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April 2017 #5 - second trimester! Less feeling crap, more feeling kicks

990 replies

Celen · 20/10/2016 18:36

For all those lovelies expecting babies around April 2017 Smile

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11
TopKittyKat · 05/01/2017 16:13

Thanks for all the tips ladies. Great advice for us first timers.

I'm another one with the Maggie Howell book and CD. I've read quite a bit of the book but not started on the CD yet.

I've recently booked a day out with MIL for 6 days before my due date. She has a back up if I'm not feeling up to it or if baby arrives early. Figured it will give me something to look forward to on mat leave. Am I being over optimistic? It's a relaxing day.

JennyOfOldstones · 05/01/2017 16:25

You can't put your life on hold kitty you might have had your baby or you might go 2 weeks over and be glad of the distraction!

amelie427 · 05/01/2017 16:48

Thanks so much for the tips, Luchi! A couple of others have said to me not to bother with a baby bath, so that's cemented that one for me.

And now very glad we decided to go for a separate washer & dryer in our new house, I'm sure it'll prove to be a god send.

Hypobirthing is also on my list of things to look into, so I'll order the Maggie Howell.

jpeg28 · 05/01/2017 18:25

Thanks marmite I've take. It down!

Welcome amelie... it's my first too and we have hardly bought anything! I have done lots of research and mumsnet has been a great source of info for what I need!!

luchi thanks for your advice!! Hope you're doing ok. I don't have a tumble dryer... or room for one... will I cope?!!

MyGreenSofa · 05/01/2017 18:53

Totally agree with Luchi too. My DD was very sicky so I found plastic backed bibs very handy.

Theknittinggorilla · 05/01/2017 19:09

Great post luchi. Agree with all of those. Other than the basics, where you can try and borrow or try things out rather than buy as your baby will like some things and not others. You can borrow slings at nct sling library's. My first baby loved the jumperoo from 3 months or so but baby two wasn't having any of it - luckily we bought it second hand from a friend for not very much cash.

We also bought but hardly used - changing table (mat on the floor is perfectly fine), various nappy bins (nappies go straight out otherwise you know about it!), baby bath, special baby towels (no need at all).

We god lots of use from bouncer chair as an extra place to plonk baby, also breastfeeding cushion was useful (especially post section). I hardly used changing bag as just used a big handbag but it was very useful for my Dh.

Lansinoh is lifesaving and kept me breastfeeding. Sudocrem and calpol work miracles.

Water wipes were great for early days - we faffed with cotton wool and water with ds1 and his bottom was still always sore, straight to water wipes with ds2 and his was much better. Have wet wipes all over your house, car, handbag - you will use a lot! Same for muslin. We also bought a few cheap changing mats and had them dotted round the house (under sofas and beds) for easy access.

You really don't need loads to start off with, somewhere for them to sleep, stuff for nappy changing, and transport (pram/car seat/sling), then just try stuff out as you go along. I of course did not follow this advice for ds1 and bought all sorts!

LuchiMangsho · 05/01/2017 19:10

A good reason for not buying too much stuff is that your baby will be different. On my first night with DS I could see he hated being swaddled. He still can't sleep if his hands are not outside his duvet. I kept noticing it. In marched a Nigerian midwife who said, no baby has ever objected to my swaddle in 20 years. 45 seconds later DS was shrieking the ward down in protest and she beat a hasty retreat.
I barely knew DS- we had 'met' just over 12 hours prior to that but I had already sussed this out about him. So go with your instinct. What works for one kid won't work for another.

Theknittinggorilla · 05/01/2017 19:12

Oh and baby monitor very useful once baby is napping or sleeping in their own room, we have a video monitor and I wouldn't be without it -still use it for ds1 and ds2 Blush but in my defence the children are on the top floor and we can't hear them if we are downstairs. Plus I can talk through it and sometimes convince ds1 to go back to bed for a bit on the mornings....Grin

LuchiMangsho · 05/01/2017 19:29

Ok C section advice for those who might end up with one:

  1. It is fine. Really. You are not a failure. I had one. I am going to have a second. Because without it I would have died the first time and will die this time.
  2. You won't be in pain during the section so take the time to enjoy it. I mean that. Your kid will ask about his/her birth later so look around and enjoy the details. Talk to the anaesthetist if you have questions.
  3. After the birth take all the painkillers. Round the clock. There is NO medal for martyrdom. I took them every 4-6 hours for 7 days and then I could gradually ease off.
  4. Wear two pads. One for the lochia and one across your wound. It will make you feel secure and stop it from feeling that things will fall out. (They won't but it feels like you might).
  5. Take it as easy as you can. I barely got out of bed because it was my first baby and let DH do all the nappy changes etc. By day 21 I was fit as a fiddle. The more you strain the longer it will take.
  6. Jojo Maman Bebe sell mesh hospital knickers that are great for wearing over a scar. And are washable.
  7. Sometimes CS leaves you with trapped gas. Peppermint tea is great for that. If you need to, use laxatives to help with bowel movements.

