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Pregnancy after MMC

511 replies

sadtoday21 · 20/12/2019 10:36

Hi everyone! I moved our thread over here so we can all keep in touch as we continue on this journey.

Many congratulations again to @Amanda81 on the birth of your beautiful baby girl Holly! Our first baby on the thread. Also tagging the regulars @Catconfusion @Kiki061190 @bananamonkey. Newcomers welcome as well!

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Catconfusion · 10/03/2020 19:33

Oh no @MrsMGE I’m so sorry to hear that. What a horrible thing to happen. If the idea of carrying on ttc is making you feel rotten I don’t blame you for taking a step back. I can imagine it’s all very raw at the moment though. Just remember most of us on here had two losses or more. If a family is what you really want I hope it does happen for you in the future. For now take care of yourself and I hope your recovery is quick. Xx

Kiki061190 · 10/03/2020 20:08

@MrsMGE I am so so sorry to hear this! It’s so awful. I think @SunStruck had a 2nd mc before her pregnancy. Take care of yourself. You are so so strong!!! Sending all my love 💓💓💓

MrsMGE · 10/03/2020 20:11

Thanks girls @Catconfusion @Kiki061190. Your words have really helped me today. It's all happening as we speak, I needed to read something realistic now. Positivity is not going down well, but you've made very good points and knowing there's a light at the end of the tunnel even after the second one is good. ❤️ Xxx

Catconfusion · 10/03/2020 21:39

Arh @MrsMGE you’re more than welcome. Come back at any time! It’s really great to hear from you but so sad to hear your news. I know of someone else on another thread who had two mmc and is now 12 weeks into her third pregnancy with all going well. I completely get you feel broken at the moment. Statistically speaking, two losses can just be rubbish luck. I have a friend who had three and then had her two boys with no issues. It’s awful that anyone has to go through this once, let alone multiple times but your chances are good that it will work out. I really hope you find happiness whatever you decide. You don’t have to try again but I hope if you do it’s third time lucky like it has been for a few of us on here and the lady I know from another thread! Sending hugs and hoping you’re feeling better soon! Xx

Amanda81 · 10/03/2020 21:48

I'm so sorry to hear your news @MrsMGE - sending you lots of love and care x I'm one of those who fall in the two MC bracket and was third time lucky...my little girl is 12 weeks old
now. I do think back to the time after my 2nd MC often, I sought medical advise and testing, as I wanted answers...it didn't go far as I caught very quickly and it stuck. It can truly happen to you. Don't give up just yet! I often told myself that it was just going to take me a little more time to get what I wanted...take care xx

sadtoday21 · 11/03/2020 03:22

@MrsMGE I’m so sorry to hear your news and want you to know that I’m thinking of you at 3 am and wishing I could say something to take your pain away. I had two mcs as well and I remember how dark it can get. I never thought I’d get to this place I am now, even when I was 39 weeks pregnant and the anxiety and despair can be truly awful. Just allow yourself to feel all of this and be kind to yourself - you deserve a lot of tlc right now and all the wine. Try to distract yourself as much as you can, it’s definitely worse to just fixate on ttc all the time (like I did). You are stronger than you know and we are all here for you ❤️

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sadtoday21 · 11/03/2020 03:31

The other thing I’ve learned from this journey is that most things related to pregnancy come down to luck in the end. I was really unlucky with my first partial molar and thought things would never go to plan. Looking back on this latest pregnancy I was incredibly lucky to never feel ill for a single day, work right up until an hour before birth, and have a straightforward labour. People kept saying how strong I was etc, but I know it was really all just luck. And I couldn’t enjoy it for a second because of my terrible anxiety. My point is that there is very little we control in ttc and pregnancy, all we can control is our resilience and the fact that we pick ourselves up off the ground and go forward and see it through to the end.

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sadtoday21 · 11/03/2020 03:48

Thanks so much for asking after me @Catconfusion @Amanda81 @bananamonkey @Kiki061190!

