September 2019 babies - thread #4

[Stroan]

Starting a new thread before the old one gets filled up!

IVEgot so am I most of the time - hazard of this lifestyle unfortunately.
But when DH is home, he really does pull his weight. He should be home at some point tomorrow after a few weeks away, and come Saturday morning, he will take the helm, get up with the sproglets, so breakfast etc. He’s great like that!

Whisky I hope you can manage it too! And I don't mean that you're stuck to the sofa indefinitely, but the amount of posts you read on Mumsnet about the first few weeks being stuck to the sofa with your boobs out while you're establishing a good flow- there's got to be some truth to that hasn't there? Otherwise why does it get brought up so much?

I really hope everyone who wants to do it can do it. But I really hope that everybody who is not sure or doesn't want to do it gets a midwife who realises that breast is brilliant for babies, but what's best are parents that are comfortable and happy with their choices, whether breast or bottle. I've had too many friends pushed into feeding and left in unhappy situations, because they literally feel like they are judged and pushed so much that they can't say no. I hate that.

Anyway! Like I say, I might try to do the first feed in hospital, see how I get on with it, try a few over the next few days, but I'm happy with ff if I can't combi.

I have a 2000 word essay to write by midnight and i just want to sleep

Feeling mean :( just sent my son to school with a stinking cold and headache but his attendance is poor from having had various stomach bugs this winter and it’s just a cold.

Really appreciating all the discussion here on bf folks - I have no idea how I will manage it in the first few weeks as DH struggles with lack of sleep but otherwise shares most household jobs. He is rubbish with shopping and cooking though! Am keeping an open mind with respect to combining bf and ff with a view to moving to formula if I can't hack it.

Online shopping is your friend astret and you have 6 months to teach dh some basic meals

My exh was useless so I was still cooking and doing all the domestic stuff post sections with the older two. Tbh dp isn't the best at domestic stuff either so imagine it won't be that different this time round!

DH does most of the jobs at home - he works more flexible hours than me as I commute so whilst he has a very early start (often 5am) he is usually home by 2pm (sometimes earlier and occasionally later) so he does all midweek meals and house jobs. He also does gardening and DIY. I do a bit of weekend "cooking" (heating things up) and all the laundry as I prefer how I do it.

We have a weekly cleaner so neither of us does much housework. I do the food shopping online only because if he does it the budget gets blown (he once spent £29 just on ice cream).

Once DH is back at work though we'll be in separate rooms and the nights will be down to me as he drives for his job (field based - does 250+ miles daily) and has to be 100% alert as otherwise very dangerous. But we are used to sleeping separately during the week anyway. I am quite looking forward to being at home as currently I am only there from 8pm-7.30am Mon-Fri and spend most of that asleep!

Once I go back to work I will probably do nursery drop off and he'll do pick up as he is home much earlier than me - so it'll be 50/50 on the childcare really.

Right guys thinking of the private 16 week gender scan. Anyone done it before? Is it worth it?

Thanks for the DH training recommendation @IVEgottheDECAF ! DH can do the actual cooking at the stove but only if I can do all the planning in advance, tell him where everything is, give advice on what to do when an ingredient isn't available etc. He will try, but I anticipate months of beef chilli, spaghetti bolognese and cheese sandwiches. I'm thinking I should maybe write up a one-month meal plan with shopping lists so that he can follow the instructions I should probably do the same for me reminding me to do basic things like shower and brush my teeth from what I hear!
He is good at doing all the laundry (but not ironing), changing the beds and stuff though.
I'm a bit scared of making plans for nurseries and stuff as I've applied for a new job in another city - which would mean moving. DH may have flexibility to relocate to a local office in same job as present. Does anyone have advice on how long in advance to start looking into childcare?

I've got one booked for next weekend @Shellbot3000 purely because they won't disclose sex at the anomaly scan in my area so it's only way to find out. If they did I would probably just wait til then.

I had a sexing scan with dc3 and 4. It was great to find out a bit early and get an extra look at baby.

However as i am already on sick due to spd i need to watch the pennies so i will try and have patience this time! 20 week scan is 5 weeks today anyway so not that long to go

Batch cooking and freezing meals before baby comes is also brilliant if you’ve got anpertber who’s a little “challenged” when it comes to cooking
Before DC1 was born I made a few curries, chillis and pasta dishes that could be easily frozen and defrosted - even my DH couldn’t fuck up defrosting and reheating those!

@astret re: too early to look into childcare

Ditto- I’m not sure if I’m jumping the gun or just desperate to ask the one overnight nursery locally if they can take our one. Boyf thinks I’m mad.

@Easterbuns1 I just booked it for next Friday. Mostly because DH won't think of names till we know. I get his logic "wait till we know then the choice is halfed" 😂

Dp has chosen our boys name

Im not keen. But i think its a girl. So ill choose that!

I'll being finding out the sexes at 20 week scan just to make things a bit easier in terms on getting clothes ready and names. We have some girls names picked but struggling on boys. Dh suggested he names one and I name the other and we don't tell each other til the twins are here. He got a big F off to that one seeing as he like ridiculous names. We also have quite an unusual surname so it's hard to get things that go with it.

Ooo naming twins

Girls names are so much easier than boys especially when i already have 3 boys lol

I think boys are harder to name, although I’ve got a boys name I’m leaning towards! I’m struggling with girls names this time!

@Astret We registered with 2 nurseries when I was 25 weeks pregnant with DS and were told that we were late to the game. I didn't go back to work anyway, but I wouldn't have gotten a spot for 5 months after my mat leave ended at either of those nurseries. I'm in London though, so it really just depends on location and how popular your chosen nursery is. If you know for sure which one you want, you may as well register!

Same problem I have 2 or 3 girls names I like but not one single one for a boy. I never realised how much I would feel the responsibility of giving a person their name that they will have the rest of their life!

Boys names are much harder. We had a girls name lined up but it’s a boy so now we’re stuffed and can’t find anything 😂

There seems to be a fair bit of nursery provision here (in the towns at least - obviously naff all in the villages!) so I'm not planning to make serious enquiries until late in pregnancy - I am taking 12 months off so I think just over a year in advance is plenty.

Space for younger babies is often hard to get though - so I think for people going back to work when baby is 6 months or younger it is definitely something that needs looking at sooner.

I am erring towards childminder though and they don't take bookings all that far ahead.

It doesn't help that me and DH both think that it's 2 boys aswell. And we already have a son so used the one name we liked for him. But obvs scan will confirm if we are right!

@astret you might be best calling a local provider and asking them what they suggest. I know that the ones near us all have 12- 18 month waiting lists just now - so are clearly signing up babies who are yet to be born! Have already let our nursery know that we'll need a space from August 2020!

Re breastfeeding and being glued to the sofa with boobs out - that's not necessarily a bad thing! I badly needed to relax and recover so it definitely supported that, I just binge watched Downton Abbey and cuddled DD for hours on end. Not for everyone though, each to their own.