Due November 2008....Mmmmmmmmmmmm....minty Gaviscon, swallowed not stirred

[LackaDAISYcal]

Thanks to Pinkali for the title

Wow, what a debate, very interesting. Especially as DS who has always seemed quite happy and confident and independent but hasn't been left away from me until now (18months) and he's not settling at nursery. He has only done 1-1.5 hrs there so far and I make a point of talking happily on the way there but after 3 visits he is still catching his breath when I go back - and just to make it interesting he threw a major wobbly when DH took him up to his bath tonight and was holding the stairgate looking for me when I took his pyjamas up.

We fell into our own rough routine based around when he wanted to feed/fall asleep etc and I know I can't totally do that this time as new baby will have to fit feeds around DS activities. Planning on doing quite a bit of baby wearing though, and I'm another cloth nappy person - bunch of dippy hippies aren't we!

Just vaxed the dining room carpet and the difference around DS high chair makes me feel guilty for not doing it earlier! Satisfying to see the difference though

Sorry - forgot to say good news about your diabetes and cervix Ob.
Fascinated by being able to scan for risk of prem delivery - the things those of us with no complications never realise!
Hope DM is having a lovely time - at least she shouldn't have to worry about a hangover tomorrow!

I have an intersting Q for you.
Will your toddler/child fit in with babys needs. Or will baby need to fit into toddler/other childrens needs.

I always assumed that if a baby was crying, needed fed, mum would say to toddler, no mummy can't just now, you will have to wait.

Now, this COULD = toddler resentment.

Then my friend had baby. with toddler. And she always made the baby wait. If toddler wanted something. Within reason, of course. She got toddler drink/sandwich.
Then even though baby was crying for its feed, she said, well bay won't rememeber crying for 1 o r2 minutes.

And I thought this was very interesting. AND ACTUALLY MADE QUITE ALOT OF SENSE.

So, those with already one child.
Will baby have to fit. Or will your other children have to fit round baby ?

That is a good question. DD did have to wait a bit, really. Especially at bedtime. I knew DS would settle off to sleep if I read his story and gave him his milk etc., so I would always put him to bed first, then look after DD, yes she had to wait a little bit sometimes, but it meant I wasn't hurrying her feed when it came.They go to bed together now, no problems.

I would generally do that- get DS settled with his lunch etc. then just bf DD at the dinner table and so on.

I do know it is a bad idea to fall into the trap of always having another carer (DH, grannie etc.) mind the toddler whilst you see to the baby- that is a real recipe for resentment.
Handing the baby over, or at least having your hands free (e.g. baby in carrycot asleep) whilst you have a bit of one to one time with the toddler is very valuable.

Hello ladies, hope everyone is doing good and keeping well. She's been kicking and I love it.

Vio, glad you are loving kicks!!!

Interesting debate. Particularly interesting for me as I am going to have to do it all very differently this time. I had no routine with ds and he never got into one himself, but I never put him to bed at specific time (he usually went to bed with me). His feeds would be in 'routine' for 1 week or so and then he would have growth spurt and they'd go crazy, then settle for a bit, then all over again...he never cried for more than about 30seconds, I couldn't bear it. He was the most confident, happy,(and rather fat even though exc. bf'd) and independent baby/ toddler. When he turned 2 though, he suddenly got quite clingy and still is, so I guess that is a bit of his own nature/ awareness coming out. Yorky, I do empathise with you, but see now that sending ds to playschool 2 mornings a week has really helped him, he is a lot 'better' at leaving me now and has a great time there though it took a couple of weeks to settle him. I did this to ease the transition to when babies come (he will be going 4 mornings by then) so that I can spend some time with them without him around and then focus on him when he is around.