Rumi is 7 days old today. Having a newborn is definitely challenging, but wonderful. I’ve slept about 2 hours per day only since he arrived and we are constantly feeding at home, haven’t left yet. I had some problems with bleeding cracked nipples on my right breast due to poor latch and was in a lot of pain for the first few days. Rumi and I both cried a lot - he’s always so hungry and feeding him felt like cutting glass on my nipples and I dreaded it. Luckily we are doing better now and he hasn’t lost too much weight. I got a nursing pillow and learned some different positions that were easier for latching when he was screaming. It’s a bit of a learning curve for us both and harder than I thought. At one point I definitely felt like a complete failure and thought how can I get a PhD but I can’t even feed my own baby? Cue loads of self doubt. When my milk came in I was really emotional too and felt like I loathed DH for a short time. It all passed quickly though and it’s slowly getting easier, although Rumi still only sleeps in my arms all night. I was keeping up with work emails from the hospital at first but now I don’t care about anything except feeding and taking care of Rumi. It’s a full time job for sure, even with dh at home to help.

@Amanda81 @bananamonkey any tips for surviving this stage? What are the milestones I should look out for? All advice would be really welcome, I don’t know what I’m doing yet! 💕

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SunStruck · 11/03/2020 09:42

@mrsMGE hello sista I am SO sorry to hear about this 😢😢😢 I was just wondering where you have gone and wanted to reach out (I know you wanted to take a slight break). As you know I also had a very early miscarriage second time around, and in the exact same situation that the lines were so faint I knew that something had to be wrong (in the end they only found and empty sac). I miscarried naturally and it is really the 'easier' way compared to the MMC's we had. I felt stronger the other time around as I knew what was coming, and being so early with so many bad signs I don't think I had connected mentally with the pregnancy.

Look after yourself and take painkillers if needed, it's like a strong period pain (at least for me). At this early I didn't see anything apart from blood (to be honest, I have really heavy periods usually anyway and this was no different).

There WILL be a light in the end of the tunnel... my current pregnancy is still going ok, although I do have really negative thoughts a lot of the times ❤️

SunStruck · 11/03/2020 09:52

@mrsMGE and forgot to say that I'm here if you need anything, I completely understand what you're going through 😔 ❤️

MrsMGE · 11/03/2020 10:12

You're so sweet ladies @Amanda81 @sadtoday21 @SunStruck, thank you for taking time to write your kind and wise words. I can't believe two of you have your babies already, I'm so happy for you!!! ❤️ That's just lush. It really is making me feel better too! It's surprised me again (even though I knew and remember our discussions) just how many of us have gone through it more than once and your success stories are very inspiring. @SunStruck you've taken words out of my mouth, I could have written your last post myself as this is exactly how I'm feeling now. I'm still sometimes angry and deflated, but I think the first one has taught me such resilience that I think I'll shake it off, pull my socks up and get on with things again. Ultimately this time isn't worse than the first one, and as I'm pretty logical, it would make no sense to give up after this. Although the pissed off side of me spoke out yesterday, the reasonable side of me takes a lot of comfort in what you've all said and I know you're right. Thank you ❤️ xxx

Catconfusion · 11/03/2020 10:34

Arrrh @MrsMGE it’s just like a rollercoaster of emotions. I nearly gave up, I thought it would never happen being 40 as well and then it did.

I have a feeling you will get there. It’s a horrendous journey and I can imagine time passing doesn’t help but you’ll look back on this and feel glad you stuck it out. How is the GP being? Are you being offered any tests or extra support? Xx

Catconfusion · 11/03/2020 10:36

@SunStruck I’m so pleased to hear all is well with you. Such good news! It’s so hard being pregnant after loss to be positive and believe you will have a baby at the end. I’m still having wobbles and I’m nearly 36 weeks! Your chances are however very good at this stage. Let us know how you’re getting on when you feel ready to! Xx

