Due in Jan 2009 - 3 have popped, Christmas is coming and we're all fed up with this pregnancy malarky, bring on the babies!!

[LenniEd]

Hmm, newmomma - I think a certain amount of fear of the unknown is perfectly normal but are you genuinely terrified? If you are then I would seriously try and address your fears asap as they will really inhibit your ability to deal with labour pain and make the decisions you need to make during the birth.

Is there any specific thing you are scared of?

BTW I should add - I was scared of labour before getting pregnant with DD. I read a lot before I was pg which helped, but really you haven't time for that now so the best approach might be to list all of your fears in as much detail as possible then with the help of friends, us on here and your MW work through each one and rationalise it.

I have days when I am relaxed about birth, and days when I'm not so relaxed but when the labour starts I know how to get myself in the right mindset iyswim.

um... not sure genuine terror is the right phrase. its just the realisation of this massive task ahead. i have no idea what to expect and what damage it will cause and every now and then it catches me unawares and freaks me out.

generally i am feeling quite positive about the birth/labour... almost excited in a weird curious way. and desperate to finally hold my baby that i have wanted for such a long time.

it just seems like such a huge obstacle to get past. but worth it (people keep telling me!) so i'm trying to keep positive.

My fears (if it helps) for this labour are:

*Medical staff over-reacting to me again (I tend to get a bit over-dramatic at times when in pain and find hospitals stressful and last time the MW mistakenly thought I wasn't coping when actually I was)
*Tearing again and not healing properly (I healed ok last time but it took a long time)
*Instrumental delivery (this is what caused my tear last time)
*Baby being very big (friend just delivered a whopper, has knocked me a bit)

I've put some things in my birth plan to counter these things eg. have mentioned that hospitals stress me out and I am very squeamish and have asked MW to direct ask me if I am coping ok rather than assume I'm not. Have talked at length with my MW about preventing tears and hwo to help them heal and issues around that.

That sounds about right newmomma - I was worried for a second there that you really were terrified - you just need to trust your body to get you through it. And trust the people who are caring for you to help you out. And the biggest part is accepting that there might be things that don't go to plan but have strategies to cope with them. And remember throughout that you can say no to anything - vaginal exams, interventions etc etc, and your no is the end of it. The medical staff are there to care for you and the baby, and they will guide you through the labour, but it should be a two-way decision making process.

lennied - i think tearing is a number 1 concern for me too. i just spoke with a friend earlier today who said she had 40 internal stitches with her first but still didn't care what was was going on 'down below' once the baby was in her arms. but its so hard having never experienced anything clsoe to stitches before to know how it will feel in such a private place...

instrumental delivery also, i suppose...

but also - i don't know how i will cope - you said you become over dramatic - but i just don't know how it will affect me. its just fear of the unknown i suppose. and of being in that situation in front of the man i love. i also sort of worry about how he will cope... silly probably.

i'm sure on the day i'll cope - its all completely natural, right. but it doesn't stop it being a worrying thought.

GTDAB - me too!! I actually can't wait for the pain now Oh god, I really shouldn't admit to such things, makes me sound like a masochist

the hiccups are a bit annoying, aren't they? but i also feel slightly guilty about feeling this, as poor titch has to actually have them and she doesn't even know what they are or that they'll ever end...

newmomma - really sorry to hear you are so scared - i have moments like this but can't seem to hold it in my head, somehow. denial is a marvellous thing, and there is no way i quite believe i am actually going to have to physically have this baby. even super-negative midwife visit seems to have faded away somewhat... i guess i think that i can't anticipate what will happen, i just have no idea, except that it probably won't be all that nice, but it also won't last longer than 24 hours, and i can handle a bad day (and also that dp will be there and i won't have to do it on my own)... don't know if that helps at all - it helps me to think about it this way though

no - its great to hear that you're looking forward to the pain - its really reassuring.

i feel a sense of impatience too now - so am sure by the time its all happening i'll be fine - it will be nice to come back on here and compare birth stories.

i am hoping to go for a water birth but have not made a birth plan as such. i want to be able to decide what i need on the day (dh has been prepped with some of my main preferences...) so that i don't feel duty bound to opt in/out of an epidural etc.

Don't worry about the stitching process - they do any needlework immediately after the delivery and you will be too busy admiring your new baby to take much notice, as will your DP.

Also don't worry about how he will cope - to be perfectly frank about it he isn't your concern when in labour, he is there to support you. I would have a chat with him beforehand along the lines of 'Are you ok about everything, do you have any worries...' sort of thing and give him the chance to air anything in advance.

