Due in June - Thread 9

[teabelly]

Brand new thread as ordered...

Trib, I'm impressed chocky at that time of the morning ...soooo how do you have yours?? I bite the top off, suck out the filling and save the choc til last, yum!

Oh Lua, I'm sorry you've had a nightmare day. It's so horrible the uncertainty isn't it? Did they tell you anything at all useful or do you have to wait for the consultant for that? I had the opposite problem with amniotic fluid a few weeks ago, and I had to wait 2 weeks for another scan, and it's torture, I know. Can you go and have a chat with the midwife in between times, it might help you get your head around what you need to ask the consultant - it's important I think really to get all you can from those appointments so you don't just come out with more questions than you went in with. Sending you a hug.

Thank you Mrs. F, I dis think about you when was told about AF. I am in the fortunate/unfortunate position where I can find a lot of scientific data on my own. Thus, I know what the worst case scenario is.... it could be some congenital problem that is preventing baby to swallow amniotic fluid. I keep trying to concentrate on the majority of cases where is nothing... But you know how it is.... anyway, it does mean a lot of monitoring and test, which is a stress causing!
Hope your mind has put at ease already! From what I read low AF early in the pregnancy does tend to be nothing!

Hubby home after 7 amd a half hours. Just waiting for baby to move now as been very quiet today. Hope all okay. will read others messages now..

Oh Lua! just what you don't need! a load of worry! thank goodness you only have to wait 2 days to see a consultant. Don't apologise for posting your worries on here - that's what we're here for!

Hi nab! It seems like ages since you posted here! hope all's well
Your poor dh!

MrsF - what a nice post. I can so imagine feeling like that - reminds me of when we brought our puppy home.

Totally agree with MrsW about the baby being an abstract concept too, and with Trib in trying to keep an open mind.

Pink - if the Pill send you over the edge, it sounds like you really are very sensitive to hormone surges, it's a good job you're aware of that otherwise you wouldn't have a clue what was going on! I admire you so much for doing all that stuff with the groups, yoga and stuff. At least you're not hiding away on your own like a lot of people with depression want to do.

Fingers crossed for you, Lua.

No one's mentioned anything about my amniotic fluid - do you need a special test for this, or can the mw tell?

I have in my notes to see the GP at 25 weeks for a routine check. Do you think they mean the midwives? It's to check size of abdomen I think.

Gosh. I don't know what to say.
Pink - Again I have to say how brave I think you are. Try and keep an open mind. I saw my pregnancy as an 'inconvenience' to begin with this time and a means to an end as I felt so crappy. Even now I haven't bonded with the bump. It is just there. DH told me today he didn't think I was looking after myself as well as I did with dd and so dp's are not always useful to have around. (I am sorry if that sounded flippant but it sent me into a spiral of self doubt and guilt just before I had to go out to do my book presentation.) I really think you should try and speak to someone. There should be a whole network of people out there for times like this. Finding them is the hard part though. I am worried about you. You will be able to make the right decision for you when you meet your son. I can hardly believe what you are going through with no support. Please keep posting though.
Lua - So sorry you had a worrying scan. What a nightmare. I really hope that all will be OK and that you can get through the wait until the next scan and results etc without being too stressed. Much easier said than done I know.
You will both be in my thoughts, and have put all my moans into perspective.

I have not returned to work since dd was born, partly because we moved overseas and partly because it is what dh and I agreed on. We are lucky at the moment as we get paid an additional allowance for living abroad and our rent is SO cheap it is embarrassing and this obviously helps us alot. We will be absolutely skint when we get back to the UK though as we will lose this income, I want to buy our own house and we will have two children. This has made me determined on two counts. 1) to save save save for a house deposit and car that we will need when we move back and 2) to spend spend spend to take advantage of everything offered to us here ie cheap hotel breaks, meals out etc while they are still an option for us. Not working is however our choice and so I am not complaining. It works for us. I had a fairly crappy job anyway despite my degree and so want to retrain before I return to work so I can do something better. DH and I imagine we are looking at another 2-3 years before I will work again. Scary. It would be nice to have a hot coffee and pee in peace too....... A thermos mug is the best buy I made since I got here.
Take care everyone. I am off to bed now as I needed to wind down after being out. It is now 11pm for me
P.S. Uki, I cannot believe someone complained about your dress! What a dreadful sad person. Hope you are feeling better about it after a nights sleep.

