August 2021 Babies - Final evictions and the fourth trimester

[BertieBotts]

Time for a new thread! :)

29 gorgeous new babies have joined us already, welcome to the world 💖💙🥳

@Smurf123 - Welcome to the world, baby Sophia 💖
@wimbler - Welcome to the world, baby boy 💙
@Jessicapebbles - Welcome to the world, baby Ebony💖
@Inmypjsagain - Welcome to the world, baby boy💙
@PurplePansy05 - Welcome to the world, baby Leo Alexander 💙
@WinterBabyof89 - Welcome to the world, baby Rosie 💖
@Winecoffeeteamum - Welcome to the world, baby Emily 💖
@Ready2020 - Welcome to the world, baby Rowan 💖
@Magik01 - Welcome to the world, baby Isaac 💙
@Hoares3 - Welcome to the world, baby Ellis 💙
@Daffodil21 - Welcome to the world, baby Elliot James 💙
@sarah13xx - Welcome to the world, baby Freddie 💙
@MrsB2019x - Welcome to the world, baby Ella💖
@Biscuitcat - Welcome to the world, baby Rowan 💙
@Whatshouldbemyusername - Welcome to the world, baby Arya-Nyah 💖
@notinthestarsigns - Welcome to the world, baby Erin 💖
@Aaaaa1519 - Welcome to the world, baby Anum 💖
@Angelesque - Welcome to the world, baby Isaac 💙
@Millymay13 - Welcome to the world, baby Ethan Benjamin 💙
@WolfMother326 - Welcome to the world, baby Alasdair William 💙
@BertieBotts - Welcome to the world, baby Alexander 💙
@RandomCatGenerator - Welcome to the world, baby Solomon 💙
@lucyrp - Welcome to the world, baby Evelyn Rose 💖
@HopefulB - Welcome to the world, baby Chloé 💖
@Mmr224 - Welcome to the world, baby Alasdair 💙
@Smallbean27 - Welcome to the world, baby boy 💙
@Fran919 - Welcome to the world, baby girl 💖
@Caz1226 - Welcome to the world, baby Dougie 💙
@Ava50x - Welcome to the world, baby boy 💙
@dirtyfries - Welcome to the world, baby Frankie! 💖

Counting down until till they welcome their munchkins:

@Dia12 - EDD 8 August, Girl 💖
@livingwithbees - EDD 16 August, surprise 💛
@Sheisfee - EDD 19 August, Girl 💖
@Alittlexmasmagic - EDD 22 August, surprise 💛
@LottSE20 - EDD 22 August, surprise 💛
@ame88 - EDD 28 August, Girl 💖

@Smallbean27 a nasal aspirator?? or snot sucker 😂

Hi @Smallbean27 - same here with my 23 day old, she's full of cold!
We're using saline drops at each nappy change (with her head tilted back), then using an electric nasal aspirator about 30 minutes later. It's satisfying for me and she doesn't fight it despite it being very loud so must be satisfying for her too!

Apart from that, just lots of cuddles and feeding on demand

GP said only to worry if nappy output decreases or she's refusing to feed. They also said we could give her the lowest dose of calpol despite it usually being for 2 months+ (she had a temp of 37.8)

@Magik01 yes! My back and shoulders have been sore from day 1, think I’m automatically hunching over all the time but he must be near 11lb now and I have to put a pillow under my arm to prop it up or I can’t hold him for long 😅

@Smallbean27 the nose gross is great and not nearly as gross as it sounds! A humidifier might help too. Just looked up all the usual stuff we use for dd and it’s mostly 3 month plus which isn’t helpful to you! You could tilt the head of the bed slightly which might help?

@Ready2020 that’s a shame your mum isn’t more use 🙈 I would definitely feel uncomfortable leaving him with his mum as she’s only met him twice I think whereas my mum is at our house a lot more and always has been so it’s not like she comes now to see the baby, she’s just there! I think I’m more comfortable with her because I can be borderline rude with what I say to her and warn her under no circumstances to do certain things whereas I couldn’t say that to his mum and he doesn’t have that sort of relationship with his mum either 🙈

I love this thread. Some really great advice. @PurplePansy05 that is such good advice on writing and remembering self affirmations and @BertieBotts you’re so right about comparing this to a friendship or relationship rather than a job.

