Due May 05 part 4

[fisil]

Here it is ... let me start:

Name: fisil
Due: 26th April officially, 3rd May unofficially
Children: ds (just turned 2)
About me: work full time (teacher, head of dept), live SW London with dp & ds
Anything else: think its a boy

Myermay & logic, ds is 25 months. He has always been good at the figuring out the next stage business, but physically he never quite keeps up. So he understands all about potty training, and has been talking obsessively about poos and wees for some time now. But he doesn't have a clue how to control his bowels. Recently he has begun to produce a wee in the potty to order every evening before bath, though (we've had this as part of the routine for ages - because he is so obsessed with bodily functions, and because he saw some big girls at nursery using the potty).

He apparently went through most of the day without a nappy and was only talked into it very briefly in the late morning when he's had two accidents, but was back to no nappy by afternoon.

It's so tricky, though. I thought, like you, that the best method was to let him lead the way. He's doing that now, but the problem is that he is not physically ready - but if I say "no, you must wear a nappy" then I'm giving him the wrong signals, but we also run the risk of him getting hang-ups because of all the accidents! This game is never easy!

Fisil I almost wet myself laughing at your story!!! Tears are still in my eyes after reading the rest of the messages!!

I've just changed my job spec to now being just office based (I'm a Lettings Negotiator) as I was getting very stressed out, really busy month in Jan. Just felt like everything was getting on top of me and that May isn't far away and still feel like I've got so much to prepare. Has anyone been writing anything in their hospital notes?!? I still haven't met my midwife and not sure what I should be doing. I've only been to the hospital so far due to my HCG level and won't be going to my midwife at the GP's until 30 weeks (now 25)

Looks like I might be on maternity leave! I'm just off to see my boss and discuss what to do. They sent me to occupational health, and the doctor there couldn't see why I should be going back to work before the baby - not really the outcome that work had expected!

Why is that Fisil?!?

Fisil, does that mean you would have less maternity leave after you have had your baby?
And yep, I did the pooing thing too, midwive had tissue ready and just caught it as it came out she didnt bat an eyelid - or when I threw up!! Think it's just all in a days work, but what a days work!

May does seem to be getting close very quickly! I'm not actually too worried about the birth, I know it'll hurt alot, but that there will be some pain relief and people to look after me, what I'm more worried about is when I get home with the baby and me and dp have to learn to look after it. Having this whole little person that I'm responsible for scares me! I'm worried about not knowing why its crying - how to tell if it hungry, tired, colic, needs winding or is ill. If I'll be able to breastfeed ok - I want to, but some people have scared me with stories of bleeding, blistered and cracked agonising nipples etc. Find getting to know this little person in me and how to look after it much more scary than the prospect of birth, especially as I'll be recovering from the birth at the time! Does anyone else feel like this, and how did those of you who are already mums find those first few weeks?

Ooh yes, there comes a point soon after the birth when you and dh/dp are sitting at home alone, holding a tiny baby, looking at each other thinking "oh my god! we're someone's parents!" Arrgghhhh! But you cope. You try everything on the list until something works The first few weeks are a bit surreal but lovely.

You don't get told the real truth about breastfeeding though. It hurts and it's not immediately natural to either you or the baby. You both have to learn and the support that you get is essential. Ds wasn't latching on properly that first week so although he was getting the milk, he was cutting my nipples to shreds. Luckily my midwife spotted it and physically manhandled him into latching on properly. It still hurt a bit for every feed for about 2 months but after that the pain disappeared and it was just like the adverts - a total bonding experience Overall I'd say it was worth it and I am going to try to bf again this time.

LittleB - it is bewildering when you first get home, but your body is a wonderful thing. I had this kind of "what a big world" feeling for the first few days. When we first took ds out in the pushchair I felt like we had a huge neon sign above our heads saying "new parents" - I felt really conspicuous, like you do in the "going to school naked" dreams! I have always thought of newborns as very fragile, but ds never felt fragile to us - which made looking after him much easier. Any baby that has been through a brith canal cannot possibly be fragile!

You get a midwife visit every day for 10 days. Our entire day revolved around those visits. Seriously, we both knew how sad it was, but it really was the highlight of our day. We would have a huge list of questions. And they were wonderful.

I met with boss and told her that I would like to continue sick leave until the ADs kick in (picked them up this morning, will start taking them tomorrow) and then go back to work, but I gave her the option of me not coming back until after the baby. She went for that because then everyone knows where they stand and I'm not messing them about. I thought she'd go for that one. It's what the GP, Psych, and Occupational Health Doctor all said would be better - only I thought that I wanted to go back to work. So I guess I've been outnumbered. So last maternity leave I started at 37 weeks, this one I started at 26 weeks! Hopefully it will work in that I'll feel better.

Sorry, I wasn't quite clear at the beginning there - our bodies are wonderful because they kind of give you this really narrow focus for the first few days and you really can't believe that any world exists beyond your baby!

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I remember my biggest fear when dd was very young (I went back to work less than a month after the birth because I couldn't aford not to financially), but I always feared that I would either forget her at home and go to work or I would get to work, and realise I forgot to drop her off at the childminder. Neither of those things ever happened.

