35+ TTC #1 Graduates!

[Kescilly]

This thread is for those of us over 35 who are pregnant with our first! It’s a continuation of a great group of people from the TTC thread. Doesn’t matter how far along you are, come on in!

@birdbybird great to hear from you and pleased to hear you haven't been sick for over a week 👍

I really loathe Amazon too but sometimes there are things you have to get from there that just aren't available elsewhere (e.g. phone cases/screen protectors). I visited a friend yesterday who has a nearly 2 year old and we were talking about baby related things and she was all 'you don't have to get everything before as you can get it next day on Prime' and I'm like 'erm, we won't be touching Prime with a barge-pole!' 🤣 We live within walking distance of two supermarkets and an M&S foodhall that have baby essentials & then in the other direction there's the city centre... Would be quicker to send DH out to the shops than wait for a delivery anyway! Also DH really hates the way they try and trick you into signing up for the Prime trial at the checkout - we're both pretty UX savvy and yet every time we buy anything we have to triple check we haven't clicked the wrong button 😡

I've actually got some bump bands from JoJo Maman Bebe and have just started using them this week - managed to wear a pair of FatFace chinos to the midwife appointment with one today - bit of a phaff going to the loo, but really comfortable - might be worth investigating too?

@birdbybird I need to do more doula research. Found one locally who has experience of working with women with tokophobia but was already booked for late November when I contacted her after 20 weeks... And I haven't done anything further - if I leave it too long all the others will get booked up!!

I loved my maternity clothes! Got the vast majority from H&M.

I had an ELCS, so I’m happy to answer any questions as well.

Ah thanks @kescilly 😁 - I'm not sure what I want to ask at the moment - I'm fairly sure I can get one without too much of a fight where I am, and I'm confident about researching stats in advance so we are fully clued up. I'm really hospital-averse and it's the thought of having to stay in longer in the event of an ELCS that's really pulling me away from it. My friend I saw on Tuesday (who had an ELCS) mentioned breastfeeding support if you stay in longer, but I am very clear in mind that I want to get home ASAP and if I need support we'll source that independently once I'm home!

@Weathergirl1 how did you find the local doula? Can she recommend others to you?

The one I contacted who was already booked, recommended 3 local names to me. I'm yet to contact them. All I've done is look them up on doula.org.uk and read the info about them. I'll email them today.

Is tokophobia the main reason for you considering ELCS?

@birdbybird looked her up on DoulaUk - she has said I can call her but I've been a bit paralysed with my anxiety around the topic so far... I need to pull my finger out and contact some others!

Yes, mostly it's the tokophobia, but I also have medical phobias too around not being listened to. Having read the Siobhan Miller book, I'm actually confident that with DH support I could do it physiologically, but I'd need to stay dead calm and if I was triggered by a medical professional doing/saying something to me that upset that, I think it would be game over. I'm quite torn tbh as ELCS would mean longer in hospital, but intervention if something went wrong might too, and I think that would hit my mental health more... Arghh

@Weathergirl1 I spoke to a doula. It was good to talk to her on the phone. Her package is: 3 antenatal sessions, 1 post-natal session and said she'd check her availability for 2 weeks before and 2 weeks after my EDD.
She then emailed me the next day to say we might have to go down the shared doula route as she wasn't available the entire 4 weeks. Which means I might get her or another doula she's recommending depending on which day I go into labour.They would both attend the pre and post birth sessions with me. She's asked me if I'd like to chat to the other doula and I said I would be happy to have a chat.
So nothing's confirmed yet... but I'm going to have a chat with an open mind. So not sure yet if I'll definitely go with these ladies, but from all I've read about the benefits, I do want to have a doula at the birth.
I actually have suffered from vaginismus and the month before becoming pregnant, did a pap test for the first time. So I don't know where this courage is coming from. A lot of it is from reading the 'How to Have a Baby' book... it says your body knows how to nurture a baby for 9 months and you just let it do its thing.

How is everyone doing? How far is everyone with their pregnancies/babies?

We are at twelve weeks and she’s sleeping like a dream at night, less so during the day. I constantly feel emotional about her growing up and never expected to feel like this!

