September 2019 #13

[Stroan]

Oops, we filled up the last thread. Hope everyone finds this one.

Congrats @IVEgottheDECAF
Well done you! That didn't take very long.

Congratulations @IVEgottheDECAF !
Hope everything went well x

Congratulations @IVEgottheDECAF

I've just been catching up! Baby is 2 weeks old now and I have no idea where those 2 weeks have gone! I'd also forgotten how time just flys day to day with a newborn! Luckily DH has been off to do nursery runs for Dd, I've barely been out of my pj's before lunch time most days. But I'm healing remarkably well from the c section, slightly overdone it some days (and been told off by DH). But glad to be getting back to normal in some ways.

Feeding isn't going as well as I'd hoped. Dd was struggling to latch from day one, support in hospital was non existent, and I've tried since I've been home to get Dd to latch but no luck. Plus with the whole jaundice thing I was a bit anxious about her not getting much so started topping her up with formula. I'm hand expressing and she's having one bottle a day of expressed milk, the rest as formula.

But she is an absolute dream, loves her sleep like her big sister did. I'm not being smug, it all changed at around 4 weeks 😂 but for now she has a feed at 11pm and doesn't wake until around 5am for the next one. Midwife said as she's gaining weight nicely don't wake her (I was setting alarms to feed her every 3 hours during the night) she'll wake when she's hungry.

So nice to see all these babies being born!!

Ahh congrats @IVEgottheDECAF!!! Baby boy finally made his appearance eh - sounds like he'll be a chilled out little dude. Enjoy all the skin to skin snuggles!

Ahh nice to hear from @Florencenotflo ! For heavens sake don't beat yourself up re feeding! It sounds like you've been totally unsupported, which is really crummy. Sounds like you are doing brilliantly. And you have the magic nighttime sleeper!!! V glad to hear they do exist!

@Florencenotflo gosh out experience is so similar wrt feeding, hospital help (or lack of) and latch/expressing and top ups.

All I will say is persevere with the latching. I've managed to get Arthur on and solely bf the last 4 (I think) days and even though we don't have the technique quite right he is managing to feed and have loads of wet and dirty nappies so I know he's getting plenty.
I found just being at home and more relaxed really helped. Just take your time and remain relaxed as you can when you try. Don't mean to sound patronising since you already have 1 more than me!!

Not patronising at all @Horehound

I did give it more of a go when I got home. Spent 2 days in bed doing skin to skin, googling latching and you tube videos etc but Dd just isn't interested. I tried when she was hungry, tried when she wasn't. Tried nipple shields. She just gets frustrated and angry when put on the boob. Exactly the same as Dd1! But I've made my peace with it, I really beat myself up about not being able to bf dd1 but I honestly don't know what more I could have tried this time. Dd is doing really well, is happy and healthy. I'm not worried.

@Horehound I was very naive maybe about the support in hospital, I thought there would be a lot more support than there was. Dd was about 5 hours old and I asked for some help getting her latched. A mw looked at her trying to latch (incorrectly) and just told me "carry on with what you're doing, you'll get it eventually" and she walked off!

The second day a nicer midwife did have a go trying to get Dd to latch and then suggested hand expressing and syringing.

@DustyDoorframes it won't last!

@Florencenotflo ok thats good youre not pressuring yoursekf then and a happy healthy baby is all that matters!
Yes, I found the same kind of "help" at hospital. Although I noticed other women really getting lots of support and I seemed to be just a kind of anomaly to them. It was a bit strange really. And this was after the midwife home visit where she had told us to go to hospital and that id get loads of support there. I think the hospital even has some kind of award for the midwives/breastfeeding bit!

Blimey @Horehound if you have the energy you should complain - or at least send a note to the supervisor of midwives. BF support in UK hospitals is pitiful (with some brilliant people here and there!).
Ah @Florencenotflo but you know to enjoy the sleeping while it lasts, so it's not wasted!

@Horehound it's funny you say that because I said the same to DH. The woman opposite me had a midwife with her for the best part of an hour as she was brought in from her c section, helping her feed and get her baby latched correctly. Then the woman next to me had a mw with her on and off all night helping her. Yet when I asked they seemed to be in and out as quickly as possible. Weird!

@Florencenotflo honestly that is exactly what happened with me! The woman across had had a section and a midwife sat with her for a full morning. The lady to the right of me sounded like she was doing it fine just wasn't confident and she had a lot of help for 2 days. Whenever I asked for help I got " we are just helping x,y,z right now, someone will come when free" or they were about to do drug round or serve lunch etc.
It was like because I was on this plan that if he wouldn't take bf or expressed milk that id then go to formula so I feel I was kind of written off by them. No one else was expressing because their babies were obviously getting enough milk yet me, who couldn't do it, got no help! Bizarre.
But we are getting on better now thankfully :)

@DustyDoorframes yes, i think i will complain and also about the food and stuff. I just find it laughable they go on about how important sleep and food is and the whole thing was a joke.

@IVEgottheDECAF hope you’re doing well x

Nice to hear from everyone who have had their babies!

