Due April 2008 - new thread for November

[EllieG]

Hello all - new thread here!

Depending on the crib, 3 - 6 momths (ours is 6). We ogt ours in asale in babies R Us for £40 plus a tenner for mattress, you may well find its possible to get even cheaper after christmas in the New Year sales.

Redmonster, I am also jeans obsessed!

Thanks Peachy. I'll definitely try.

While you're here, can I ask you something else? (you don't have to reply...)
I'm ridiculously scared about having two children - (how crazy is that?). There are mums here with lots more, or younger ones, but I just can't get my head round how I will cope.
You've got three, and I think that two have SNs - aren't you scared about having a fourth? I am so amazed by you - how do you manage, and seem so calm?
Normally I'm totally on top of everything, but this is different somehow. And of course, thinking I will crumble if I have two 'normal' children, what if the second dc needs more care and love than I can give?
Is anyone else worried - or am I just getting increasingly bonkers ?

Oh god sagitta, I am so pleased I am not the only one.

When I got pregnant with my ds my wonderful partner at the time very quickly upped and left us! This meant, despite fantastic suport from my family, I got to do the whole preg and newborn thing with ds on my own. Despite it being tough I really cherished it and loved the fact he was mine and I savoured every moment of him growing thinking I had done it on my own. Sounds really selfish I know and wouldn't admit in rl

I met my dh when ds was only 6 months old and he is a fantastic father to him and i know he will be to our baby too when it arrives. The only thing that worries me is I'm starting to worry if i will love this one as much as i am sharng it all with someone else and it is just so different. PLEASE don't get me wrong, I desperately want this baby and when we had the mcs earlier this year i was devestated. I am just so worried I will not love this one in the same way I love my ds. I know that sounds awful and i'm a terrible person for thinking it but already i worry how i will share my time and love with them both...

Also i want to bf and remember from last time that i had a child constantly on my breast for 3 months so i worry that ds will be left out.

Sorry for the ramble... sagitta your post just made everything come spilling out hopefully we are just worrying over nothing and plenty of people have ots of children who all seem equally loved. Hopefully its just pregnancy and sickness making me all emotional!

christ look at all those spelling mistakes, i do apologise!

Me too sagitta - I have a DSD who I am adopting next year when her Dad and me get married and am SOOOO worried I will love the baby more than her or just not have enough to give to two children and end up being a rubbish Mummy. But I think these fears are normal (from what other people have said) and seem to work themselves out when the babies come along, so I am trying not to focus too much on them. I am sure you will be great for both your DC

Ooh, so glad there's more madness coming out now. Thanks EllieG - presumably it will be a different love for your two... but both types of love are equally valid, I imagine. And presumably DSD has a real character already, where dc will be just a baby, so you'll grow to love them in different ways...(but what do I know )
I'm so impressed by you, paranoidmummy - I'd be so proud too if I had bought up a child alone. I can't see anything to be ashamed about in that. Maybe you need to give that special love to make up for a lack of father?
I'm not so worried about not loving the second one - I think you can't help yourself - just more that i'll be a really shit mum to two children, rather than a merely adequate mum to one. Or that I'll just fall apart at the seams. We'll see...

Oh dear, Peachy's gone. Hope I haven't offended you

You all sound like you are great mums already.

Does anyone else live in a city and not have a car? What are you planning to do for getting around? I was just thinking there is probably no point in buying an expensive travel system when I'll be on tubes/buses most of the time, so will probably go with Lemonaid's sling/light pushchair suggestion. The only time I'll need a carseat is in Dublin or getting from the hospital, guess I could just buy an inexpensive one.

I'm having my thrid this time, and have no problems going round in my head whatsoever, but I was single mum with DD for a year or so, as exdp was in prison (a life I'm glad I'm out of) I then spilt up with him when DS was 7months old, and was a single mum for almost a year before I met DP who has wonderfully takne on my two, as I know I can do it alone if need be it doesnt seem to be worrying me about doing it together.
BF, I BF DS whe I had a 4yo DD and I had no problems there, just made sure I could include both as much as possible, I'll wait til these ones are born before I start on my 'how t avoid jealousy' tips
Beds, We are having a co=sleeper for this one, because I plan to BF and know from experience that it's easier co-sleeping, BUT DP is slightly worried about it still, so a co-sleeper (can get them from mothercare called bedside cot) givces us space in bed, but the ability to get the benefits from co-sleeping.
I had a swinging crib with both of mine, and a moses basket and a cot, I found it a total waste of money! I would expect DP's parents will get a crib/moses basket, for baby to go to theirs in, but I'm not bothered.
I'm not even sure I'm going to get a baby chair this time, as my two spent most of their time on the floor, on playmats or blankets, or on a lap of some description.

smcg, I dotn drive, so will be mainly slinging it (not like rocks ) and have my loola for when we are out and about together, I have a carseat for DS that he is nearly too big for so baby can have that.

bless you sagitta, I'm sure you haven't offended anybody.
I know what you mean about just not having the time for 2 children, that is a fear of mine too. Saying that, if anybody had told me a year before i'd got pregnant with ds that i would have time for anybody but myself i'd have laughed at them! I used to never understand how anybody had time for children but i suppose when it happens you just make the time etc. I really think (and hope!) it will all fall ino place for all of us

Also i just keep thinking i won't be working - bliss!!! so surely that will give me loads of free time i never knew i had... she says that now, remind me of that when dc2 arrives!!!

sorry vs, crossed posts. That co-sleeper sounds fab!!! I'm going to look at it I think. DS didn't leave my bed for firdt 7 months so i suppose i best prepare for it happening again!!!