Back to having no routine...I won't have that option this time a) with toddler and b) with two babies (yes, am fairly panicked at that!). I am dreading 'having' to have a routine tbh - they make me feel like I am in prison (that's why I am on mumsnet at 3.48am!). But I'll have to get into a routine of sorts if life is going to work for me, toddler and 2 babies, so am interested in your bedtime/ wake-time, pinky, maybe that is a place to start. In terms of feeds, a friend of mine actually used to wake her baby from sleeping to bf her, and get her into a bf routine. Seems to have worked. I may try that as I would prefer to tandem feed the twins (at least when I am at home!). I don't think I can rely on 2 babies getting into their own feeding routine, esp. after my experience with ds. Anyone know how I can do this, or books which are specifically good on it (apart from GF).

Oblomov, good thing to raise the issue of the first child. The issue of adding a toddler to the mix makes a huge difference I think. And I definitely believe the toddler has to come first within reason. That's 'cos I am the elder of 2 and have been insecure about it for most of my life ! (In terms of always believing my parents loved my sister more, though they have never done anything to indicate that). Before finding out it was twins, I was already planning how I could make it as easy as possible on It's going to be hard to leave a baby to cry while you get lunch ready for toddler, for example, and I will see how it goes. I think you get a bit more 'hardened' with 2nd or 3rd kids, and know the babies will probably not remember a bit of a cry whereas toddler definitely will remember if they always come second to a demanding baby. Misdee, would definitely appreciate your comments on this, having THREE!

I am also interested to see that with several people their second child was the more confident/ outgoing etc. I think this is fairly common. And personally, rather than having anything to do with specific parenting 'doctrine', I think it is because the parents are A LOT more relaxed about their parenting, and feel a lot more confident about what they are doing. So, my advice to people is to do what makes you feel relaxed and confident, as I am sure in the end that affects the baby far more than anything specific (like whether you choose to co-sleep or not - I felt great doing it, and loved (so did dh), but I know it makes others worry, so obviously that is not going to do the baby any good). If the parent is feeling guilty all the time that they are not doing something 'right', I think that affects things more, so ChocO and other first time mums, try and do whatever makes YOU feel the most relaxed and confident.

Sorry long post...it's all a very interesting debate.

Morning All

Hope you all slept well - I saw Mamma Mia last night with the girls, it was FAB! Haven't been to the cinema for ages, but really really enjoyed it!

Merry my friend has indentical twins girls aged 5m (but 6 weeks premature) and a 4 year old daughter. Thw twins are the BEST babies ever as they were put into a strict feeding routine when in hospital which my friend has stuck to and they either sleep or play in between feeds....they are dream babies and she managed to tandem for a few months but now just does 2 BF a day the other's being bottles.....She found the multiple thread on here really helpful...which I am sure you have found already!!

As for parenting I agree with you, you need to do what makes you as parents feel happy and relaxed and that is usually the routine or otherwise that makes the baby happy!!! As I have said, being a bit spur of the moment and baby led as in demand feeding was horrendous for us, but regular, long 3-4 hours feeds worked. I also appreciate that I get between 2-3 hours to myself every day whilst DS2 sleeps. DS1 carried on sleeping this long until about 2yr 8 months and what is so lovely is that DS1 and I now get that time on our own it being the school holiday's.

As for how babies fit in, I found that as I was in a routine as such, I could plan DS1's routine around that. However, as Pinky has said I would definately leave DS2 crying sometimes to attend to DS1......It's all a juggling act and works so much better if you are organised (something that doesn't come naturally to me prior to kis, but now you could call me Monica form friends!)

The thing I fouind that REALLY helped was when DS1 didn't get morning sessions at school - he had previously been doing
~mornings at a private nurserybut when he started nursery at his school last Sept he was offered afternoon sessions...This was a revelation for me as it meant there wasn't the huge rush to get everyone out the door, fed, washed, dressed etc but that we could all enjoy our mornings together......DS2 came to our playgroup sessions and we just chilled out the 3 of us...it really helped the boys to bond as well as had DS1 been at nursery in the mornings 0930-1230, he wouldn't really see DS2 who sleeps 1-330
for much of the day...they are very close now and I think that is because DS1 was so involved with DS2.