You guys ❤️

On sleep and help - we’ve bitten the bullet and hired a night nanny to come one night a week so DH and I both get one uninterrupted night. I know I am incredibly privileged to be able to do this - she was used by a good friend here and given I have no family here to help they encouraged us to give it a go. They employed her for their two children for five years from birth.

I am so glad but also quite nervous. And am not telling anyone in real life as I feel I would be judged. But if it works out I’m looking forward to a break to allow me to be more present and awake and therefore a better parent to the baby.

@RandomCatGenerator I had no idea it was a thing! I'm totally going to Google it. How do it feel about a stranger in the house at night? I take it yours is bottle fed? How does it work?

@sarah13xx yeah my mum tapped out as a mum when we all hit 18. She's been trying to make up for it since she moved back to Scotland a few years after my dad died but its not easy. As the youngest of 3 daughters I felt the most abandoned tbh. Plus we just don't get on lol.

Can I ask method's you all do for getting babies to sleep?

@Ready2020 lots of rocking, swaddle once he’s almost asleep, Ewan the dream sheep on, keep the room dark and quiet (red light on to be as undisruptive as possible). Dummy on standby for if he’s grizzly.

When he is very awake or is crying, into the Baby Bjorn, walk around for a bit and he’s usually asleep in five minutes. Then follow the above.

If all else fails, hold him skin to skin on me until he falls asleep which can take a long time!

@Ready2020 I think it’s quite American. I read articles around it in the first few weeks when I was going mad with lack of sleep. She doesn’t feel like a stranger because we’ve met her a number of times as the ayah (nanny) to our friends kids - she only did nights for them when the kids were very small, then became a daytime ayah, so was often around at their house. Before them, she worked for a colleague of ours. So I’m not worried about her being in my house - she comes well vetted and well connected! I do feel guilty however about not being there for my baby when he cries :( I know I need to delegate and focus on being a good mother when I am with him and that means taking a break sometimes. But yes lots and lots of guilt.

Yes he’s bottle fed - formula and expressed breast milk. She will sleep in the spare room with him in his crib and comfort or feed or change him as needed. I understand some night nurses do household chores at night instead of sleeping but that feels very antisocial!

DH is back at work too I should say.

@RandomCatGenerator that's amazing - Enjoy! And don't feel bad about it or like you should be judged at all! I'm sure most people would hire one if they could 😂

Thanks @lucyrp good to know - he takes it fine cold, which is good for the middle of the night!

Thanks everyone! I have got a snot sucker now 🤣 will give it a try tonight and hope it helps.

Feed to sleep here.

What about the calpol plug ins are they allowed for babies this young? I have used Snuffle Babe before, that's like Vicks but less strong for babies.

Definitely don't feel guilty!! You have to do what keeps you sane. He won't feel abandoned as someone is there with him.

@Ready2020 To get DS2 to sleep primarily I feed him. Otherwise being in the carrier tends to put him to sleep, or cuddles on me/being rocked. Have you got a carrier? Depending on what kind of me time you'd like to have, it can be a way of getting some time to yourself. (I know it's not the same as they are still strapped to you.) DS2 is always very happy in the carrier so I've been able to do some of my hobbies that way. It gets better though, once they start being interested in the world around them and gradually increasing their attention span then you can have longer periods where they're happy to stare at a mobile or baby gym. Once we're past the fourth trimester things improve a lot! Until then take all the help you can get, and see people as much as possible -- it's very easy to feel isolated with a new baby. Looking after yourself is vital. I'm always a much better parent when my needs are met. But I'm just repeating what other people have already said better, I second @PurplePansy05 and @BertieBotts has some great suggestions around sleep.

The Calpol plug ins are for past 2 or 3 months old I think, I remember I bought one when I was pregnant and couldn't use it in pregnancy & it said suitable for babies past 2 or 3 mo, I can't quite remember.

I'd love a day nanny for a day if one existed, I'd rest and achieve soooo much 🤣 I'd lend my boob to her if I could, lol!

@RandomCatGenerator People really shouldn't judge you!

Has anyone experienced diastasis recti? I've been looking up my weak core symptoms and now I wonder if this is what I've got. My belly looks a bit bigger on the right hand side and I definitely feel my core doesn't hold me up, it pulls me down on the right side. I've been trying to check if I have a gap between my abs but I don't think I'm doing this right What does it actually feel like? xx

@PurplePansy05 I don't know much about DR, but I do think there's something not quite right. I had my section a few days/a week or so after you and I can't relate to anything you say about core muscles. Definitely something to investigate x

@PurplePansy05**@PurplePansy05 yes I have it. I had about a 2 finger separation after my first which did reduce to about 1 fingers width and during pregnancy this time around it went back To around 2 fingers again possibly more. It’s natural, everyone gets it to some extent. I’ve got a physio appt on Friday so will report back as she will check it for me.

