Due in June 10! Longer than the Lord of the Rings!

[katzguk]

new thread 604 posts is far too many for one little thread, time to start again!!

hi y'all

only making a half-hearted attempt to catch up as Dh returned from his long trip so don't think it would go down to well to be on too long. Am masquerading as checking essential mail...ahem

shelves being done next week (they better or the builder gets the wrath of a pregnant woman! or even worse constant nagging heh heh)

Charley pops - well, yes babies can sign whatever signs they know, so they can tell you to change a nappy etc. It really is amazing to communicate so young - worked well with my Dd

Welshmum - yes I do know prefernot, actually she introduced me to MN! Our Dd's our 3 days apart and we met at our local mum and baby....the rest as they say is history......

Hi Uwila,

I also think Lua makes an excellent point about a persons ability to make informed, inelligent decisions. In your case you must think Nanny is capable of this otherwise you wouldn't have employed her.

Still, I think in any employer/emplyee situation, 9 times out of 10, if an employer has a request, as long as it falls withing the job description, contract or whatever, an employee is obliged to carry out the request.

The employer/employee rship in a nanny situation is very individual and can be emotional. I've been a nanny in the past. I was lucky and my employers trusted my judgement about pretty much everything. If I switched off the tv so homework could be don and the kids complained, I was always backed up by the parents (thank god!!).

Your requests aren't unreasonable. I don't think she has any reason not to do what you ask I'm afraid.

Not even going to go there on the 'vodka socks'!!

Well done for writing or thinking about nanny's positive qualities before the meeting, that's an excellent ides! I hope it puts you in a good frame of mind and the meeting goes smoothly.

Just popping in while the bath is running! (Meant to be cleaning, got sidetracked by using instead).

I can't quite get my head round this idea of 'eggs for breakfast' being bad, although my Swedish friends would never eat eggs at breakfast time, in fact one had never even eaten scrambled eggs til she came and visited us. They would have bread with salami and ham for breakfast (and lunch).

I think part of the nanny's problem is that she's older than you and has two grown kids of her own, it's a bit of the mother-in-law syndrome in fact, coupled with the degree in nutrition (my MIL just thinks she has a degree in nutrition but I can imagine similar conversations!). Is this her first nanny job? Or maybe she is just more used to 'obedient' parents who let her have her own way.

She's also Estonian, I think I read, which suggests there will also be a cultural barrier to overcome - some of the things you said about discussions which appeared to end with you thinking she'd agreed to do it your way whereas she actually seemed to have just regard it as an interesting exchange of opinions sound very Swedish-like to me. It's a tough one as you don't necessarily want to be barking orders all the time but you may need to be firmer in ensuring she understands that some matters are not up for discussion.

It may be better for both you and her to end the employment although I wouldn't give up hope yet! Hope you manage to have a talk to her where you can both air a few of the communication problems and see if it's just misunderstanding on either side. As you say, make sure you emphasise the positive too, she does sound like she has many excellent qualities for a nanny. But a nanny is not a mother and she needs to accept that or move on.

Those are my thoughts, completely irrelevant though they are as I have never been, had or contemplating having a nanny! A good friend of mine grew up with a nanny however and I know that her mum would have had a complete barney if the nanny had refused to give eggs for breakkie if that's what you wanted. Fair enough if she wants to make suggestions (poss she feels too much cholesterol in eggs for dd to be having them every day?) but it's your decision.

Trib, I think you hit the nail on the head. Nanny is older, has a lot of life's experiences, and therefore thinks she knows better.

The trouble is actually with the protein to carbohydrate ratio.

I am now considering that if nanny will inform me bit by bit on what DD eats each day that I could let her have some of the control she is looking for. My gripe isn't so much that I have to dictate every bite, but more that I don't know what she eats. This makes it very difficult to feed her on the weekend because I don't know what the heck she will eat.

Thanks for all your comments. Good point Lua that I may be seeking an ideal employee who perhaps doesn't exist in the real world.

I'm sure I'll be on here later to fill you all in. Thanks again for your input.

Not sure you will get this Uwila, but just wanted to say good luck. I am now off to bed having been asleep on the sofa for half an hour. Look forward to catching up properly tomorrow when I will feel much rested and able to clear up the mess I am leaving the house in.

Well I haven't really caught up. All is ok here with Bubba he is back to his kicking routine.

Uwila - There is nothing wrong with eggs in the morning. Studies show we weight our meals wrong anyway and it would be better to have slow releasing proteins and carbs in the morning and having the large meal at the end of the day is just when we don't actually need the energy. Nutritional studies always contradict from time to time - depends what phase the nutritional guru's are going through at the time. Specially with the government getting involved now with loads of mis-information. They have good bad lists and all that junk - mainly people know nothing about nutrition even when they study it.