Things you can ask for but I didn't:

  1. Music during surgery
  2. The screen to be lowered
  3. Delayed cord clamping.

I did skin to skin in theatre and breastfed later. My one request was that baby be cleaned before being handed to me.

When you are on the ward don't hesitate to ask for help again and again. At some point they will tell you to get up and take a shower and pee in that bowl. You will hate them for it but do it. That shower will feel heavenly.

amelie427 · 05/01/2017 20:03

Thanks again Luchi, and also Jenny, GreenSofa & KnittingGorilla - all of this is so useful and I already feel less overwhelmed!

Luchi, I know you were asking for ideas for keeping busy while you're resting - I hope the dispatching of advice is helping cure any boredom...! Keep it coming Wink

And hello fellow first-timers jpeg & TopKitty!** Smile

LuchiMangsho · 05/01/2017 20:06

Yes that's exactly what I am doing. Many years ago I had a thread with birth questions that now sound bloody daft to me. But lots of people responded. It was under a different NN as well. Let me see if I can find it. It was before I knew I was having a CS so it was about birthing vaginally.

TopKittyKat · 05/01/2017 21:32

Great thread Luchi

Really insightful for us first timers.

amelie427 · 05/01/2017 22:07

Brilliant, thanks for digging that out Luchi!

Strubo · 05/01/2017 22:53

Trying to think if I've got anything to add but Luchi has covered most of what I would say! Basically as long as they are warm, fed and dry you're winning. Everything else is a bonus!

MyGreenSofa · 05/01/2017 23:30

Oh and a good ear thermometer is an essential bit of kit too I think. Mine is a NUK one and I'd recommend it. They do manage to come out with long jagged finger nails too and pretty quickly scratch their little faces without scratch mitts and although you'll need little nail scissors in not too distant future you can basically just peel the nails off when they're really small. Tommee tippee do this little grooming set; www.amazon.co.uk/Tommee-Tippee-Closer-Nature-Healthcare/dp/B002IS0M32 which is quite nice. Mostly not newborn essentials but we use most of it now and the toothbrush in there is the best one I've ever had for DD. I tried to find them sold separately but couldn't!

Definitely echo what Luchi said about resting post c section. I sadly did not take it easy and ended up with wound infection lasting several months - in fact that is the biggest thing I would do over - stay in bed and try and concentrate on feeding and not worry about anything else! But c section like any birth will be different experience for everyone.

marmitecheesetoast · 06/01/2017 12:47

thanks Luchi and others for those lists, really helpful! This is going to sound like a really stupid question but what are the blankets for specifically? e.g. if they are going in sleeping bag thingy at night, are the blankets used for e.g. an additional layer when out in the pram? I'm clueless! Blush

Will have to have a good read through that link too Luchi thanks for that, definitely helpful and insightful for us first timers!

Had my whooping cough jab this morning, remembered at the last minute to get it in my right arm, despite being right handed, so that it wouldn't affect me sleeping on left side tonight (pathetically pleased with my forethought Wink )

Theknittinggorilla · 06/01/2017 12:59

Depending on baby size mine didn't go in to the pods straight away so blankets for sleeping in the early weeks, but also for Pram, car seat, cold houses!

marmitecheesetoast · 06/01/2017 13:01

thanks Gorilla, seems obvious I know! Blush

LuchiMangsho · 06/01/2017 13:46

Blankets for everything. Wrapping them up in the buggy, when in the car seat. They may not like sleeping bags. For swaddling. (Don't waste money on a swaddle cloth).

I have been thinking of baby books. My general advice is read all of them but remember the ones with routines really only work for FF babies. MOST bf babies take a lot longer to sleep through the night and have a set routine. The one book I found useful and has no routines is Lucy Atkins 'First Time Parent'. She also has a book called 'Blooming Birth' or something that is good. She writes in a sensible practical tone. A lot of the others (Baby Whisperer/Gina Ford) are far too prescriptive and you can feel like a failure if your baby is not 'having a kick on the playmat at 8:05 am'.