Hosting a bbq today for 10 people, slightly regretting this now as I have no energy! 😩 it’s all the people from my nct class though so will be nice to see how everyone is doing in the last leg!

@florencenotflo @horehound similar story here. I noticed that the women who were moved to the ward during the day got loads of help and I got left. I even agreed a plan of buzzing when he needed fed so they could check latch etc, everytime I did it the staff made an excuse not to sit with me. Or all had a different opinion each time.

All other parts of my care were excellent but I demanded to go home because if they weren't going to help with feeding then there was no point me being there.

@Stroan wow this is so sad it's happened to so many of us.
I wanted to leave but because he was jaundiced we couldn't although we did look into buying our own blue light and just deal with it at home. Luckily they moved us to our own room so we could handle night 2 there better than night 1. But yeh, the mw who tried to force Arthur on me when he was already screaming his head off, shouting at me that "WE MUST STICK TO THE PLAN" whilst shoving his face on by boob wasn't a help and stressed me so much I told them to forget it and I'll just express and bottle feed. She gave him such a negative bf experience, I was shocked she did it. Argh I'm getting angry just thinking about it!

To anyone else due to give birth that may experience problems with bf...please keep on at the midwives. Ask to see a bf consultant. I saw one about an hour before we were discharged and the info she gave me helped me tenfold. I can't believe i didnt see her when we were first admitted. Could have saved a lot of pain, worry and stress.

Such a similar experience to horehound with DS1. All I got was conflicting advice and threats that if we discharged ourselves we'd never manage breastfeeding at home. Load of rot! Got so much better when home. Also the infant feeding co-ordinator we saw as an outpatient was worth her weight in gold! I actually cried when she helped me get a decent latch for the first ever time (in spite of being in for 5 days for breastfeeding help from the midwives on the post natal ward). Really hope it gets easier for you.

Sorry to hear so many of you have not had the support with feeding that you should have had!

When i had my DC1 i was just 20, i spent the first night on the ward and was completely ignored. It seemed because i was bottle feeding they werent bothered at all. I didnt have a clue about anything, no one even told me what to do with my baby when i went for a shower etc

Sorry to hear about the rough time with BF so many have had.
I have been advised by my MW to transfer after 1 night to our local standalone birth centre, as they have loads of staff and only 8 beds so you can get dedicated support with feeding and care.
I can’t give birth there as too high risk but should be able to self transfer (eg DH will have to drive us there) after 24hrs as long as baby has stable sugar. The other bonus is it is only 20 mins from home (hospital is an hour).
So I am pinning my hopes of support on that working out!!

We are lucky to have it as a facility although it is under threat of closure. Apparently it is almost never full so as long as we are both well enough to leave hospital it should be good.

@DustyDoorframes digestive issues seemed to resolve after 48hrs thank you!

Bloody knackered today, the stable jobs are getting harder (39+3), bending over to fill haynets is a bugger! First lot of proper backache today.

All the lack of feeding support stories are so depressing, and so so common. It's incredibly unhelpful particularly paired with massive guilt trips for not BF. MW training around breastfeeding is really patchy, especially agency staff. I totally second @Horehound 's advice to ask to see the specialist, and for the outpatient care (or things like breastfeeding cafes, peer supporters, etc) too. Often that's much better.
"The womanly art of breastfeeding" is a really useful book to help untangle the contradictory nonsense you hear, as is the kellymom website.

V glad to hear you are no longer in agony @Megan2018 ! Maybe the backache is the start of things, you never know. Blimey, I'd never make it to give birth an hour and a half away, I'd need to move to a b&b nearby or something!

@Puglover88 not surprised you can't be bothered! Remember if you set the bar nice and low you are making things easier for all of you, so cut corners for the good of the group is my advice, tee hee!

@DustyDoorframes I was so naive first time round and assumed there would be loads of help - there would have been more support if I'd wanted to FF. I phoned our local BF support team on my way home from hospital this time and have already been to BF group.

It's a shame that BF is sold as an easy thing to do and then there's no practical support or information.

This is all interesting to hear - my trust have put a huge emphasis on the benefits of breastfeeding, I sat through a 2 hour antenatal class on “infant feeding” where they talked about breastfeeding for 1hr 55 of it, there are volunteer breastfeeding support workers on the wards as well as the midwives and also a dedicated community team. It’ll be interesting to see if any of this support actually materialises...

@Stroan totally agree. Breastfeeding is "easy" - but the same way as riding a bike, or swimming is. If you just dump someone in the pool and yell at them that their baby might drown if the don't swim NOW, not terribly many are going to just start doing lengths...

@Megan2018 see this is the thing to be wary of. I heard all about how great and supportive the maternity ward would be. It wasn't. I was told I could also go to the midwife unit in a different town and i'd get help. I've not had to do that due to us managing to bf once getting home so can't comment on that site. But yeh, I was told great and amazing things and for me, it just wasn't true. So just be aware that things may not go as you plan but if it doesn't, fight for good support!