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Connect with mums-to-be with similar due dates to share experiences and support.

Due Fab Feb 2009: the Curry and Cake Club

965 replies

onwardandupward · 03/10/2008 10:01

Here is our new thread!

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
swampster · 17/10/2008 23:18

I had a scribble on dinny's CS thread.

I shouldn't imagine an elective CS is particularly scary though I don't think I would have chosen one without fairly good reasons.

pluto · 18/10/2008 04:49

Emergency crash section last time. I think the trauma of it may have caused problems ttc for no.2 However - apart from beautiful DS other really satisfying thing was establishing BFing: I was absolutely obsessed with getting it going. It took 4 days for milk to come in properly. Midwives had given him formula in SCUBU as I didn't see him until 20 hours after birth. He didn't want to latch on and had I to use nipple shields to trick him into thinking boobs were teats. When we got home we still weren't established and I remember a really late night when didn't latch on and we were both so frustrated and tired I almost went for the formula. I phoned NCT counsellor who gave me some sound advice: he was a big baby 9lb 3oz, obviously healthy - obviously had some fat reserves - give him to DH to cuddle and soothe and try again in the morning. It worked. I think everyone should feed their baby that suits them but I really wanted to BF and I think for me it became a kind of mission: hadn't had the birth I wanted so I was going to get feeding "right" from my p.o.v. I hope I'm less neurotic this time

The other point about my CS: after the initial few days when I did look and feel awful the physical recovery for me was fine and doc. signed me off to drive after 3 weeks. scar healed well, wasn't that sore afterwards. I was just an emotional wreck - but I guess this may have had as much to do with being a new mum as to do with the nature of delivery. If I have to have an elective CS this time I'm quite philosophical about it - but of course nobody wants an emergency situation in labour.

Have you noticed I'm wittering on at 4.45am? The last three nights I've had insomnia from 2am and this morning I've decided MN is better company than snoring DH. Work stress and baby wriggling are keeping me awake.

McDreamy · 18/10/2008 06:49

I've had 2 sections and had no problems breast feeding. My milk came in on day 3 - I will be doing the same this time. I didn't try blw though - it was the whole puree/ice cube tray experience for me! Not sure what to do this time

McDreamy · 18/10/2008 06:54

Recovery was shorter the second time round, not sure why as that was after an attempted VBAC. I was discharged after 48 hours I was able drive after about 3 weeks i think. Scar healed well. Pain wasn't too much of an issue - it was controlled with paracetamol and voltoral. It's not all that bad

mumoverseas · 18/10/2008 06:58

morning ladies, hope you all have an accident free day today! I find it frustrating that I can drive (quite well I like to think!) but in this stupid god forsaken country I live in (am I allowed to say that without being deleted???) it is against the law for women to drive! Idiots! We live around 45 minutes drive from the nearest civilisation which is a real pain in the arse having to get DH or a taxi to chauffer me everywhere. Anyway, DH home from work now to take me for scan! fingers crossed. Have a good day everyone x

McDreamy · 18/10/2008 07:00

Good luck with the scan! Are you going to find out the sex?

lardybump · 18/10/2008 10:31

mumoverseas good luck today with the scan.

onwardandupward · 18/10/2008 10:54

AP = "Attachment Parenting"

I wouldn't define myself as AP at all, TBH. My philosophy is much closer to Taking Children Seriously (Karl Popper's theory of knowledge applied to family life and education). TCS is based on the idea that conflicts within the family are, at least in theory, solvable without resorting either to parental self-sacrifice or to coercing the children though the finding of common preferences = solutions to whatever the problems are which everyone genuinely prefers to their initial desires.

And IME, the bits of AP living which are to do with the parent/child relationship in the first few years (natural term breastfeeding, co-sleeping, slinging of babies, BLW, that sort of thing) tend to correlate with solutions to problems that everyone genuinely prefers.

But I'm not really invested in the "natural living" aspects which often go with AP - the organic cotton clothes and organic food and non-vaxxing or delayed vaxxing, the wooden toys (although I like a wooden toy as much as the next person) and the cloth nappies. So that's where I lose my lentil weaving credentials, Swampy lady

Similarly, TCS philosophy has all sorts of resonances with the radical unschoolers like Sandra Dodd or Joyce Fetteroll, when the children get older.

