Due in June - big tum, spreading bum

[derlor]

hello

The kids are watching tikkabilla (doesn't do it for me I'm afraid) and are wanting to visit a local farm. Anyone know when the danger stage passes for sheep and lambing? Meant to ask MW last appt but she was on a home delivery and I saw someone else and forgot. Don't have another appt for 3 weeks (I'm sure I used to go more often with the other two. Maybe that was the AND?)
Must go and embrace housework...
Have a good day!

Well that's the problem. The streets are paved with dogshit round there, though there are a couple of parks about 10-15 minutes away. MIL is 68 though and although quite fit has problems with her knee etc, and I can't take her out.

SIL has a nursery at her work though and they've said they could take her, so that could be an option if DD is ok with it, as I think we'll be spending quite a lot of time there over the next couple of months. Might be good actually as they speak english there and there are kids from many different backgrounds, she might get to do new things.

RE MONEY. We have none either. (which just makes the hours he works worse). Car boot sales and charity shops are my favourites, expecially if you go to a really affluent area where things aren't completely worn out when people get rid of them (unlike my stuff which no-one will want!) It's hard and depressing. I always try to think that people used to be a lot worse off then we are now when six children shared a bed and had to go to work in the mills at 14, but it doesn't help with the week to week stuff does it!
Thank goodness for virtual friends where you can admit this stuff without being embarrassed.

Ria there was a thread about lambs in the pregnancy section not long ago - didn't read it myself but do a quick search for lamb and it should come up

It makes me feel a bit better that other people worry too. But you know what we are like on this thread - obsessed with shopping! But mostly it's ebay all the way for me! I should could my blessings really, we have a nice life, a lovely, if a bit run down, flat (I like to think of it as shabby chic!) but we sometimes shop in waitrose (it's the nearest supermarket!) and allow ourselves treats etc. But people keep telling us we should get on the property ladder before it's too late and I just get pissed off because we don't have any savings, we only have debts, we don't have well off parents to help us out (MIL is 78 yr old widow and my mum is a 46 yr old single mum shoppaholic who doesn't even own her own house!) and making us panic about buying a house just doesn't help. Our rent is quite a lot of money, but we love where we live and if we moved into a cheaper area it wouldn't be v nice and we'd be miserable. So I guess you make the choices you make and and take the sacrifices that go with them.

I guess every now and again I have a bit of a panic attack and think WE CAN'T AFFORD THIS BABY, but surprise surprise this is all part of a deeper issue that DH (who as you all know if practically perfect in every way!) doesn't have a v good job (though he works v hard 6 days a week) and doesn't seem to have the motivation/confidence to find anything better. His idea of job searching is getting the local job paper once a week (if he remembers) whereas if I was his age, with no career and a degree I'd be bloody knocking on doors. He always says "it's alright for you, you have your dream job and got it straight out of uni", damn right but i worked towards it for a YEAR before I finished my MSc.!

sorry, that was a bit long and venty! But at least if I say on here I might not say it to him - which really upsets him and is the one real trigger for us fighting. Sorry!

Money....don't even go there. DH and are are both quite well paid, but our mortgage is farking huge and we have two cars and various bank loans/credit cards etc.

Our saving grace for this maternity leave is that we can stop mortgage payments ofr 6 months. We still own our old house and rent it out, but to a friend and it only covers the mortgage....not like we're propoerty tycoons or anything. Our friend wants to buy it, but is waiting for his mum's estate to be settled before he'll have the money as he is an aging hippy who doesn't work and who won't be able to get a mortgage......would solve all our problems financially, as this house is gently falling apart about us and needs some desperate maintenance, but he's a friend of DH, and technically its his house, so what can I say?....

Anyway....one of my urget jobs before I go on to basic SMP is cancelling various subscriptions/charity donations/all unnecessary direct debits to make life a bit more comfortable....feel bad about Harry.....the Dog's Trust dog that I sponsor...but, better that bubba has nappies, than he has his pedigree chum

Big whinge over......

I know this sounds terrible but I NEVER give money to charities. As a web developer / designer I try and do a couple of pro-bono projects for charities each year (e.g. www.oxfordhouse.co.uk) but 90% of charities are staffed by middle class tossers who mean well but waste a lot of cash. I'd rather give them my time to do something useful than watch them spunk ££££s on 'admin' and focus groups.

Rant over!