P.P.S. Hello to Lummox and Nab too. [yawn] - there should be a tired emoticon. Isn't this a parenting site
Night night

(((((Lua))))) I hope the consultant has something positive to say when you go next. Good luck and I am sorry it was so worrying.

Cooperoo - Oh living in England is such a rip off. I would emigrate to Europe if I could speak Dutch or French. My continental friends had such good ways of life, worked part time and kept a flat going easily. No such luck usually - though I did see a decent paid job (above national average) as a library assitant and was a bit annoyed to be pregnant as it would have been great to start after college. It was part time too which was the real plus and council jobs always have childcare.

Everyone else thanks for your support. I am home early from college tonight. The tutor thought it ok to go early. I came back and tried to get myself in a better mood. A whole bunch of baby clothes arrived from ebay and I unpacked them and things. It is wierd - I'm am doing all the right stuff. I just feel I should feel something. I'm going to ring the surgery tomorrow and work something out. I know what you mean about not really bonding with the bump I guess.

Morning all!

Pink, as far as I can tell so far, the absolute worst thing about parenting is the pressure that you 'should' be doing something, 'should' be feeling something. Contrary bugger that I am, that just makes me more determined not to worry about any of that stuff, and go with the flow. You've done a fantastic job so far in getting ready for the baby (far more than I have) and all credit to you for that.

Charley - my next midwife appointment is at 25 weeks, I think that's fairly standard for the first timers?
Btw, I don't think you should have considered pregnancy a barrier to applying for that library job, they aren't allowed to discriminate after all. And unlike the private sector, I think they actually won't discriminate. A friend of mine who works for the NHS couldn't get her head round the idea that there was no point me applying for work because I just wasn't going to get a job, because recruiting is more transparent in the public sector, if you're the best person for the role they have to recruit you, and then look for maternity cover.

In terms of living here and abroad, I think it's swings and roundabouts. I definitely don't subscribe to the 'everything is better in mainland Europe' approach. Some things are, some things aren't.

Hmm, not sure how the comment to Charley went from the end of my post to the middle, but the library comment was for Pink (too early in the morning, perhaps I should go back to bed!)

Morning all. It seems some of us are hitting a difficult patch - really hope that all goes well at your next appointment Lua and Charley.

I'm finding I go up and down about bodning with bump. Not sure if this sounds daft, but my strongest feelings are when I think something is threatening him - so when I'm on a crowded tube I get really protective about my bump and that feels like bonding with the baby. Also yesterday when it was very snowy and I was walking along worrying about falling over. Not sure what all that means.

On the Europe debate, I agree that there are pros and cons - we've decided to try to make a go of it living in France but working in London, and there are loads of things that we think will be better. But there are also loads of disadvantages. In France, the beaureaucracy is a nightmare - buying a house takes forever, and we haven't even started dealing with healthcare/schools etc.

Hello to Cooperoo.

And finally, I can't remember who mentioned heartburn but mine is terrible. I'm trying dried papaya, almonds and loads of Gaviscon cool tablets - don't suppose anyone has found a miracle cure?

Morning everyone,

It?s just taken me ages to catch up on everything, so sorry if I?ve missed something really important out.

Lummox, as someone who has always suffered from indigestion, I use Rapeze, which are Sainsbury?s own Rennie equivalent. They are in tablet form and always work for me.

Pink/Charley/Lua big hugs to you all. Sorry you?re all going through stresses about the baby.

Uki ? to repeat everyone else, jealousy is a terrible trait. Keep them out girl!! She?s probably angry cos her dh is more interested in your cleavage than hers

KVG ? I know your dad isn?t too keen on classes, but that?s the route my dad took and now his social life is so more active than mine! He also goes out with rambling groups on their easier walks. Being another ornithologist type he takes his binoculars, and knowing my dad, probably bores all the other walkers with feathery details! It is hard though, its terrible to imagine your parents being lonely.

I?m deeply ashamed to say I?ve never heard of Lindor chocs. This is clearly a terrible oversight on my part. What are they and where do I buy them from this morning?