It's certainly interesting to see where AP families go to, in family dynamic, after the first 2 or 3 years - AP can turn into parental (especially maternal) self-sacrifice and there comes a point of AP burnout for some families I think. I think that as babies grow into children and toddlers, there are all sorts of challenges which arise where one has to look beyond AP for inspiration. And I see that playing out in all sorts of ways: Unconditional Parenting, or the Kabat-Zinn style Mindful Parenting or Naomi-Aldorty type stuff, or moving towards rewards and punishment, or a million other variations.

Er. Yes. That's all.

OP posts:
lardybump · 18/10/2008 11:20

I have never heard of any of this and have never read a parenting book. I just go with the flow and deal with things as best I can.

lardybump · 18/10/2008 11:26

except with meal times. There I am rigid. But dd likes it that way as well. If the food is late she will scream her head off....

Bed time is usually 7 but if dp has worked late I will keep her up so he actually spends some time with her.

She has a nap at 1 but that is while laying cuddling up with me on the sofa (if we were out I wouldn't stress about this but it is nice when we are in to cuddle up)..

We mixed feeding some was BLW but we did mash some as well.

Never used a cloth nappy and didn't co sleep but she was in our room until 6 months. I BF until 3 months when I was bullied to stop by hv and dp (will not let this happen again)

So all you experts out there what sort of mother and I.

MarkStretch · 18/10/2008 11:50

Lardy- I'm with you. I have never identified myself with a particular style or model. I try to be fair, talk to dd about stuff, be open and honest, not shout, but make sure the boundaries are upheld and show her lots of love.

She has been to McDonalds and had a fruit shoot before. I didn't do slings or BLW but I did breastfeed for 14 months until she self weaned and used the odd reusable nappy. I just did what suited us.

That's about it.

Today we are going to the library and meeting a friend for coffee and then I am going to paint the bathroom! We believe our bathroom has never been done in 'bathroom' paint and so we have grey areas near the shower and window.

I am also shopping for new blinds for the kitchen and bathroom today and I might indulge myself in a few baby bits.

(24 weeks today, breathes sigh of relief for getting this far.....)

lardybump · 18/10/2008 12:02

24 weeks MS well done that is a huge mile stone....

PinkTulips · 18/10/2008 12:52

pluto, sorry you're suffering from insomnia. is there anything herbal you could take i wonder? ask in your health shop if they have anything you can take when pregnant.

O&U, bless you for being so well read! i got half way through a sum total of one pareting book and gave up. i'm another GWTFP (go with the flow parent). some things we're rigid about because it's best for us as a family... bedtimes for instance as dd had serious trouble getting herself to sleep for a long time and the only thing that kept us all sane was having a bedtime routine and a strict bedtime (whether or not she stayed down was irrelevant as long as we had the routine of bedtime to get us all calmed down).

i don't subscribe wholeheartedly to the lentilly views on food, certain things i don't allow my kids but i'm sure a proper hippy would have a nervous breakdown at the sight of my cupboards.... with dd's food issues as far as i'm concerned if it's not loaded with sweetners and e numbers and doesn't have wheat or cow's milk, then if she'll eat it then she'll get it. i did attempt to be all organic when she was little but tbh the money it was costing us just meant she wasn't getting to do other nice things as all our money was being spent on overpriced food. i do however BLW and BF as i think they're best and easiest.

and as for babywearing, much as i loved carrying ds in a sling for convenience, i also loved having my hands free to do things and if a buggy, trolly or bouncer was available and he'd stay in it then that was preferable alot of the time.

i'm also far too shouty to be a proper hippy mom..... not for me this 'but darling wouldn't it be nice if you didn't break x's toys and hit him?' nonsense... i have a mommy voice and my neighbours can verify it gets used... and my closest neighbours are 100 metres away

i think AP has some great principles but i'm not convinced it works once kids with certain personalities get a bit older and more stubborn.... my dd would test the patience of a saint and simply will not do something for any reasons other than her own. that means i could either let her run riot which would damage her, our family and have her ostracised from normal society (yes she can be that bad) or i can enforce rules on behaviour and punishments if she misbehaves so at least she learns that although she might not see any reason not to slam her friends head into a wall if she's playing with a toy she wants, if she does the end result will be no toy for her, mommy being cross and something else taken away.... a loving chat on why x didn't like that and it wasn't very nice would have less than zero effect on her...

i think you have to model your parenting to each individual child.... ds likes to please for the most part so i can parent him in a totally differant way than dd who will wet herself simply because you've ask her to go to the toilet before leaving the house and who will cut off her nose to spite her face.

winemakesmummyclever · 18/10/2008 13:14

MOS - hope the scan has gone well and you and dh enjoyed seeing your little bean again. Got quite envious of dh at our scan - it is unfair that they get to see the whole process, whilst mums lie there getting goo in the strangest places and get a wee peek at bubba at the end. Dh loves sitting there, watching all the anatomy as it is screened - didn't get a running commentary this time though.