MrsMGE · 11/03/2020 10:45

@Catconfusion The GP was dreadful! I was refused a choice of GP because of the coronavirus outbreak, so couldn't pick the GP I know is very sensible and has a personal interest in female reproductive health. Instead they sent me to a dismissive, stand-offish woman with a personality of a teaspoon - that didn't help the situation. DH and I ended up going to a private clinic for blood tests as the GP did not even offer that. The private clinic was fab and they've turned everything around very quickly for us. I'm minded to just go private for everything after all this, starting from the initial investigations which we're hoping to do next month or in May. I actually wanted to ask everyone who had two MCs, what did you do? Investigations on the NHS first (and what did that entail? & how long did it take?) or straight to the private clinic? Appreciate things may vary as we don't all live in the same country/region and I'm still being fobbed off a bit because of my age (33), too young to be worried apparently. But it's 12 months of TTC for us this month and I need someone to point me in the right direction. Xxx

SunStruck · 11/03/2020 10:46

@MrsMGE we are definitely stronger the 2nd time around, and it won't feel as bad - I just felt "here we go again 🙄🙄" and just planned to start tracking when the next period started again. The merry go-around of TTC. Again, I really think the positive thing here is that we are getting pregnant (so many unfortunate women trying for 18+ months without a sniff of a positive). To me it feels like Russian roulette, and I just hoped it's a good egg/sperm next time around!

In terms of next time (when you feel like trying again), my Dr prescribed baby aspirin and progesterone pessaries for recurrent mc, is this something you can get from your Dr?

@sadtoday21 @Amanda81 so happy to hear about your babies, gives the rest of us so much hope ☺️😊

@Catconfusion oh thank you! ❤️ my 12 week scan is next Tuesday and I've done the NIPT test this week, so fingers crossed all is well. I've had 3 good scans at 6, 8 and 10 weeks so I'm really hoping this will be our rainbow! You are due in April aren't you? How are things going with the little one (I saw you had some issues with your amniotic fluid and a big baby?). You must be looking forward to meet your little one so much 😄 and you're having a boy right? 💙

MrsMGE · 11/03/2020 10:53

@SunStruck I said to DH this morning to get baby aspirin and yes, progesterone pessaries are on my little list to enquire about - just don't know where to start with all this now, ie GP or private. It's all going to cost a fortune privately but I don't know if I can be arsed with more nonsense from the NHS and with long waiting times - that's why if anyone has some advice, it would be much appreciated! Xxx

Ann87 · 11/03/2020 10:55

Had anyone here had two miscarriages and gone onto have a baby I have a 6 year old ( ivf due to sperm) been pregnant twice in the last three months to a new partner and miscarried both times one very early the other one last week at 5 weeks suppose I'm just looking for abit of hope cos I'm not ready to give up yet x thank you

Catconfusion · 11/03/2020 15:40

@MrsMGE if you can afford to go private I would. We were fortunate that we got an nhs referral after the second mc to a private clinic. Luckily we fell pregnant just before the appointment. I do wonder if knowing we were about to get help took the pressure off. The wait wasn’t too long too. I think about 8 weeks.

Oh wow @SunStruck that’s great news. Your chances are really good. It certainly takes a bit of pressure off at the 12 week scan having had earlier ones. Oooh so you might find out the sex if you’ve had the nipt. I’ll be thinking of you next Tuesday! It’s so nerve wracking!

Yes it is a baby boy. The extra fluid hasn’t got any worse but he’s a big boy at already 8 pounds at 35 weeks. We’ve scheduled an elective c section for 39 plus 5 so not long to go! Xx

Hi @Ann87, yes I had a missed miscarriage with my first pregnancy but got to 10 weeks before we knew. Also a second loss straight after at 5 weeks. 4 months later I fell pregnant with my baby boy and I’m now 35 weeks, all looking good. Even two loses can be down to bad luck which I know is rubbish but your chances are still very good. Xx

Amanda81 · 11/03/2020 17:30

@MrsMGE After my 2nd MC I got a referral from my GP to see a private consultant to start the process of seeing if there was anything wrong. The consultants advise was to go away and try again as they wouldn't consider it a problem until you've had 3 MC (harsh I know). She also advised that I take baby aspirin due to age (I was 38). I took baby aspirin from when I found out I was pregnant.

bananamonkey · 11/03/2020 17:38

Oh @MrsMGE I was thinking of you recently, I'm so sorry, this whole process of TTC is so shit. I'd go private if you can afford it, I looked into it after TTC for ages before my DD and I was 33 then. This time round I had 3 chemical pregnancies after my MMC and saw an amazing GP who referred me for lots of the tests but I think I struck lucky as she was a trainee and I'm not sure she was supposed to, luckily I was pregnant again when I went for the progesterone test so didn't end up having the rest.

