August 2021 Babies - Final evictions and the fourth trimester

[BertieBotts]

Time for a new thread! :)

29 gorgeous new babies have joined us already, welcome to the world 💖💙🥳

@Smurf123 - Welcome to the world, baby Sophia 💖
@wimbler - Welcome to the world, baby boy 💙
@Jessicapebbles - Welcome to the world, baby Ebony💖
@Inmypjsagain - Welcome to the world, baby boy💙
@PurplePansy05 - Welcome to the world, baby Leo Alexander 💙
@WinterBabyof89 - Welcome to the world, baby Rosie 💖
@Winecoffeeteamum - Welcome to the world, baby Emily 💖
@Ready2020 - Welcome to the world, baby Rowan 💖
@Magik01 - Welcome to the world, baby Isaac 💙
@Hoares3 - Welcome to the world, baby Ellis 💙
@Daffodil21 - Welcome to the world, baby Elliot James 💙
@sarah13xx - Welcome to the world, baby Freddie 💙
@MrsB2019x - Welcome to the world, baby Ella💖
@Biscuitcat - Welcome to the world, baby Rowan 💙
@Whatshouldbemyusername - Welcome to the world, baby Arya-Nyah 💖
@notinthestarsigns - Welcome to the world, baby Erin 💖
@Aaaaa1519 - Welcome to the world, baby Anum 💖
@Angelesque - Welcome to the world, baby Isaac 💙
@Millymay13 - Welcome to the world, baby Ethan Benjamin 💙
@WolfMother326 - Welcome to the world, baby Alasdair William 💙
@BertieBotts - Welcome to the world, baby Alexander 💙
@RandomCatGenerator - Welcome to the world, baby Solomon 💙
@lucyrp - Welcome to the world, baby Evelyn Rose 💖
@HopefulB - Welcome to the world, baby Chloé 💖
@Mmr224 - Welcome to the world, baby Alasdair 💙
@Smallbean27 - Welcome to the world, baby boy 💙
@Fran919 - Welcome to the world, baby girl 💖
@Caz1226 - Welcome to the world, baby Dougie 💙
@Ava50x - Welcome to the world, baby boy 💙
@dirtyfries - Welcome to the world, baby Frankie! 💖

Counting down until till they welcome their munchkins:

@Dia12 - EDD 8 August, Girl 💖
@livingwithbees - EDD 16 August, surprise 💛
@Sheisfee - EDD 19 August, Girl 💖
@Alittlexmasmagic - EDD 22 August, surprise 💛
@LottSE20 - EDD 22 August, surprise 💛
@ame88 - EDD 28 August, Girl 💖

@Inmypjsagain yes we are using a dummy. Absolute magic when he has the gas strains and wants something to distract himself / strain against. He can sleep without it, we don’t use it every day / night, but it is something he is beginning to cry for which I’m a bit worried about. Still, if it helps him get through the gas and is better for his teeth than his thumb, I’m willing to accept that. Sometimes he’s otherwise inconsolable and the dummy helps.

We use the MAM dummy that came with the bottle starter kit. I don’t love the bottles tbh.

If I may make a recommendation: we’re getting enormous use out of a Baby Bjorn front carrier we were given. I think it’s quite an old model as we were given it second hand by a fellow expat who is leaving the country, but it is absolutely amazing. I imagine they’d be well worth the money. We use it several times a day. The baby seems totally comfortable, falls asleep within minutes most of the time.

@Ready2020 i think we all feel that way at some point! But unlike a job, babies are constantly changing, and aren’t rational. And can’t explain what’s wrong, and only have one method of communication which is the same whether they’re mildly distressed or in serious pain. Same as others, I suggest comparing isn’t useful.

I’m sorry you’re having such a shit time - this was me a few nights ago. You are not shit at this xx

Advice I read and liked from the Lucy Atkins ‘week by week’ book for when they’re crying and crying and nothing seems to work is to change their position every few minutes - over the shoulder, cradled by boob, held out front etc. It can work as a distraction - for you as much as the baby - and help you get through it.

@RandomCatGenerator tbh I just left DH to set it up so no idea if a cleaning cycle was done or not. I didn't even think to ask him. Even if it was I doubt it would have cleaned all that through though. It's entirely our fault for not checking it, of course.

