August 2021 - Heading into the second trimester

[BertieBotts]

Old thread was about to fill up again

I will try to get to the car seat/pram Qs in a bit...

@wimbler - EDD 29 July, having a surprise! 💛
@Champson - EDD 22 August (but really June/July), TBC 💛💛💛
@Jessicapebbles - EDD 5 August (but having C-section at 39 weeks, so really July) 💛
@smurf123 - EDD 5 August (but likely to be July) 💛
@WhatEvenIsSleep EDD 2 August, TBC 💛
@Smushty14 - EDD 6 August, TBC 💛
@Rattyclife - EDD 6 August, TBC 💛
@Biscuitcat - EDD 10 August, having a surprise! 💛
@runnergirl123 - EDD 11 August, TBC 💛
@PurplePansy05 - EDD 12 August, Boy 💙
@BananaHammock23 - EDD 13 August, surprise 💛
@MrsB2019x - EDD 13 August, TBC 💛
@Magik01 - EDD 13 August, TBC 💛
@Carefree1 - EDD 15 August, can't wait to find out 💛
@DressyGerbera - EDD 15 August, surprise 💛
@lucyrp - EDD 16 August, undecided 💛
@BertieBotts - EDD 16 August, want to know! 💛
@Whatshouldbemyusername - EDD 16 August, TBC 💛
@WolfMother326 - EDD 17 August, surprise 💛
@Smallbean27 - EDD 19 August, surprise 💛
@WatermelonKisses - EDD 20 August, surprise 💛
@alittlexmasmagic - EDD 22 August, surprise 💛
@Millymay13 - EDD 22 August, TBC 💛
@Notinthestarsigns - EDD 23 August, TBC 💛
@northernsquirrel- EDD 31 August, surprise 💛

@lucyrp That's the maximum though, in reality you get 20% of your costs (up to £2,000 pa oer child). I'd be getting the maximum because mine would be so expensive to start with from what I've worked out. It helps a bit, but these costs are extortionate. My family and friends in the EU pay far less, it's a robbery on parents here xx

Childminder wouldn't be cheaper for us really, it's £6 per hour here and I agree, I'd rather DS goes to nursery @Alittlexmasmagic. I'm not questioning if they do a good job, I'm saying this government and the predecessors have always been shit at supporting working parents. xx

@BertieBotts Thank you, one of my favourite pictures of her 😍. I totally agree with you re the space! I used to use a gardening foam kneeling pad to save my knees 😂.

@PurplePansy05 Agree also on the childcare points, we used to pay around £700 a month for 30 hours care so we would literally take any help we could get - £140 off each month was a nice little bonus! We only pay £110 a month now but that’s for just 1 morning a week (to save my sanity 😂)! I always kept thinking ahead to when she’s in school and I might be able to afford a holiday 😍 xx

I actually really don't want my child to go to nursery I think it's awful sending babies to nursery as my personal opinion and would rather send them at around 1.5/2 years of age but my mum is a qualified nursery leader so I get the best of both worlds with her obviously other than the social interaction. But as needs must if I need to send them to nursery from 9 months then I will have to 😫🙈

I should say I don't think it's awful I just mean I feel so mean sending them away to full time care when they're so little and still only lickle bubbas 🥺

I'm contemplating whether to get DC3's name down for DS2's nursery at 6-9 months ish because I currently don't have a job, which means no maternity pay. Unless I can get the situation clarified with my old employer, anyway.

It's tricky because ideally I wouldn't want to go back that soon. I would be able to defer the place if we didn't end up needing it, though. It's just because of a quirk of the system here I only have until the end of February to decide! If we decide not to go for that I then have until the end of next February to register for a place starting between when they are 1 and 2.

DS1 and DS2 didn't go until they were 2. It was hard to settle both of them. Easier when they're younger in a way.

Envious of all your childcare costs! Ours is £85 a day! That's 8-6pm all meals and equipment included though. Competitive for the area though sadly as we are commuterville into London. The government scheme is great and thankfully she will turn 3 a few months after #2 arrives so will qualify for free hours. It does become a dilemma though - we wouldn't lose much by me not going to work but it wouldn't change anything. She loves it and so thankful she gets to interact with other children. She started just after she turned 1

we’re in London and budgeting £100 a day for nurseries. Quick look on the websites and they seem to range from £85-95 a day! 🙃 I’m planning on taking a full year off plus accrued leave so hopefully 13 months...

Is anyone else still suffering very badly from sickness? When will this pass! 😭

It probably makes sense to go for it then @BertieBotts, doesn't it? Peace of mind for you and you can review the position if needed? That's hard with no maternity pay at all, I'm sure you have lots of baby stuff at home already, but still.

I really wish I could do a mix of my Mum looking after him for a couple of days a week and nursery for a couple of days for his social skills. This would be my ideal world, especially because Mum would be great at it, she could develop his language skills and cultural knowledge. Sadly Mum lives abroad and at this stage, we don't even know when she's going to be able to meet him 😔 Things wouldn't quite work with Brexit and her current pension and other arrangements anyway. DH is NC with some family members and others aren't in good health, again, covid had a massive impact on how they've deteriorated. So I kind of feel through no choice of my own, our options have really narrowed down.

Having said that, I spent most of my childhood in nursery and some days with my Nan as both parents went back to work FT, long hours. I've never resented my Mum for it, she really made it work and I always felt she was there and admired her. I can now imagine how hard it was for her. But the point I'm making is that I'm a big believer that people are able to make things work and make sure their children feel their love and attention even when they perhaps can't have their ideal childcare arrangements in place. I hope I can pull this off at least half as well as my Mum has, I'm lucky to have a more supportive DH than my father was to Mum. xx

But aren't salaries higher in the SE and London? Sorry to be blunt, but my colleagues based there bring home twice as much as I do for the same job, so when you consider this and account for overall cost of living, actually cost of childcare outside London isn't lesser.