@SunStruck so nice to hear it's going well, it's so stressful after a MC, that's great you've had lots of good scans and everything crossed for your 12 week one!

Great to hear from you @Sadtoday21, it sounds like you are doing a really great job with feeding, honestly it's so hard at first but it gets much easier. I also found my right side more painful too as the latch wasn't as good and the relentlessness is tough, I remember wanting to kill DH once when he said "I think she's hungry again" and I felt like I'd only just stopped a feed and couldn't do it anymore, the sleep deprivation makes everything tougher! You've already got the nursing pillow and the different positions so sounds like you're sorted, once you can master lying down feeding as well it makes night times easier. Just take it one day at a time, don't put pressure on yourself to do anything else, all that's important is resting and feeding/cuddling your baby. Make sure DH is making you meals you can eat one handed (or cutting up your food) and looking after you.

Glad you've got your ECS booked @Catconfusion, it must be a relief to have a plan.

Hope your MW appointment went well today @Kiki061190, I also had mine today and booked my homebirth assessment visit which will be combined with my 36 week appointment. Unfortunately baby was super quiet last night and this morning so after the MW I spent all afternoon at the hospital, because it was my second monitoring visit for reduced movements I had to have a scan and ironically he couldn't do the cord bloodflow measurement for ages because she was too wriggly. She's measuring about 5lbs so just under the 30th centile and all looks fine but it's hard not to be so anxious over everything.

Kiki061190 · 11/03/2020 19:26

Hi ladies!

@MrsMGE It’s so hard to know where to start. A young woman who’s only 26 has been very vocal recently in my work that she’s been trying for 18 months with no success. She’s being tested and having her OH sperm tested. It truly can happen to anyone. She hasn’t even had a sniff of a second line yet her periods are bang on time every month. So many ladies go through this and we don’t speak about it enough. Sometimes you just want to give up but the ladies on here are inspiring after suffering 2 losses.

@SunStruck Glad to hear all is going well 💓 can’t believe your scan is next week. How exciting! I’ll definitely be thinking of you and sending lots of love for the scan!!!!

@sadtoday21 How amazing to hear from you! Awww I think there’s so many growing pains when you first take a newborn home. You have to get used to one another. It’s great you’re forgetting about work and just concentrating on your beautiful little Rumi 💓

@Amanda81 so lovely to hear from you! How is baby Holly? Any recommendations on must have products ect for a newborn?

@bananamonkey So sorry you had to go in for a scan. That must have been nerve wracking. Glad baby girl is ok though. How have you been feeling? Next week is your last week of work right?

Had my 35 week midwife app today ladies. My health centre is so so strained with how many sick people are coming in. There was only 2 midwifes and my appointment ran an hour late! All is looking good and they don’t want to see me until 38+1. I thought they would want to see me more at this point. Really struggling to sleep now though which is exhausting. Is anyone else the same? I am so ready to finish work already! 2 weeks to go....

Amanda81 · 11/03/2020 20:13

Hey @sadtoday21 - the advice I would give is take one day at a time and get plenty of rest whilst you can. Holly was really good for the first eight weeks (feeding loads and at regular intervals) and then she changed over night to being quite irregular...so be flexible with routine and learn the signals so that you can understand what he needs. Also I would suggest the wonder weeks app. It helps with understanding when they go through major leaps in development which can make them quite fussy and crabby. This will help you plan for some tiring nights and understand what he is going through.

The product we have found to be absolutely amazing is a table top resting mat for Holly and also the ergobaby carrier with infant insert. How are you doing? Excited much!

https://www.amazon.co.uk/your-orders/pop/ref=ppxyoomobbbpop?_encoding=UTF8&gen=canonical&lineItemId=jinhovlollnrooy&orderId=026-6934060-3691508&packageId=1&returnSummaryId=&returnUnitIndices=&shipmentId=D1Br5rDVc

sadtoday21 · 12/03/2020 07:31

Thanks @Amanda81 I remember you mentioning something about an app, but I couldn’t remember the name! I’m using one to track feeds, nappies, etc, but it doesn’t show the developmental milestones. I definitely agree with you on the sling! I have the ktan one and it’s super easy - baby loves to sleep in there and it’s the only way dh and I can eat a meal together 😂.