And he will worship you like a goddess when he's seen you go through the labour, be ok and give birth to his lovely baby. Make the most of this, it lasts about a month until sleep deprivation kicks in

its lovely to hear how many people are experiencing mega hiccups - i had spent the last three days thinking there was no way the poor baby could be having hiccups that often - he'd be permanently in pain!

denial is great - stripeywoollenhat - i completely agree! but every now and then a little worrying thought seems to creep in. usually just after i've got up to do a wee in the middle of the night... he he

lennied - dh and i had that exact same conversation the other night. he knows his role is to support me, act as my voice if i can't speak for myself and make sure i'm comfortable with every decision etc.

he said that a little abuse from me and a few hours feeling helpless watching me in pain is nothing to worry about - its me that has the hardest job. but it also feels weird to think what kind of 'situations' he'll see me in. i'm sure at the time in won't care but before... and after... is it really the end of my dignity??

When I say 'birth plan' it isn't really a plan as such - I had one last time and it was rubbish and never came out of my bag since it had all gone tits up well before I got into labour but that is another story. This is more like a list of preferences - I'll copy it for you...

I would love to be able to labour in water and deliver in the birthing pool. I would like to remain mobile in labour and use gas and air as pain relief.

Needles and Blood: I find hospitals intimidating. I might seem distressed during the labour when really I am ok ? please don?t assume I?m not coping, it may just be the environment. Please could the number of people in the room be limited as much as possible.
I?m scared of needles and would prefer not to have a drip if this can be avoided. In my previous labour the drip made me very anxious and distressed. I do not like blood and during my previous labour really appreciated the efforts the midwife made to ensure I didn?t have to see all the bloody bits! If I deliver lying down I would prefer the baby not to be delivered onto my skin before any blood has been removed.

SPD and arthritis: I have had pelvic pain and stiffness caused by SPD during this pregnancy. This has worsened recently and affected my mobility.
I have psoriatic arthritis. The arthritis in my hips was aggravated during my previous delivery by the prolonged use of stirrups/bars on the bed and I would like to avoid the use of stirrups this time as it limited my mobility after the birth for several weeks.

Complications: If a caesarean is necessary I would like my husband to remain with me at all times. I will find the procedure distressing. If the baby needs to be taken for medical attention after the birth I would like my husband to go with the baby.

Feeding: I wasn?t able to breastfeed last time due to medication for my arthritis ? I would like to try this time.

After the birth: I would like my husband to help me get clean as quickly as possible after the birth. I would like to go home from hospital as soon as possible, preferably on the same day as the baby is born. I am vegetarian.

GTDAB That's exactly what I mean! Everytime I have a BH now I am praying for it to hurt!

probably right - tell him to stay up the head end!!

my head end, that is...

i made the mistake of reading a birth trauma thread in the childbirth section at some point and every so often the possibiity of really bad tearing/cocked-up stitching occurs to me. but most people seem to get over it pretty well and i think longer term problems are very much the exception rather than the rule. i am clinging to this idea...

am actually now getting very impatient to meet the small girl and have been letting her know that she can get on with it now if she likes, so can't be that scared

lennied thats such a sensible thing to have written down - lots of your preferences seem to reflect my own. except that i would definately prefer to have the baby given to me straight away, blood or no. but then i'm not too squeamish with blood.

perhaps i'll reconsider writing down some birth preferences after all...

god, as if i haven't got enough stuff to sort as it is!! have you all packed your bags yet?

Re: Dignity

Things I did in front of DH in labour and haven't done (except once when drunk) since:

*Used the toilet a lot (both varieties - have done this once when drunk since!)
*Had my bits stiched up
*Had a roomful of people look at my bits
*Displayed my rather inflated naked self in bright light for several hours hence allowing full examination of any blemishes, poor ladygarden manicuring and cellulite

Now lets face it, none of them are really all that bad! Pooing is about the worst. And much as I would rather DH only saw me in my best state physically, men quickly forget, it is in their nature. Hence why they will fancy someone who has had a major makeover/lost loads of weight or something. They don't care what they looked like before!

soiling myself. another classic stress point! but agreed - if it happens i NEVER want to know!!

there is no way i could read a birth trauma thread - i'm stressed enough just from reading the nct book my brother gave me for christmas!!

dignity:

none of them are that bad i agree. its just that we don't have the sort of relationship that involves going to the toilet with the door open iyswim... hopefully it will all just get forgotten like you say. or bring us closer together...

hospital bag being packed is probably not such a worry for a hb! my mum had 4 children - all at home and would love me to have a hb - but not brave enough for my first. perhaps next time...