I just think things must be difficult with a nanny - everyone has said what I would have already. It is always good to know what your daughter is eating in a non intrusive way otherwise when you get to the older ages and have no clue of how she is looking after herself its not a good thing with daughters... It is best to have that now - know she is eating healthily and have that positive influence in her life. I think you are doing the right thing, otherwise you'd be in the dark - food habits are really important with girls I think you are right to find out whats going on.

Right, one concerted effort to catch up as I shall be busy this weekend entertaining friends from Edinburgh. I do hope they find it entertaining that I can't go very long without needing the loo / recurrent bouts of heartburn / wanting to snooze all time as that is what is on offer chez nous.

Thanks to all for the good wishes, I will check in with my bro on how the ultrasound went at the weekend.

Pink - glad to hear that everything's okay and bub now has his dancing shoes back on!

Lynny - congrats on your girl, another little dd for your collection!

Charley - sorry to hear you've been poorly, hope you're feeling better now.

Online shopping - we use Sainsburys To You and I can't say I am very impressed with it yet somehow haven't managed to do a Tescos order cos Sainsburys have free delivery during the week (on orders over £70). Last time they were quite good at telling me what they'd had to pick up that was going out of date the next day, so I had a chance to say no to them if I wanted to, but they are hopeless at finding anything even vaguely unusual. I have some pancetta coming tomorrow morning and I bet any money they will pretend it's out of stock to avoid admitting they don't know what it is. Also, they are devils for picking the wrong kind of loo paper and stuff. I don't understand how this is possible, as I had imagined they would be going around with some kind of electronic device scanning stuff in, matching the bar code to the item code from the order. Guess not. AND they will sometimes appear to pick the smallest possible chicken breasts to bring me, I guess the ones they know no-one else would want. Were it not for the fact both Sainsburys and Tesco car parks were so busy I couldn't face going in today I wouldn't use them for anything other than the basics they can't get wrong, and then go and pick the fresh stuff myself so as to get what I want.

I do hear that Tesco are better, although may have a problem with delivering to the second floor?

Redhead - v interested to hear you are our source of info on baby signing, I definitely want to do this with the bean from about 6 months on (although my friends who've done it say not to expect a response from baby til about 10 months?). I can't really say if it's a factor but my friends' little girl, who's just turned 2, has a very good vocabulary and will still use some signs if she is struggling to get her point across (memorably trying to say 'star' when we all thought she was saying 'shark').

Uwila - hope it goes well tonight. I assume nanny's complaint about eggs is the carb content is too low for breakfast? (Eggs being a staple of the Atkins diet, being my thinking). Two words: toasty soldiers! As for vodka socks - I will definitely be having words with my Polish friend about this hitherto unknown use for his national drink. I think he'd probably insist on sucking the vodka out of the socks after they had been used ) Nanny definitely needs to follow your policy on medication, and tell you what she's given so you can be sure whatever dd gets is safe in combination. Seems odd she's so reluctant to tell you what dd eats in the week, almost like she wants it to be a struggle for you at weekends, perhaps to reinforce the idea that 'nanny knows best'?

Right, hope everyone has a nice weekend! Take care.

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Morning everyone,
Lynny - I was like you - crying at Comic Relief all night, thought it was really good though. That was a lovely thought by your friend - what a sweet thing to do.
Uwila - how was the chat with nanny? hope it was resolved to your satisfaction - or at least you're on the right track.
Redhead mum - please say a big hello to prefernot from me. Were you at her dd's 2nd birthday party? did we meet? That would be strange.
Pink - glad baby is doing what it should be.
Charley - are you back on form now? I hate those stomach upsets and I always fret.
We use Ocado and generally they're pretty good. I did have one big moan at them when the driver was 2 hours late, threw the stuff at us and ran away. I sounded like my mum on the phone '....and he didn't even say sorry, I don't mind the lateness but I do mind the lack of apology etc etc' They gave us vouchers and stuff and refunded some money so we still use them. I haven't been on a big shop for a few months now and that's great.
Have lovely days all - the sun is shining here and we have a day packed with diy and chores - oh the joys of family life

