Thread #9 - TTC#1 grads thread - it's the final countdown

[PotatosMum]

Welcome to thread 9 of TTC#1 grads. Warning this thread moves fast!

Time is passing and our first few grads are nearly ready to pop! Nesting is in full swing and everyone is in awe of Bunch's epic organisation.

Anyone is welcome to join the journey regardless of stage, no TMI is TMI, no question is too silly, we're all in it together so just pop in and say hello

Team P - 8
Team B - 8
Team V - 7

August
11 Mor (Team Vanilla)
13 Bunch (Team Blue)
16 New (Team Vanilla)
27 Potato (Team Pink)
30 Pink (Team Pink)

September
1 Shelb (Team Pink)
2 Taz (Team Blue)
4 Nev (Team Blue)
8 DrWhy
12 Danni (Team Blue)
14 Soda (Team Vanilla)
28 Leonie (Team Blue)
29 Laurenrl (Team Pink)

October
3 Lisa (Team Vanilla)
6 Irregular (Team Pink)
8 Miley (Team Vanilla)
12 Indi (Team Pink)
13 Co5mo (Team Blue)
15 Planet (Team Pink)
23 Lillian (Team Pink)
26 Lara (Team Blue)
30 First

November
19 Canters (Team Blue)
20 Jam
25 Audrey (Stark) (Team Vanilla)
29 Elle

December
12 Feef

January 17
4 May
13 Ni (Team Vanilla)

February 17
15 Evergreen

Bunch anyone trying to send my OH home before I'm ready will very quickly change their mind... Forcibly if need be

I read that head, and I can totally empathise with ye women saying no, absolutely not should men be allowed to stay. Not all dps/dh's are wonderful and caring etc. I know if I'd had the misfortune for this to be with my ex then he'd have rocked up after I'd delivered (probably left me on my own to labour/deliver,) stared at womens tits, made inappropriate comments loudly, refused to help and generally have been twat. I'd have been one of he women trying to get DA/DV help on the ward and making plans to escape.

So for that reason I'm prepared to send my Dh home, but will insist (if it comes to it) that I have my "minister" (My Mam) and will discharge myself/baby if I'm not being looked after. I've read too many awful stories about post-natal wards to want to be anywhere near one for any length of time.

*Thread, with the women. Jeez my spelling /grammar!

Hi Jam! How are you doing? How far along are you now?

Canters - I'm so sorry to hear you're feeling a bit wobbly at the moment. I'm not sure I have any great advice as I'm very much in a fantasist stage about it all - not entirely convinced it's real, slightly excited, but haven't really properly addressed the fact that I'm going to pop out a tiny human soon that will be entirely dependent on me

All I can say is that I'm sending lots of positive thoughts and vibes your way, and that I'm sure it will all be ok in the end. Is there anything you usually do to make yourself calm and peaceful? Any tricks you have to get your thoughts in order? x

Audrey, that's a good point about how not all DHs would be nice to have on the ward. I guess it ends up being a logistical nightmare for the hospitals who want to have an easy blanket policy, but know they will always end up upsetting some people who want the opposite.

Fingers crossed we all have quite easy labours and births, and are in and out pretty quickly!

canters me too, it's weird thinking "I am going to be in charge of an entire person!" The way I'm rationalising it in my head is that, my/your baby has never been born before, it doesn't know either about what parenting is, the first month is survival, and then it's basically see what happens. You can't plan how to be exactly because you don't know how baby is going to be. And you will be fine. The four pillars of my early parenting will be "feed it, change it, wind it, cwtch it" if it's still crying, rinse and repeat.

Well it's a Feinstein no for DH staying in the hospital with me. I asked what's to stop me
Leaving with him and she got a bit flustered "let's see how you're feeling first". I think it's a play it by ear job. I'm on the same
Boat as you though Audrey. I'll stay one night and that's my limit!

I hadn't even thought about DH and visiting hours. Did you guys discuss it through your midwife? I really want mine to stay so hope my hospital is lenient. He can disappear off for a few hours if my parents are around but I don't want to be on my own at any point lol!

(Hi Lisa- I'm 24 weeks now and bump is growing rapidly )

bunch it's one thing I'm genuinely worked about, the being kept it, with no support, exhausted, in pain and with a newborn. So I've been doing some reading. As far as I can tell, it is a hospital, not a prison and they cannot keep you/baby there. They can advise you not to leave, but you as Mum have parental responsibility over your child and can leave with them. Discharge notes are bits of paper, they can tell you that they will call the police/social services to frighten you into staying when in reality, if you are in sound mind and baby is ok then police/social services won't be interested in the slightest. If they look after me and have enough staff then I'm happy to stay, but the reality is that it's likely to be busy, understaffed and noisy. So I'm keeping my options open!