Hope all the crashees yesterday are ok today. I managed to scrape a bumper a while ago when reversing out of the drive as ds had decided to make a bid for freedom by opening the car door Child locks now fully engaged! Hate driving and avoid it whenever I can, but find back/hip/pelvic pain means I am having to do less walking & more driving (harrrumph). I think my car has only done 8000miles or so in 3 three years.

Dh has gone to Anfield and ds is off to the park with my mum & dad later so I can get some more uni work done. Forgot to defrost chicken for casserole, so have persuaded dh that we need to have Thai takeout tonight .

We are having a proper family day tomorrow, but have no idea what that will entail yet. Probably some NT place, picnic, dog walking & v amateur footie if the weather is dry. Then home to a big fat roast dinner (courtesy of my lovely mum & dad)

I had a crash cs with ds and am having an elective with this one (keep forgetting that it is now ds1 and ds2!). Was up and about the next day, home the day after that. Would have been mobile eariler, but they had effectively tied me to the bed with my catheter and was still morphined-up! It was bad enough to be shuffling round "lovely" hospital bathrooms in a baggy nightie, without having a wee wee handbag as a charming accessory

As for parenting style, we don't subscribe to any particular theory. We're all quite laid back and just go with what feels right and keeps us happy as a family. Fancy cloth nappies this time around, but still not decided (how many should be bought? cost?). Hope that this little man is as good a baby as ds was. He was a dream - fed well, slept ok & was happy as long as he was full, clean & entertained. Bet I have jinxed myself now

mumoverseas · 18/10/2008 14:00

ladies, we have another boy on our thread! DH and I were quite shocked as were convinced it was another girl. Thankfully all seems ok which is a relief as I'd declined CVS/amnio due which was suggested due to my age (old hag!) so hurrah all seems ok! (apart from the fact we have no blue stuff and a house full of pink!) DH home from work early to start researching boys names as we'd chosen a girls name! oh well, at least we've got 4 months to argue over it! Hope everyone else ok today.
WMMC, I know what you mean about the scan, they kept pointing things out to me but I couldn't see a damm thing from where I was lying (apart from the willy!)but my DH had a great view!

McDreamy · 18/10/2008 14:08

Congratulations! Lovely news, a little boy

Really disappointed to hear that some of you ladies don't get to watch the scan as it is happening. My sonographer positioned the screen so I could see it. I guess I was lucky.

I'm loving reading about your different styles of parenting - just mulling over my style

PinkTulips · 18/10/2008 14:24

so does mine actually, and she spends ages just looking at baby with you even after all the measuremnts are done.... she's obsessed with the feet so of the 20 pics she's given us a good 4/5 are of little tiny feet, lol!

McDreamy · 18/10/2008 15:06

Need to read this guys - Tinksmum in hospital. let's keep everything crossed for her

lardybump · 18/10/2008 15:12

Oh no tinks I am keeping my fingers crossed for you!! Sending lots of love to you....

winemakesmummyclever · 18/10/2008 15:19

TBM - hope they manage to get everything under control and keep mini-Tink in there for a good while longer. Blimey, you have really been through it these last few weeks. You deserve some good luck now. Thinking of you, TBD, and Tink x.

laidbackinengland · 18/10/2008 15:35

Stay in there little lady ! Thinking of you all TBM family.

herbgarden · 18/10/2008 16:59

Hi all - just read the other post re TM really hope TM manages to keep her lo inside to cook a while longer.... Thinking of you TM.....

onwardandupward · 18/10/2008 17:19

Thinking of TBM and family.

Really puts everything else in perspective, doesn't it?

OP posts:
MarkStretch · 18/10/2008 18:19

I know, I was thinking 'yay 24 weeks!'

Then thought, shit don't want him to come out yet though.

Hope they're all ok and being looked after well. I see she's gone to Liverpool so is already quite far from home.

mslucy · 18/10/2008 18:25

Keeping everything crossed for TBM.