Due in Sept '07 - part 5 - '.... Half Way to Heaven......?'

[Hopeitwontbebig]

Hope you all don't mind about the new thread. We've been AGONISING over the name

oops, double post!! thanks for the pilates dvd tip seamonster... I'll have a look and see if I can get a copy. Back not sore yet, but would be nice to avoid the horrors!

gosh is that true about bfing tinkjon? the baby has to take the whole nipple and areola in their mouth? Mine are gigantic... I mean it!! About the size of a large plum (the areola, not the nipple!) My poor baby's going to have to dislocate his jaw too!!! No point worrying now, but that sort of thing hadn't even occured to me! I know that nipples darken so that the baby can find them easily, dh keeps joking we'd have to have a sight check done on ours if he can't find the nipple, not only are they HEEEUUUGGGE they are also soooo dark!

Congrats rin and laksa, more girls, wow!

HIWBB - thanks for the breastfeeding link; my favourite is "formula feeding is associated with lower IQ" - now I can tell people that I would be much cleverer if my mother had only breastfed me .

laksa - it is true that there are lots of problems that can crop up with breastfeeding, but they generally don't all happen to the same woman! I found breastfeeding quite straightforward the first time, mainly because I had good support from my midwives and DH. Like anything else, just take it one day or even one feed at a time - you may surprise yourself and find yourself a month on sitting in a cafe having a latte with bubba happily slurping away .

mrsmar - if you don't mind me asking, what put you off the NCT classes? I did an intensive 2 day course first time round and really enjoyed it. The main benefit of course is the other mums you meet, I still meet up on an almost weekly basis with 2 mums from the group. Our children are practically like siblings. Even if you don't do the classes I would recommend joining the NCT and going along to a postnatal tea, which is another chance to meet local mums. Our local chapter also do a great magazine which gives info about playgroups and baby/toddler classes and has some great articles too.

I am still not ready to buy anything, what is wrong with me? I am normally a shopaholic .

Mrs Mar, the baby has to take in most of the areola, but not all... my plan was to bottle-feed expressed breastmilk until my DD's head got big enough to cope with me That only lasted 2 months though and then I couldn't cope with it anymore. I saved my last bag of frozen expressed b/milk for the day of her 2-month jabs and then it was formula after that. LOL at the plum thing though - I'm exactly the same

I wouldn't worry about the areola thing. (!) Mine are large too and no way would they have been able to take them all in as well! IIRC the advice is to aim the babies nose to the nipple when their mouth is open and then latch them on. For me there was always plenty of areola on show above the babies mouth. (In fact that's the reason I was never a big fan of feeding in public as I'm a bit shy about them, that and the leaking issues I had!) Don't forget that babies are born knowing how to feed.

As an aside, I agree with previous comments about midwives at the hospital being too busy to give you much time for bfing advice. In my local hospital there are several 'nursery nurses' and it was these ladies who were invaluable to me. They were less rushed and a lot more supportive and compassionate. It might be worth looking out for these when you get there. Tbh, if I had bfing queries or problems I would seek these out first rather than the mws. (I have every respect for the extremely knowledgeable mws but they always have so much to do with so little time). I've no idea if its universal, but the nursery nurses at my hosp wear a pinky mauvy uniform. They were brilliant.

hi all
I had heard really good things about nct classes?! I rang the other night and they're going to send me all the details. What is everyone else doing?
I'm trying to avoid cleaning the house, my dh says we don't need our cleaner now that I'll be off soon
ttfn

Morning guys,

Picked up new car yesterday afternoon, sooo nice not to have to bend down to get into the seat...and I now have a huge boot, yippee

I second the aerola thing as I remember watching my mum breastfeed my brother (i was ten) and he didn't take the whole lot in but just alot of it.

Chatty, I would ask the inlaws to come for just a week but it seems a bit wrong when they are travelling all the way from southafrica...normally I am very assertive but I just don't want to turn what should be a happy time into one which makes others miserable/upset.

Enormous changes, thanks for the advice re breastfeeding. I think sometimes we are bombarded with so much info that it can be a little overwhelming and can make you feel like everything is just going to collapse on top of you at once (hope that makes sense) For example I remember how my mum breast fed my brother. She did 20mins on each side and then swapped if he was still hungry whereas nowadays they recommend you try to empty one breast entirely then put the baby on the other till he stops, but won't that make you lopsided and also feel a little full on one side??

kinki, sorry you had a bad time yesterday. Maybe you can cheer yourself up by going to buy some gender specific baby clothes

Mrsmar, I am coming to the conclusion that reading books on childrearing etc is a fast road to worrying and obsessing over things that might never happen and which are largely out of your control. I mean all these books on baby routines and you will still have problems getting the baby to sleep in the first 3 months...these books still can't solve the problems of a screaming collicky baby. Our parents were lucky in some respects as they didn't get bombarded with so much advice all the time.

