Due in February 2017 - thread #9

[twocatsandatoddler]

New thread - hope everyone finds this! I'll try and post the link in the old thread if it will let us go over 1,000 posts.

Fenella that was lucky, good job you thought ahead!

Spin, that's a fair point. I hate hospitals so the shorter time spent there the better. Would just like to know the decision to discharge is based on them being sure you have recovered sufficiently and learned to feed the baby etc, rather than because they need the bed. And mainly just would like some more information and some consistency in care with the same staff dealing with the whole pregnancy so you aren't dealing with complete strangers on the day if the birth, that frightens me a lot!

I was in for 4 nights last time (after two nights there in labour) and I was climbing the walls by the end. Didn't help that I was in a cubicle with no windows so no natural light for six days plus a combined total of about 12 hours sleep over the period meant that I was on the verge of a mental breakdown! They didn't want to send me home as they were concerned about my mental health but DH fought with the midwives and told them I just needed to be in my own space, but they stalled the discharge all day and we didn't end up leaving until 10pm after they'd promised me in the morning I could go home that day. I felt 100 times better the first morning I woke up at home. Hoping to avoid such a lengthy stay this time, last time DS was heavily jaundiced which was the main reason we needed to stay in, along with him not feeding well.

Fenella I did similar when we moved at about 17 weeks last time - I kept my 20 week scan appointment at St Thomas' and then had my 25 week midwife appointment with my new midwife which ended up being like booking in again as she needed all the details again. I actually much prefer my new GP and midwives to my London ones though, as in almost 10 years living all over south London I only ever once had a GP practice that wasn't awful and impossible to get an appointment at.

Oneiroi my midwife said she'd happily see me in between the scheduled appointment if I had any questions or concerns, so if you think you'd like more support then I'm sure you could book an extra appointment or call for advice. I agree that in second trimester it can feel a bit like you've been forgotten about, but you get quite a lot of appointments towards the end as they're every two weeks in the last month or so.

Oh and Oneiroi they send a midwife over to see you at home to make sure you're recovering ok and feeding is going well. We had my lovely midwife from my surgery clinic over the first day we were home, and when I said I was struggling with feeding she called a colleague that does a lot of breastfeeding support work in the area and she was over within 10 mins, and the colleague did a further home visit two days later and made an appointment for me to see her at the midwife clinic a few days after that to carry on with support, so it's not like you're left struggling at home after the baby is born. I find you often have to ask for support though, rather than assume it'll be given automatically. Usually midwives discharge you from their support after 7-10 days but they'll keep you on their books for 28 days if they think you need extra help.

That's reassuring twocats, thanks for cheering me up a bit!

Oneiroi don't be afraid to ask though. I think midwives are really stretched so they can't offer more than the routine appointments as standard. It might just be that I'm lucky in my area, but I find everyone's been very helpful if I've asked for support. It's not great for those that are struggling but don't have the confidence to ask though, I'm sure there are plenty of people struggling around the country that have just slipped through the nets. My friend was telling me that she had severe post natal depression with her second child and the healthcare practitioner (not sure if midwife, GP or health visitor) asked her to fill in a questionnaire about how she was feeling and she made up the responses as she could see which ones she needed to tick to "pass" - I think they should have been able to see past that and notice she was really struggling, but sadly if you don't reach out for help it's easy to slip through the net with services being so stretched.

Oneroi I'm going to see my midwife today due to feeling a bit low and not having much support. The midwife I spoke to last week suggested it. I think it's not that they don't want to offer more support but the fact that the NHS is just so stretched and short on funding. Have you called the hospital to ask about having a tour? I thought it was a standard thing?

Twocats that's awful. I hope your friend is ok. Maybe that's the problem, we haven't made a fuss or raised any specific issues, except for some bleeding at 12 weeks that they just said on the phone was fine, so maybe they just assume we're happy. Just disappointing they don't give you any info when they know it's the first time and we haven't a clue. It's the first baby in my family for 29 years!

Sparkles yes we asked about a tour, or just a quick five minute visit. We were told nobody can go in there due to the risk of infection, which seems crazy especially if it's allowed elsewhere. Makes me much more nervous about the birth if I can't even picture in my mind what we will find at the hospital and how it is set up etc.

Also only friends to ask for advice because neither my husband or I have any contact with our mothers, so just feel very in the dark about the whole thing and feel a bit like they expect you to know what you're doing!

Oneroi is there a virtual tour on the hospital website? I know what you mean about being in the dark - my mum died almost two years ago and I don't have any sisters or female family members to ask as my nan only thinks about herself and my cousin is really ill. thank goodness for the Internet!

Exactly Sparkles, same here. No sisters etc either. The internet is a lifeline!

Good point about a virtual tour, I will have a look. And will raise all of this with the midwife next time I have an appointment. I guess expecting them to guide the process may be my mistake.

Oneiroi I saw that article too, it doesn't surprise me. I actually swapped hospitals from last time because I felt that my care wasn't particularly good or consistent. The area I was in before alternated midwife and dr appointments so the only consistent person I saw was my dr. I saw a different midwife each time and I think only about 4 times ever and I think this lack of consistency was one of the reasons no one picked up on the size of my baby. Actually the care I had during labour was amazing and a consultant noticed very early that my baby was huge and I would need a c-section. It scares me to think what might have happened if he hadn't noticed. The aftercare was awful and I was rushed out of the hospital before I was ready. I had to give myself injections for a week and I wasn't even shown what to do. They also hadn't got my prescription ready by the time I left so I was told to come back the next day to collect them. Not easy when I'd just had a c-section and dh doesn't drive. There were other things like leaving me for ages without changing my pad so I leaked everywhere without realising. I think the key is to be really really demanding. I wasn't because I didn't want to bother anyone but that was a mistake. I hope my new hospital is better!