We are actually quite a routine-y family so this is what worked for us and gave us a semblance of sanity. It comes from my MIL who pointed out that subsequent kids slot in easier into routines because the first one already has one. So instead of creating one that I wanted the baby to fit into, she advised me to do two things. First, after say the first 6 weeks jot down the baby's schedule for 10-12 days. You will see a rough pattern. And then try and follow that (rather than following the one in a book). So I noticed that DS was always sleepy about 90 mins after waking up so that became Nap 1 etc.

The next thing she said was do 4-5 things for YOURSELF at the same time everyday. So say wake up at 7 am (even if it is a bad night), hand baby to other parent and have some toast and tea, take a shower and get baby into clean clothes for the day (even if he/she throws up on it 15 mins later). Then she insisted I have lunch at roughly the same time even if it meant leaving the baby to grizzle for 10 mins. Then at 3 pm-ish she would throw me out for a walk. And we ended up doing a nice 2 hour walk everyday with a feed in the middle. And soon actually we had a rhythm to the day- waking up roughly at the same time, a sort of morning nap, then a feed, then some awake time, feed, more sleep, down some lunch and nap with baby, wake up and feed, go for walk etc. The timings weren't hard and fast and there were off days but by roughly creating a realistic schedule I felt much less out of control.

Sleep routine. Aha. So DS was tiny (which is why I am having growth scans) and fed every two hours day and night and wasn't the greatest sleeper. But we persevered with a 'night routine' which we STILL have (modified of course) 5 years later. We started, again on the advice of my MIL (who is wise but bonkers) at 2-3 weeks. Again roughly speaking about half an hour after the last feed post 6 pm (somedays at 6:30, some days at 7) we would dim the lights and do a massage. DS loved this. Then we would take him to the bathroom and put him in a warm bath for a minute or two. Keeping all talking to a minimum. Bring back to dim bedroom. Change into nightclothes. Feed while reading the same bloody book every night (Goodnight Moon in our case) and when asleep put down.
NOW here is the key bit. After this point, usually about 7/7:30 DS would wake a lot (sometimes 20 mins later) but we never ever brought him out. I fed him in the dark and changed in the dark. This was a bit soul destroying because sometimes we were stuck in the bedroom for ages (as per SIDS guidelines) but actually within a couple of weeks DS knew night from day. So yes he would wake up to feed 4-5 times but each time would go back to sleep. And actually having the same routine (we now have bath, teeth, stories and bed- no massage but dim lighting and not too much chatter) meant that he really got used to it before he developed any real opinions on the matter. So while he wasn't the greatest sleeper to begin with we didn't have a huge battle about bedtime per se because it was part of the normal rhythmn of the day. So if all goes well this time, then this is the one thing I want to replicate this time.

purpleviolet1 · 06/01/2017 17:47

Wow some great advice luchi!!

Can I ask a pathetic question and ask what Muslin cloths are used for? Everyone says they are the best thing ever and you can't ever have enough....

LuchiMangsho · 06/01/2017 18:31

Wiping vomit. Wiping drool. Putting it under their head when they sleep to catch vomit and drool. Wiping up breast milk squirting everywhere. Etc.

MyGreenSofa · 06/01/2017 18:35

Mostly for catching baby sick over your shoulder! But can also be used as a very light blanket, feeding cover, swaddle, sheet for pram carrycot (baby sick again!) and my DD at 2 now uses them as a comforter as they've always been around her!

abeandhalo · 07/01/2017 09:02

Hi all its been a while hope you're all doing well!

Discussions of all the purchases are really helpful! MIL kindly ordered us a Next2Me this week that was on offer so that's great. We told her we were going to get a Sleepyhead Deluxe for it & she was horrified by the price & offered to sew one.

I'm really not sure about this as I'd rather just have something certified & designed specifically for the baby to sleep in. Imagine if something bad happened it would be awful. But I did think that maybe if she sewed us one for downstairs for the baby to nap on as well, I won't have to carry the Sleepyhead up & down the stairs with the baby (3 storey house). What do you think?

Thanks for reminding me about muslins! People keep asking if we need anything & we've been gifted so much second hand clothing we are definitely set for that, but muslins we do need!

abeandhalo · 07/01/2017 09:05

Oh, also, does anyone have any tips for round ligament pain relief? I've been getting them so badly this week that they make me sweat with pain!

The first time I thought it was Braxton Hicks it was so painful! They're right down on the right hand side of my abdomen / groin, I get between 1-3 per day/night & they last no more than a few mins.