Tinkjon, I can't ask my inlaws to stay in a hotel as its just my motherinlaw coming over and there is space for her to stay and it just feels very unwelcoming. I am the type who likes to make ppl feel welcome and like to be a good hostess...its this part of my personality which is the basic problem, I know I am not going to feel comfortable with leaving my MIL to sort herself out and not being a good host. I also don't like slobbing around in front of ppl I hardly know. I know I sound stupid, I'll just have to get over myself or be rude and tell them they can't come. Am just trying to decide which is the better option.
I am going to end up feeling either guilty or resentful.

Canadianmum, I still haven't bought anything for the baby but am going to have to pull my finger out and book my birthing pool which I delayed till the scan as I didn't want to tempt fate. Don't think our hot water system is up to much so am going to go with a heated one which is going to be a bit expensive!

Hope everyone has a good bank holiday. I am off now to boss the dh into mowing the lawn before it starts pouring and he has an excuse to skive off

xx

Hi everyone, thanks for the advice about breast feeding. I was a bit concerned about the whole size issue, but it sounds like i should be ok! I measured them this morning and it's four fingers across! If he can't find 'em I'm going to have his eyes tested!

I hope you enjoy your new car Laksa, lucky you!

Canadianmum - about the whole NCT thing... My sister went to them and said that everything she learnt totally went out the window when she was actually in labour, she just did exactly what the midwife told her, and apart from pushing a bit too hard so she got a little tear, she said it's fine just to follow what they're saying. I've also got three friends who did NCT in different parts of the country who said similar things, plus they felt they weren't really given a balanced representation of different ways of managing your labour. There's the NCT way or the highway IYSWIM.

That sounds very harsh, I'm sure they're much nicer than that! I did have a friend who did NCT classes and loved them. I guess it's just whatever you feel is right, but I felt it wasn't for me. I would like to join an NCT mothers and baby group for the support after the birth, although I do worry I might be a bit of an outsider by then.

My friend who did NCT classes isn't terribly close to her sister or mother, and both of them were quite anti breastfeeding, so she felt quite isolated, and the NCT classes were really good at providing the support she needed. I'm fortunate enough to be very close (geographically aswell as emotionally) to my sister and mum, and I'm confident their support will be enough. Of course I could just fall apart and be a total wreck and need more than that, but I'll cross that bridge later!

Have a lovely bank hol everyone, I'm in work today (boohoo!)

Take care xx

Hi Lovely Ladies!

Hope everyone is well,Congrats to all on their recent scans,Is that all of the 20 wk ones now,looks like it from the stats list anyway.

Feel really knackered today DS had me up at 5:30 ,he`s now having a kip.DP has also gone back to bed as he went to Rutland and back this morning and is now knackered as well(anyone would think he walked it!)and even the dog has gone to bed!
I am sitting here,not in bed as the dick next door is mowing his lawn that will take him about 3 hrs but would take anyone else 30 mins.Think he goes over the same spot 10 times and the noise from the mower and the strimmer drives me mad.....Grrrrr!

On the lighter side MrsMar that was funny about measuring your nips,I measured mine too for a laugh .Sqaushed the nipple in and used the tape and they are 2.5 inches across!
Perhaps that ought to be another stat for us to list....only joking lets just stick to your idea for the names as I could really do with the help in that department, as the nips are managing on their own it seems.

Well done you Laksa ,a new car.My newbie to the household this week was a new flippin cooker! The other was shot,could have been fixed but it was one of those crap ones that have the integral grill in the oven bit so you cant use the oven at the same time as the grill so it was the final straw and it has now gone.
Re the breastfeeding books ...chuck em out,they will worry you stupid.I had a really easy time breastfeeding even though I also had to express and syringe feed DS as he was prem and used to get tired quickly on the boob so we had to do a mixture of both.But at about 2 wks old it was just done by boob.If you do have problems most accredited (sp?) breastfeeding hospitals have nurses that help purely with BF, worth asking at yours if you are worried .

Edie ,Well done to your DP for getting a new job...green light to still spend.