Hey @Kescilly !

I'm 24 weeks today, I'm hormonal and I have a hernia, so grand thanks

No, I'm fine really. Bursting into tears at daft things which is annoying but I know it's just hormones, and the hernia is a pain in the bum (well, just above the belly button) when I cough or sneeze or similar, but generally ok.

I noticed yesterday that my centre of gravity has shifted a bit when I'm walking, and I have some lower back pain, but that's just par for the course I guess!

And after my DP assembling the new wardrobe for the nursery, I'm now fretting that we should have made the other spare bedroom the nursery, rather than the small one. It would have been a bigger job (dismantling the bed, moving the dressing table and chest of drawers back into the small bedroom... which we only moved out a couple of weeks ago... etc etc) but I'm getting stressy now that there won't be enough space between the changing table and the wardrobe and because I'm not at home at the moment I haven't seen it aaaaand breathe. First world problems hey.

Glad to hear she's sleeping well! Can't believe the time has gone so quickly!

How's everyone else?

@LauraLooDerby oh no, are you feeling better about the nursery yet? I feel like I’m still really hormonal, I cry over the silliest things now!

@Kescilly nope not really! Facetimed DP last night and he even said the room was too small and he thinks some of the furniture needs to be split out. Don't get me wrong, the room isn't teeny tiny, but we're trying to fit in:

• 1m wide, 2m tall, 0.5m deep wardrobe
• this changing table
• this cot
• this shelving unit

And ideally I'd like a rocking/nursing chair. I mean, it's just not going to happen. I've attached the floor plan - it's bedroom 4 which we're currently trying to turn into the nursery, bearing in mind that the 2 metres is from the doorway not where the room actually starts. So probably looking at 1.5 metres ish in reality.

The other option is to turn bedroom 2 into the nursery - but there's currently a king size bed, a chest of drawers and a dressing table in there, which would need dismantling (the bed) or moving. And DP, as wonderful and on the ball as he is, has already assembled the cot and the wardrobe in the current nursery and I think is probably loath to dismantle and reassemble in the other room. For which I don't blame him at all.

So I was up at 4am again today stressing about it, trying to work out in my head whether the bed would fit in bedroom 4 in some way rather than dismantling it, trying to work out how lovely and kind and nice I need to be and how many massages I need to give DP to convince him to move everything.

In other news, I've been making him watch 'Delivering Babies', the Emma Willis programme, and his reactions are HILARIOUS. 'I think I just saw some poo. Did I just see some poo?' 'Yes darling, it's highly likely that I will poo.' 'I can't watch that'.
'What is that white stuff all over them? Why do they look so weird when they come out?! And they've got blood and stuff all over them!'

Seriously, this man is in for a shock.

@LauraLooDerby could you do the shelving unit elsewhere and do some wall shelves if you need them in the nursery?

We fit a full size cot, a wardrobe, a changing table/dresser, and a chair in ours, but it’s not teeny tiny either. No way would we have had room for a shelving unit, I wasn’t even sure we’d get the chair in!

Although we mainly use the room for storage and changes right now. Even when I was breastfeeding, I tended to do it on the sofa or in bed.

Also NCT classes were great for exposing my husband to some baby/childbirth things he had never heard of.

Hiya, I'm 31 weeks now and on maternity leave! I'm starting to pack a hospital bag and wash all the baby clothes, but we're not doing a nursery as are hoping to move in the next year so he'll be in with us for most of that.

@lauralooderby oh no a hernia doesn't sound very nice at all - it is around your navel? Mine looks a bit different now And I was frantically googling to check whether that might be the start of one 😱

Just had the ILs to stay this weekend. We were walking into town last night for food and I fell over crossing a side road. DH was behind me so couldn't do anything (and FIL didn't react...) And I went down like a sack of potatoes... Knees, bump, boobs, chin... DH reckons I didn't clear the kerb properly as I stepped off it and it looked really weird as I fell, like o tried to save myself but obviously my centre of gravity is in a slightly different place and so it didn't work. DH got me into the shopping centre and laid me down across a bench and we rang the hospital - midwife wasn't too concerned as long as I didn't have any bleeding and my waters hadn't gone. Kiddo is still moving around so I haven't killed it! My hand was pretty sure though so I've been to A&E this morning to get it checked out. Thankfully not broken, so I've escaped with bruises, and a couple of grazes and a soft tissue injury toy hand (oh and very bruised pride - I feel like such a moron for falling over like that 🤦)

