Due in Sept '07 - part 5 - '.... Half Way to Heaven......?'

[Hopeitwontbebig]

Hope you all don't mind about the new thread. We've been AGONISING over the name

Wow, it's great that there are all you lovely ladies with all these tips. I had NO support when trying (and failing) to BF my two. With all your help I think I might make a success of it this time. . . . .watch this space

I bottle-fed my DS when he was a baby but this time I would like to try using breast milk. The thing is, (I don't know whether this is going to sound really odd) but I can't stand the idea of actually breast-feeding. Will the hospital let me feed expressed milk right from the beginning? Do many people do that? Or do they make a huge fuss about the bonding thing and skin contact and all that?

Rhubarb, nothing is odd about how you feel. The hospital have an obligation to support you in the choices you have made. I really hope and expect that they don't pressure you or anyone into doing what is not comfortable and right for you.

Ds2 was semi-conscious for a while after birth and had to be fed with a ng tube for a bit. I wanted to express rather than use formula but I found it hard to express colostrum. It literally came out drop by drop and was caught by a midwife with a syringe at my nipple - not pleasant at all. But they did tell me that as he was poorly even a few drops would make a big difference to him as it is so nutritious and calorific. He was topped up with formula for a couple of days through his tube until my milk came in. I've no idea of other people's experience though in the early days.

As to bonding and skin contact. Both can be achieved absolutely and totally perfectly however you give your baby nutrition. Its not synomonous (is that the word?) with breast feeding.

About not standing the idea of bfing, I kind of had a similar feeling but from the opposite aspect: my boobs were off limits to my dh for the duration of bfing, because I felt they had a different non-sexual purpose for that time. I didn't like him touching me there. But I know not everyone feels that way at all.

Hopey, to not be able to bf is not 'to fail'. All it is, is time to find another way of getting nutrition into your baby. Which you must have done. So you must have succeeded!

Sorry about the long posts about bfing, but it really bugs me when I see mums getting pressured and hassled instead of supported. I just hope everyone gets to do what they want to do and feel happy about it.

Thanks so much for your reply kinki. I will ask the MW about this but since this is my second pregnancy I don't have an appointment for another seven weeks. I did wonder whether expressing milk was easy or even possible straight away. I will have to wait and see what MW thinks I suppose. I'll probably end up using formula and being made to feel guilty about it again. Sigh.

Hi All,

Sorry for not posting for ages. We were away for a week and it took forever to catch up on the posts. Sorry to hear some of you are having a tough time. Hope things improve soon.

Rhubarb90 - I had a friend who expressed from the beginning because she didn't like the thought of actually bf'ing. She only managed it for a few weeks but was pleased she did it. She was just straight with the hospital / midwives from the start. It's your decision after all.

TinaLC - If you want to mix feed I wouldn't leave it too long before introducing a bottle. I b'fed my daughter and gave her some bottles very early on as she was so hungry. I then stopped and it then took 10 months before she would accept a teat again. I found she preferred the Tommee Tippee closer to nature bottles as they have more boob like teats. If she sees the teats today she still calls them boobies.

I'm off to the consultant tomorrow. I've hadpain down my right side for over a week now that makes it really difficult to walk or move on occasion. I thought it was ligament pain at first but it doesn't seem to be going away. The doctor was no use and I can't get hold of the midwife. I got through to the consultants office by mistake and they were really helpful and booked me an appointment straight away. Baby's still moving so hopefully it's nothing to worry about and just me being paranoid.

Hope everyone's having a nice week. Lovely to see the sun again today

xx

Managed to cross post.

Rhubarb90 - I did manage to express from an electric pump the hospital leant me within the first few days as I found getting to grips with feeding so difficult in hospital. It didn't come together for me until I got home. Don't be made to feel guilty if you end up using formula. Your baby will still be getting great nutrition and will still be getting just as much love which is much more important.

Hi everyone!

tinalc - great news about your scan!

Edie - glad you had a lovely holiday, sorry to hear about your DP, I hope the job hunt goes well

HIWBB - glad to hear you're feeling better

CC - what is our boss like, she sounds like a nasty silly moo

In regard to advice, I've only got one DD so am hardly a mummy guru and personally hate to be given advice so please feel free to ignore or dissagree with my token advice about feeding and coping with a new LO.

I think loopy gave really good advice in regard to buying some pre-mixed formula and pre steralised bottled just in case. Also take a look in the post natal ward if you give birth in hospital, my ward had a massive stash of single use steralised bottle (sorry I know it's bad for the environment I know, but very good for the post natal hormones so is not to be underestimated!) that you could take for free as they had donated by milk companies, I took a bagfull and never regretted it! Even if you are really keen to bf be gentle with yourself as it may not work or your baby may be really hungery so you need additional bottle feeds etc and kinki is so right about happy mummies making happy babies. One of the main things I really learnt with DD1 is that it's so important not to put too much pressure on yourself and if bf works fantastic, or if it doesn't work or if you don't want to bf you're not a bad mummy and your baby will be just fine, and sometime a bottle feed (expressed or formula) can be just what the doctor ordered as full tummies help make happy babies and there is a lot of relief to be had by knowing how much milk your LO has drunk. I also recently learnt that I was totally bottle fed (ask your mum you may be surprised at the answer!) but I like to think I turned out ok!