We took the back off after seeing it online. It all looked ok but we started taking bits off it and could see a bit of grime around the joints. Obviously decided not to use it at that point and just took the whole thing apart.

@Ready2020 sorry you are having a tough time, it is nothing you are doing just baby being baby! We have ahead days like that too. Dd is 7 weeks now but for the last couple of weeks she has stopped pooping every day can be every 2nd or occasionally 3rd day. She hasn't had any formula yet . I asked hv last week about it and she said it's normal at this stage especially for bf babies. She said that with bf it's full of nutrients so it causes less waste products to be produced and that as long as when she does poop it isn't pellet like it's totally fine to go a few days.
With my ds he regularly (almost daily!) had days like your describing. There were days I literally put him in the pram stuck headphones in and was walking the streets at midnight. Sometimes it got him to sleep other times it just made the crying ease.
It doesn't last forever it does ease!

Thanks everyone. I think I just didn't appreciate how hard having a baby was going to be and I slightly resent that I've no time for myself. I also didn't appreciate how my anxious nature would make this so much harder. I'm doing it to myself I know. I create the anxiety. I need to go with the flow more.

How interesting, thanks for this @Smurf123. DS still poops daily, but it's definitely less than before, sometimes it's just a wet nappy and a shart. We're down to one big poo per day atm, he's 6 weeks old.

@Ready2020 If I can suggest something, try to think and speak about this in a positive way - for example, 'I'm an anxious person, but I am doing my best dealing with the situation, it's a challenging time for every new mum, for me in particular, but I'm going through it every day and this deserves a cheer'. Thing is, this is completely true, but it's easy to forget this and be drawn into this negative spiral of thoughts and think & speak of yourself in a way which isn't self-affirming. Now, I'm not hugely zen, but I really find giving myself a mental hug and looking at all the great things I do as a mum every day really helps. There are some I suck at, too, but really, it's not worth our time to focus on that, we need to use our limited energy wisely.

Regarding lack of time to yourself, I would be surprised if there's anyone on this forum that finds this easy! Could you arrange to go out regularly on your own and catch up with your mum/girlfriends? Let your OH take over. This would give you a bit of a breather and a routine, something to look forward to when it gets tough? xx

@PurplePansy05 yeah I know what you mean and I get a bit of a lower back ache and my posture goes by the end of the walk. I’d say I had quite a strong core before as well, my body fat was low enough to see abs so I think I was a naive as I thought I’d be better now if that makes sense? Did your hospital advise of core exercises post c section? We were told pelvic tilts and leg slides from 8 weeks and cat stretch from 6 weeks, very gentle and they’re good for pelvic floor too.

@Ready2020 the time to yourself point I really empathise with, I actually didn’t realise how long my morning and night time routine was pre baby! And I so enjoy my daily shower these days and I make it last a bit longer now- especially at the start I was just jumping in and out. Definitely get OH on duty, I bought myself some lovely aromatherapy associates shower oils, some Byredo bodywash so showers are treat. Making sure I make time for weekly hair and face mask. I’m getting hands and feet done every 2 weeks and I’m already booked in- this is all stuff I didn’t do pre baby but I’m using as me time. It helps as well because I feel like an alien in my body as it’s so different to pre baby so this pampering is really helping! When my friends have come to visit baby we go for lunch without husband and baby as well, can you do something similar? Having some alone time could do you good!

@RandomCatGenerator second your carrier comment, we have the baby bjorn mini and it’s great and baby loves it. I’m looking forward to wearing it when I’m allowed post c section!

Re alone time I go to get my lashes done every 2-3 weeks but OH comes with me and waits with DD and my nails every 4-5 but DD comes with me there too, but the thought of being on my own leaving the house without DD gives me anxiety. I think because I had trouble forming a bond with DS when he was older I daren't leave DD in fear of her not needing or wanting me.

@lucyrp I’ve only left him when I’ve been for my hair and brows. My mum watched him both times and it wasn’t for long. I felt okay about that since she was in my house and had been given strict instructions. I think I’ll really struggle having to let the in laws watch him at some point though or leaving him for longer. Feel like I just want him all to myself, no matter how hard it is having him with me 24/7 🙈

Oops, I love going out baby free, reminds me of the old normal and not whether I’ve packed up the pram with enough spares, if he’s gonna wake up for milk etc ! I try to coincide with naps but he’s only been left with my husband so far….