RE the nct clases,Not doing any either did`nt bother last time round ,friends who had had kids before me said that what they had learnt went out the window too and even the MW said you will know what to do and that they guide you at the hospital and she was right. I also had this strange idea last time that it was going to be real mummsey with women in navy smocks with white bows panting....... But I also agree with what canadiumum said about making friends and stuff, very useful if you dont know many people.

Shopping side ....have brought nothing ,cant seem to get moving with it.
Name front......No ideas.... not a sausage!

Have a good one girls.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Hello all,

re: NCT classes, I totally agree that if you have family/friend support then NCT might be a bit redundant. I can also honestly say that I remember virtually nothing about the actual education bit other than "move around as much as you can" during labour and "babies cry a lot - get over it!". But I definitely recommend a small NCT class if you don't have a lot of family or friends around (funnily enough most of mine are in Canada ). A friend of mine did the hospital course with 25 other people and hasn't seen one of them since.

Is anyone planning on buying a baby hammock? I have heard great things about them but DH is sceptical. They are £150 but if they help reduce sleep deprivation I might go for it.....

laksa - your MIL situation is very difficult. My relatives tend to stay for between 1-3 weeks when they come and I have asked my father and stepmother to wait until end of October to come. BUT they are only staying for 1 week and are really easy and can easily pick up clues that we need some space and will then go out for the day. Is your MIL the type to just sit with you all day and evening or will she do some sightseeing or visit other friends/relatives? Is she a helpful sort of person - i.e. will she take the babe for walks and cook you dinner? Is there anyone else she can stay with just for part of the visit? You could try speaking to her to gauge what she has planned during her visit - if she says "oh nothing" then you might want to put her off! Similarly, if you think she will be expecting you to cook for her and entertain her then definitely put her off. You could mention that babies have a crying peak at 6 weeks (true) so might be better to see smiling bundle of joy at 5 months .

wot a rotten wet day! i am meant to be having a weekend of pampering and relaxation. so far my appointment for a pedicure went pear shaped (not written down, no space) and today it's too wet to venture out without wellies (not quite the thing for spending my lovely space nk vouchers) so i'm cleaning and tidying! save me!

on breastfeeding - honestly don't fret too much until you get there - you might not have any problems at all but on the one side then the other thing, well, opinion is divided. my gp (v old fashioned and a bit strict and scary) told me fifteen mins on one side then fifteen mins on the other and never let the baby go to sleep whilst feeding as she must learn discipline and the breast requires work. er. i ignored her! current advice is, i think, empty one side and then offer the other. the baby will take what s/he needs from second side. the important thing is to remember to start from that side next time round. lopsided, yeah, prob a bit but doesn't really matter or show.

on the areola thing, the idea is, as has been said, to aim nipple at nose so it is to top of babies mouth and the areola below the nipple is either all or mostly in the babies mouth. this prevents the baby sucking just on the nipple (ouch! no mistaking it when it happens) and allows the babies lower jaw (which works quite hard when feeding, as my gp said) to do the work getting the milk out. they don't just suck it out, they sort of massage it out as well. this jaw movement is something you can look for if you're not sure position is correct.

ps for the record one of the loveliest sights in the world for me was dd feeding herself to sleep. she'd drink her fill and her eyes would roll back in her head and she would fall asleep. bang, like that. with this wonderful happy sated look on her face. the very image of blissed out satisfaction. i wouldn't have missed that for the world.

hey ho i'm back from the wilds of Andalucia.
Glad to see good scans and sorry to see people having crap times.
Just wanted to pop in and say hi to you all, will post properly later.
S
xx

Tinkjon, thank you so much for your message about enjoying first few days with lo and that if ff-ing is the way to do that then not to feel guilty. When I was in hosp with ds1 i spent the first 4 days battling with the mw's to be 'allowed' to ff as I'd started to dread feeding time (ds just wouldn't latch) then the mw who was with me for labour/delivery came on duty for the first time since ds was born and asked me if I was enjoying my baby. I just burst into floods of tears and all my woes came tumbling out. She reassured me that it my decision and I shouldn't allow myself to be pressured into doing something I didn't want to do as I would never be able to 'get back' those early days with ds. Like you said, Tinkjon, it was wonderful to be given permission to ff and from that conv I never looked back. I worry though as I'm determined to ff this lo and enjoy the first days this time, but when my mw asked me about feeding at my check up last week she started to make me feel guilty all over again. I just hope that my resolve doesn't disappear altogether by the time lo is born. may need some moral support in the days leading up to the birth (cs booked for 31st aug) x

Loopy, I'd probably try not to worry too much about it now, as you might find that it is dead easy to bf this coming baby - I've had friends who struggled with bf-ing as much as I did with their first, but with their 2nd it was totally problem-free. So you might not have any worries with it at all. But what you could do is maybe put in your birth plan that you are expecting to ff and then if it's written down, your decision will seem more official and you might not get so much pressure. Or you might not get any pressure at all because of having different mw's this time round. Good luck!

