Due February 2017 - thread #7

[topmammy]

Thread #7 for a very chatty bunch!

(Sorry I accidentally used the last message on the previous thread... hope everyone finds the new thread successfully )

Yep shell I'm in the same boat.
I'm sick of waking up at 3am and that being it, I just cannot sleep from then on, then as soon as my alarm goes off I'm sleepy!! Does this ever end??

Well at 19wks now, I've pretty much slept solid 7 hour nights since last Friday after having a couple of weeks of the 3-6am waking up, then half an hour before DH got up. So hopefully there is sleep on the horizon and the 16-19wks is just another annoying phase...

Oh I remember the pregnancy insomnia well! Last time for me it didn't kick in until part way through third trimester when I was big and uncomfortable and couldn't get back to sleep. Just when you need to be well rested in preparation for a new baby!

Mind you, I'm exhausted enough at the moment even with a relatively good night's sleep so can't imagine how you ladies feel.

I finally got a good nights sleep for the first time in ages last night. Mind you I could easily have slept a few more hours!

Ready I have told senior management and asked them not to tell anyone else until I'm further along. I am 100 percent sure they have not respected that request 😡

Anyhow, even when I am further along I am not sure how comfortable I'll be talking about my pregnancy with everyone. I work with a lot of assholes (finance) so to be frank I prefer to keep my personal life at arms length from them in general. It's like I keep what is sacred to me in a protective bubble so it doesn't get contaminated 😄

I'm worried about settling into a new role post partum for most of the reasons you've said except childcare which won't be an issue. I also think my firm is changing might be changing their maternity policy so that if I left within 6 months of maternity leave if have to pay it back!

Glad to hear you finally got some rest London and my sympathies @ working with assholes. I used to work in finance and DH still does, and I know exactly what you mean about building a private bubble that you don't share with colleagues.
DH hasn't told most of his colleagues we're having a kid etc mostly for this reason - doesn't want to share his happiness with a bunch of wankers.

Normally the policy is you have to work for at least 13 weeks post mat leave to keep the money, are they really planning to double it?

We're just putting baby's name down for a nursery place today since the wait list is 15 months long! gulp

And been having twinging pains in the my abdomen on on just one breast. Gah. At least I'm sleeping through the night for now!

Glad to hear some of you are sleeping through a bit better.... we sound like toddlers ourselves in some respects, damn this sleeping badly malarkey! I woke up last night around 5am but must've been so tired I fell back to sleep almost immediately and decided to hold my pee! I do feel a bit more human for it today, I obviously needed it.

I keep feeling little burbles and fizzes often on my left side or middle. I'm still going with it being digestion... after all, going to the loo still isn't...shall we say, regular for me at the moment .

I might bite the bullet and do a bit of maternity-clothes online shopping at lunch. My office clothes aren't too bad right now but I keep holding everything off in this sort of superstitious way, for the 20 week scan. I think I should just go for it more!

Thought they had changed the mat leave policy that you can leave at the end of it and not need to pay it back?

Bisquick our current policy is you get 100% pay for 6 weeks and then 65% for 33 weeks. You could leave immediately and not have to repay any of the first 26 weeks.

They are changing the policy to 28 weeks fully pay and then statutory which works out as the same amount of money but given most senior women don't take more the 6 months, works out better for us.

I suspect they are going to change the maternity policy to match the new draft SPL policy which now states that if you leave within 6 months all the additional pay above statutory has to be repaid.

Its all out with the lawyers at the moment so I won't see the new policies for a few weeks yet but I'd be shocked if they didn't make the change.

Sympathies for your DH. I must add that I work with some very lovely supportive people as well, just a higher proportion of assholes than I'd like!

Kiki I'm struggling with being regular too! I've started having two figs in the morning for breakfast which has helped a bit.

Surely if they change it once you're already pregnant you'll have the option on whether you use the old or new one London? I'm pretty sure I have to stay for a whole year post mat pay if I don't want to pay it back.

Sounds from previous posts like you'd prob be able to negotiate payment of any mat pay owed with your next employer London.

I asked last time and I apparently don't have to pay mine back as long as I give my usual notice to leave, which is handy as this time I don't intend to return unless they have an actual three-day role available (as opposed to squeezing my previous full-time role into four days which is what I currently do).

I totally understand that legally they don't have to provide me with a totally different role on different hours and I'm happy to leave and take a few years out anyway as that has always been the plan, just thought I'd ask the question about part time as I might consider staying for the right role, and if I don't ask I'll never know if it would have been an option!

Ready I have no idea what they have in mind. Given my notice requirements, realistically I couldn't start before birth.

I've already met the head of the fund and I'll be meeting the COO and another senior partner on Friday who report into him.

Their attitude towards me given my pregnancy is really reassuring though. I expected them to cancel the first interview off the bat! They also have a lot more general diversity and women than where I currently work which makes me think it could be a better long term fit. Its definitely the smart professional move I think.

I've never been more confused about what to do, but these are 100% good problems to have given the discrimination many pregnant women face.

Twocats asking can't hurt, especially if working part-time is your preference.

Ok this is going to sound really stupid but I have a very important question about pants!!

I am a bridesmaid in a few weeks and although they've managed to get me a matching maternity bridesmaids dress, it's quite sheer chiffon and needs very careful underwear choices. I've yet to find any that don't show bumpy seams under it. So: do we think it would be ok if I bought non-maternity seamless Spanx type control pants, for smoothness, but bought them several sizes too big so they aren't squishing the bump at all?!