Bumper, I think that if anyone actually sat down and looked at the figures, no-one would be having babies....I was a single parent with DS and was surprised at how little I actually spent when I was off so it wasn't as bad as I thought (mind you I did get tax credits which were a big help). Over the years my lifestyle has adjusted so that I'm spending pretty much as I earn, and we do do things like eat out a lot and lots of toys and treats for DS (OK, he is spoiled rotten). DH's passion is cameras, and mine is bags and shoes....and make-up, and CDs, and clothes ......but we'll just need to stop all that out and live simply. DH thinks that I should switch from JS to Aldi for the weekly shop, but although the food there is quite good quality, there's just no choice.....and, my justification for JS is that's where I get the bulk of my gluten free stuff as they have the best range.....that and I'm a total snob

Good point BadZ.....a friend of mine is horrified that I give to animal charities over people charities anyway....

As a web designer...maybe you could do some pro-bono work for me so that I can set up my on-line home made greeting card emporium

FFS. Just had a call from school. Apparently the training day that was today was actually in November and DS1 should be at school.
Actually am as it's the first chance we've had to spend the day with DH these holidays.
BOLLOCKS.
At least DH got out of bed to see who was on the phone - I was beginning to think about candles under smoke alarms, but it scares the living daylights out of the kids.

The man/job thing is SO PANTS bumper. DH does have ambition but catering jobs here are all crap and we can't afford to live where they would be better. And he's so over-obsessed with his job that it's always 6 days+ for no extra money and I get pissed off but can't really as it's that or nothing and we need the money however crap. IYSWIM.
Sorry, rant over for now as have to get ready for school! (Bloody homework not finished either...)

Daisy

We could be the same couple! DH's passion is cameras. Use to run his own business before he went to uni, but it folded, and I think that put him off doing it to make money. I keep telling him if he could do a couple of weddings a year we could pay off our debts! And obviously my passion is shoes and bags too (though I'm more of a quantity not quality type gal!)

I just hate being in debt. I didn't have a credit card unti I got married and now I've just got my third! (admittedly it is pink...!) We just have such differing views on money, I worry about it a lot, but that's what stops me spending it so much! I need the guilt. I know we'll manage, I just hate being in debt, and I hate the fact that we are both grown-ups, and I have my dream job that I spend 5 years and a hell of a lot of money training towards, yet we still live from month to month. I grew up on a council estate in a single parent family, where we would be given presents from the church at christmas, and social services would take us on holiday because my mum couldn't afford to. I know it's not nearly that bad for us now. The problem is I (we? society) just have higher expectations for ourselves now, especially when I have two bloody degrees! It perhaps wouldn't feel so bad if we were both in our early 20's but DH is 41 - he should have more ambition and be further along than he is! Instead I'm going to be someone who has to live with a tumble dryer in the front room because our flat is so small and we can't have it in the baby's room. That's sounds so incredibly snobbish and I should jolly well think myself luck for having a tumble dryer (in fact don't have much choice as communal flat, not allowed washing ling and only got storage heaters) but I don't want to be someone who has a tumble dryer in their front room!

Sorry, sorry I'll pick myself out of this totally selfish, self indulgent wallowing soon. What I really wish is that I was a more easily contented person who didn't care about things like that. I'm going to have some more coco pops and hope I snap out of this!

Ria

Does that mean you sent DS1 to school in November on a training day?

Yeah, the 6 days a week thing is pretty crap, but like you say, we need the money, however pants. And at least they have jobs and work hard. I could be married to a lazy arse who refuses to work.

It's ok - you can all come back now - I'm done whinging!

I have got bored of the garden now! Dd is still out there, but whenever I try and do any planting she comes and "helps"! It's very sweet, but soooo annoying! So far she has filled the watering can with soil, covered the patio with mud and put plants in her water table! It's actually quite funny, I'm going back out now to see what she does next!!

We have a tumble drier, but only because we did a dodgy insurance claim on one of our mobile phones and got Dixons/Currys vouchers!!!! I'm so bad!

I was going to post a long tread back to you Bumper.....I wasn't ignoring you, but my bank phoned to discuss my account (as it's so well run they've increased my overdraft facility and are trying to throw more money at me, LOL). Basically, it's DH that worries about money in our household, I'm more of the "if you've got it spend it brigade", but I also grew up in a pretty poor (but happy) family where there was never anything spare for luxuries and the cupboards were always empty...now, my store cupboard and toiletries shelf could probably survive a six month siege no problems. My upbringing probably explains the downright spoiling that DS gets as I want him to have all the things that I couldn't have .