I think it all just comes naturally (with the assistance of a bunch of books and the internet). But, I never had a panic moment of truly not knowing what to do. I think DH did though. When she was 2 days old in hospital she was lying on the bed and suddenly started crying, and DH loked at me and said, "She's crying..." Followed by a blank look as if to say "do something!" I just said, "Yeah, I know. Babies do that."

Oh and I'm definitely scared of having a newborn sleep in my bed with me. I could roll over in my sleep and suffocate them. or they could wiggle down in the sheets. I am an amazingly deep sleeper and if anyone could do this I could. Incidentally this apparently happened at Epsom General about a year or so ago. A woman had a really long labour, and then they placed the baby in the bed with her. She was so exhausted she rolled over onto the baby, and it died. There was otherwise nothing wrong with the baby. My birth plan will say no sking to skin unless I am awake.

That's really awful story, Uwila I only spent one night in hospital with ds but the midwife tucked him up in the narrow bed with me for the night and we both slept fine. I was a bit surprised that she did that tbh but I didn't comment. I am a very light sleeper though...

As you may have guesses Epsom General has changed their policy and they no longer put babies in the bed with mums. I had DD there, and they put her in with my after failed induction turned emergency c-section. It was a L O N G night and sometimes I think Oh jeez, lucky that didn't happen to us.

Also, a friend of mine who had a baby at Epsom General (caesarean) said that the midwives would help her put the baby into the bed, but they wouldn't help her put it back.

Anyway, we should talk about happier things.

I'm debating whether or not to get a new matress for the cot that DD used for DS to use. The only reson for doing this is fear of it contributing to cot death (of which there is no family history). Is any one else doing this? Or are you just using the matress that the older sybling used? This is obviously a question for second timers.

it was a LONG time Uwila and I suppose things have moved on but I used the same mattress for all 3 who are still very healthy!

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We have bought a new mattress for the moses basket because we got the old one down from the loft last weekend and it was yellow and nasty. We are not buying a new mattress for the cot bed though because ds' old one is fine. The cover is machine washable and it's a really good spring mattress - the best that John Lewis had, thanks to my generous PILs.

We bought some tiny little nappies today...
Is anyone else getting really tired? By lunchtime I am worn out so we are buying all the baby stuff now.

Yes buying new cot mattress, yes to being tired. No to buying new moses basket mattress (cos it was only used a few times!)

Well, I am absolutely exhausted today Dh got all the baby stuff out of the loft and we've spent the day washing and disinfecting it. Did far too much really. Still, I've just spent a happy half hour folding little vests. Awww!

I've just been reading a thread about induction and waterbirths. I am dreading being induced. It's a distinct possibility because ds arrived just one day before I was due to go in. Does anyone here know which is the best method of induction to avoid being monitored and having an epidural?

Thanks for all the advice. Fisil, I hope the AD's help you feel better soon. Logic, I've just been through all my sisters baby clothes, she's had one of each, and we don't know what we're having, so I've got everything up to three months for the moment! I can't believe how tiny the little vests are, its made me so broody, I can't wait to have my baby now! I'm saving all the washing and sorting of them until I'm on maternity leave, I don't have anywhere to put them yet either as we haven't finished the nursery and got all the furniture yet. I'm shopping on Thursday to get bits for the nursery and some new baby clothes.
I went on an first aid course for children and babies on Saturday, I'd really recommend it, I feel I would now know what to do if anything happened, and it only took a morning. There was another pregnant couple there, and they were there as a friend of theirs had to resucitate their baby after it suddenly stopped breathing in the night, the baby is fine, but it makes you think how useful half a day of learning can be. I'm amazed they don't offer this first aid training on the NHS, when you think of all the other sessions we get offered! But it did only cost £15 anyway!

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no piles, I'm afraid myermay, but I have swollen and tight "lips" so I know where you're coming from with the pain down there!

logic, ds also got in there one day before the booked induction. But because my waters had broken and there was merconium (baby poo) in the waters, they had to get him out as quickly as possible, which meant being on a syntocin drip the whole time anyway - and having his heartbeat constantly mornitored. I actually saw it as an advantage as it meant they really sped up the delivery so the whole thing was much quicker than a first baby might have been. OK so I couldn't move about much, but I would only have done that in order to help the baby come out quicker - and in fact he came out much quicker than if I'd been wandering around and swivelling my hips! I am also a little scared of being induced this time, but I can't really think why!

The reason that I'm worried about induction is because the hospital that I'm going to will want to induce at 11 days over. The midwife warned me that I am likely to have a late baby again. I don't mind in theory because I know how desperate I will be to have the baby at that point but I remember from last time that lying down on the bed made the contractions 10 times more painful than walking around. I have to be upright for the first stage. If I have to stay in a bed then I will almost certainly ask for an epidural. I would really like a waterbirth too and inducing would reduce my chances of that to almost zero I expect

LittleB, I totally agree about the first aid course. I did a 4 day Red Cross First Aid at work course 3.5 years ago and after ds was born we had a 2 hour First aid for babies class. The techniques were slightly different but not much I found. Really useful though.

Sorry, myermay, I don't really know much about it but it's supposed to be really common so no point in being embarrassed.