HAd a chat with nanny. She was very withdrawn when I got home (qvoided eye contact with me, big frown on her face). SO anyway, then I went up to her room and we had our little "chat", which at the completion I thought went rather mediocre. Not great but not too bad. But, in thinking about since then I've decided that it went rather poorly. She was pleasant, but she made it quite clear that she feels she knows more about nutrition than I do, and she therefore is more qualified to choose what DD eats. This is an attitude I am not willing to accept. Then, at the end of the conversation, I asked if there was anything else she was unhappy about. She said that she should pick what Hannah wears. What?! It's just like the food. I am not supposed to pick the clothes. And,incidentally, the only reason I ever lay clothes out is that she picks the ugliest raggy clothes that so do not match. She shooses them sinplt or comfort and warmth. These are of course valid reason for choosing clothes. But, she is decided that Hannah is allergic to all non-natural fibers (i.e. any form of ployester) and will not dress her in those clothes. I like some of these clothes, and I bought them for DD to wear. The bottom line is I she is my child, and I will choose what she eats and what she wears. It is just rediculous for nanny to think she owns my child and has a right to override these choices when I am not there. That is positively rediculous.

I'll make due and put up with her until the end of May (unless she leaves before then). Then, I'll get a new nanny when I return to work. It's too bad. She does have many good qualities, but I can not and will not give up my parental rights to a paid employee. Who does she think she is?

Oh, and also, I even proposed in our conversation that she could have more control of the diet if she would write it all down and she responded "Why can't you write it. I will tell you." And believe it or not, that's how it ended. I don't expect DD to be eating eggs much, sorry to say. But, right now is not a good time to go replacing nanny. Besides, her pending departure (which she may or may not be aware of yet, but I suspect she is planning herself) will get her off my payroll and allow another month of maternity leave.... yippee!! So, my plan is now for three months off. I can live with that happily enough.

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Sounds like it's probably for the best, Uwila, her style and yours are just not going to mesh. Why on earth should she choose what your dd wears? Okay, if she realises there's a genuine reaction to non-natural fibres (which it doesn't sound like there is, just an excuse to get her own way) she should of course bring that to your attention. But this just sounds like she's crossed a line and believes she almost is dd's mother.

Btw, I do think it must be v hard to be a nanny. I'm sure you can't help loving the kids you look after, which makes it so much more intense than a 'normal' job. But a job it still is.

I need a good tip on how to calm down this morning from anyone who's around! One thing that really annoys me about my friends is how disorganised most of them are. Needless to say, the ones who are turning up today have forgotten the directions I sent them, and have forgotten my address so can't look it up on multimap (I told them it wasn't on multimap which is almost true as the estate is half on and half blank space!). I am so sick of people phoning me before birthday / wedding / whatever to say "oh, I forgot your address [for about the 10th time] what is it?" to the point where I just want to say "don't bother". I'm so peed off that he's forgotten the directions that I'm actually tempted to tell him not to bother coming, which is complete madness.

I am going to refuse to provide my address for anyone who asks at the time the baby's born, that really is the bridge too far! But this has really riled me today. I think those third trimester mood swings are about to come a-visiting!

Btw, feel free to say that I am mad as a bag of snakes, I know it's a silly thing to be so worked up about.

Trib - I've noticed a few people with gripes about Sainsbury's on-lone shopping. Someone started a thread about it just the other day. They wouldn't reimburse them £30+ for a mistake they'd made etc. Lots of recommendations though for Tesco and ocado (who I can't fault). A lot of people live in flats and don't imagine that delivering up the stairs would be a problem. I'm also a bit touchy at the moment - dp's annoying me for reasons that never normally irritate me. I'm sure it must be hormones. I had to tell a friend not to come down to see me last week, she was going to stay for between 3 and 5 days, I just couldn't cope with entertaining her and doing what she wanted to do. I'm sure I'll feel awful about it later on. such a relief telling her at the time though

Uwila - sorry about your nanny troubles. Hope you find someone more suitable

My digestion seems ok now, thank for everyone that asked! I'll be more constipated than ever now I know

Afternoon all,

Just popped on quickly coz otherwise I'd have no hope of catching up on tuesday at all

Lynny - welcome and congratulations on your dd to be. So glad you decided to de-lurk, you sound like you have all the right fixations and madcapness to fit right in with the rest of us! So whereabouts between MK and Oxford are you? My family live in Oxford, and I'm in Beds - MK is nearest big shopping centre for me...Also hope you don't mind me asking, and please don't feel you have to say, but what SN's does you dd have? My eldest niece is Down's and my next eldest niece has ADHD - my sister certainly has her hands full!

