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Due in June........bring on the pineapples, evening primrose oil and raspberry leaf tea

992 replies

DaisysGotABigBump · 20/05/2007 20:48

Sorry its a bit boring, but I was lacking inspriation and running out of cyberspace...........it's all that talking to myself

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Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
bumperlicious · 24/05/2007 10:11

Everyone kept saying to me "you must be so excited?" and was like "er, no not really". And it is so hard when other people are desperate to get pg, but it's not like you can predict how are going to react, I honestly was so looking forward to being pg, thought I'd love it! I though I had AND for a while, but Dr thinks I was just anxious. I'm such a control freak and everything about being pg and having kids means giving up a lot of control and a lot of your life.

I think the Dr's are still a bit worried about me. I went for an AN appointment yesterday and she said I was to ring her when baby is born, and if I feel at all unhappy to go and see her, if I can't get out then she will come out and see me! She is very sweet! Plus seeing as my midwife thinks "it will be a miracle if I get away unscathed" with PND, and "I don't have a fighting chance" () I think they'll be running around after me with a test to make sure I'm not going to do anything stupid!

Actually now, I'm much more settled, you just accept the inevitable. But people have said to me (and it seems pretty obvious but just needs saying) having a baby is nothing like being pg, and your feeling when pg will be totally different when you have a baby (though one mean woman did tell me that if I could bond with my baby while pg I wouldn't be able to bond with it when born !)

DaisysGotABigBump · 24/05/2007 10:14

Bumper, I spoke to my HV about FAS...apparently damage can be done to baby's chromosones in the first trimester if regulary binge drinking, or to brain development if binge drinking after the first trimester.
She said that in her experience, she's only come across damamged babies to women who have not cut down on their drinking at all through their pregnancy and who have continued regularly with either more than 14 units a week, or 3-4 units plus (ie half a bottle of wine) per day.

I don't think you have anything to worry about!

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bumperlicious · 24/05/2007 10:14

Thanks for asking Daisy, drive was fine actually, took DH's car which was more comfortable than mine. But that's it now - I am stationing myself here and not leaving the vicinity of my town till baby is born!

Hope you are feeling better. Did you decide to take the ADs or not? Have you got an appointment to speak to someone?

trendaverter · 24/05/2007 10:17

Bumper I think you are exactly right - being pg is not the same as having a baby is it? Might feel totally different.

I too have heard that if you are depressed during pregnancy it is highly likely you will suffer PND (god I hope not) but at this point I am trying to stay positive.

TBH I am just desperately hoping that when it comes out I will be able to bond with it...right now it's just 'there', I don't really feel anything for it - I don't want anything to go wrong but I don't yet associate it with a living breathing person, that I should love and be responsible for.

Hmm a bit of dark gloomy chat for a thursday morning ;-)

foxybrown · 24/05/2007 10:18

My world is a good one today! Thanks to everyone for all your hugs and support. Am on top of life today (where a control freak like me likes to be!). Yes, Bumper, had totally overdone it so not at the gym this morning.

How dare your MW say that about you not coming away unscathed by PND! I am very angry and disgusted by her saying that! That is just wrong!

If there is one thing I know its to try to maintain a positive state of mind to get you through labour and the early days/months. Comments like hers are so detrimental. I'd actually like to poke her in the eye for saying that.

DaisysGotABigBump · 24/05/2007 10:22

do you mean if you couldn't bond when pg.....
...that woman was talking pants. I was pretty ambivalent about DS, as I was going to be a single parent, and found being pg a very weird, odd, uncomfortable and slighty icky experience all round......but after he'd been delivered and was handed firstly to DH (then exP) all I could think was "give me my baby". When DH finally relinquished his hold and handed him over, DS magically stopped crying and I'd never felt such overwhelming emotions as I did at that moment. I know it's not like that for everyone, but I don't think that not bonding when pg means that you won't bond and all. And if you do have a lack of a feeling of bonding, please discuss it with your HV/GP asap...as it could indicate the onset of PND...
OK, emotional sermon over and done with...

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DaisysGotABigBump · 24/05/2007 10:27

Took too long over that post...

yes bumper I'm feeling better, and yes I've started the ADs....talking to women on here who have taken ADs whislt pg and BF has made me feel more comfortable abut it. MH nurse coming again today and I'm waiting for a referral to the mother and baby unit.

DH and I making some lifestyle changes to help, and when we sell our other house, we're going to use some of the capital to allow me to stay off work for a further six months or so....so I won't be going back to work until possible September 08!

Glad you're feeling more chirpy today Foxy....

Any news from Lilkel....she's in for her section tomorrow!!

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foxybrown · 24/05/2007 10:27

I think pregnancy only prepares you for labour. Whatever comes after is unchartered territory - especially the first time, but also subsequent ones because they are all individuals and will all be different.