Charley ? I?m definitely in choc competition with you. Yesterday, I managed a hot chocolate, a chocolate muffin, some quality street and my DH glared at me at the Millies Cookies counter as there were some freebies on the top and I ate about 5 pieces. Apparently, you are only supposed to take one. Who invented that daft rule?

Right, off to visit 2 nurseries today. Wish me luck.....

lummox - it was me with the heartburn. I have been 'treating' it with quantities of chocolate milkshake on the grounds I don't like the taste of milk But it is beginning to defeat even the mighty power of Frijj - I was thinking about getting some Gaviscon in but perhaps I just need to drink even more milkshake instead.

I think you certainly will have some interesting times to deal with in France - the strikes will no doubt be a joy, and don't get me started on tax. (Actually I don't know that tax is worse in France than in the UK, I just assume it based on my fun experiences in Sweden).

I'm v protective of my bump as well, I was worried last time we went to Amsterdam that I would set the metal detector machine off for some reason (even though I loathe the people who do this, perils of being a regular traveller I'm afraid) and would have to tell the security person to be very very careful when searching me to avoid too much contact with the bump. Not because I really think it would have done any harm but I can't bear too much pressure on it and fear that violence may ensue (Good job I don't have to go anywhere on the tube, isn't it?!) Ditto walking in the snow, just paranoid about falling over as my balance isn't the best anyway.

I dunno if that all counts as bonding. I talk to the bump occasionally although what on earth can you say? "hello, how is it going in there? I had your great-grandmother on the phone again last night as she's worried something might happen whilst your granny's out of the country". He doesn't seem to have any views one way or another on that or anything else, so I feel a bit daft

Boy, what a lot of reading. We may have toconsider limiting number of posts and size so the reast can read them all. Just kidding, wouldn't want to limit anything.

Uki- When I return to work, our nanny will look after will look after new baby in additon to DD, whom she already looks after all day. At least this is my current plan. I have not yet disussed it with nanny, but she obviously know we are having another baby and it was dicussed before I hired her. However, it does mean that the housework that she does now will no longer be part of her job. DH probably thinks I can do it... fat chance. My plan had been to hire a cleaner. But, I am coming to the very sad relaisation that there is no money for a cleaner. In fact, we have no money for anything.. it's been a long and stressful week on this front. And I am increasingly unhappy about the situation. Oh wel, that;s the way life is so I might as well just look up and get on with it. But, the first person to question my judgement (especially if it's a man who has children and works himself) on returning to work after 8 or 9 weeks will certainly get a very unpleasant reaction from me.

On a much lighter subject - I am disposable nappy woman. I work my arse off and I do no unnecassary house work / chores. Can't fathom washing a nappy when I can just throw it away. And, another thing is that the idea of washing poo nappies in the same machine where I wash my own clothes totally grosses me out. So if ever I did feel compelled to be environmentally sacrificial (meaning sacrificing my own time and convenience factor for the sake of the environment) then I would definitely have to pay someone else to come pick up the stinky nappies.

Aren't I a happy cheery person, today. So, there Pink you have company for your misery.

I've been awfully stressed out about money matters in the last few days. Last night I kept feelina tightening which I guess was braxton hicks. I didn't really get them last time so I started to worry that it was stress related and decided just to drink a lot of water and go to bed. Seems better today. And, it's probably perfectly normal. Just don't want to set anything in motion at 27 weeks. Scared me a bit. But, as I say, it seems okay now.

Where's franni?

Franni, if you are reading this, how are you? How's the job situation? Jope you're okay!

DH works away from Monday - Thurs. He regards this as his right to pursue a career. So, Ipick up everything between those times. This is incidentally what led to me stomping my feet loud and clear and informing him that we were moving to a bigger house and getting a nanny. On the weekends, he makes an attempt to contribute, but I would say he comes anywhere near an average of contributing 50% of the work. There are some household chores I have just plain quit doing. I will do the childcare for the most part. But, I've come round to not giving a flying f**k about the state of the dishes.

Then on Saturdays, he just tends to his hobbies while he leaves me to once again look after... you know what? I should just shut up. This going no where but into a big long novel of poor pitiful me. Life could be worse... I think?