I'm also really wasteful where fresh fruit and veg is concerned....we have the most expensive compost bin in the world as it regularly . But, it'll have to stop whilst I'm off work....I'll be turning alll those slightly soggy veggies into soup.

Don't worry about the whinge Bumper, I wouldn't want a tumble-dryer in my living room either. We are ok for the moment for money, but are buggered on the job security front, my DH gets 3 month consultancy contracts if he's lucky (recently he had one for 19 days ffs) his employers recently announced they were suspending all consultancies so don't know if his boss, who wants to keep him, will work aroun d that one. He has his fingers in various pies should he not continue in this job but it's a constant background stress. My work suffered when I had DD and was just picking up when I got pg again and I don't anticipate doing much for the next year.

Plus I don't know how anyone can get on the property ladder in the UK with ridiculous house prices, we were lucky and got our house at a good moment when prices here were quite low.

Ok, my rant over now too...

Ria...i had DS ready for school this morning, then had to check the calendar in a panic as I thought that maybe we had a training day too.....but it's the Monday after the May half term I was thinking about.

Anyway...off to JS to buy yet more tinned tomatoes .....well actually cleaning products to satisfy my nesting instinct....

Oh and I'm with Holly on the never pay full whack for anything front (well ok, if it's really nice then ocasionally) and you really don't need tonnes of stuff for babies like they try and convince you. I got very much the basics for DD as a baby. Nowadays I get nearly all her clothes in the sales and put them away for next year - that way she gets nice stuff that I like but doesn't cost a bomb.

Right, no more garden til this afternoon! Dd has covered the whole place in mud! There is mud in her water table, mud on her slide, mud all over the patio and mud all over dd! It is now time for chilling out in front of cbeebies for half an hour til lunch!

I do that too sputnik! I have boxes of clothes upstairs from the Next sale. I go mad and buy in bulk!

Mmmm...daisy I love tinned tomatoes! I have them on toast for breakfast or lunch almost every day! I have to buy about 10 cans every time I go shopping we go through so many.

Dp has decided he wants some Aboriginal art on the wall on the living room. He has already put the digeridoo up on the wall and now he wants some matching pics. I am now scouring the internet for inspiration as I'm going to have a go at painting some myself! He is a meany and is getting his own way in the living room, but won't let me have any Cath Kidston in the dining room !

Is there no end to your talents H&A??
getting totally muddy is the fun of gardening for them I think. My DD had a whale of a time at my mum's house, and she was off my back for ages too.

She loves getting muddy and generally making mess, but she gets really upset if she gets too dirty, so I have to stop her before she gets carried away! She's a funny little soul!

Ella never seems to care how dirty / injured she gets..it's quite traumatic sometimes as a parent as she loves playing with older boys but can't quite keep up with them.

Don't have tumble dryer or dishwasher - do have lovely wee garden for drying clothes in. Only managed to get on the ladder last december after a lot of years watching house prices going through the roof in brixton...still paying less now on mortgage than we were in rent before, and haven't had to compromise by moving to the sticks so I feel very lucky..even if I am the one paying most of the mortgage. Next job: get husband off bike and into more fulfilling and better paid career...

Thanks for the messages girls, I don't feel so bad now. The coco pops and a cinnamon and raisin english muffin certainly helped too!

For anyone interested in slings I found what looks like the perfect solution in one sling - baby buddha Let me know what you think. Only problem is they are canadian, but they do ship over here and DH read on another site that you don't have to pay canadian tax on them. Can't find a UK supplier but will let you know if I do.

Trying to catch up......phew!!!

Read some stuff re money...We are so skint most of the time, hardly ever eat out or go anywhere that costs money. Dp is unique in that he never really thinks about money, maybe like yours, bumper, he's so sensitive, thoughtful and caring but has no real ambition and certainly no hunter gatherer instinct to earn more money now that i'll be off work we're having a baby! We are very lucky that thanks to his mum and dad and dad's wife and the only well paid job I've ever had, we do own our flat, big interest only mortgage though which sometimes keeps me awake at night.
It's very tiring being the one that worries about money, I've learnt to check bills now since dp was in charge when we first lived together and the phone was cut off...letters from bailiffs Scary!!!!