Sometimes I feel like a total alien when reading everyone's posts 🙈 I'm happy to leave him with DH, my in-laws, my mum and a friend I have in the town 😳 I haven't actually left him with my friend in the town yet but when we meet for walks and coffee she quite often takes him so I can enjoy mine in peace. It really does make a big difference. She just watched him while I did a quick 20 min chore catch up which really helps. I wouldn't leave him with just anyone but my short list is a massive help. even though my mum and the in-laws live 600 miles away, when visiting my mum did the early morning feeds and I had a lay in. I stayed home while DH and the in-laws took him out for lunch and had a nap instead. It was lovely. I've also joined a monthly book club and I leave DS at home with my husband while I go, and sit and read my book while DS has a nap. Same with having my hair cut the other day - DS was left home with DH. I basically accept any help I'm offered! I figure I have him all day during the week, which is a lot, so if there's a few windows I get to myself, I do take them, and it also gives me something to look forward to. I feel all these things help keep me sane! But I also realise most of these, if not all are only possible because I'm not breast feeding. It must be so hard going if you're the only one who can do the feeds.

I'm planning on going for a drink with a friend this weekend too 😳 I'm not quite sure how I feel about that yet, but I am going to go.

I definitely got some smiles this morning which was lovely!!!

It's odd isn't it @sarah13xx As much as I want time alone I know I will make such a fuss having to leave her. I'm OK leaving her with OH as he knows her. But when his mum comes to visit in October he wants her to take her for an afternoon so we can go for cinema and lunch together. This sounds lovely but his mum has only met her once! She's very capable but I'll still be worried. My mum, despite living 10 minutes away, is useless. She's visited 5 times and no way would I leave Rowan with her. Its a shame as she's so close but I just couldn't do it.

@Inmypjsagain I'm actually getting my hair done on Friday which I'm looking forward to. I only moved to this town in June so don't have any close friends here. They are all in Edinburgh (1 hour by car). I have some tentative mum friends here but it's very early days. Plus I'm the sort to keep a small number of friends and enjoy my own company. I manage to get a daily shower as OH works from home. It's amazing! It's my 15 minutes of peace!

@PurplePansy05 you're very right. I need to change my way of thinking. It's something that's been there for many years though and having a baby is bringing it out 10 fold.

Had a small win this morning by getting DD down to sleep by midday.

i feel like i'm over compensating for how i was with DS. DS was left with other people a lot and in turn i think it impacted our bond and didn't help towards his behaviour as he got older so i feel like i have to be attached to DD at all times for her to want and need me. DS seems to want everyone else apart from me and doesn't really need me either 🥴

@Fran919 sorry to butt in but have you checked that it's OK to use that water for formula? I remember reading Brita filtered water shouldn't be used but I don't know if reverse osmosis is the same.

@PurplePansy05 no! I seem to have had millions of blood tests - medical care is totally normal here except for reducing the number of extra people/visitors etc.

@lucyrp I would possibly feel differently if I wanted another baby as none of the ways of getting them out are particularly fun I suppose :o I just guess I feel a little bit cheated as you hear these tales of women who loved their natural birth or had some kind of endorphin high etc I've never had any of that. Absolutely agree though there is no need for anyone to make it some kind of virtue or that a natural birth is "better", WTF? Without the medical interventions we'd be in a terrible state, so extremely thankful that they are there and available should they be needed. My main wish would be that women feel well informed and not bullied into something or for things to feel out of their control. Of course emergencies happen, but there is usually time to explain and I feel this is very important.

Also I think I would definitely rather an ELCS than a vaginal birth turned EMCS, but you can't really predict that would happen. I know I was quite clear I didn't want a vaginal birth if it was knowingly going to be complicated, though!

@Ready2020 that happened to me with DS2, I went from 1cm to 6cm in an hour and then he was born in another hour. That was really intense. This time things were a bit more slow and steady, but so long, so I was pretty fed up by the end of it TBH. I know they wanted to break my waters at some point and I said no because I had heard it got more painful and I didn't think I could cope with any more.

