Hello all! Sponge - I'm really struggling today, serious baby blues, desperately tired, at least he's feeding...but I wish he wasn't . I mean, I want to breastfeed, but I also want sleep more than anything in the world. I really hope things pick up for you - you're not a failure, you're one of the biggest success stories on here as far as I'm concerned!
Penguin - hoping to hear soon? Felt so bad for giving birth without you .
Typing this with cabbage leaves in my massive, painful boobs, and fighting the urge to sleep. LO isn't though - he's fast asleep and I was expecting him to wake to feed soon. Why doesn't he do this at night?!
Ok, finally feel up to posting the birth story - I was pretty traumatized but I'm coming to terms with things. I'll do it in bullet points!
Friday - most of you remember me mentioning that I started having contractions, had a show. Went in, was monitored, all well, sent home with paracetamol. (Ha ha ha.)
Uncomfortable until the early hours of Saturday morning. Then got up on Saturday, and nothing! Midwife came to visit, no contractions, and a day of waiting. Went to bed.
3.30am Sunday morning, woke with contractions. Quite painful, took some paracetamol (ha ha ha), they continued all night and all morning. Phoned midwife on Sunday morning, and she said to go in when they got too painful. Er, any pain is too painful for me! Waited, had lunch, went in around 3 ish on Sunday. Examined - only 1cm dilated. No sign of the waters. Suffered a bit for a while. Then got given a tens machine, which helped a lot - should have used mine earlier!
Examined again about 9.30-10ish, still only 1cm dilated, and sorely disappointed, tired and in pain. Was offered the night on the antenatal ward, or a trip home for the night. Decided to go home. Phoned my friend Paula, my 'on call doula' (close friend, ex-midwife). Went home, ran a bath. That helped a bit. Got out of the bath, slapped the Tens on, and tried to go to bed around 12.30, but quite soon was in a lot of pain. Tens bouncing around on the floor! DH called the labour ward, who told him to bring me in, but then, sort of during a toilet trip (!), I went into total shock, screaming, stammering, shaking uncontrollably, and in agony. DH decided he would not be able to get me to the car even, and called the labour ward who recommended 999, which he then did. The lovely ambulance men managed to get my knickers on (I was on the landing), and get me to the ambulance, where I was given gas and air which didn't help much because I wasn't taking it properly, but it did make a small difference. Taken to the ward, examined, still only 1cm (and now hysterical), and was offered - and given - diamorphine. Between that and the gas and air managed to sleep. DH slept in the same room. Mad dreams about jelly beans and psychadelic flowers...
Morning - had breakfast, still labouring. Not a great deal happened, because the labour ward was really busy (with people more than 1cm ) and with the planned c-sections. Became hungry, DH went looking for food, was then offered lunch, which I ordered, and was then told not to have any, then was brought some, which was whipped away so that they could examine me. (This was a tad distressing - the hunger, that is.)
Examined - hallelujah, 5cms!! So things got going and the midwife, Sarah, introduced herself just as my waters broke. She also told me how to take gas and air properly. Examined me, and only the ?fore waters had broken, and they had meconium in them...
Laboured for at least an hour on gas and air (time became hazy), and then was offered an epidural. I was perfectly keen on this from the start so said yes. Given the epidural, although both hands injured in an attempt to put a line in, and that was uncomfortable from the start! MW was going to break the rest of my waters, but they went of their own accord (still meconium stained).
Things progressed, although there was a slight concern because the baby's heartbeat was dropping with the contractions. Examined regularly, he seemed to be back to back. He then had a clip put on his head to check his heartbeat, and then an obstetrician came in to give him a blood test on his head, I think. By this stage, I really wanted to push but wasn't allowed.
Finally, at around 8.20 was allowed to start pushing. An anaesthetist arrived to top up my epidural but for some bizarre reason (I'm quite proud of myself!) I said no! I pushed for just under an hour with only my gas and air, and Iestyn Seiriol arrived at 9.14. I tore, unfortunately.
Then...was given a shot to get the placenta out, but it wasn't really happening, and I was asked to push, which I tried, and then the cord snapped, turning the room into a butcher's shop. Baby was being weighed etc, couldn't move, cord was clamped so couldn't move my legs (in case that shifted), and couldn't turn because of the drip, or bend my arm because of the painful line (right hand, annoyingly), or get my head comfortable. It felt like ages before they brought him to me and I wailed and moaned the whole time about not being able to take any more. (True.) Eventually they put him on my breast for me but he wasn't interested. Still waiting to go to theatre. After 1 and a half hours, surgeon was free, and the baby showed signs of wanting to suckle but wasn't allowed, and I wanted to eat, but wasn't allowed (nothing for over 12 hours!). Given a nasty drink which I immediately threw up (and more) in theatre. Given a full on epidural - the first one was ok because my legs could still move a little but this one was a total block - and the surgeon pulled out the placenta with what seemed to be both hands and stitched me up. It was totally the worst part. Finally taken back to the postnatal ward and reunited with my baby who fed immediately.
Sorry - that was really long, but rather cathartic! Apparently, I did well, because actual labour wasn't all that long, but the prelabour was days. The worst bit was the trauma of the surgery, and the lack of sleep. I was weepy about it for ages, but like I say I'm coming to terms with it a bit now.
So, now, very very tired, very blue, painful breasts and fanjo, and basically in total shock but still in love with him! He's feeding well (I'm the one who's struggling.) I just feel as if I want one night off to catch up - I didn't sleep at all on the ward afterwards, and so I feel as if I haven't slept for days. (True!)
Will now go and have something to eat, a lie down, and hopefully he'll wake and feed. He managed 3 hour gaps last night, but this gap is nearer 4. Please, please that he does longer gaps tonight.
Will post again soon!