@Pinkywoo we're not doing a nursery either. We will need to move at some point, but probably not until a bit later, however we have too many other bits and pieces that it's going to have to share a room with for the time being that we just don't have the space to give over a whole room to a nursery. I'm sure the baby won't notice for quite a while! How are you finding maternity leave so far - is it a bit of a relief to not need to go to work?

@Kescilly wow can't believe you're 12 weeks already! But then I'm finding it hard to believe I'm now 27 weeks today 🤯 glad she's giving you some sleep overnight - that must be a bit of a relief even if she's not napping much during the day!

@Pinkywoo wow, not long now! So excited for you! Our nursery is mainly storage, there’s definitely no need if you are moving soon. Will it be a local move?

@Weathergirl1 oh no how scary! I did fall down the stairs a bit when I was about 20 weeks and it freaked me out. I felt stupid too! Decades of walking up and down stairs fine and then down I went. I think it’s not having the same center of gravity like you said. Hope you’re feeling better!

One thing I wish I had done was get a footprint kit to do her feet as a newborn. You can’t do hands because they are all curled up, but I thought I’d mention it to you all in case someone else is interested. We will still do her footprints now, I just wish I had it at home before I had her! As it was, I couldn’t even think about anything like that those first few weeks.

@Kescilly I am feeling a bit beaten up now - it's turned into DOMs down my sides, presumably because I must have tensed everything up as I went down. My hand is much better this morning though.

Just had 27 week bloods yesterday and hgb and hct are well below where they should be... Guess that explains all the lethargy then.

Good call on the footprint kit 👍 I had actually thought about one of those. I might wait and see if anyone gets us one as a present and then buy one if they don't.

I had a good day yesterday on bargains. Picked up a Shnuggle bath on Facebook marketplace for £5 and downloaded the Positive Birth Company digital pack last night for £10 as I saw a post just in time from where someone had said they had an offer on!

@Weathergirl1 that’s rough, I’m sorry you’re not feeling well. Those are definitely good bargains though!

We have been that bath although we ended up buying the Angelcare support and have been using that so far. I just didn’t feel comfortable putting her in the bucket as a newborn! We might graduate to it soon, we probably could have a month ago.

I’m so excited for you. I feel like I’m just far enough in to have forgotten the really rough parts but also my baby is young enough for all the good parts to be fresh in my mind.

@Weathergirl1 how are you feeling now after your fall? Maternity leave is great thanks, I know it's a bit early but there's no way I could have lasted any longer in my job, it was starting to get unsafe my bump is so huge!

@Kescilly it will be a reasonably local move, same county but hopefully a village rather than being in the city where we are now, but having seen the bank we're going to wait until April now (I'm secretly relieved as I really don't fancy moving when either heavily pregnant or with a newborn).
I've been looking at the angelcare support, how have you found it?

@Pinkywoo much better thank you - hand is still a bit achy but the DOMS have gone. Pride still bruised though!! Ah I discovered on Friday that I'd lost a stone out of my eternity ring, presumably when I landed 😭 so we had to take that to the jewellers to be assessed (after DH failed to find it crawling around in the road!!!).

Feeling seriously lethargic though so I think I am going to have to go to the GP about it - I'm really struggling to function. DH is now on gardening leave and managing what we do - so he's getting me tasks to do that don't involve moving much, while he does all the running around!

How was everyone's weekend?

Hi all!

@Weathergirl1 waaaa sorry just catching up with this, it all sounds horrid! Hope you're feeling a bit better?! But crap about the ring! :(

@Pinkywoo I hope you're enjoying maternity leave. So exciting about the hospital bag etc... I'm really tempted to get mine sorted now, I had a horrid dream the other night that I went into labour early (like, now - 26 weeks) and I didn't have anything ready and had no nappies. So guess what I'm going to do this weekend.