In regard to coping although not easy it's ok and you'll be amazed on what you can do. If you can have support to help the more help the better, my parents actually came to stay the first week and took the night shift so me and DH could sleep. I know this is not normal and we were very spoilt and the week after was a shock when I then found myself alone!, but what this week taught me was that even if you're alone with no partner and no support althought it's no walk in the park it's ok and you will cope and be so proud of what you can do. Forget about housework and don't try to do too much; Sleep or nap if you can when the baby sleeps, eat regularly (give yourself a few weeks before you work too hard at getting the extra weight you gained off) and in my case I kept an emergency supply of chocolate and caffine to keep me going! Don't try to rush out of the house too soon, but once you feel ready do try and find a mums and toddlers club etc so you build up a support network and have friends to support you, meet to push buggies together and to have fun with.

Also don't feel pressurised by all the experts, books, magazeins all of whom have such strong opinions abot the right way to do everything in a certain way, but what I used to think was that perhaps there is no "right" way (as long as you don't drop your LO on her head etc ) and in fact I was the only mummy my dd knew and to her everything I did was "right" for her and she loved me for it.

Blimey I am full of opinions, I think it's time I stopped! I really hope my views haven't offended anyone, sorry if I have, off my soap box now...

FilBrit xx

Spangly - I crossed posts with you - hope you're ok and good luck with the consultant tomorrow

xx

Hello! I'm due in September so I wondered if I might join you? I will be very honest and tell you that I have not read the rest of this, but will do so. Probably.

Hi Seamonster im new too!

Good advice Filbrit.

I bf my ds for 5 months but I am not going to this time round (well, I may try the first week whilst DH is around to help out with ds). I just know I spent most of my time sat bf'ing ds and I just won't be able to sit for an hour at a time with a 2 year old running around.

You just have to do what you most feel happy with otherwise you will be unhappy/stressed and so will your lo.

Be strong and don't let the midwives bully you

Hi all

Glad you had a good hol edie but sorry you had to come home to the job issue!

Hello to oliviaelanasmum and seamonster - congrats on your pregnancies and welcome to the club!

I agree with all the advice given on bf-ing but just to add - i bf for 5 months with DS1 - he was very hungry all the time and by 4 1/2 months i had to supplement with formula to meet his appetite. I found bf-ing satisfying and a good bonding experience - it was hard for the first couple of weeks but once i'd got the hang of it i found it easy! I didn't have to cart ready made bottles etc with me, or make them up, or worry about the hastle of sterilising. DS had to have infant gaviscon in a bottle mixed with breast milk so from 6 wks i got into the habit of regular expressing and DS got used to a bottle - he wouldn't take a normal teat and i had to experiment with a few before i found a boots orthodontic one that worked!

There are bf-ing support groups around i went to my local NHS one - i didn't have an issue feeding in public but if i was going somewhere i thought it could be difficult then i took a bottle!

Can't remember who said it! but i'm a bit worried how DS will cope with me tied to the sofa feeding for hours on end but i'll cross that bridge when i need too! Bf-ing is definately cheaper and i'll aim to to it a bit longer this time if it's working for lo and me!

Just to echo - do whatever feels best for you and lo - there is no 'right' way when it comes to DC, despite what MIL may say! One of the biggest things i had to learn was listening to all the advice (some of which you'll know to be drastically out of date) and smile and say 'thanks we'll give it a try'!

I must admit, I too have wondered how I'll be able to bf with a 2yo running around. I've also got a 7yo and I am hoping that when he's not at school he'll keep the other one amused.

Ds1 was 5 when ds2 was born and the way I coped with it then, was to sit ds2 on the arm of the armchair while I fed ds1, and read to him or got him to read to us (he was just starting to read in reception year). Not sure that would work so well with a 2yo though. We'll see.

Can I just share my immediate worry with you guys? Nothing to do with bumps or babies though. Ds1 has a dressing up day at school today, the theme: a character from a well know animal book. I've just dropped him off, and the playground was a menagerie of gorgeous looking kiddies dressed in all sorts of animal costumes, with a smattering of Alice in Wonderlands, Tiggers, Cat in the Hats to name but a few. My little boy wanted to be ...... the birdman of Alcatraz, don't ask. So amongst all the beautiful animals and children's characters there's my son dressed in convict uniform with bird and shackles as a pimping, drug using, alcoholic murderer. What have we done (or rather what has dh done, it was his idea). What will they think of us? I should have taken up my friend's offer of a donkey costume shouldn't I? If you think you worry when they're babies, just wait till they're older. I can't stop cringing and worrying. Oh b*gger!

kinki, how funny!! Men eh!! My two dressed up as Aragorn and Legolas from Lord of the Rings, this was when my youngest was in reception !! How are you feeling at the moment?

Chatty - how are things with your DP?

Welcome on board seamonster!!