Feinstein?! Definitely

Hi all

Jam, welcome back!

I read that thread too Bunch. It's vicious! Assuming I am in the MLU, then OH can stay as long as he wants. If I have to be in consultant led care for any reason, they kick partners out at 9pm if you are on the ward, but if you've only just had baby you are allowed to stay in the birth room for a while together.

I'm a bit in the middle about partners on wards. I can totally appreciate why they should be allowed to stay, and I would definitely want my OH there, but I'm not sure about it generally just because of the risk that you never know who else you are going to get on the ward with you. That applies to women as well though! I think I just don't like the idea of being on a ward.

So scary to think some of us are due this month

Bunch, how did the midwife appointment go otherwise? Any progress on engagement?

I've got my 36 week appointment on Wednesday and hoping to be at least a little bit engaged!

Woot, baby month has arrived! Time is going a lot quicker now that the first trimester is over.

Indi so happy to see you and baby were spoiled at your shower! Sorry it left you feeling unwell. Cake freezes fairly well if it helps!

Glad your mum was feeling better Potato, and that she is interested in Potato's arrival. What sewing project are you into at the moment? Fingers crossed the exchange happens today.

Canters how are you feeling now? It's certainly a life changing thing becoming a parent! I'm hoping anxiety is fairly normal..

Bunch I'm so happy to read your parents are home! Must be such a relief to have them safe and sound!

I hadn't thought of OH staying in hospital. My midwife is still suggesting I opt for a home birth, so thoughts of hospitals are still far from my mind. I can't make any firm birth plans until we decide on moving. At this rate I'll live in this house on my own forever . OH had a three hour drive to work from mine this morning, so hopefully that'll spur him into action!

Had my 16 week midwife appointment since I've last posted. Seemed a lot of faff to have my blood pressure taken, wee checked, and to be asked if I felt safe at home. Please tell me visits become a little more involved than this?! I'm glad I convinced OH not to take the day off and go with me!

OH ambushed me from work on Friday. He was telling colleagues that I'm showing already, so promptly facetimed me then and there to prove it. Nothing like answering your phone to 15 people sitting around his phone demanding belly shots. He works at a gym which I find even more humiliating, as they're all tanned and fit and I'm just bloated and frumpy.

I've gone on an online shopping spree this weekend. Still holding off on buying baby things due to possible relocation, so now should have every piece of maternity clothing I can possibly wear, including a maternity hoody which I am ridiculously excited about.

Pink 3/5ths in eek! Apparently this is counted as engaged, I can go into labour at pretty much any time.

Dad went to see the gp this morning about his holiday adventures. She's whisked him straight off to hospital to have a full work up. I did warn them this may happen but my parents didn't believe me. Now I'm back on phone watching waiting to see what they say.

Has anyone else lost the ability to swallow? I keep seeming to choke on my own saliva. It's getting quite annoying!!

may one of dh's friends is in a body building show in a few weeks, the bikini fitness class, I am yet to decide if me and all my chins are going!

bunch I've had the weird salvia thing on/off since about 9 weeks. My dm had it too, she nearly choked on her own spit right at the end, she said she had to be really mindful about swallowing as it got a bit scary once or twice!

Thanks for the bottle and steriliser recommendations everyone! I'm def going with the microwaveable one as the other takes up too much room!

Glad to see I'm not the only one with crusty nipple issue hahah - I've been going with the cotton bud after a shower method and no more bleeding so far. Been starting on the nipple cream too.

Re: partners on wards thread - yes I was on that and it did get quite vicious with personal attacks and people leaving strongly on opposite ends of the debate. It's quite daunting for FTM to be left on their own without support during a very vulnerable time. Frightens me more than the birth. At least during the birth DH and midwife will be there. I hope everyone gets to go home as soon as possible.

My hospital has a private wing you can request a room in (for a fee of course) but you can't book so it's based on availability on the day and obviously private patients will take priority. I've ready Sep - Oct are the busiest times of the year so I'm not liking my chances!

canters hang in there - normal for us all to have FTM anxieties. I have them about the most random things.

mayo I've stopped asking OH to come to mine now. they are literally 10 minutes of blood pressure, urine sample, bump measurement and a 'do you have any concerns'. he came to my GTT as I am scared of needles but I said unless it's a scan it's not worth coming! 34 week appointment is a discussion on your birth plan so I think it's worth him coming to that as your birth partner.

Omg bunch you're 3/5ths engaged! I'm so excited for you (and for our thread!). Hope your dad gets the all clear and your head is clear of worries when the little one arrives

Hi ladies!
Feeling much better today after my over indulgent afternoon/evening yesterday!
I went to see the consultant this morning and basically she ran through all the risks for both c section and vaginal and has said they will not force me to do anything and I have the choice. I was SO relieved when I heard those words, I now have 3 weeks until I see her again ( to think it over, but I'm 99% sure I want the elective c section) and then at that appointment they will book me in. I will actually know a proper birthday for my baby! I'm so happy and relieved. She was lovely and very much of a 'it's your body and your choice' mindset, my biggest concern was I was going to feel forced to have a normal birth and dread the next 10 weeks of pregnancy!