The only thing I can really say is to bed down and take things easy. There's so much pressure to be supermom, and its just not necessary or helpful. Do what comes naturally, trust your instincts and don't panic. The early days are the precious days, they don't stay newborns for long. Have long baths with them, cuddle and feed them, don't put them down, gaze at them - if that's what you want to do.

If you want to leave them sleeping while you go and have 10 minutes to yourself, have someone else care for them while you walk around the block three times to clear your head and just BREATHE, take the opportunity to go and buy a pint of milk just on your own, anything to let you come up for air and take a breath, give them a bottle if you are struggling, just put them down because they are doing your head in, then do it.

Just do whatever works and don't feel guilty. You will love them, maybe you won't get a rush of unconditional love in the first 3 minutes (I have and haven't), but you will love them unconditionally regardless. It might get foggy, you might get frustrated and angry with them (God knows I do) but you will be mothers, and from what I know of you all in this short time, damn good ones.

Sorry for the long post, but I just want you all to feel OK and not worry!

bumperlicious · 24/05/2007 10:27

Hi foxy, glad you are feeling better. I am actually feeling quite positive about labour (or is that denial?) it's the after bit that freaks me out!

TA, I actually read the opposite somewhere, that AND does not necessarily have any bearing on PND. I just need to stop EXPECTING to get it, and try and be more positive. Don't want to create a self-fulifilling prophesy. Either way, there are lots of people on here who have had lots of experience so I know we'll all be in good company.

Also, I don't speak from experience, but just from advice, try not to get sucked into the bonding thing (easy for me to say - I feel the same as you) people say lots of different things about "bonding" and that first "rush of love" sometimes it can take weeks or months. I know some of the people on here will be able to tell you first hand what to expect/not to expect.

I think as long as we try and articulate how we feel (even if it's just on here) that will help, and even if we feel like terrible parents, to try and be honest about how we are coping even if it is just for the sake of our LO's and of DH/P's sanity!

bumperlicious · 24/05/2007 10:28

Yeah daisy meant couldn't bond (always doing that!)

bumperlicious · 24/05/2007 10:32

Foxy - you were saying exactly the right things about the rush of love etc just as I was typing my post saying someone would reassure us!

Daisy and I did that a couple of days ago. I think we are all starting to read each other's minds

Right, if I pop off for a while it's because I really need to tidy up, but first I need another bowl of coco pops!

bumperlicious · 24/05/2007 10:33

Before I go, does anyone else keep getting freaked out by that banner ad on the right? - looks like a little boy is hanging himself! Freaking me out when I catch it out of the orner of my eye!

DaisysGotABigBump · 24/05/2007 10:36

Is that the silver elastoplast one....I've got Fairy at the minute!!

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foxybrown · 24/05/2007 10:38

I just get the salt one - the one with the pizza. Not helpful!

DaisysGotABigBump · 24/05/2007 10:41

Are you stalking me Ms Brown?....

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trendaverter · 24/05/2007 10:41

Actually it's really good talking to you guys, very reassuring.

I think your advice is brilliant...thank you v much

My Mum is typical supermum and doesn't understand what my problem is, one sister is infertile, the other lives in the US, my MW/GP not interested, I have felt very alone and tearful sometimes but it is good to know that actually I am not alone xxx

DaisysGotABigBump · 24/05/2007 10:42

gotta get on, but just can't drag my arse outta this chair....

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foxybrown · 24/05/2007 10:43

You've always got us!

Yes, I am Daisy! Where shall we go next?

fatsuitgirl · 24/05/2007 11:03

Okay, I'm over this hot weather. I mean, it's fab, really, but enough already - I'm getting puffier by the second...

Foxy, lovely post re, bonding. Really touching.

Three more weeks. I think I'm entering the moany part of pregnancy - I feel like one of those old bats from EastEnders, huffing and puffing and whinging about everything. And there isn't even anyone here to hear me...

foxybrown · 24/05/2007 11:04

I'm here! I was beginning to feel guilty because everyone else is obviously being more productive that me this morning!

How much longer Catsuitgirl?

foxybrown · 24/05/2007 11:05

Read the post Foxy!

Sorry! Three more weeks. I have 5, so am counting 7.

DaisysGotABigBump · 24/05/2007 11:07

12 days

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DaisysGotABigBump · 24/05/2007 11:08

One of the school run mums said this morning that my bump was reaching "comedy proportions".....cheeky witch!

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foxybrown · 24/05/2007 11:09

Did you poke her in the eye?

Everyone saying to me "Aren't you big?" Yes, there's a fucking baby in there.

"Are you sure its only one?"

OH FUCK OFF!

DaisysGotABigBump · 24/05/2007 11:10

LOL FSG at the moaning old women...when I roll over in bed I sound like a ward full of geriatric patients.

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