July 2019 - early days part 2

[DianaBlythe]

Just because I think we’re getting close to filling the first one. Pull up a pew, bring your decaf tea and all of the carbs!

Anyone with kids already who also is suffering with major mum guilt about having another kid? Someone please help me, feel so bad now after having a wonderful day with just me and DS. I know it's most likely my anxiety going into overdrive but can't get this suffocating feeling of guilty thoughts about it off my chest right now.

Me @twittlebee. I feel awful about bringing a newborn into the house when DS is so easy going and settled. I am already struggling with doing stuff we normally do and getting grumpy, and it's just going to be hellish with a newborn and being so exhausted all the time.

I managed to settle my guilt earlier by remembering how quickly the first bit goes, and that they'll have a great time playing with each other all the time. I can still have 1 on 1 with them both, it'll just mean DH has to take the other!

Has anyone really struggled with eating / loss of appitite? I've been so bad for the last week where no food seems apitising at all and I've not felt hungry. Just yuck and sicky?

Feeling meh 😞

@Onestep2, totally, I’ve really had to make myself eat all this week

I'm the opposite, can't seem to control myself and keep stuffing my face until I feel sick Genuinely worried I'm not going to be able to get into my work trousers tomorrow

HSapr So very sorry for your loss. It's just a horrid place to be in, early or not, and it will take time. Be gentle with yourself and don't rush back to work/normal life/whatever it is you feel you 'have' to get on with. It so ok to just sit still for a time. It's been a pleasure having you on here and really hope to see you back on these very soon! 💐

Twistering Oh what a worrisome time. Red bleeds can be ok. Please do not for one moment feel you can't post on here, this place is for babies due in July, warts and all, and unless anyone says otherwise your baby is due in July. Keeping everything crossed for you. Hang in there and keep us posted, we're all here with moral support, grips (if needed 🗜⛓📎) and/or stuff to distract you with.

Onestep2 I'm in the camp of no appetite and feeling sicky but forcing myself to eat. Managing about half a plate at most (often less) of whatever DH is having. Lunchtimes I buy whatever feels 'least sicky' and just end up picking at it and then binning. I love food and it's sad to have lost the pleasure of eating it. The only thing I seem to get on ok with are fruit and veg, maybe that's psychological but I do manage some each day. And Actimel/Kefir for breakfast seems to be ok.

KinCat good shout about outdoors! I will see if DH and I can catch the four seasons in the same place. We live in a very urban area but I do have a nice park in mind...

I googled 'bump photos inspiration' on the train back from seeing friends; bizarre finds include a woman's bump covered in bees, a woman looking v uncomfortable half submerged in what looks like a cold swimming pool and a few shots of men with food bellies out and McD's. There are some things you can't unsee. 😂

I swear my sickiness is getting worse. I think weeks 7-9 are peak hCG but please please don't let this mean actual throwing up. 😭

Hope you get away with no throwing up StargazyDrifter !!

Glad it isn't just me and thank you for reminding me about how it is a short time Laburna ! Think it doesn't help when DS keeps wanting to jump on me and I'm so scared he will hurt the, very small, baby

I do feel guilty. My youngest is still very babyish, not walking properly yet or saying many words. Feel a bit guilty that she's going to have to make room for a brother or sister so soon! There's almost 5 years between my 1st and 2nd so I feel like I had loads of time with my 1st and amnt giving that to her :( although, to be fair I've been at home with her since she was born as I haven't gone back to work, so she does get a lot of 1:1 time and will do til babh arrives when she's 2!

Fuck, @HSapr. I'm so sorry.

Can't think of anything better to say than what @StargazyDrifter said. In fact, I wish I'd had someone say something like that when it happened to me.

Sending love x

@Twistering, hope you're still with us. Fingers crossed it's nothing 🤞

I think there's always a certain amount of guilt when you get pregnant, especially at this stage when no-one really knows and it's all a big secret. You are hiding something huge and even if you don't realise it can have an impact.

Once it's a bit more out in the open, I found the guilt about general stuff vanished, work, family, friends.

