbeat for about 30 seconds. Felt like 3 hours. But after that the trace was 'textbook', and a doc came to do a swab and said, get this, I have an 'irritable cervix' that was probably just down to hormones and to keep an eye out for anything else. I made some crack about being glad my reproductive organs were getting into the swing of my mood generally, but I think it went over his head . He did give me a bollocking about lugging large bits of furniture around (which DP reminded me I'd done that morning - d'oh!) I'm usually so robust it doesn't occur to me to leave that stuff to other people.

They're doing bloods and urine tests etc to rule other stuff out, but as far as we know all fine. So thanks for support everyone.

hunny I've never read a parenting book cover to cover, but have cherry-picked a few and can sum up a few that might help you narrow it down a bit?

1. Gina Ford in general - very big on routine, early 'separateness', not really applicable if you want to demand feed (bottle or breast) although she says otherwise. Good for: people going back to work early who need an established routine; kids who would have routined themselves anyway (and they do exist)

1. Baby Whisperer - a bit of routine but more flexible than GF. People who've breastfed and tried to use her whole theory said it doesn't work well, although she says its possible. Seems to be good on sleep.

1. Penelope Leach (your baby and child plus a zillion others). Old school, 'common sense', bits of advice, lots of 'follow what you need to do' encouragement, lots of factual development stuff. Very well qualified and well-respected. Liked her attitude for up to 4 months, but I'm an old hippy and started to find her less useful after that.

1. Attachment parenting/anything by Dr Sears - very touchy feely, into co-sleeping, slings, child-centered stuff in general.

TBH, for a less biaised, not 'my way or the highway' approach, I think Penelope Leach is great. Generally I've found books on particular subjects more useful than the 'how to parent' manuals - particularly when it came to sleep. And I really wished I'd known more about sleep before dd arrived. I like 'The No-Cry Sleep Solution' by Elizabeth Pantley, because she suggests stuff for a variety of parenting styles - cot or co-sleeping, breast or bottle-feeding, dummy/no dummy etc etc.

BTW - theory, research and anecdote generally suggests that keeping your babe close doesn't make them clingy - quite the opposite in fact. A naturally clingy baby will need to be closer, more often, but it doesn't seem to cause clingyness. My DD was carried loads, co-slept etc etc and I was repeatedly told I was making a rod for my own back. Now, I'll freely admit that her sleep is still not great but otherwise you couldn't find a more independent, confident, sociable child. And anecdotally I know loads of kept-close babies who sleep fantastically and lots of put-down babies who don't. There's just no way of knowing what causes what, in an individual.

Sorry - yet another sanctimonious and long post . Really need to get that under constrol.

Wow, Mij !
I haven't done much reading... was given 'What to expect when you're expecting' and skipped through the pages just to find explanation on why I was more 'in the mood' than usual . Now I only read the occassional magazine that DH brings home...

Wow, you are all busy on here......I think its all because secretly we are all too shy to chat on facebook!!

Mij great news, you must feel so much better having had it all checked out.

Gillyan What a relief having it all sorted, i really do envy you.

I lie in bed at night worrying about what to do, c section or not. Consultant has told me I can have one if I want but having never had one I am really worried about the recovery, some people seem to say its a nightmare,others sail through it. It worries me not being able to pick my baby up etc and although my births were traumatic and I am very disturbed by them, I did recover quite quickly, especially after the second one. Oh what to do. Am seeing consultant on 20th May to decide, so have a while to worry about it!!

My dh is still away, back on saturday. I have had a busy week seeing friends and am quite looking forward to a day on my own with the dc. may take them to the cinema.

Anyway, thats me for now, have a fab weekend everyone xxx

hunny go to the library for books they have all of these and more usually for free. (I have read most of them ) Then you can read them all decide non of them have a clue then get on with it whichever way suits you best
can you tell i'm still a bit hormonal???

Interestingly I have found that with each child I have I become more into attachement parenting. Wonder if this is a general thing or just me.

I personally like books like the mumsnet / fat ladies club books where they talk about their experiences rather than what you should shouldn't do.

Queenfee those bras do look lovely! Great that they're nursing bras as well. I think I will buy some bra extenders and see how I get on but I'd love to get one of those bras too!

I find it funny that everyone is getting the same symptoms around the same time! Good signs that we're all on track.

