I had a bit of a meltdown about the issue of telling parents and parents-in-law within days of finding out we were pregnant. Hormones didn't help, but beloved and I aren't particularly blessed in the immediate family stakes (extended family are lovely, though, and help make up for it, as do our friends, and maybe neither of us would be the people we are if our parents were easier people, so it's not all doom and gloom). I left home at 17 and emigrated at 19 to get away from mine, and kept my distance over the years, eventually cutting contact altogether, with beloved's support, about five years ago - my father is a very damaged, extremely violent man, you see, and my mother insists on covering it up and making excuses, preferring to lose a daughter if she won't play along with the lying and pretending, so you can probably see why I consider it healthier to keep out of it entirely and certainly wouldn't want my child at risk from any fallout (probably why I put off babies until my late thirties, and it took me a while to stop choosing similar men as partners). What we've decided is that, to make sure family members we are in contact with aren't put in an awkward position, my beloved is going to email my mother with the news at 12 weeks and reiterate our wishes to not be on contact, as that way I don't have to worry about when and how they find out and the risk of my mother taking advantage of my vulnerability to try to get me toeing the line again. The fear of what she might do if we don't control and contain the situation makes me really twitchy, if that makes sense.
My beloved's mother is more a straightforward difficult MIL. She's always been overbearing and rude and domineering, but at least she's not as screwed up as my mother. However, she became totally out of control over our wedding a few years back and made everyone miserable, undermining us and trying to make it all about her. It became so bad that she spent the day itself with a face like a slapped arse and refused to hug or kiss her son on his special day as she hadn't got everything she wanted. Beloved took a dim view and lines were well and truly crossed. Especially when, two days after the wedding, she got stuck into us yet again and announced that she didn't think we should have children because I would 'taint' them with my 'bad' blood (have been open about my own situation and the bouts of depression I've had over the years and she's rather intolerant and bigoted about such things, sadly). Beloved read her the riot act and, later, wrote to her saying that things had to change and she wasn't welcome in our lives unless they both (his father isn't as bad, just rude and inconsiderate) treated us with basic courtesy and respect, so his contact with them has been minimal since and mine non existent (they blame me for all this and ignore me entirely). So you can see why I'm nervous about telling them too. Who can blame me for not feeling hugely keen on having contact with someone who thinks my baby will be 'tainted' and ignores my existence and endless tries to bully my beloved? Urgh.
Anyway, apologies for the long post, but those of you with good relationships with mothers and MILs, please understand how fortunate you are and cherish that. A lot of people, more than you may realise, aren't that lucky, sadly, and it ads to the pressure and emotional juggernaut of this time. Still, having had dysfunctional families ourselves, beloved and I are determined to break the cycle and create a new family of our own that is happy and loving and supportive. We'll make mistakes, of course, but we can't go as badly wrong as the previous generation!