I think once baby is here and life generally shifts to accommodate the new way of things, the guilt will dissipate because a)they're here and a lot of worry goes when they actually arrive and b) they'll fit in the family and siblings will be interested and involved and it won't be so much spending less time with them as spending time with them in different ways.

Hard to explain what I mean because my brain is mush!

Hey @Twistering, I had a massive bleed at 6 weeks in my last pregnancy, 3 days of proper clots and cramps and everything. Still can’t quite believe he was okay but he was! I well remember how horrible it felt, and in fact I can’t quite relax into this pregnancy until I’m passed that point. I got a scan at epu. I do hope everything is okay x

This is terrible but I’m so jealous of everyone who is too sick to eat! 🙈 I am starving constantly. Can’t bear the thought of putting on as much weight as last time, but I can’t stop eating!

Urgh now started spotting. I didn't have anything like this in last pregnancy. Have convinced myself it's ectopic. Now worried to go to bed.

@twistering and @kentishgal I hope it's both good news from you both!

Kentishgal I had an ectopic in June. As well as spotting, I had a sharp pain in one side (the tube being pressed by the embryo - didn't rupture in the end), cramps and burning shoulder pain. I also felt really cold. Your mind will quite understandably go where it will go, but do keep the other symptoms on your radar too. Fingers crossed for you, hopefully you can go to an EPU in the morning?

I was spotting 5 - 6 weeks some pink, and bright red for 2 hours then it cleared uP. Yes it’s scary but it seems to be comment in a lot of us on here...

I smashed a pint glass today and completely burst into tears sobbing.. think it was more to do with the fact that I’m so tired when I come home from work to do any house work and today I decided to tackle it all and it started off going wrong

Thank you all. Stargazydrifter I'm sorry that happened to you - do you mind me asking how far along you were? And did you spot on and off or constantly? I am still waiting to hear from midwife - can you just go to epu even if you're not under the midwife?

I have my fingers firmly crossed for everyone worrying ... let's hope this week will bring lots of reassuring news. I can't believe how much in cloud cuckoo land I was with my first, I had literally no idea!!

Not at all Kentishgal, it was at 5 weeks. Noticed it around 5w2d, around 7pm that evening. It spotted constantly and changed from brown to red spotting. Diagnosed with a scan the next day. Had what they call 'expectant management' - i.e. wait and see if tube bursts and don't stray too far from an A&E in case it does. There is a good chance of ectopics basically miscarrying, i.e. the pregnancy terminates itself and the embryo comes out the usual miscarriage way. The tube doesn't always have to burst. That happened to me and meant we could save both tubes (so higher fertility).

Usually you can just turn up at EPU without a midwife. You'll need to google your main local hospital, find out if they have EPU and it will usually say they accept walk ins between X and Y weeks of pregnancy and say the hours. If not go to A&E. I did that 3 weeks ago as thought I had a second ectopic... it was gas ans anxiety... but A&E did check it out.

@Kentishgal most areas have number for the community midwife team. It doesn't matter if you haven't booked in yet they will still give you advice and refer you to EPU if necessary

Yes or phone EPU direct I guess.

Thank you all for your kind comments the other day.

@TwittleBee I'm with you on the mum guilt. I keep imagining how on earth will be able to give DD any attention with a newborn. @Laburna I'm the same not having any energy to play as much and being more grumpy too. Can imagine it's only going to get worse as get bigger and worse symptoms. You have very wise words re mama guilt and the arrival of the baby and I found your post very reassuring thank you

Our age gap will be 3 yrs 9 months. She's such a sweetie at the moment that I can just imagine the next one being a terror!!!

@Belmo I can't stop eating either! Currently on my second bag of wine gums and had 2 lunches earlier!

I still breastfeed my DS (2.5yrs) and I lie with him while he goes to sleep at night. I'm starting to feel anxious about not being able to keep either of those things up and how distressed/cross he will be

@BettySwoll0cks I also lie with my DD to go to sleep. We have started taking turns now for daddy to lie with her instead of mummy to start preparing now for the nights I won't be able so it's the 'norm' for later down the line. In terms of feeding, my friend does tandem feeding and she was able to do bedtime with one on each boob