It's so nice to have 4 days off work!!! I can sleep lots....... and eat lots of chocolate - bliss

I bought my cot today, off ebay! Ooooh-it's getting very real now!

I think it's really worthwhile to read a few parenting books - baby whisperer, no cry solution etc as my friends have said they had lots of preg books and knowledge but not enough on what to do once LO has arrived.

Was just wondering what you are all doing about having your mums visit when baby is born? My mum lives abroad and is very excited (first grandchild) and I know she would love to be here even a week before I am due. We do get on v well but I'd love a week or two with just me, DP and baby first. It's so hard to say it though... Jenny you were saying your mum is coming for a month? Will she arrive before your due date?

Happy Easter everyone

hunny my DD's nursery is £45.50 per day!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It is so expensive! There is a cheaper nursery that is about £37 bit not as good location/equipment/play space/menu etc. Childminders are a bit cheaper. It's difficult hence me not planning on going back to work when I'll have 2 kids ti put in nursery!!!

patchy and others that have commented about my decison etc....I still think I might change my mind yet (cringe) I feel that it's out of my hands now as if I reach the section day then I'll just go with it or if I do go into labour earlier I'll have about 10 mins to decided if I want the section or not. I'll see what MW's are working and if the birth pool room is free and make my decison then I think. At least I won't have long to think rahter than all these months of not knowing what I want to do. Other scenario is that I'll go into labour and there won't be time for a section so again the decdion will be out of my hands which is what I want really.

Had conflicting info from MW and then consultant though. When I had the meeting with MW a few wks back she was very for me having an episiotomy over a section but consultant totally disagreed today ( which I did anyway after esearching) saying that in his opinion having one would probably lead to a tear anyway. Another thing was I had mentioned to MW the idea of a water birth as I had read that they can reduce risk of tears for a number of reasons such as the water supporting your full weight and be able to get into a good position and also that the water softens you up a bit and it's a great pain reliever and I think the more controlled you can be all equals better chances of not tearing etc. Anyway she said shw didn't think it would be a good idea as softened tissue can tear more easily?? And they wouldn't be able to monitor my perineum for signs of tearing if I was in the pool. Consultant said rubbish and that there really is no way to predict a tear and he wouldn't recommend and episiotomy anyway....so confused but have to admit i feel more inclined to go with what the consultant says.

I think I will make my decison when the time comes and feel that by booking the section anyway and having a valid reason for having one is the right thing to do and then I'll just see what happens on the day. I am lucky I suppose to have the choice..although I would of been luckier to of had no tear first off and be going into this without the worry....

Sorry if any first timers are a bit horrified, I would like to say that I have a friend who is a size 8/10 and she has had 4 kids ranging from 8lbs - 10lb 10oz and never as much as had a scratch from any of them!

Right well we're decorating the big room for DD tomorrow - I say 'we' and I'm not doing it at all! Going to have to get her used to sleeping without a black out blind which will be fun!

have a great Easter everyone and just think this time next year we'll have the little one's to get choccy buttond for

hi everyone it's been ages since I caught up and you lot have been busy!
I feel ENORMOUS now. Anyone else feel like their belly might split right open and that it just can't get any bigger and sitting is really uncomfy? I'm only 25 1/2 weeks, so it's a bit of a worry really! And I've put on 4 pounds in the last fortnight. Obviously one of us has had a growth spurt and i hope its the baby and not just the choccie biccies.
We have had the builders in to make a baby room out of a dressing room (not as grand as it sounds) and it's very exciting having a space. We need to paint and actually get a cot now, but still!!
Enjoy your weekends guys.

Mom will come over around 20th June. And am due 12/7. It will be nice to have her around as I will have started my maternity by then and I won't have to be all alone in the house! I really won't have anything to do! So hopefully we can wait together

Mom tend to take over, but i get alone well with mine and won't mind telling her to back off if needed. It's her second grand child but first one coming from daughter (and not from daughter in law ;) )so she feels pretty special about it..

I don't have a mother in law on the other hand, which is weird, as usually you feel you need to prove yourself to DH's mother I suppose...
I know I would

DH just came back, we had dinner and now he's opening his [early] birthday gift, new PC to play with, that should keep him occupied for some time...

And by the way, nurseries close to where I live are actually £65... that's 2008 prices too...