Re bfing to sleep (totally not a bad habit in my book) and parenting in general, the internet can be a bit of a minefield for this because there are so many American websites, and they get no maternity leave, so the baby sleep industry over there is totally insane and there is a lot of misinformation which masquerades as fact as a result. If you want a good, evidence based and respectful resource about infant sleep I'm really enjoying Lyndsey Hookway's book Let's Talk about You New Family's sleep. I have it on kindle and read it on the phone app which is good - keeps me off google I also liked Elizabeth Pantley's no cry sleep solution for newborns which I read last time. And What Mothers Do is a brilliant book as well. There was a study a couple of years ago and apparently all the books they reviewed except this one just caused an increase in guilt and stress!

You say 5 weeks into a new job you'd be killing it but what about 5 weeks into a new relationship - you wouldn't feel pressure to perfectly know your new friend/boyfriend would you? Try to see it like that, it's a process, you are learning to communicate with each other and it takes time.

@Ready2020 I could have written your post a few nights ago. I think our babies are days apart, DS is 5 weeks 4 days now. He would cry and cry, cry into the boob and not latching. Or if he did latch he would just shake his head constantly moaning.

According to my the wonder weeks app his first leap started yesterday but I suspect it started a few days early. I would recommend it if anyone wanted to have a look at it.

Isaac doesn’t want to sleep at all today, I need a shower and do some washing so just sleep please child!

I'm comfortable leaving DS with DH and I probably wouldn't mind wuth friends who have had children of their own in few weeks' time. However, with BF that's of course limited in any event.

@lucyrp I'm sorry you're feeling this way. I am sure your DS loves and needs you a lot, but perhaps he's showing this in his own way? He might also be more independent. I'm sure this isn't your doing though and you shouldn't feel like you need to go above and beyond with DD now .

I really think taking a break from baby when I can makes me a better mum, especially if he has a horrid day/few days. We're mothers, human beings, not martyrs. It's not a sin to take a break. xx

Also does anyone else’s arm feel like it’s going to drop off now the babies are getting heavier?! Feel like he’s getting a right chonky boy 😂

@Magik01 not arm but my back is killing!!

It was so different with DS2, I left him happily several times before he was a couple of months old but DS3 I feel very tied to him in terms of BF. I am not worried about that, I know it will get easier as he gets older.

Tried to pump a bit today. Got about 25ml out on one side but I tried to do the other boob while he was feeding and it was totally useless as kept losing suction on the flange. I think it is the wrong size. Anyway, anyone else find this with a hand pump and have you used the Haakaa and find it better? I'm considering getting one but I want it to be hands free and not fall off. Is that a reasonable expectation?

@Magik01 oh my goodness yes! Rowan is nearly 6kg and he's definitely getting harder to carry now, I can't imagine what it'll be like when he's really big!

I've not really been apart from him yet apart from the odd whiz round the supermarket, but would be happy leaving him with DH, either of our mums or my sister, it just hasn't really come up yet. But apart from one bottle overnight, he's breastfed which does limit how long I can be away anyway

I think he might have caught a touch of covid from one of us, yesterday he was so grouchy bless him, just not a happy camper. He seems better today so hopefully he's over the worst - so glad I had the vaccine when I was pregnant!

@BertieBotts I do exact this with the Haakaa and have done from the start. For me this is the only way to collect milk during a bf session. An electric pump only works for me if I pump with full breasts, which rarely happens atm as he drinks the boobs dry (so it feels 🤣).

My arms and wrists are achey now too, I have no idea how I'm going to bf him when he gets really heavy 😳 xx

My LO has a cold at 19days old, it's so hard to hear him all snotty!
He is struggling to sleep for long periods as he just wakes himself up drowning in snot. We have saline drops/spray, any other ideas to help?

I've got another stupid question...

If using pre-made formula, is there any reason you can't give it to them straight out of the fridge?

@Smallbean27 have you got a snot sucker thing?

Like this:

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Nosefrida-Nasal-Aspirator/dp/B00171WXII/ref=mpssa119?crid=8W5Z7OS78LA4&dchild=1&keywords=snot+sucker+newborn&qid=1631633762&sprefix=snot+s&sr=8-9

@Daffodil21 i don't think so? i've always given it straight out of the fridge or straight from the bottle