That should be fine, right?! You can get maternity Spanx type pants but they all look funny under the stupid dress!

I've also got a quick question I've been forgetting to ask you guys!

So, over christmas we are meant to fly to France to see the in-laws, from 23-28th December.

Given my pregnancy they have now said they're happy to come to us, but I just don't know if I'm being too over-cautious. My due date is 9th Feb, so still a few weeks to go at that point.

But, if anything did happen, then we'd be stuck in what is basically very rural France (the Dordogne region) without much easy access to medical attention if required.

I am just struggling with deciding what to do! Our flights are booked (Ryanair) so we'd need to cancel or try to transfer them somehow if we didn't go. I do appreciate the in-laws suggesting I might want to stay at home to be on the safe side, but.... do you ladies think that's too overly-cautious, or sensible? I feel like I'm putting most of the family out, as it'll affect them and my OH's sister and brother too. Plus, our house is too small to accommodate them all so they'd all have to find a B&B nearby. Arghhhh, I don't know what to decide or how I'll feel at that point!

Id check their website kiki, they may not allow you to fly that late or will prob need permission from your doctor as a minimum.

kiki flying Is very limited in third trimester

Ah yes, I meant to say, Ryanair will expect a fitness to fly letter after 28 weeks, so long as the pregnancy is otherwise uncomplicated.

I also meant to say, we booked this before we knew we were expecting, when prices for christmas were rock bottom in March!!

I guess.... if everything progresses normally and I am fit to fly, I should trust myself to go. But I just don't know....hence my asking what you ladies would do in my position! I am so indecisive and hate causing a fuss.

I think most airlines allow you to fly up to 36 weeks, but require a note after 28 weeks to say you're fit to fly and no known major issues in the pregnancy.

kiki I don't think I'd be happy making the decision at this stage. If I got to nearer Christmas and everything was going well, I'd probably go. If I had any concerns based on something that came up between now and then, I wouldn't. I know that's not helpful, as if family are coming to you instead they'd need to know in advance to book travel and accommodation!

That's exactly the nail on the head, twocats! It's really difficult to decide right now, but the catch-22 is messing up everyone's plans if I do need to suddenly decide to stay at home and they can't get flights/accommodation.

I did tell the OH I'm happy to do a christmas with just us, and give the rest of the family a call on christmas day, but he's not up for that annoyingly! Despite us being adults, he still enjoys the full family christmas (and it is really lovely each year) but like I said, I hate being the one to mess everyone around! Decisions, decisions... !!

Kiki personally I wouldn't go. I suspect that by the time you are 35 weeks, you might not feel like sleeping anywhere besides your own bed. I've pretty much decided we will stay in London for Christmas rather than head down to Devon for that reason.

With that said, I'm sure it could be fine so its really a personal call assuming your pregnancy continues to progress without any hiccups.

Fanella what type of underwear are the other ladies wearing? I'm still wearing normal knickers so in your situation I'd just get a bigger size of normal seamless undies or a thong. I obviously have no idea what I'm talking about though as I have no idea what maternity underwear is like or how tight spanx are as I've never worn either...

Normal ones aren't really an option unfortunately as where the line comes on the bump shows through the dress fabric, even with seamless ones

Thanks to those that replied to my question upthread. I text my midwide, but she just said that it is the standard pathway for those with a higher BMI, without any further information about what we'll be talking about, so I appreciated hearing your experiences. I guess i'll wait and ask the consultant when I see them on 3rd October.

I'm sleeping ok at the moment, although struggling a bit with the heat. We've just been away for a few days and I appreciated the air con in the hotel room!

I went and got fitted at a proper bra shop a few weeks ago. I was wearing 38FF, now in 38JJ Although she did think my original size was probably wrong anyway. I would definitely reccommend going to get measured properly. I'm wearing a freya nursing bra and it is definitely more comfortable and supportive, although it is sometimes a bit strange when I go to put it on and the clip for the nursing bit has come undone

Kiki if they're prepared to come to you I'd go for that. It's easier for them to change their plans now than later if you're not up to it. It's very unlikely that the baby will decide to come early but some do. Out of my previous antenatal group I think 5 mums had their babies before 35 weeks. One was twins so expected and one had all her previous dcs early so was also expecting it. The others all just went into spontaneous labour early with no warning or reason. One is pregnant now and has been told to expect early labour again because it seems she doesn't carry to term. The doctors don't know why. As I said, it's unlikely it will be you and far more likely that you will be late but statistically a few from this group will be unexpectedly early.

Fenella Have you worn Spanx for extended periods before getting pregnant? Just asking because the first time I wore them to a wedding (not pregnant then) I was super uncomfortable by the end of the day. And they need so much adjusting everytime you need to use the loo. So not sure if extra large Spanx will be helpful! Any chance you can try them on before the day?

Kiki we decided to stay here for Christmas for the same reasons as London but first pregnancy so have no idea how I'll be feeling then. Airlines will fly you up to 36 weeks with a letter - but will you be 35 or 36 weeks when you make your return journey? Ryan air has a reputation for being difficult - so I'd ensure you're well within 36 weeks on your return leg as well.

Witch I've been wearing nursing bras for getting on for two years. I still regularly realise that one or both sides are undone halfway round the supermarket or once I'm back home after seeing friends