Due April 2009 - Time to dance the light scantastic.....

[LittleMyDancing]

New thread as the old one was full!

Evening! I officially look pregnant now. A complete stranger asked me today when my baby was due. Yay! I know it's daft and vain but I'm glad people don't think I just look fat (cos when I look in the mirror that's what I think).

DD is increasingly interested in babies, which is lovely. She puts her fingers to her lips and says "Shhhh Baby" whenever we pass a sleeping baby. Doubt she will hold her silence all the time when we have our own baby to get to sleep though.

I know we have ages to go, but are any of you with older DCs doing things to get them used to the idea of a new baby yet? One friend of mine who has a 3rd due soon hasn't told her DCs yet. I chat to DD about babies all the time and try to encourage her to spend time around other people's. I was thinking about getting her a baby doll for Christmas so that we can talk about things like putting baby to bed, feeding baby, dressing baby etc etc.

Lulu - I'm always really paranoid that I just look fat & find myself touching my tummy more than I otherwise might, just to make a point of it: "I'm pregnant, honestly!" sort of thing. It's horribly vain

I'm looking forward to people asking about the baby. I don't know anyone (apart from DP, obviously!) in the whole city & haven't been able to show anyone my scan picture from yesterday or anything. Well, I've emailed it to friends & family, but it's not the same as being able to see other people getting excited as well. Nobody gives two hoots here, so as soon as strangers start showing interest I'm going to be talking away & telling them far more than they'd possibly ever want to know. I'll be standing in front of the tram doors, preventing them for leaving, talking about due dates & trapped wind

Hello folks, add me to the list - BoffinMum due 2 April, 4th offspring.

Ha ha ha - the thing is when you look reaaaally pregnant complete strangers ask you intimate questions about things like trapped wind and varicose veins. Everybody starts spilling out with the wierd pregnancy symptoms they had (and also telling you their awful birth stories - time for fingers in the ears and 'tra-la-la-la-laa')

Where do you live then?

Hi BoffinMum - congrats. My DDs birthday is 2nd April.

The few people I've mentioned it to, whilst buying maternity clothes or whatever, have all asked 'ooh, was it planned?' which is so annoying. I'll be relieved when other people are interested enough to bring it up - I'll talk about the rubbish bits willingly (for a while, at least; I'm sure the novelty will wear off).

I'm in Sheffield. I'm originally from Birmingham, but am here for uni & only just moved up. My course (English literature) isn't really geared towards making friends or getting to know people at all. It's mostly in groups of 400+, with seminars of smaller groups in which you pretty much have to rip each other to shreds & say "no you're wrong, I'm much cleverer than you", but more passive aggressive & 'intellectual', obviously

DP, on the other hand, is also a student, but doing a Software Development course. They're just a bunch of geeks doing lots of small group work & are already very close knit. So he has lots of friends (some of which are surprisingly enthusiastic about the baby thing, considering they're mostly young, single men) & I have nobody. I'm so worried that I'm going to become really clingy & possessive, because that's not like me at all. But I'm lonely & pregnant & it's not going well at all in the not being crazy stakes. Thank God for MN, that's all I can say

MN is amazing, that's where I picked up most of my baby knowledge!

Have just been swimming, 34 lengths, feel very proud. Also rather damp, and my eyes hurt

Have bought some lovely maternity knits from Isabella Oliver to treat myself, but have never found a pair of maternity trousers that actually stay up. Am very tired of hitching things up all the time. Think it might be dresses and leggings for me.

Babypringle, if you know that your BP is going up when you walk into the surgery then can't you have 24 hour monitoring? My BP tends to be on the high side, it was fine at first appointment but if I start to worry about it then it will go up. The MW said as she took it she could hear my heart rate increasing! On the bright side at least we are unlikely to suffer from fainting.

I currently look fat rather than pg. One particularly tactful person shouted yesterday "oh my god, you're getting a belly!" thanks!

Haha, I also can't believe people asking whether it was planned - I don't mind as much with close friends but quite clearly for many it is a standard question. I mean, how rude.

Thanks everyone for your comments, I will ask about the 24hr monitoring. last time the MW ended up coming to my house to take readings which were always much lower, but I guess that she doesn't want to commit to that so early on.
SpringySunshine - I did english lit at sheffield, graduated in 2003. Are you living in Crookes? I found the course really lonely too with vast numbers in all the seminars and lectures (and only one of each book in the library grr!). And people seemed to put on extreme views just for the sake of it . Hope it gets better for you.