My concerns are for this baby and how it will fit into our routine - DS1 at school 0835-1520 (how will I get 3 out of the door as need to leave at 0815 for the walk, if we get up at 7am there is not enough time to feed, wash, dress everyone...aaarggh!)

DS2 will have 2 nursery sessions a weeks starting Sept BUT this time have gone for morning sessions as the nursery is 5 mins from DS1 school - I figured that I would drop the boys off in the mornings, spend some quality time with baby (still struggle to say DD until she is here!) pick up DS2 lunchtime and have one on one with him whilst baby sleeps then all of us go to pick up DS1....aaarrrggh the logistics are freaking me out!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Gosh, that was a huge ME ME ramble, but I hope it helps those who are worrying...I too would be interested to hear how the transition from 2 to 3 goes!

Enjoy your day ladies

DM x

Morning.
Laughing/ sympathising with Dozy and her logistics nightmare.
Was on a thread about this, the other day. Ds is slow walker. I can not get up at the crack of dawn to get him and me washed, dressed, breakfast'ed and walk the 1.5 miles to school. Is it o.k. to push him in a buggy. Mn'ers said yes.
But what I totally forgot, was that this will be o.k. for the first month or so. But then when baby comes, I will need baby in the pushchair/pram. Unless, after a cs I am happy and comfortable with the sling ????
Plus 1.5 miles is not far. But it is far when you have a very tired 4.8 year old, at the end of a long day.

Good morning all,

Glad you enjoyed your girly night Ob,

Interesting the comments on who fits in with who, I'm hoping that by having baby in a sling he/she'll be a bit more patient about getting DS somethign before being fed!
I remember a friend saying her youngest had to fit in with the eldest routine and either have feed before or after the school run.
My mum keeps telling me that when my brother was born when I was 20months I developed the habit of saying "Mummy, potty" everytime she sat down to feed him as I quickly learnt that that didn't get ignored!
I don't remember resenting him massively although we argued like cat and dog for the 16yrs we lived to gether and he still annoys me when he's drunk and decides to reveal his parenting wisdom - his son is now over a week old so he is an oracle on the subject!

Interesting what you say about the afternoon nursery sessions making life easier and the boys bond, Dozy. I had asked for morning sessions as that is DS best time, afternoons are a bit of a nap, lunch and get tea ready race, although he will have 2 activities in the afternoons from September.
Yet more make it up as you go along! At the moment he has one morning and one afternoon session as this is when they had spaces, and they have to have lunch before they go for the afternoon which is earlier than we normally eat.

The dining room looks really good this morning - is it taking things too far to make DS eat in the garden!

Sorry about long post, but I have tried to break it into paragraphs, as by the rools!

Ob, will a buggy board fit on your pram?
Or is anyone else going to the same school who lives near you - kids walk much better with someone their own age to race/walk with

No one going the same way Yorky. Have thought about biggy board though. Will I not struggle with a cs , though ?

Have you had the dining room painted aswell Yorky ?
I thought you were just having the decorators in to do the spare room.

How do you think your ds is settling now, with nursery. Do you think he is actually enjoying yet, or is it too early ?

Will catch up (just seen the size of Dozy's last post and have no chance of reading that at the mo ) in a bit!

Just need some advice if there is anyone who can help. Constipation - what can I take to help?? Am suffering quite badly now - had it when pg with DS aswell but got really confusing messages about what was ok to take and what wasn't. Does anyone know what medicine is safe to take?

I too have an embarrasing q. I have started to smell really strongly. Down below. No discharge or pain, no stinging. Maybe just the heat, strong hormones ? Maybe I just need to flush it out with lots and lots of water and a bit of Cranberry ?

pinky - Sorry to hear about your cat poo problem. Especially after you had cleaned!

chocorange - My DS was in his moses basket for approx 3 months because he filled the cot pretty much and after a couple of months the basket would rock if he moved. But he was 9lb 4oz at birth and also quite long.

