March 2018 (Part Four)

[FuzzyOwl]

New thread!

Congrats on the results @mamasiz!

Congratulations on more healthy scans. Really relieved for you all. I know (more than most now unfortunately) how anxiety provoking it can be. If I'm lucky enough to get pregnant again, I'll be in such a state.

I wrote a long Facebook post about my MMC the other day, as nobody talks about it. It has helped a little. I won't post it on here, as it's a hard read, but I'm getting through each day. I'm no happier, but I'm working and surviving, and getting very good at pretending everything is alright. It's what you have to do in a society where miscarriage is taboo unfortunately.

Thank you @flatwhite31 good to hear from you. You have to just do what you can when going through and it can be so hard when everyone returns to normality so quickly.
Good for you for the post - I set up a website after mine as I felt so strongly about the fact it was such an 'unspoken' thing despite being so common. Writing about it can be therapeutic as well as getting the message across.

I've been worried this time, but I actually haven't been as bad as I thought until very recently bizarrely [thought I'd be even more chilled after 12 weeks] so you might surprise yourself and find that you deal with another pregnancy better than you expect. Hang on in there, sounds trite but it does get easier x

flatwhite I can promise you it does get easier though it takes time. I can't say how long as it's been different for me each time but I do know that talking about it, particularly on here with likeminded people (who have been through it too) really, really helped me. I could not have got through the MCs I had before DD without MN and I do believe if I'd come on here to talk last time it would have helped me enormously. PG after MC is not an easy ride and I personally don't relax until I have heard a HB after the latest point I suffered a loss (currently still totally panicking) There are some fab support groups on here though x

Thanks @BeckleinDisguise and @whyhastherumgone. The lack of aftercare has really affected me, and I can't help but thinking that if that was better, I'd be better than I am now. I'm still getting BFP too 3 weeks later, so my body is being taunting me too.

I also hate that I don't have the security of having had a healthy pregnancy. I keep seeing posts from people who have 2, 3, even 4 kids, but at least they know they can carry a pregnancy! I don't even have that security. It's hard when it's your first. It also doesn't help when your job (teacher) involves working with families where the parents don't give a shit about their children, and as a result the poor kids are damaged and in care. People like that seem to take drugs, yet get pregnant at the drop of a hat, yet here is me doing everything right and this happens! Arrrgh.

Thanks @Flatwhite31 and thanks for keeping checking in - I couldn't go anywhere near my antenatal thread after my mc so you're braver than I am. I know what you're saying about it being so hard with your first. I had the exact same worries about not being able to ever carry a baby, and no matter how many people told me it's quite common and most people go on to have a healthy child, it didn't reassure me as there was no guarantee it would happen for me. Equally though, (as far as you know?) there's no reason for you not to get pregnant again, and (more importantly) for you to be able to carry the baby to term.

I really do hope you get a BFN soon and can get back to TTC and then have a boring uneventful pregnancy as soon as possible after. It is still anxiety provoking, but for me it hasn't been as hard as I anticipated, I think because I know I have absolutely no control over what happens so I'm trying to just focus on each day of being pregnant rather than think too far ahead.

You've just echoed all my thoughts @hometownunicorn! Thank you so much. Xxx

I've developed social anxiety since it all happened, in that if I go anywhere that isn't work or home, I start crying. This is SO unlike me. Normally I love being out and about, and I'm difficult to pin down at weekends as I'm always doing something! It's the total opposite now. Anyway, we are going to a gig three hours from home tonight and staying in a hotel. I was all for cancelling it, but have decided to give it a go. Hopefully I'll be able to enjoy it. Already feeling tearful, but trying to fight it! I'm honestly a complete stranger to feeling like this, so it's all very alien to me.

It's so hard @Flatwhite31 It will get easier, maybe not completely better, but easier. Also remember you've had a loss and you're allowed to grieve as you would for any other loss. It's no less because you didn't get to meet your baby. I hope the gig tonight is good.

I totally get that flatwhite, I lost my first too and it really did taint my experience of pregnancy. I'd struggled to conceive in the first place and really thought I'd never be able to have children afterwards. It took a long time for my body to return to normal. The lack of aftercare is shocking, there is basically very little, if any, offered through the NHS. The school I work for offers counselling for people if they need it (whatever the reason) but I have never been offered it in the past. MN is a great place though and I have found much comfort here over the years x

HI, you probably won't remember me. I was on this thread back in June and July but unfortunately miscarried. You were all so lovely to me and I was genuinely gutted to leave the thread!
Just to update, I caught immediately am now 9 weeks pregnant (had scan yday) and due 24th April :)
I've just sat looking through all of your scan pics. So glad it's worked out for most of you and wishing you all the best moving forward. And thanks again for keeping me sane!
@flatwhite massive for you. It really is awful xx

Thank you @BeckleinDisguise. I was still getting a faint BFP yesterday which is ridiculous after 3 weeks. My body just wot let go, which is really upsetting.

@WhyTheHeckMe congratulations! Wonderful news. I had a MMC found at12 week scan. Had to have ERPC two days later. Looking very unlikely that I'll catch immediately as I'm still getting faint BFP, and I've got absolutely no AF signs whatsoever, so god knows what's going on with my body. The whole experience is a cruel joke, and I loathe my own body with every fibre of my being as a result AND I've developed social anxiety. I'm a shadow of the person I was. Really glad you're 9 weeks along though, that's so lovely. Hope everything works out for you.

@Whytheheckme , I do remember you and huge congratulations!! That's amazing news - I know you're April now not March, but do keep checking in with us won't you? I'd love to hear updates and will keep everything crossed for you this time.