When people ask us if it was planned I normally say something flippant like 'no we got really drunk with some friends one night and I'm not even sure if it's DPs or not'

that normally shuts them up

Springy - Mumsnet should be good practice for ripping people to shreds on your course - hang out on some bf vs ff, SAHM vs WOHM or anything to do with benefits threads!

lol at the response littlemydancing - i'd forgotten about the whole was it planned questioning, but it was pretty much the first thing i was asked by some work colleagues last time. well done on the swimming - sounds very energetic - really must start doing something other than just going for walks with ds as would love to not put on too much weight this time round.

oh and the weaning threads are another place to sharpen your claws.

I have a lovely friend who bullies me if I don't go swimming, which helps!

Hmmm - I need to go swimming too. Was eyeing up my swimming cossies and bikinis this morning wondering which, if any, I could wear without terrifying everyone else out of the pool.

SpringSunshine, sorry you are having a bleak time up in Sheffield. Where I went to uni the arts based courses were by far the most sociable ones, while the science courses seemed to be more lonely (the faculties were two miles apart and very different in atmosphere).

It's difficult to take up new hobbies while you are pregnant but I found some groups were very friendly. I did stuff with the theatre group (was more interested in making sets / costumes etc than being on stage although I did act occasionally) and I did student radio which was loads of fun and very sociable (I enjoyed writing the news bulletins).

Trouble is most student activities have a heavy emphasis on booze which isn't ideal for pregnant ladies.

As for the people with the tact of a herd of elephants, don't let it worry you. I got asked if it was planned all the time when I was pg with DD. I was 32 years old and had been married for a year so I couldn't believe people were surprised by the pregnancy!

I'm about to have another big moan (sorry!), but firstly:

babypringle - I'm living in Norfolk Park, which is about a 5 minute tram ride from the station - about a 10-15 minute walk. I was originally thinking about Crookes, because of the social aspect, but then got pregnant (I suppose the fact that it wasn't planned adds to the offence taken at people's questions about it ) & we decided that we'd be much better off here. We have a lovely two-bedroom flat in a beautiful area, with a gorgeous park that we can see from our window - with two children's playgrounds & everything you'd ever want. I'm mentioning this because it's vaguely relevant to the moan I'm about to have.

LittleMy - nice response! It would be extra good for the initial look of horror on DP's face as he worked out if I was joking or not

Right, my moan. I'm in such a foul mood this afternoon. I was happy enough this morning & went off to uni & all was well, lalala.

Then, I was sitting on the tram on the way home & a few stops later, after it'd become a lot more busy, a woman (mid 40s, probably) got on with her two elderly parents. All three of them managed to find seats, but then another old lady got on & had nowhere to sit. The daughter of the original elderly couple then moved so this other lady could sit down. But then the daughter started shouting at everyone for not moving, & although there were quite a few other uni students sitting nearer to the doors of the tram who hadn't moved, she started pointing directly at me, because I was closest to her, saying that I should've given up my seat. Which, to be honest, I probably would have done if I wouldn't have tripped over lots of people to move out of her way. Then the lady opposite me told the shouty woman that it wasn't my fault & I'm quite obviously pregnant (that's a plus - it is visible after all ) & that someone else could have moved.

At which point I got a load of verbal abuse from the shouty woman about how I 'shouldn't be fucking pregnant at my age' & how it's 'fucking stupid to be bringing a little one into a world of filthy student houses' & blah blah blah. It was just so uncalled for & I didn't at any point snap back at her or anything. I don't know what provoked her. & as I said earlier, we have a lovely flat & I'm 20 - it's not like I'm 13. I know 20's quite young to be having a child, but I'm living with & engaged to DP & we're both responsible & perfectly capable of looking after a baby. I'm really upset & shaken that people are so quick to make judgements & makes me worry about what other people must think

I'd not really thought about it before, because I know how suitable we are as parents & it seems daft that anyone would doubt it, but all of a sudden I was getting horrible things shouted at me on really busy public transport, with lots of people staring at me. Meh. She's just so lucky DP wasn't there - he'd have had a right go back

Sorry, that was a bit epic.

wanders off to find some Liquorice Allsorts & calm down

thats absolutely ridiculous springysunshine - i dont even know you but i'd have given her what for if i'dve been on the bus too. ooh makes me just thinking about it -what a rude rude woman.

bet other people on the bus were sitting there thinking the same but didnt want to stick up for you incase she laid into them as well.