Hunny believe it or not, £44 a day is not that expensive. The nursery DS went to was £68 per day (and it was not a posh montessori one, those are even more!) We sent him there 3 full days and on the 4th day (as I negotiated a 4 day week on my return) my mother in law took care of him so we could save on costs. The childcare vouchers also helped reduce the costs. Maybe check if your employer does them? If a nursery is too expensive childminders could be a good route and as long as they are OFSTED registered (which they should be) they take childcare vouchers too.

Mij glad that all has checked out ok.

Jenny how fab to have your mom over for the birth. Is she staying for long? That will be such great help for you emotionally and physically.

Belgrano I have suddenly packed on the pounds too. I am trying to be good as this is my 3rd baby but it is just so hard around Easter. I have chocolate everywhere and I can't seem to stop nibbling on them. YUM.

Calling all ebay experts - i bought a cot on ebay yesterday and paid through paypal. Just wanted to ask what the normal process is now?? I then emailed the person to ask them roughly when they think they will send it so I can perhaps arrange to work from home that day.

If you can fill me in what normally happens taht's be great. Am a bit apprehensive as have never bought anything on ebay!!!

MissP and Jenny £68 quid a day!!!! I guess there are many advantages to being ooop north. DD has started at a Montessori nursery (term time, she's only doing 1/2 a day at the moment and even their full-days are just school hours) and it's only a bit more expensive than her childminder (who is £4/hr, which is pricey around here but then she is a qualified early-years teacher and much in demand cos she's fantastic). But then, Montessori or not, it ain't posh. More Joyce Grenfell meets 70s hippydom .

parenting books can I just point out I didn't read all those books cover to cover - I was lent all of them and just dipped into them to get a 'feel' for them, or was given a precis by my mates. I think I had to read a lot of crap in order to work out that I did have instincts and they were in pretty good working order, thank you, and I could therefore trust them! I wouldn't suggest anyone spent their maternity leave wading through all of that lot, and if anything you read makes you feel anxious, or that you're doing something 'wrong', step away from the book, get it out of the house, and do what feels right to you .

Gillyan and others contemplating birth choices - good luck on making your decisions! The only thing I know about birthing pools (as I didn't have time to get into mine last time around) is that other people have said it slowed their labour down, sometimes even stopping contractions. So timing seems to be the key - when to get in. Maybe just when you feel you need to push? I'm not sure. It may not matter if things slow down a bit, particularly if you're not on your first baby, but I know some midwives just can't get it out of their heads that you have to reach certain milestones at certain times.

At work (boo) but I can be a little bit lazy with no-one else around, and I can't begrudge DP an extra day with his DD

My childminder is £24 per day and she is fantastic, ofsted registered, home cooked meals etc. The down side of childminders is that you need to fit in around their holidays and sickness etc but so far I have been fortunate enough not to find this a big problem. I went back to work when dd was 6 months so it was important for me that she was in a domestic setting and as we have only my father I thought having a childminder from our parent's generation helped fill that gap.

DH has just left for a week mountain biking and white water canoeing in Scotland so it is DD and me for the duration. Got him to get the 0-6 months bag of clothes out of the loft before he went, can't wait to go through it!

Hey all you really shouldn't be wearing underwired bras when pregnant! And if they are tight and uncomfortable - even more reason not to. The wires can dig into the breasts and cause damage to your milk ducts (from what I've read anyway). I bought a few non-wired bras and it is SOOOO much more comfortable anyway. You can buy nursing bras and wear them now so you don't have to shell out for two lots.

Did I mention I saw the consultant at the hospital and we went through my last birth? (C-Section after 6 days of labour) Well it turns out my DD has a fat very large head. The largest this consultant had delivered was 40 cm circumpherence and my DD was 39! So we reckoned she just couldn't get out. So this time I am booked for a growth scan at 36 weeks to see if this baby has the same massive head. Fingers crossed it has my genes this time so I can go for a natural birth ... but otherwise ... sigh ... it is looking very likely another CS - which I really don't want (sob). Ah well.