Hello lovelies,

Hope you all had a lovely bank holiday and that the rubbish weather didn't spoil too many plans. My trip to see the in laws went ok - DH's parents insisted on taking us baby things shopping and bought us a car seat so that was really lovely of them. As ever the only slight irritation was my sister in law and her bloke. Sanctimonious does in no way do these two justice. They turned up on Saturday when we were all having gin and tonics, apart from me obviously who just had tonic. The first thing that blokey said to me upon seeing me was say "I hope there's not gin in that". Grrrrr. I really wanted to say "actually its my fourth and I'm just off outside for a cigarette". But I didn't because I love my DH and didn't want to cause a row.

What is it about being preggers that makes your behaviour public property and makes people that have never had kids feel entitled to give their opinion? I've just heard off a friend on IM (a friend that has no kids as yet) that a girl I used to work with had a birth that "wasn't painful - the TENS machine took all the pain away". Apparently this girl is now saying that natural birth make for a more contented baby and thats why her 2 week old baby "only ever cries when she's hungry". My first reaction was "bullshit" but then I just feel like a bitch for saying it. Am I just a cowbag or hormonal??? Answers on a tub of Ben and Jerrys please.

Hello everyone - wasn't the weather at the weekend pants?! I still had a lovely time haing out with my DH and DD1 doing soft play, swimming and sticking (cutting edge for 3 year olds!) but was such a shame not to get outside.

Pennypops respect for holding back on the G&T comment! and as for pain free births, making for happier babies and superior mummies, (although I really don't want to scare any first time mums as some of you hopefully will be lucky enough to have a easy birth), anyone thagt goes around saying that labour is a doddle and having had a natural (and no pain relief) makes them superior with a more content baby should (in my world!) be shot!

I actually used to work with a girl just like that who claimed (as if it made her a saint) to have had a totally natural labour with no pain relief and how she felt anything else was really wrong and dreadful for the baby, on a work night out after several glasses I got her to admit her pain relief free home birth actually involved drinking 2 bottles of red wine and downing half a pack of paracetamol at the same time (apparently on the midwifes guidance, mind you that's Brighton for you ) In additon for her second birth she had every time of relief going at the local hospital - humm, not so superior now eigh! hee hee do you think she touched a nerve with me and my love of pain relief?!

Chattyhan - hows things honey, any better with your partner, hope you had a good weekend and are ok

everyone else - hope all of you are ok and happy

FilBrit x

BTW I didn't mean to sound as if I was dissing natural labour, I have total respect for anyone who does this. I just don't like the superior holier than though attitude that some people can develop about this - although I know that doesn't apply to anyone on this thread as you are all lovely

Evening everyone,

I assume you're all busy doing lovely things as it's so quiet on the message front.

I totally agree with you penny about others thinking we're public property just for being pg. I had one drink on my birthday, the first alcohol to pass my lips in 5 months and the amount of comments that came my way "you shouldn't be drinking that" etc made me so mad and spoiled my evening. Also I was in a local shop a little while ago and some jumped up little saturday girl thought it was ok to tell me that I've got it easy and that I must think I'm too posh to push as she overheard me talking to my friend about my forthcoming cs. I don't think I can repeat on here what I said back to her little moo! Why is it that it is always people who have no children/never been pg that think it is ok to pass judgement?

Anyway on a lighter note I am so excited that we're nearly entering the last trimester. Can you believe how the time has flown?! This friday I have 13 wks left

xx

Midwife appt today. Apparently i have got a right chunka-munka growing in me. No surprise really as my mum had four from 8-10lbs.
Also got blood pressure on the floor, again no surprise as i have v. low pressure anyway. But at least it explains total lack of peripheral vision! MW told me to eat all the time (at least that's how i interpreted it as). And i have to rest as much as possible which i reckon means i just have to do what i want and have a get out of jail free card for the crappy chores. But all exceedingly healthy and going well.
Quote from holiday - DP took one look at my now enormous boobs in bed one day and just said "well i don't know what you expect me to do with those".
Back to work tomorrow - yuck.
xx

Hi all,

Hope you all had a good bank hol - despite the weather. MIL had DS all weekend and i went to pick him up monday and got back last night. Wow - what a nice break! So i enjoyed lie ins and afternoon naps and a fairly quiet restful time - bliss!