@Ready2020 we are lucky as ds has been able to settle himself if he’s not overtired. We use wake windows and don’t let him go more than 2 hours absolute max before we swaddle, whack the white noise on very loud and leave him to it. It works maybe 75% of the time. His naps have been getting shorter though which is frustrating. If he’s overtired, it’s just a case of trying everything we have in the Arsenal until something works. Tonight he finally went down after being awake for 4 hours. By that time it was pitch dark so we put the red light on, fed him, rocked him, gave the dummy and eventually he was so Tired he conked out. Worth saying rarely does rocking work for him

Otherwise a drive, the sling or buggy work for us.

Thinking about it we don’t do anything to sleep, he just falls asleep, if he’s fighting I’ll give him a cuddle but he sleeps on me/cot/pram etc fine. If he’s being fussy I’ll rock him in my arms.

@RandomCatGenerator this sounds like a great idea, friends of ours used a night nanny for several weeks and we had her details and I was all ready to use her, but we got pretty lucky with sleep but should that change I’ll call her. Think how great a full night’s sleep will be!!!

@PurplePansy05 it might be worth you doing a mummy MOT, they’ll look at that and pelvic floor. My stomach definitely goes out more but I think that’s okay weight gain!

I am not looking forward to baby’s first cold, snot sucker! Ugh 😂

Just weight gain, not okay. I’m sure that was an autocorrect!

@Ready2020 oh no, that’s sad 😔 at least you still see her now but can’t be easy having that kind of relationship with her at all!

At night I just put him down to sleep with Ewan the dream sheep on and he grunts and makes noises for a while but generally doesn’t cry and just goes to sleep. It also seems to put him back to sleep if he wakes during the night. The first time we put him down for the night seems to be the one that can be a hit or miss, the rest it’s literally guaranteed that he’ll just go off to sleep by himself. There doesn’t even seem to be a set time that itl work for the first time to put him down. We do all the same things but I try to feed him in the hope he’ll fall asleep or put him down when he’s very sleepy looking. I really want to try to keep putting him down awake so he doesn’t get into the habit of being held til he sleeps but sometimes there’s no alternative 🤦🏼‍♀️

During the day I really need a better system of getting him to sleep. His Ewan the dream sheep stays upstairs on the snuzpod so I feel like I need a smaller white noise machine for his moses basket. He cried most of the way round our walk yesterday and I ended up resorting to putting white noise on Spotify and putting my phone in the pram with him so I could be doing with one in those situations. Just need a better system during the day where he doesn’t stay awake for hours on end then cry and refuse to nap

So annoyed with DH right now!! He’s brought baby upstairs at about 11pm which is fine as he has work tomorrow and that’s what we have been doing. Isaac is being grizzly and is wide awake, doing lots of moans etc.

I’ve said since day one he should sleep downstairs on the sofa every now and again to get a proper nights sleep as we don’t have a spare room with a bed in. The sofa is big though so he wouldn’t be squashed (one or the reasons we brought it for downstairs sleeping once baby was here!) I always feel I have to tiptoe around at night as to not wake him which is difficult with a crying baby who doesn’t want to sleep, so him going downstairs would also help me as well not being so anxious to wake him at night.

I said if he doesn’t go downstairs then I will, but there is no where for unsupervised sleep for baby. He’s gone in a right strop, says he doesn’t want to sleep downstairs! Bloody hell, give me the option of sleeping downstairs for uninterrupted sleep and I’d bite your hand off! He eventually went, slamming doors on his way. I get he’s tired but Jesus. Not only that but when in bed it took me over a week to convince him to wear earplugs so he wasn’t woken up all the time, and now he’s saying he can’t hear his alarms with them in even though he manages to turn them all off when they are going off? But apparently he turns them off in his sleep? It’s really pissed me off as he says they will need to be louder which will obviously wake baby if he’s sleeping and will defo wake me as his alarms wake me regardless, which when I’m not getting much sleep anyway I think is rather selfish.

Urgh. Sorry for the rant.