My DS would also wake himself sometimes like dozys so I started using a thing that wrapped baby up tight and stopped arms and legs flying. Sorry forgot what it is called!

Morning everyone.
ceebee74 - sorry to hear you are suffering. I only had constipation once, very early in pregnancy due to dehydration caused by bad morning sickness. The doctor told me to use Microlax enemas - not pleasant but worked a treat but I'm not sure they would be suitable to treat an ongoing problem. Sorry I'm not much help.
oblomov - I think its just hormone related since you have no other symptoms. Pregnancy is not a glamourous time!!!

Pinkyminky hope your dcs are feeling better.

We had a terrible night last night. DD's eczema has gone in to overdrive and she was awake during the night, itchy and miserable. I ended up giving her Zirtek to relieve it but she won't let me put on any cream. Keeps saying it is 'too stingy'. She is only 27 months so I don't even know how she knows that word.

Heartmum2Jamie, Dozymare, Pinky & etc - I saw some of the bringing up baby program unfortunately not all of it. I wouldn't say from what I saw me and DH would fit in any of the categories for parenting style. I think you should use programs and books as guidelines but find the bits that suit. I found a book regarding contented baby given to me by my next door neighbour who loved it to be excellent. I followed the routines and advice but I would say I wasn't overly strict as the book.

I would say me and DH are very loving, touchy feely parents who cuddle, be rough and teach DS a lot, like bedtime routine and are both firm and believe in discipline when DS is naughty or to protect DS. I couldn't do the no interaction or attachment things. Just not me.

suiledonn - My DS eczema has gone severe since our hol and all over his body not just the main areas as normal. But the last few days he has been so upset at night. I go through the same with DS as you with DD. I feel for you. [hugs]

I feel for you too. Ds has tiny bit of excema on back of knees. Can't imagine how awful it is to be covered in it.

Vbab we sound similar. I read a few parenting books. Liked GF for routines. But too strict. Like EASY. Read Sears, don't think I am attachment, but took on board parts. Took on board all of them, but did none specifically.

I like cuddles, rolling around and rough boys play, and bed routine. I like time for me and dh after ds has gone o bed. This is very important to me. And our marriage.

I am of the belief, that ds is only one member of our family. And without effort, to maintain my marriage, there would be no family, for ds and the forthcoming ds2, to be part of.
None of us is more important than any other member of the family.

Good morning all

Luckily I am having my first so my only worry is what the hell I am going to do with a baby to ensure it turns into a happy person - I don't even want to think about the second one yet!!!

I did not sleep at all last night - it was like my brain just couldn't switch off, I am soooo knackered today. [yawn emoticon]

Gotta go and sit through a seminar on Offshore Wind - hope I can stay awake long enough to pass out the mandatory business cards!!

Thanks for the sympathy. It is just so frustrating that no one seems to be able to do anything about the eczema. We tried homeopathy and had a bit of success but it didn't totally go. DD has had allergy testing done by a consultant immunologist that showed an egg allergy but nothing else. We have tried every cream you can think of but she is still suffering. It is driving me mad at the moment because she has never slept a full night and I am getting so tired.

Also it is causing us problems with potty training because if she has an accident the wee stings her poor legs so badly she gets really upset so she just wants to wee in her nappy. Can't blame her really.

I really hope the new baby doesn't get it. I have read good reports of taking pro biotics in the last weeks of pregnancy so I am going to try that. Also no matter how painful breast feeding is at the start I am not going to give formula like a did on dd just in case.

Sorry. Rant over.

suiledonn, you are making me squirm. Oh the wee-wee making it sting. Oh god how awful.

Morning,

I have a rant too... I have a very small but of athletes foot in between my little toe and the one next to it and also a few blobs on the sole but the Pharmacist told me i couldn't use anything because I was about to put some left over dactarin on so I am Does anyone know hoe to help it or get rid of it but using something pregnancy friendly? Other than the obvious drying properly and talc. I'm so that it is back again (orignally got it just before i was pregnant and from the gym!!)