Lua, sorry you had such a worrying appointment yesterday. I'm keeping everything crossed that things go well when you see the consultant tomorrow.

Uwila, it sounds like you've got an awful lot of worries to deal with at the minute. Wish I could think of something to say to make you feel less stressed.

KVG, I think lots of movement is normal as they do have quite a bit of room to move around in there at the moment. From what I remember it is supposed to tail off near the end as they run out of room. Mine goes in fits and starts...luckily not too much in the middle of the night, it's usually just before bedtime, at breakfast time, dinner time and after eating chocolate. Obviously it agrees with me eating a lot.

JonahB, you could probably get Lindor chocolates from the local supermarket (well, they sell them in Morrisons near me!). They are in a red box. Hope things go ok with the nursery visits today.

I'm sooooooooooooo tired today. Went out for dinner with some friends last night, probably ate too much and couldn't sleep. I had twitchy legs for a good couple of hours (Lua, was thinking about you, you must be exhausted suffering from that every night).

hi there everyone - all posting already!

Pink - sorry to hear you're having a tough time. Y'know it's OK to be feeling unsure about how it will be to be a mom and how you're feel about the baby. Most pregnancy books only cover the medical aspect of pregnancy (has the baby got eyelashes? etc) with fuzzy pictures of women looking mistily at their adoring partner holding a clean and smiley baby! However, being pregnant is also a very emotional time and can really make you think about your own childhood and feelings about how you were parented. And this can be hard!! Depression in pregnancy and after birth is more common than we realise, just no-one talks about it.

There's an organisation called MAMA which exists for women who experience depression in pregnancy and post-birth. I think it stands for Meet-A-Mum Association. They have a helpline, factsheets etc. They might be able to give you some pointers.

Uwilia/Uki I'm hoping to get a cleaner in post baby arrival. At least for when I have maternity pay. I really struggle with the housework now plus childcare plus work - with two there's no way I can get it all done. I can't believe I thought that I'd be able to do all housework/cooking etc when I was home before - it really is impossible. Have learnt to admire dust, stack of dirty laundry as art installations in my home.....

Hello all
I have really enjoyed reading all the posts but didn't take notes.....
Pink - How are you today? I hope that you have tracked someone down to listen to you. The book mentioned earlier sounds very interesting I think and perhaps will help you feel that what you are going through isn't unusual.
Uwila - I am sorry for your money worries, what a stress for you. I think you have the right attitude about the dishes etc though. What does your DH do the evenings he is away from you? Surely that is his free time for hobbies etc. When do you stop? (Sorry if that is out of line but I am intrigued) You sound worn out.
I have to say lol at your nappy comments though. I love your no bulls**t attitude. It is so refreshing! I sincerely hope that you don't get any flack about going back to work as soon as you have to. People so often make judgements without knowing the facts. I feel a bit bad as I asked in an earlier thread if you really had to and I now realise that this was almost what I was doing there. Sorry I hope you didn't take it that way. (If it is any consolation I know I am spoilt at the mo and my comments about me and back to work earlier were cos someone else asked further down) Can you tell I am having a sensitive day today!!!
I had 24 hrs worth of Braxton Hicks the other day to the point where my tummy felt like it had been doing sit ups. They can really be uncomfortable can't they. I find they come and go but it can be worrying. Like you say you could do without any action as 27 weeks!
On the living abroad thing for me the novelty is beginning to wear off now and there are lots of things I miss in the UK not least my family and friends. I will be ready to move back next Jan despite the fact that it will mean a big shift in our circumstances and lifestyle. I am living abroad the easy way too with a house and med centre etc provided, extra pay to cover flights and phonecalls and still have a UK address so still get child benefit etc. I have had to take no risks at all.
Bye for now,

OhLua, so sorry I got off on my rant and forgot you. Thinking of you (wtih fingers crossed for bub)...

Charley, I think they check amniotic fluid level at the 20 week scan. At least she checked mine. I only know this because she mentioned it was normal. But, my sonographer was pretty good. Perhaps yours just didn't bother to tell you it was normal? Have you got the scan results? Mine are inserted into my maternity notes which I carry around with me. You might want to look. And, if it's not in there, you could ask the midwife at your next visit. Tell her you want confirmation that all is well.