Mij Thanks for the info re slings; I'll have a look at the Ergo ones, as one that does front & back carrying and goes up to older babies would be perfect for me.
PS I agree wholeheartedly with your point re clinginess; my youngest DS was carried in a sling lots and in fact I was his humble servant who attended to his every need, almost before he needed it. What's more unnatural to a mother than to leave her baby crying when the reason why can be resolved. 1st DS was the opposite, always crying seemingly; so I have experienced both extremes. A more content child is so much easier, but this was not just down to the nature of the child, I was much more doting and loving (whether this was because I was older, was 21 with 1st DS and felt that he was a HUGE interruption on normal life and generally a PAIN!!) Whereas 2nd DS was easy peasy and I was at his beck and call. Can I say, eldest DS (21) is a fantastic young man now, so no harm done
Been away for a while, but very pleased to hear that you're ok Mij after seeing how much you help others with your info, was concerned for you and hoping that your discharge would be down to something straightforward

Happy Easter everyone xxxx

EvieBear Once you have paid for the item, you don't usually hear from the seller, it just arrives in the post, but as it is a large item and you have emailed specifically asking when they are sending it, they should let you know so you can try to work out the date it will arrive. It is a bit pot luck, some things arrive really quickly, others take forever. You could ask them to let you know when they have sent it and that will give you a good idea. You may need to work from home more than one day though

Well dh is finally getting home tomorrow night after a really long spell of being away. We have all coped quite well though, I thought I would be a wreck, tired and emotional, but am fine. Looking forward to a lie in on sunday though! We are off to my brothers for the night on sunday as it is my nieces first birthday. Can't wait to see her.

Anywya, must go and do the ironing so I look like I have been a domestic goddess while dh has been away!

Hi everyone - just been catching up on everyone's news. i have been off work all week with a nasty cold and have felt really breathless. went to gp and now have anti biotics and also they took some blood just to make sure i'm not anaemic. i have all next week off so hoping i get better this weekend so DS and i can enjoy my time off.

bras - have just invested in a 36 E - oh my lord - i am jordan!! and it has still dug into me underneath. aaagh!!

i am sooo huge already and dreading what i will be like in a couple more months!

saw my midwife this week too. there are two midwives at my doctors surgery every week. they are both lovely and they are the same ladies who looked after me through pregnancy with DS.

c section - raised this with midwife and she is getting me an appointment with consultant in the next 4 weeks. she said they would do their best to talk me out of it and would take the view that if i could give birth to a 9lb 5oz baby i could do the same again. however she did say that if i insisted i would get the c section. she said i would then get a further appointment with consultant 36 weeks to see whether i had changed my mind. the message was very much "its your body, your decision."

if i knew i had a c section coming it really wold put my mind at rest. i have another scan at 32 weeks so midwife says i can always change my mind if this baby isnt looking like a whopper!

I have no idea what to do re the birth. With ds i went into labour naturally, tried to push him out but he was back to back and big (9lb 2oz) and i ended up with an emerg c-section. So not a traumatic birth but finished with a c-section. This time i don't know what to do. Some days an elective c-section sounds like a good idea but others i think vbac. I spoke to a consultant at my 12wk scan and she said they would keep an eye on the baby's size this time. I just really don't want to go through labour and everything just to end up with a c-section. I'll be seeing my consultant again in mid June so can probably discuss it more then.

Hope everyone has a good easter

Hia all Happy Easter. Trying not to think about labour DS1 was a traumatic labour followed ending in a Emergency c sec and Ds2 was VBAC and went well had to have an episiotomy though which didn't cause any probs & managed just on gas on air, I'm hoping things will smooth sail this time but worried about little madams size as Ds2 was 8lb 6.I must admit i prefer the VBAC. I'm in a panic this morn Dp is taking me out for a nice meal later to celebrate 5 years together but i have nothing to wear!. All i have is leggings and casual long smock style tops, its gonna be a long day trying on various options i think. Has anyone else been feeling really hot these last few days? is driving me mad keep feeling like a sweaty mess x x

Patchybob thanks for the ebay info.

dannyg yes feeling very hot and it doesn't help that the only coat i fit into is a puffy winter one!!

Looked for bra extenders yesterday and couldn't find any - which stores sell them?

Finished painting the baby room ! Yeahhhh! It has quite high ceilings, all bright white apart from one wall which is in baby blue now and amazingly perfectly matches the color of the curtains we bought for it. Very excited. Now I need to get all the rubbish out of the room (drip clothes, paintburshes etc etc, but DH has been fantastic so far so probably can rely on him for this too.
So good to have these 4 days off, we managed to do so much around the flat. Tired but really happy. Time to eat that chocolate bunny ;)

happy holidays everyone, enjoy the break !