20 is a perfectly respectable age to have a baby - the trend is definitely to be older as I found at 25 having my first - I'd still get some looks and as I said before people asking if it was planned cause they were surprised that I'd want children in my 20s, but I think its a great time to have babies.

I think you need to just forget about her cause there is no point trying to reason with some people. eat your liquorice allsorts, and think to yourself how pleased you are that you have your lovely dp, your lovely flat and you have a lovely baby to look forward to. She sounds like she's a bit miserable so you can just feel sorry for her.

aaahhhhhhhhh Springy, that sounds rubbish! It's horrible when people are completely unreasonably nasty to you, it can ruin your whole day.

Take comfort in the fact that she was probably embarrassed about having picked on the one person on the tram who had a good reason for not getting up - when people feel like they've made an arse of themselves they often get extra nasty.

You don't have to justify yourself in any way, 20 is not young to be having a baby, you're clearly a responsible person in a steady relationship and fgs it's when you're physically most ready for it - us old farts can't push the darn things out half the time without help or c-sections but I remember in hospital with DS1 being surrounded by teenagers all going 'oh it wasn't too bad really, I just coughed a couple of times and out he popped'. I was most

Have a big bag of Allsorts and a big from down here in Bristol.

Blimmin 'eck! People should just mind their own bloody business. It amazes me how you become public property when you are pregnant. It's not as if you are the first 20 year old to have a child. I bet if we took a sample of our mother's ages they were mostly closer to 20 than 30 when they had kids (my mother was 24, DH's was 19).

And to make the assumption that you live in a filthy house. What a cheek! Personally I would have been tempted to slap her, but that's probably not such a good idea.

Oh dear. I'm ranting now too. Off to have a nice calming camomile tea and play with DD who is just waking up from nap.

poor u springyssunshine . I found people in sheffield definitely spoke their minds!

Thank you everyone. I feel quite a bit better now I've had a good rant & a chance to get myself together. I was just really shocked, because there was no need for it at all & I've always been the sort of person who'd give my seat up for someone who needed it more than me.

Oh well. I hope everyone else is having a nice day!

Ooooh Springy, why don't people just mind their own business??? Allsorts make everything all right. Or Bassett's jellybabies.
The world would be a better place if people weren't always taking it upon themselves to judge, wouldn't it? My niece (who is 18) and her boyfriend recently found out they were having a baby when she went into labour! Quite a shock, but they have handled it brilliantly and they have a gorgeous ds who they are looking after beautifully. Babies are always a blessing, no matter what.

BTW, my due date buddy, I am in London but about to relocate to Suffolk for dh's job.

lulubai I am going to do the same thing with my dd who is 2.1 yrs old. We talk about the baby in my tummy and she mothers her dolls. Think we will get her a newborn'esque doll for Xmas or when the baby comes as a way of involving her - I think that is a great idea.

Like many of you above, I am already in maternity clothes. Bought myself some skinny black Next jeans the other day and they are SO comfy. They stay up properly and they tuck into my boots....not bad for £22! I plan to live in them. Seriously.

I now can't stop thinking about Allsorts and jellybabies.

Really craving them and I have nothing even remotely naughty in the house.

Damn you tram lady for making Springy need Allsorts.
XXXXX

well I just told work - talk of redundancies was going round again and I was speaking to my boss about how they are making decision on cost cuttings, so I thought it was only fair to mention it. Was planning to tell on Monday anyway.

So then told the rest of the office, and all very pleased, but as predicted, about half asked if it was planned . grr.

ooh due date buddies - hadnt thought of that. must look at the list and see who mine are.

I would never think to ask anyone if their baby was planned - despite the fact it is none of their business, if it wasn't planned, then so what? It doesn't mean you're not happy about it. I think we have to remember that some people just trot out the same cliched lines every time without giving it much thought.

Conker did you feel relieved to let work know? I haven't been in my job that long, so I was really relieved to tell my boss and just get it out in the open.