Thanks for the concern filbrit.
DP still hasn't made up his mind whether he's going or staying so i'm still in limbo. We had a couple of rows over the weekend cos i just didn't feel he was even trying to make it work. He reluctantly took me out for a meal and went out sat and sun night with friends and even though i asked to join him - he wouldn't let me!
We are still talking and had a calm chat last night about the weekend, how i felt he wasn't even trying and his parents opinion. The bottom line seems to be that he doesn't love me anymore and doesn't think he ever will. He doesn't want to stay just for the kids. I wake up every morning hoping he'll say it was a funny five mins and of course he wants to spend his life with me! But it's been 2 weeks since he dropped this bombshell!

As for pregnancy - i'm 24 wks and starting to feel niggles in my back and hips. definately having to move more slowly and carefully. The baby is very active and i can see movement when i stare at my bump!

Morning all just as i was starting to fear getting webbed feet the sun has come out in norfolk. We had a boring bank holiday w/end we drove 40 odd mile to swimming pool to find it packed and they were not letting anyone else in!
I think my spd is coming back i had to sleep with a pillow between my legs last night and i feel like i have been kicked in the crotch which as you can imagine is not much fun! Lo is always kicking me but i dont know how she is managing it as she digs me in the ribs and then kicks me really low down. When i was scanned last she was completly transverse though! My bump is competely unimpressive someone asked me if i was still pg the other day
Anyway dd1 is nagging to use laptop!
Sophie x

Filbrit - thank you for your words on natural birth superiority complexes. I don't know why I let things get to me sometimes but its nice to know that some Mums actually tell the truth x

I'm totally with you Loopy on last trimester happiness - I am 26 weeks today which I think is the official start of last trimester. So exciting!! My munchkin celebrated by keeping me awake for about 2 hours last night having a party. The kicks keep getting harder! Kind of nice though

Chatty - I'm still thinking of you hon. I'll keep hoping everything works out for you x

Oliviaelanasmum - what does transverse mean? is your lo at a funny angle?

Morning ladies,

Chatty, I am so sorry you're having to go through this, I just want to give you a hug! He is being very unfair leaving you in such a state of limbo, stay strong, we are always here if you need a virtual shoulder to cry on.

Enormous changes, thanks for the advice will stop fretting over breastfeeding and move onto another subject . I agree about the beauty of seeing a baby breastfeeding, its one of the main reasons I want to try it as I want to experience my own child getting 'drunk' on my breast!

Canadianmum, MIL is probably the type to try to help but her health isn't that great at the moment and I wouldn't be happy letting her vacuum, iron etc. I spoke to her on saturday as she rang and we had a lovely talk about babies etc. I agreed to her coming over when the baby is about 6 weeks old then she drops a bombshell on me and says it would be nice for us to arrange the christening whilst she is there I put her off saying we were still discussing it...actually I hadn't even thought that far ahead and can't imagine arranging it that early. MIL's you give them an inch....

This is turning into another whinge, but I also found out the other day that my dh (I am gritting my teeth on the 'dear') is going away on business for a whole month in January...am a little at the moment.

Pennypops, I sympathise with you. I am going to a wedding at the end of June and have decided to have a glass of wine when I get there and woebetide anyone who tries to tell me different.

Sophus, PMSL about your dh comment on your boobs, mine sometimes stares at mine in disbelief and is probably thinking the same thing as yours!

Hope everyone is doing well.

xx

ooh just a quick question. I had my last midwife appointment at 16 weeks then my 22 week scan but nobody has told me when I need to book my next midwife appointment. Does anyone know roughly how long after your 22 week scan you see the midwife??

I have called the midwife/hospital number (princess royal farnborough) and left a msg but they haven't responded yet.

Chatty - just ot let you know we are all thinking of you right now. You will come out of this one way or the other, and whatever happens with your other half there is a life out there waiting for you and your kids and you will get there and enjoy it with or without him. I'm sure that amongst all the MTB's on here there are untold stories which have brought us to the place we are in now.

Laksa - i have an appt with MW or dr every 4 weeks, and at every appt i make sure they tell me when the next one is and who it will be with. And once i am past 30 weeks i think it's every two weeks. But i know that areas differ and it also depends on age and risk factors etc etc so probably best ignoring all i say!
S
x