@bananamonkey I’m so sorry you had another episode of reduced movement, I know how terrible that anxiety can be. I nearly booked a scan at 38 weeks, but luckily Rumi came just a few days later! 30th percentile is good though and soon your home assessment will be here before you know it!

@Kiki061190 newborn essentials that I should have bought or bought more of in advance of the birth:

  • on clothing, what you really need are 7 cozy sleepsuits that aren’t too warm or too light with built-in scratch mitts (critical, much easier) and footsies + 7 short-sleeved white or gray bodysuits. Add one sweater and a hat to this and you are good to go for the newborn phase. Choose one batch that can all be washed together (colors) and one batch that can be washed with whites to minimise laundry.
  • electric breast pump, nursing bra that will hold the pump in place, lanolin nipple cream, nursing pillow, many muslin cloths, breast pads, a nursing bra you can sleep in, bottles, steriliser (all this is worth it and necessary)
  • night light with thermometer (groegg), white noise machine or you can use your phone, baby blanket, little seeds swaddle blankets (super easy)
  • health kit with thermometer
  • a really good sling

@Amanda81 @bananamonkey did you use one of those monitors that checks baby’s breathing? Also did you have a scale for weighing baby? Would you add anything to this newborn list? 💕

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Amanda81 · 12/03/2020 08:05

Hey @sadtoday21 - you've covered a good list there. We have only really purchased a monitor very recently which is only video and sound as we want to get her used to her big cot environment during the day, night times are still with me/us. My DH is a very light sleeper so finds it hard to sleep in the same room as Holly as she does make sleepy noises 😂😂 We didn't buy scales. I was being seen daily by the MW for the first month due to the severe preeclampsia, so we took the opportunity for Holly to be weighed frequently. My health visitor has also advised that weighing to regularly can provide a skewed view of how they are developing, and has said that every month is fine. We will do this at the baby clinic we we attend as part of the NHS. Have you been assigned your health visitor yet? Xx

bananamonkey · 12/03/2020 09:13

Hi @sadtoday21 no I just had a video monitor, although she was generally always around us for the first few months so we didn’t actually use it for a while. Some things I think can make you more anxious! Didn’t have scales either, just weighed at the HV clinic when we had an appointment, DD lost a bit too much weight so we had an extra appointment but all was fine. Lots of places e.g. GPs, children’s centres and the children’s library have scales you can use anytime (ignoring potential coronavirus shutdowns).

Not much to add as it’s pretty comprehensive list! Sleeping bags are great once they hit 8lbs as not all babies like swaddling. I like the washable bamboo breast pads, there are some cheap nursing crop top things on Amazon’s which are good for nightime as are H&M clip nursing vests as they have built in support. I always recommend the Haakaa breast pump to everyone as it’s much easier than an electric one and don’t forget to buy milk storage bags if you want to express. I had nipple shields and dummies but never used them.

I have a Close Caboo sling for newborn days and a Connecta for when they get bigger. An electric swing is also a godsend for those cranky evenings, we got a Mamaroo off FB selling.

For your car, a mirror, a window blind and you can get special car seat wrap blankets although depending on weather you can just use a normal one. Don’t forget not to put them in bulky coats/pramsuits in the car seats. A little toy to go on the pram.

I have upstairs and downstairs changing mats, a nappy bin although I know they’re not for everyone, biodegradable nappy sacks for out and about + mini nappy cream (bepanthen everyday + metanium for rashes).

Thermometer, baby nail clippers (they come out with long nails!), snot sucker, snufflebabe vapour rub, Calpol plug-ins are great too as they get a much cold sooner than you think! The Angelcare baby bath seats are really good although they don’t need many baths at first.

Sorry that’s a stream of consciousness!