Unfortunately my daughter didn’t take to her first nursery, which is why I took her out (I was deputy Manager there and decided to be at home with her). However now she goes 1 day a week to a Forest school and she loves it, very excited for her to start her 30 funded hours in September as I can see her flourishing 😍.

@BertieBotts Do you get things like funded hours for working parents over in Germany?

Just had my midwife appointment and she offered for me to hear the heartbeat which was lovely ☺️ Discussed all of the Covid stuff with her RE the jab and she seemed to think it be sensible to have it once I’m around the 28 week mark although said it was very much my decision. So I’ve got some time to see how the situation is playing out and if anymore evidence in pregnant women comes to light before that point.

@Inmypjsagain Crazy prices in London! That’s double our prices in Notts - I think we used to charge £54 daily 8-6 all meals inc. and that was a Forest school! I’ve been quite lucky regarding sickness and it all eased off around 12 weeks however I’ve known people to suffer even up to the 20 week mark. Hope you feel better soon!

Oh wow I hadn't come across the tax back on childcare before!! We'd also be getting the full £2000 back as fees round here are mind blowing, almost £70 a day 😩 (though I started typing this before London nursery prices were shared so now I'm not feeling quite so hard done by...) I'm hoping to go back to work 3/4 days a week so it'll add up!

@Jessicapebbles what a little cutie 🥰

@PurplePansy05 I think to an extent it depends on your job - I'm SE and would earn the same wherever I was because my pay is on a national scale (London plus surrounding areas get a bit of an uplift but I'm not close enough to get it sadly!!), but I think you're right with jobs like lawyer/accountant, etc., where it varies more regionally

That's true @biscuitcat, I'm looking at this from a private sector professional perspective and from that point of view the proportions are actually looking worse outside of London childcare-wise. Thinking about it, DH probably would be in a similar position to you if we lived in the SE.

That's lovely news re your appointment & heartbeat @Jessicapebbles 💖 xx

@PurplePansy05. @biscuitcat. Thank you both ☺️

@PurplePansy05 re wages, depends on the industry I suppose? My colleagues based in our Manchester, Cardiff, Leeds and Nottingham office all earn the same as me, no London weighting- so it’s not in my case (haven’t really looked into it but isn’t average UK salary £30k and average London £40?). Either way it’s given us food for thought to move further out.

@Jessicapebbles I still think £54 is a lot! Ah you got the magical 12 weeks. I thought that was a myth 😊 thank you though, I’m still on sickness meds so hopefully the need for them will stop soon! X

@InmypjsagainYeah I thought it was still pricey! And the thing is when you work in childcare there is absolutely no money in it! Yes I was lucky! The sickness subsided however the fatigue was happy enough to stay 😂🤦🏻‍♀️ We have also cut my daughters nap so I’m absolutely buggered 😂
Fingers crossed for you! Xx

Childcare costs are incredibly expensive and I do think working parents are penalised massively. I also think that everyone should be entitled to something other than SMP.

I’m lucky in the sense that mum is local, has retired and still young, so it’s likely she would look after child some days and nursery other. I’m hoping to go back 4 days a week, but condensed hours potentially.

I think it varies with salaries, I live in the SE and my office is London. Colleagues based in the north and west get paid depending on banding and experience rather than location. So their wage-cost of living ratio is much better than mine xx

@Inmypjsagain I guess the "average" is always a bit misleading because you'd get lots of people being far below it and likely getting additional support and lots of people being far above it, and I mean very significantly above. It's not actually representative IMO. Having said that, I agree that it depends on the industry, like I said above, I meant in the context of my profession. I agree that it isn't always the case in which case that's a very hard squeeze, no doubt xx

@Jessicapebbles aww how lovely, glad your appointment went well and you got to hear heartbeat xx

@Carefree1 Thank you ☺️💖 I think that should tie me over until my 20 week scan! This pregnancy is flying!! Before we know it the first babies will be here!

@PurplePansy05 Massively depends - also cost of living is higher down here (rents/property prices etc) so I'd say whilst perhaps not totally a level playing field, it goes some way towards being "all relative"

@Carefree1agree with SMP provisions, with my first, a group of 9 in our NCT, I was the only one who received SMP. Everyone else received more. I work in a very male dominated industry and my companies policy is archaic.

Like @Carefree1 I would want to go back 4days condensed but definitely want to take a year Mat leave.

I live in London too so childcare costs will be abit however partners just been told he can work from home 3 days a week going forward so that will help and if I can initially leave baby at his mums for a day or so that will be helpful but yes at some point childcare will have to come in for atleast 2 days or so.

To be honest it’s abit overwhelming Thinking about all this when in the morning I was actually thinking about the cot! It’s making me abit anxious. I mean it’s good for planning but I do want to take one step at a time whilst trying to be present. Not sure if this makes sense x

@PurplePansy05 good point about averages not being very representative - I'm thinking of a friend in London who's a lawyer and earns money I could only dream of (and I don't consider myself badly paid!), and I imagine it wouldn't take many salaries like that to really skew an average.

Yes. I guess the conclusion is not to worry too much and things will work out...they have to. I got myself worried as it's hit me this week that my son is actually on the way, it won't be long and I have no family around to lean on. It's just hell of a responsibility that suddenly became very real xx

You lot are too prepared, I’ve only just started looking at maternity leave let alone childcare costs, I’m too scared! 😭 a nursery I used to work at used to charge £45 a day with meals and nappies included but I left 6 years ago now so I imagine it’s gone up a fair bit since then!