Uwila - a friend of mine claims to be a witch so regarding your vodoo dolls I'm sure she'd be happy to oblige Seriously tho, sorry your having such a tough time of it. I agree with you that she's your dd and you should be making the decisions for her - cannot believe the clothes thing

KVG - re your stitch like pain, I've been getting these virtually from the beginning - thought it was just me...glad to hear not! I get them when I turn awkwardly suddenly like when I'm reaching out for something, or turning over in my sleep and yes I think they're muscle related.

And one more thing before I stop ds's lunch from burning...how could you ? How could you girls have conversations about rudies when I'm not around to participate!!!!! You are only forgiven coz I'm in a good mood - Arsenal are winning so far, so I'll let everything go today ...best go and sort out ds's lunch I can smell it now!

Hi everyone,

Hope you all have good week ends, the sun is shining here.

Dp and I stayed up watching Comic Relief (tears every 10 minutes here too ) He got dd up at 650am this morning. Why????? She would quite happily have stayed in bed till 730-8am. Anyway, I stayed asleep till 830 he got up. But now, because of late night and early rising he haas just sloped off to bed, hmmmmmmmmmmmmmm It's ok atm coz dd is asleep, thinkI'll curl up on the sofa with Love Actually and a cuppa...

Uwila, sorry the nanny chat didn't work out brilliantly. Still, an extra month of maternity leave can't be bad. I hope you have success finding a replacement.

As for the rest of you, you all post far too frequently and they are so long This flipping thread is turning into a full time job!

Hello all. I have only skim read I am afraid so sorry if I miss anything important. Turns out my wobblyness was genuine illness and I have been in bed with a temperature and headache since yesterday. Got up now as dh asked really nicely if he could go out to watch the rugby as it is not on our tv. I agreed as dd has not watched any tv yet today (a miracle when dh is looking after her) and so bear in the big blue house is babysitting. I do actually feel better but I am not telling DH yet as he is cooking tea tonight at the mo as well. . I didn't watch Comic Relief as I was in bed. They had some clips on newsround though and this had me in floods as it was.
Just have to say Uwila I think your nanny is a bit OTT on the clothes thing. Even DH won't get dd dressed or feed her without checking with me first.
Have good weekends all, Coop
P.S. Someone asked what make camera I got. It is a Sony Cybershot 120. I am really pleased so far although the quality is a little too good. I took a load of photos of dd and hadn't noticed she had a snotty nose in them all until I played them back. Doh. Perhaps my eyes need testing again. It is very small and will be fab when dbump arrives.

Hope everyone is having a nice weekend Thanks for the good vibes regarding Bubba. However I am off to watch the rest of Dr Zhivago.

Uwila - I was gonna say to ditch the nanny for a younger hipper version who doesn't think she knows it all, but I thought it might be a bit rude... My sister went to Chiltern college where Lenny Henry and Dawn French hired their nanny from. My sister mainly works in a nursery but they have to really listen to what the parents want. I think you should go with Teabelly's suggestion of Voodoo...

What a quiet day. Haven't done much myself, but thought I couldn't miss the opportunity to post on a day when I'd had a chance to read everything everyone else had put.

Sorry about the nanny problem, Uwila. Don't have any experience, so no helpful advice (guess that is at least one step up from unhelpful advice).

Hope everyone else is well. Anyone else finding that the baby movements are feeling a bit different? Less hard quick and more strange, tickly movements which seem to come from several places at once?

Lynny, your posts always make me smile! You are very positive! Your DD sounds like a sweetie!

The good weather today definetely did me very good! Spend a lot of time outside and got the house cleaned! What else can I ask for?

So, I think I finally sort out a toddler bed for DD, now the next challenge is mattresses. Good ones seem soooo expensive! Anyone has any tips on it?

Hi there everyone!
I'm back - after 3 and a bit weeks away: not exactly on holiday, just accompanying dh to where we used to live as he had to do research there, and seeing all our friends again - had to take work with me (on semester break so no teaching), but it was so very very nice seeing our friends. I also turned 28 while we were away! Got back this evening. I'll read through the threads (!) later on - just wanted to let you all know that I'm back and things are, as far as I know, fine. Little one can pack quite a punch now

Hiya Lynny, I know your neck of the woods

Welcome back Berolina A few days ago MummyToSteven was wondering where you were, I don't know if she got in touch via CAT or MSN or something. Great to see you back!

welcome back berolina and happy belated birthday to you
hope everyones having a nice weekend.havent been up to much-have been a bit tearful today(for no reason in particular)-must be the pregnancy hormones kicking in at long last.even burst out crying and slammed the phone down on my mum earlier onbut dh cheered me up a bit with a huge bouquet of flowers,a soppy card,a box of malteasers and a large packet of mini-eggs

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