I had the same experience as twocats with feeding. There is excellent breastfeeding support in my area if you ask for help. They made sure we had the phone number for the support team before leaving the hospital but my midwife was all over it after we got home. I ended up with a midwife in every day for the first 10 days because I was struggling.

That's another good point about staying in hospital, I barely slept at night and ended up crashing out during the day when DH was allowed in. I found it really difficult all by myself overnight especially post section.

Another thing that's great for support is my local "Mummies Group" on Facebook. There are over 2,500 mums in my local area in the group, and it's invaluable for advice - people post stuff like "when is the next breastfeeding clinic?" or "what's the best baby and toddler group to go to on a Friday morning?" or even "can someone recommend a plumber", and there are always lots of helpful ladies who answer! It's brilliant for local knowledge. I now know from other people's posts when and where the breastfeeding help sessions in local cafes are, as well as the council-run ones, so this time I have a much better idea of where to go for support. I highly recommend seeing if there's something similar in your local area!

Hi everyone, I've kind of scanned through but not really had time to read properly. Been really busy here and both DDS have a chesty cough so sleep has not been happening much.

My dh does pretty much nothing in terms of preparation for baby lol. I'm OK with that though and would rather do it myself but I can understand it can be frustrating for some. Being honest dh does very little with baby in the early months. He will happily have a cuddle etc but its once they're about 12 months he really gets involved. He will keep our DDS occupied when baby comes so I can concentrate more on the baby.

It's scary to hear people have had/ are having a problems with maternity services. I myself am really pro NHS but know they are under immense pressure and staff shortages. From what I believe if you need extra support, in an emergency 99% of the times you get good treatment. But if your routine low-risk everything seems a bit sparse and haphazard. From personal experience the extra cervical scans I have had have been fantastic and I feel properly looked after and checked out. The midwife going beyond what it's expected on my last two trips giving me a cheeky baby scan too and taking time to talk through my anxieties. Also when I went into the labour ward to be monitored on Monday I was triaged straight away, put in a private room and even given a sandwich and brew. I did have to wait for a couple hours to be seen by a doctor but I can't really complain as both doctors on the ward were in emergency theatre. I am sure if I needed emergency care they would of been with my straight away/ called a did doctor.

However community midwife appointments feel a bit messy. My 21 weeks one was not booked in properly but they did manage to fit me and and my 16 week appointment felt very rushed and clumsy.

I think from now on, I am going armed with questions I want answers too in my community appointments so I can get what I need. This is good if you have your head screwed on but I imagine there are many women who might slip through the nets which is worrying.

I got given booking information for NHS antenatal appointments at my 20 week scan so I suppose they can help us first time mums. I've booked on the NCT classes too but understand these aren't for everyone- I debated for a long time whether to go or not. This forum is a good send though and it's so nice to chat to like minded people who are going through similar experiences. How did people cope before the internet?!?!

I was in hospital for two nights with dd1, went in at 8am amd she was born at 20 seconds to midnight so I stayed that night and then I stayed another as my blood pressure was a little high.

With my second I got to hospital just before 10am and gave birth at 2.26pm in the pool, wouldn't mind that again!!! I went home at 10pm that night, could have been earlier but there was some hold up with the paperwork.

Wow, I take it all back!! New GP just rang me.

Them: hello! We hear you need to transfer to Brighton maternity services.
Me: yes, I'm 23 weeks now you see.
Them: excellent - have you had a 20 week scan or shall we book you one? You can come and see the midwife.... well, we could fit you in tomorrow if you'd like a quick check up?
Me: gosh, that's really kind of you but one day is too short notice for my work. I'm due the 25 week appointment in a week or two.
Them: lovely, well let's book that straight in. Does the Wednesday suit? You can have any slot you like between 9am and 4pm as we haven't opened the booking for that day yet.

I am actually

Fenella I'm in Brighton!

DottyA - are you?! We just moved a few weeks ago - love it so far! Are you planning on the Royal Sussex? I had to laugh when we looked at the website and it said "your acupuncturist is welcome to join you in the delivery suite"

sbsparkles did you get any further working out if you can get MA? I'm having to claim it due to moving jobs while pregnant. Currently working for a temp agency, my placement are lovely but ultimately it's the agency that have to sort out official forms etc. Not going well so far, not even had a response to emails! Have been waiting a week for them to tell me how to fill in time sheet to cope with antenatal appts, which legally everyone is entitled to paid time off for, sent another email only to get out of office!! Had one appt today and time sheet due Friday morning. Need to stay calm but I am getting hacked off, it's 2017 fgs! I guess I have to feel lucky that I did Google it all and didn't just trust the agency blindly. /End rant

I had a midwife appointment today and all is well with baby. I love my midwife, she's a straight talker and really supportive. I asked loads of questions and she just put my mind at ease. Wish she'd be there at the birth!

Fenella and DottyA, I am not far from you either! Glad they got back to you Fenella

Fenella - yes, been here for years... welcome .

I'll be at RSCH - the hospital itself is pretty scruffy as they're waiting to build a new one, but the care I've received there has always been really good. My sister had a baby there last year (with a tough labour) and said the staff were fantastic and there was (believe it or not) spare capacity on the ward so not too rushed/busy.

I'm 22 weeks so I guess we might be there at the same time...!

Dotty - are you bringing your accupuncturist though?!

I'd have to find one first!