Canters I have those days now and again, I'm shit with kids and have no idea on babies. Even at my baby shower yesterday everyone was talking babies and their experiences and I had no idea what they were on about half the time. I'm sure you'll be fine once baby arrives, I think everyone gets anxious but I'm sure you'll be a natural.

I also can't believe it's August! I'm so excited to start seeing posts saying waters have broken etc..it's all getting very real!

As far as OH's on the ward or staying over night, I hadn't really thought about it if you had an evening birth. Surely they wouldn't just kick OH out soon after you've given birth? I know with a c section I'll have DH with me in theatre and then for 3/4 hours in recovery and then I'll be taken on to a normal ward I think for a 2 night stay and observations. I don't know the visiting times in my maternity hospital though, I know a few friends yesterday said that when they had just given birth there were families with kids running up and down the ward and very loud relatives so I imagine that would be a nightmare if you just want to sleep. I wouldn't want my DH or DM kicked out though so it's a tough one.

May the appointments stay just as boring really but you do get to hear baby's heartbeat and then they just generally ask how you are getting on and do you blood pressure and wee etc. Not very exciting.

Miley I wouldn't worry about the Zika virus. Like others said just don't start jumping on your colleague

Hope you're all doing well today anyway!

Ugh major back ache is back and I feel sick. And obviously I'm thinking everything is labour. This is going to be a fun 3 weeks. (I'll be induced by the 23rd if haven't popped).

Bunch I can choke on my own saliva normally so all this extra I'm producing is causing all sorts of issues. 3/5...you could be our first

May DH doesn't come to my appointments. He came to 12, 20 and first extra scan but he's even stopped coming to scans! I now show up to midwife appts with urine specimen in hand and blood pressure measurement from the automated machine in the waiting room so I can be in and out as quickly as possible. This week's appointment might not go so smoothly though because all my liver results should be back and the midwife isn't expecting them as she didn't request them.

Birthplan is down to me so I don't think I'll take DH to the 34 week appointment either. He wants me to plan whatever I want and he'll fit in with that. I just need to keep him informed apparently.

May sorry but midwife appointments remain all about wee and blood pressure. Eventually they'll Doppler you too.

Bunch woohoo to being engaged!!!

I'm exactly the same with thinking everything is labour right now. It's exhausting!!!

Good that the Drs aren't taking any chances with your dad.

Indi so glad your appointment was positive and you're going to get what you want.

I didn't have anyone go through my birth plan with me. I now feel a little put out lol

So, I'm really pissed off. The estate agent forgot to send my buyers exchange papers first class so they haven't arrived. As a result neither of the removal companies I got quotes from now have capacity and I'm having to run around getting more quotes.
Estate agents are busy saying it's not their fault but as I see it, the solicitors may have failed to let them know the papers were outstanding but the estate agent had the ability to rectify the problem and didn't out of stupidity/negligence which has been the story of my move.
We're still hoping to move on Friday but if we don't exchange tomorrow I don't see how we can as we won't be able to get a removal company and we can't do it ourselves.
I just want to sit and cry, I'm also fairly certain that Potato isn't staying put much longer (definitely feels engaged, walking is getting near impossible, constant BH) and they just keep throwing more stupid shit at me. I've had enough!!!

Well my parents are knobs. Turns out dad was ambulanced to hospital as he has chest pains again. They've lied to me all fecking day and I could have been there. DH nearly home and we'll be leaving straight away. What a joke. He's had umpteen ecgs all clear (as it was in Cyprus) still waiting on blood results. He sounds rough but claims to feel better. I'm shaking. I'm so mad at them and obviously worried.
Sorry about the me me me again.

Bloody hell potato are they trying to send you into a psychotic rage!? Pregnancy rage their arse!

bunch sounds like they were trying to not worry you, but so annoying because now I'm sure you're stressing more! your poor dad and poor you

Unmumsnetty hugs and cwtches all round!

Shit Bunch, I'm so sorry to hear about your Dad. After everything you've all been through, it feels so unfair to have another blow. Here's hoping all the tests come back fine.

Potato - I know it won't feel like it now, but you will look back on all this one day and laugh. We had a horrible time when we bought our house (mainly because the seller was a c__t), and we often thought about pulling out. But now it's all over I look back and all you can do is laugh. He tried to thwart us, but we ended up with the house and we've made it so lovely and ripped out all the horrible stuff he'd done to it. (Not just a decorating point about preferences - he'd actually mucked things up and made a right mess).