I have become a right stress head though. It's not fun!

We did sort the nursery, you'll all be relieved to hear
And baby is moving around like nobody's business at the moment. It's such a weird but kind of soothing sensation isn't it! Apart from when you get walloped all of a sudden.

Oh and @Pinkywoo I forgot to say - yes, hernia is just above my belly button. I hate it! I make me feel all weird to think about it!

How is everyone doing?

I had the glucose tolerance test today along with week 28 bloods.
They'll let me know tomorrow if any issues, otherwise if all ok have a midwife appointment this Friday to get the results.

Am hoping all is fine on the GTT front, but feeling very lethargic like you @Weathergirl1. Am expecting to get a diagnosis of anaemia and that I'll need to start taking iron tablets.

On the doula front - I think I have found one I like... so it looks like we'll be going with her.

@birdbybird hello! I haven't had the GTT as they only do it here if you have risk factors - really wasn't looking forward to it if I had needed to though. The iron tablets don't seem to have made me any more constipated than I was before... I threatened my guts with lactulose the other day and managed to get them moving again. I'm still amused by my morning weight being different by over half a kilo depending whether I've been regular or not the day before 😳. DH thinks I'm starting to perk up a bit now so looks like they're starting to work.

Good news on the Doula front 👍 after having a bit of a panic, DH sat me down and we emailed all the ones that cover our area. I got far more responses than I was expecting but we've found one we both like who's really experienced and she's involved in the patient liaison group at our maternity hospital so knows the ins and outs of what goes on there. I've just finished Ina May Gaskin's book which was really interesting regarding physiological birth - that with the Positive Birth Company course is making me think I might be able to do it. However, I'm also still looking up about ELCS and I've just started reading Why Caesarean Matters.

I'm really struggling with sleep though. I can't get comfortable at all. I'm sleeping in 90' bursts and waking up with a really achy hip on the underside (no pelvic pain during the day at all so it's not SPD). I've tried the Dreamgenii, a v-pillow and my DH's spare pillow (feathers, so it squashes) but nothing seems to work. I even managed to punch DH in the face 2 nights ago by accident as I was squirming around trying to get comfortable in the middle of the night 😱

I'm having my flu jab on Friday and the 'whooping cough' one with it - it's called whooping cough, but is actually 4 in one with diphtheria, tetanus and polio. I like to be fully informed before signing up for things and it was a complete palava to get the information out of the surgery - when to book in last week and the receptionist said flu clinic was separate so couldn't have both together and couldn't confirm what the WC one was so said they'd call me back. No call... I rang back this morning and they checked with a nurse for me and then apologised for me being told I couldn't have them together!! So, anyway I am now booked for both and fully informed ✅ (and as an aside found out that the system the receptionist was looking at had me down as 23 weeks... So who the heck knows what is going on there 🙄)

Hey @Weathergirl1 I'm having a rough time sleeping. Usually wake up around 3 or 4am and then can't get back to sleep for an hour. Lots of tossing and turning throughout.
I've struggled with constipation when younger so last few years been careful with my diet. So far no constipation but the gas buildup is awful at night.
Although, yesterday I had a really small meal at 5pm and another really small one at 8pm. Spaced out water intake so its at least 15 mins before and an hour after eating. No sugary snacks either yesterday. And didn't have much gas and slept pretty well. Will try it again today and see how I go...

@birdbybird how's the gas? I'm back on the lactulose again... We were in London yesterday so my eating was a bit messed up and i really suffered with missing my afternoon nap (didn't get home until gone midnight!).

Saw an osteopath who treats a lot of pregnant women though and she's given me some piriformis stretches to do and got some cracks out of my back and it feels a lot better. She thinks my usual osteopath might be being a bit over cautious about manhandling me (he hasn't cracked my back since I said I was pregnant) and my back muscles are tight because they're strong enough to actually support the extra weight which is why I'm not arching like most women do by this point!

Just been for my vaccinations... Arm is a bit sore - hopefully won't be for too long!