All newbies, make sure you add your details on our September stats page , just copy the newest list (at the top) and paste onto a new message entering your details. How many are there of us now? I love it!

Edie - Glad you had a good holiday, sorry to hear about your DH's job

I hope everyone's enjoying the sunshine today. x

Breathing better now thank you, steroids are working again. Can now walk a bit without getting out of breath, and hold a conversation ok. Things ok your end? I mean at your end, not your end obviously, iykwim!

These little ones grow up way too quickly don't they.

thanks for slotting me in the stats hopeitwontbebig, sorry not been around on this thread much, i am watching and listening but i seem to miss so much due to working that i have missed half the things i want to talk about by the time i come to read them! but i am here and sharing all your lives with you as you post!!

Kinki, so glad you're feeling a bit better. I know what you mean about them growing up so fast. I've been saying to DS2 to not grow up since the age of 6 months, he'll be 8 in a couple of weeks , and my eldest is 10!! They are going to seem SOOOOOOOOOOOOOO grown up when this little one arrives.

You're funny , things my 'end' are a lot better. No more spotting , just dealing with the bones in my pelvis starting to fall apart ! Anyway, this is nothing compared to what you are going through!! Do feel for you.

I started writing this over an hour ago, I've been on the phone to my lovely lovely friend who went through exactly the same things as me at the same stage of her pregnancy, her little boy'll be 2 next month.

kerri, you're welcome. I know.. this thread moves so fast because there are SO many of us!!!! Don't worry, just fill us in your day!

Good morning - posting legitimately from work whilst my pc tries to find a document that I have started to write and can no longer find...my brain is absolute mush.

Lovely to see even more new people (slightly anxious that there will be space to deliver let alone stay in hospital come September ). Hope all is well.

Ds2 has suddenly realised that the new one will have to be accommodated somewhere in the house and has announced that since it was our idea, he can jolly well share our room! No sharing in any form for him and ds1. Must remember to sit down some time and actually talk to dh at some point so we can make a decision on our basement conversion (house prices continuing to spiral here but didn't like reports of a fall from next year...that's not in the game plan if we're going to extend our mortgage!).

Have to confess to being quite grumpy today - too much broken sleep last night. We are having bed-wetting issues with ds2 (could be unrelated or could have medical links to his lack of growth hormone - roll on the Endo visit next week) so have finally persuaded him into pull-ups as an interim measure...he was up at 2 because he wanted them changed as he had weed in them - suppose it's better than stripping the bed and having laundry to do but still...

Hope that all those with medical issues are getting lots of rest and pampering - continued worries are so stressful. Take care.

Hi everyone,

Rhubarb, just to say that I felt incredibly pressured by the hospital staff to bf and it took 4 days of saying I would like to try bottle (as ds was tongue-tied and couldn't latch on) before they would 'let' me. They can't stop you bottle feeding from the start if that's what you would like to do (after my experience last time I def don't even want to try breast cos I felt I really didn't enjoy the first few days with ds due to the constant battle) but you do need to sound confident and be firm when you tell the mw this.

As soon as I fed ds with a bottle for the first time I felt like a huge huge weight had been lifted from my shoulders. I know not many people will agree especially as we are all told repeatedly that 'breast is best' but I am definitely a believer in the happy mum = happy baby argument. The mw's did make me feel guilty and that if i chose bottle that I would be failing my baby. He's now a happy, healthy 15-month old and I have no regrets.

I can't remember who said it but bottle-feeding is also no guarantee of a quick feeding time. my friend's ds is still taking nearly an hour to get through a bottle at 15wks.

the advice about disposable bottles and ready made formula - i forgot to say that I did mean just for the first few days. it would be ridiculously expensive on the pocket and to the environment to use this method in the long term, but def helps stunned new parents until they work out how to make up bottles from scratch.

I have just entered my bits on the stats link, I hope it's ok.
Some of you seem to be having a 'trying' time of it at the moment, good luck to you all. Hello to oliviaelanasmum and everyone else.

Ah, I see the bf/ff debate is here too. Do what you can, be prepared. I ended up ff my first 2 and bf no 3 and (hopefully) no4! To be honest there seems to be no difference in them. Of course bf is best, but none of us are stupid and we all do our best how-ever we end up feeding our babies.

Pennypops - thanks for the advice re neutrogena cream for spots, i bought some today - hopefully that will zap the little s*ds

Hi Seamonster and olivaelenasmum - welcome to the thread!

Hannahsaunt - good luck with the endo - broken sleep is a killer I know

Kinki - your DS1 sounds like a total little dude, loving that outfit! also glad your breathing is more sorted

HIWBB - great news that your spotting has stopped, sorry about your bones though

Hope everyone was enjoying the sunshine today, I had a mw appointment this afternoon and got to hear the heartbeat again, which was lovely

FilBrit xx

Hello - DS has been saying "baby" for a while when I ask what is in my tummy and I said to him today - "say hello to the baby" so he said hello and then spontaniously kissed my bump - made me cry - thought I would share......

Nettee

That's SO SO CUTE! No wonder you cried, I almost cried just now reading your post! I think your DS is going to love the baby very much... x