Can I also say, when you have your second, everything is much easier, you're more confident with what you're doing, and the older they get the less time you have to spend on eitehr because they entertain themselves, togther, my two have the most wonderful relationship, at almost 3 and 7 they are best friends, rarely argue and DD teaches DS all the things she thinks he should know, whilst he is quite happy to sit an dlisten to her, or be forced to play doll for the millionth time that day. So now I actually have more free time than I did before Ds was here!

they sound cute vs!

However,if my next one gets on with ds anything like i got on with my sister as a child then i am in for a rocky ride! I remember countless occasions of stair pushing, kicking, trapping fingers in doors. Oh dear my poor parents

What is the age difference between you and your sister?? I am sure that the fact mine are opposite sex, very different inpersonality and have 4years between them are as important factors as my wonderful upbringing

Very normal to worry about how you will manage to love and pay attention to two children, I think. I have faith that all of these other mothers have had similar worries and managed fine, so it will probably just work out.

I want to get an Amby hammock this time rather than a Moses basket. We had DS in a Moses basket but because of his whooping cough had to keep the head end elevated, so would often be awakened by a squawk as he slipped down to have his legs hanging out of the end -- also as a big baby (and I'm guessing this one will be big too) he didn't fit into it for long. I have heard good things about the Amby. We may wind up semi-cosleeping again but like Peachy I'm not sure how safe DS (who sometimes comes into bed with us for a few hours in the morning) would be in bed with a newborn. Could get a cosleeper, but we have a slightly odd bed and so I don't think it would work.

We do have a car but as DS hated going anywhere in it we only used it if we really had to and most of my travelling for the first few months was with a sling on public transport. That worked out fine, and as almost all my friends with babies had horror stories of not being allowed on buses with their buggies I wasn't tempted to try .

Sagitta, when you have another baby, you don't have to split the love, you multiply the love by two! I know that when I was pg with ds2 I wondered how my relationship with ds1 would change or whether I could split my time between the two properly but it wasn't half as bad as I thought.
Obviously things will be different but by the time you have your second, you have to realise how much you have learned since having your first. Ds2 was a very easy-going baby because unlike poor ds1, his Mammy was no longer a numpty when it came to babies. I was much more chilled out, able to give back-chat to the very young nurse in the hospital who was lecturing me for bfing ds2 with a cup of tea in my hand.
I didn't feel the need to pick ds2 up every time he gave a little whimper, didn't feel the need to turn the baby monitor up so loud that you could hear every breath he took, didn't feel the need to sterilise everything he came into contact with and didn't feel the need to change his babygro every time he got a speck on it! You'd be amazed how much time all the PFB stuff takes up!
Also, this will be a sibling for your toddler as well as a new child for you. It's fabulous to watch their relationship grow and develop and know that they'll always be there for each other even though other friends will come and go.

lol vs, i think you are being too modest, I reckon your mothering skills are the only thing that has done it. I think you should be very proud of yourself!

3 years between me and my sister. But she was the child from hell. It was wel known in my family!! Luckily my mum and dad had me tho...

i get on with her really well now tho... poor girl, its her 21st birthday today and i've just been slagging her off!!!

Trouble is I didn't do the mad sterilizing / excessive changing stuff first time round, so whatever will I do with this one if I get more relaxed...?

Mind you, with the whooping cough he was generally projectile vomiting several times a day so there were plenty of complete changes of DS + me + the bedsheets or cushion covers going on regardless of levels of PFB paranoia, I suppose (I swear more came out of him than ever went in...). And at least I won't be dealing with that again, unless very unlucky.

What a lovely message, chipmonkey. Thanks!

How much sterilising is mad? I only did breastpump and bottles last time - do I have to do that again or is that PFB stuff? Can we get away without sterilising anything?
I have to admit, like Lemonaid, I was quite lazy relaxed last time, and had a really easy baby. Maybe that's why I'm worried this one will be a toughie...

lemonaid, I've just googled the Amby and it looks great. I don't see until what age they can sleep in it though, do you know?

I was having those feelings too, feel a lot better now after reading all your posts chipmonkey - you´re right about all the stuff we´ve learnt I know there´ll be stuff I´ll be doing completely differently

Guess what - just found out that another member of staff is pregnant ... that´s 5 of us now all going off round about the same time. The Headmaster must be really impressed with us all