@flatwhite31 do you have a nice GP? A friend of mine went back to the GP and had counselling after struggling to deal with a MMC. It might be worth it? You might find that once you get a BFN [which is a hard one, relief and sadness at the same time] that your body then starts getting back to normal and hormone levels even out so don't give up hope that you won't catch again any time soon just yet - even if TTC is the last thing you can think about right now - was certainly the case for me, I needed time to get over it. You might not think it but you're doing amazingly, even just talking about it on here.

Oh and btw I experienced a little social anxiety after too - I just couldn't cope being around people who didn't understand what I'd been through, where everybody was being so normal and seemingly caring about trivial things. I think it's a common side effect that sadly, like a lot of things about the experience, isn't discussed enough x

Anyone showing yet?

I feel like I'm starting to @blinkineckmum but am only just coming up to 13 weeks so am wondering if it's still mainly bloat?

Oh definitely @blinkineckmum 14 weeks and look huge by the end of the day. It's mainly bloat but I am defiantly a different shape from before. Bye bye what little waist I had 😂😂

I can't work it out. This is DC3. With DC1 I hid it from work until 20 weeks. With DC2 everyone guessed at 10 weeks. I am now 14.5 weeks and feel huge but beforehand I was very fit and slim, and have been eating so much and doing no exercise... I have put on weight and feel big, but maybe it's just fat??

I am! Some bloat after eating but definately have a little bump as my belly now pushes out from the top under bra and not just the bottom bit which is where the bloating/ chub is. And its all firm now

My GP is amazing @whyhastherumgone. I wish I could have her as a counsellor! The main problem is that I work flat out in term time & only have time for one evening activity a week, which I'm not prepared to give up (choir). If I was part time this wouldn't be an issue, but I'm not unfortunately. I know I should make time, but that's pretty much impossible as a full time primary teacher. The job is insanely busy and consumes your life. It's honestly a miracle I got pregnant in the first place with all the stress and exhaustion it creates. I also hate the idea of speaking to a complete stranger, although I'm sure most people feel like that before counselling. We have booked to go to New York when I world have started maternity leave, so that's exciting, but I'd rather have my baby. One of our friends told us tonight (in a very nice way to be fair to her) that she is pregnant. We'd be due around the same time if my body hadn't failed me. I have spent all evening in bed crying after managing to not cry most of yesterday. It's like one step forward then two massive steps back!

Hello! I would like to join in if I may? 13 + 5 now. Had my dating scan last Monday where she moved my dates forward a bit. Anyone else had this and a bit sceptical as you Know when you had sex, ovulated etc? 🤣
Here's a picture of our little one. Had all the normal tests done. How long did everyone's results take to come back?!
Desperate to find out sex but I think we are waiting until January to go and have a 4D scan done privately. Something to look forward to (if I can wait that long). 💙💗
Does anyone else have a little bump now and having a nightmare with clothes? Things are getting tight and uncomfortable on me despite having actually lost a couple of pounds, but maternity clothes will surely drown me. I don't want to waist money on buying something slightly bigger for that to get too small next month... 😌

Hope you are all doing well. (Just to rub it in, I've had zero sickness with this pregnancy 😆 hehe)

Xxx

@RosieRo123 welcome!! Great scan pic!
I have a bump now (13+5) and first baby so that surprised me but MW said there's no such thing as a text book bump!
I'm now in maternity clothes 70% of the time as theyre so much more comfortable! I have jeans from newlook, the bump band is a bit baggy at the moment but they fit fine and dont fall down. And I did a big shop of vest tops and other tops on boohoo which are a bit big but still look fine on. As soon as you put maternity clothes on you'll never want to go back! Haha

Hi @scottishem 👋🏻
We are baby twinning then? Is your due date given 21st March?
My bump is smaller in the morning but still there. I'm a big bloated mess by the evening! Haha I did see some New Look jeggins which I think I might invest in then!

Xx

@RosieRo123 sorry 11+4 so due the day after you 22nd March!
I have the newlook over the bump jeggings in black and blue and love them. No need to size up either! I wear the black ones as work trousers

Lovely scan news and picture Rosie.

Is anybody else still having any spotting? I've had three scans (at seven, nine and twelve weeks) showing everything is fine so I doubt my midwife will do anything other than tell me to rest but it is really bothering me that I keep bleeding.

@FuzzyOwl thank you☺️

I had some bleeding (and a subsequent scan) at 8 weeks and then again the day after my 12 weeks scan. I didn't take any advice after my 12 week as I thought, I know everything was ok yesterday. When I had the 8 weeks scan she said try not to worry as unless you are getting severe cramps there's usually nothing to worry about. Sometimes bleeding is just one of those unexplainable things. Great! You're doing absolutely the right thing contacting your midwife though and I wouldn't be scared to keep telling her if you're worried. That's what they are here for! ☺️ I'm sure everything fine xxx

I have a definite chub bump (despite not being able to eat much for the last 9 weeks!). I'm short in the body though so there's nowhere to go but out. I keep worrying it's all just bloat as I can't feel my uterus over my pelvic bone at all - unless of course the whole thing g has popped up as there's firmer bits higher up!

I have about 5 things smart enough for work that fit me, I wear mainly wear dresses so as long as they do up around my boobs they're okay. Jeans and trousers are a no though,weekends are spent in cheap leggings which are a size big! I'm trying to put off maternity wear until after my next MW appt because the Deputy Head at my school asked me to try and keep it quiet until after my 'safe point'.
Besides, I've not found any nice maternity work dresses at all so far!

fuzzyowl, it can be normal for some people to bleed in pregnancy, I've bled in most of mine - sometimes heavily (and Baby was thankfully fine!). Absolutely worth speaking to your MW though if only for some reassurance.